The guys who were trash-talking without doing anything useful continued to rant.
I listlessly stared at them, then clicked the red exclamation marks next to their IDs one by one.
It wasn’t out of some sense of justice to punish these toxic chatters.
Nor was it solely because their words annoyed me.
Well, they flamed, so they should take the punishment. I didn’t mind making them eat a chat ban like I had.
But compared to before, that feeling was faint. It felt more like I was doing it out of habit.
I tagged all three of them for flaming and intentionally feeding, wrote that they were all playing games nicely next to their mothers’ graves, and then habitually queued up again.
While waiting for the match, I blankly watched time pass.
Searching for a game. 10 seconds. 20 seconds. It felt like time was slowly tightening around my neck.
Today passes, tomorrow comes. I’ll probably boil some ramen because I don’t want to starve to death.
Another week, another month passes. Money will disappear from my account for taxes and whatnot.
When the money runs out, I’ll have nothing left to do. Then I’ll just drop dead.
Well, I don’t know how much is in that account. It’s the money my father earned before he died.
To withdraw it, my mother, who inherited it, would have to handle it. But she’s in prison now.
It was all my fault. I became this ghost-like girl.
If only I had looked like my mom, maybe my father would’ve accepted me, saying I resembled the woman he once loved.
But my silver hair and red eyes that sent shivers down spines—even if I was short, my appearance seemed to evoke discomfort in others.
That’s why he’d beat me just for looking at him.
It’s not like I wanted to become this girl.
I just studied as my parents told me, went to a decent university.
If I had managed my grades well, I could’ve landed a decent job.
Climbing that stable path, becoming this girl must have been a huge flaw in my father’s eyes.
Whether it was an illness or a supernatural phenomenon, who knows.
What mattered more was that they couldn’t proudly show off their well-raised trophy anymore.
Naturally, their fights became more frequent. In the end, my mother, who once loved him, killed him. How much did she resent me in that moment?
I remember those hollow eyes staring down at me as she stabbed him while I was being beaten by my father.
I don’t know why she surrendered to the police so readily.
She could’ve threatened me into silence or even killed me, the girl who ruined their lives.
Anyway, the only person with control over our family’s assets is now in prison, and taxes are being automatically deducted from the account.
I don’t know how much is left. The utility bills are still being paid, so I guess there’s still some money.
The only money I can use right now is what I earned from tutoring during college.
There’s nowhere to spend it, so I’ve saved a bit. I thought if I got a good job, I’d naturally find a good girlfriend, but I never even dated in college.
The only thing I do is occasionally play games with acquaintances at a PC bang.
The game, once my only escape, is now the only thing I have to kill time.
I don’t attend lectures, and I can’t meet anyone in this body. It’s the only thing I can do stuck at home.
Is it because my body’s weaker now, or did I always have the talent? Or maybe it’s just from grinding time.
Naturally, my skill improved, and I’m playing in the top ranks now.
But it’s all meaningless. I’m not going to become a pro gamer or anything.
Instead, I just meet people who are so proud of their skills that they blame others in detail.
The guys I’ll meet after this 5-minute queue will probably be the same.
I hunched over and waited to meet even those guys.
Then, for a moment, my head spun. When I came to, I was slumped in my chair.
The backrest was halfway toppled. Apparently, since becoming a girl with a lighter body, it doesn’t fully tip unless I lean back hard.
Anyway, this dizzy feeling means it’s about time to eat.
“Ugh, annoying…”
Wobbling up, I re-queued the match that got canceled because I didn’t accept in time.
Hopping on one leg while leaning on the wall, I headed to the kitchen.
My silver hair swayed with every move, making it harder to balance.
Since I freeze up at the sight of blades, I couldn’t even cut my own hair.
Isn’t it pathetic? A dead person threatens me with a knife, and now I can’t even look at scissors.
When I left my room, the living room looked like a storm had passed.
Well, the police took the body and cleaned up the blood, but the reporters who barged in made a mess.
I only go between my room, kitchen, and bathroom, so I don’t care about the rest. It’s not like bugs are swarming or there’s a stench.
Passing through the dust-covered living room, I boiled water in the kettle for cup noodles.
Instant noodles in bags are cheaper, but waiting around to cook them is a hassle.
Whether I eat cup noodles or bag noodles, the time till I starve to death won’t change much.
……Sometimes I think I might as well spend all my money on chicken or pizza.
No, maybe I should just drop dead now.
I have the intention to die someday, but I’m not ready to die just yet.
I’m a coward.
I’ve wished I’d just passed out and died when my dad was beating me, but I don’t have the guts to stab myself or jump off a roof.
So I mumble about dropping dead when the money runs out while eating the cheapest ramen to get by.
– Whoosh.
While waiting for the water to boil, a heavy sound came from the computer in my room.
“Ugh, why now…”
It wasn’t anything wrong, but it was an annoying sound.
I queued up and left, but now the match popped.
When I’m sitting and waiting, it takes 5 or 10 minutes, but the moment I leave, it’s like there’s a sensor or something that triggers the match.
Hopping back to my room while leaning on the wall, I didn’t realize the dust on the floor could make it slippery. I slipped and fell.
“Ow, ah…”
Maybe it was the noise from my fall, but a dull thumping sound came from downstairs.
Ah, to them, it’s their ceiling. Anyway.
“Did I fall on purpose? If you don’t like it, move to a place with soundproofing. The building’s poorly constructed, and you expect too much.”
I vented my frustration at the downstairs neighbors, having gotten a penalty for not accepting the match twice.
Not that I could say it to their face. I didn’t stomp on the floor either.
I know hopping on one leg is noisier than walking normally, so I feel a bit bad.
But is that my fault? Should I just lie in bed, make no noise, and wait to die?
Yeah, it’s all my fault.
I fell, causing a disturbance downstairs, and the match failed.
Annoyed, I clenched my fists.
But I’m a coward. If I punch the floor to vent, the downstairs neighbors will probably come up to complain.
In games, I can make flamers experience the loss of their mother or kill their characters.
But in real life, I’m just a one-legged, weak girl.
So instead of punching the floor, I choked myself.
It hurt, I ran out of breath, and no curses came out.
“Ugh, eck…”
It’s not like I’m trying to kill myself.
Even if I choke myself, the lack of blood to the brain will make me pass out, and my hands will lose strength before I die.
It’s just venting. The most a cowardly idiot can do without the guts to cut their wrists.
After venting like that, this weak body quickly loses the energy to get angry.
Calming down, I wobbled up and poured the boiled water into the cup noodles.
As I was about to take it to my room, a calm woman’s voice came from the front door.
“Noeul. Are you having cup noodles again? You’ll get malnourished doing that.”
