Episode 515 – The Last Insidious Story That Doesn’t Need to Be Read (2)
I steeled myself again for what I had just resolved.
No matter how they react, I’ll endure it.
Even if it’s an unbearable negative emotion.
Because that’s the only action I can take before I start spewing cowardly words.
[Are you sure about this?]
‘…I have to.’
I can’t even say it’s okay, even as a lie.
But I thought this was a necessary thing to say.
So I forced my tightly shut mouth open.
“About the time I killed you all before the regression…”
As everyone held their breath, worried expressions directed at me.
I tried hard to lift the corners of my mouth, wearing a mask of laughter.
To hide my will that seemed ready to shatter at any moment.
“This time, I’m going to make sure that doesn’t happen again.”
Were they trying to comfort this miserable me somehow?
Each of them subtly wearing faint smiles on their faces.
“But.”
But as I let those words slip out, their smiles gradually faded.
It felt somehow like they were telling me not to say anymore.
“What if… if, really…”
Anyone who saw this would definitely blame me fiercely.
This was nothing but a way to hurt them.
Talking like this wouldn’t help at all.
Shouldn’t I be looking for another way instead of wasting time like this?
“What if…”
I know.
I know it all too well.
“If it seems like I’m going to hurt you…”
But I can’t figure it out.
Whether that future will truly never come back again.
How I can completely avoid that future.
In my dull mind, there was no way to know.
All because of that damn regression.
No, even if there were regression, it would probably be the same.
“Don’t hesitate at all.”
So I had to say it this time.
Because I didn’t want to repeat it again.
Even if it repeats, at least I didn’t want to hurt them with my own hands.
And if such a thing were to happen.
Instead of hurting them even a little.
“Kill me.”
It’s better if I die.
Then I can die with a smile if need be.
My life holds no value in front of them.
“Please.”
In that moment, I felt the faint smile that had been on my face vanish.
At the same time, I found myself unknowingly trembling as I bit my lip.
I wanted to sneer at myself for being such an idiot.
But frustrated that I couldn’t even do that, I dropped my head low.
At the very least, I could be glad I wasn’t sobbing.
I was scared.
Of that uncertain future where I could kill them with my own hands.
And all the negative emotions they might soon unleash on me.
I was sorry.
No matter how understanding they might be.
Declaring such cruel words to them was pathetic.
I had steeled myself so thoroughly before even speaking.
Yet, the moment I did, my resolve crumbled into dust.
It was revolting.
That I couldn’t soothe them with kind words until the end.
That I was scared to face them as I ran away.
I felt I wanted to kill myself.
[Didn’t you need to do this?]
‘Honestly… I don’t know what to do.’
[…You’ve worked hard…]
And what followed was not.
Bitter sadness.
Sharp resentment.
Fierce condemnation.
But rather, the warm presence of a very human touch.
They approached me gently.
And began embracing me.
Cautiously, as if worried my heart might shatter.
“Husband.”
“…….”
The first to speak was Elcia.
“It’ll all be okay.”
“But what if…”
She tightened her grip around me.
“There’s no if. Just like always.”
“…….Thank you…”
It was warm.
The hands of Elcia embracing me.
And the heart of Elcia conveyed through that touch.
It was far too warm for me.
“Shinwoo, are you listening?”
“……I’m listening.”
Next was Caressy.
“You saved me, you know.”
“That was… just because I wanted to do it.”
“Is that so?”
“Yeah… it was just my selfishness…”
Suddenly, she laughed fiercely and smacked my back hard.
“Then I’ll do what I want too.”
“……”
It hurt.
As if she was scolding me for saying such painful words.
It felt like she was reprimanding me for not brushing it off like usual.
There was a hint of resentment and a bit of anger hidden in her tone.
But.
“Don’t refuse now.”
“…….Thank you…”
“Besides, cats have nine lives. I can afford to lose one.”
Strangely, I felt a bit of confidence about the future.
A future where no one gets hurt.
No one is sad.
No one suffers.
A future filled with happiness and peace.
“You.”
“……Yeah, Ayeon.”
In that moment, Ayeon softly spoke.
“Even if that situation comes, I’ll stop you instead of killing you.”
“When that time comes, I’ll probably be wrong—”
Interrupting my words, Ayeon patted my head.
“If you’re wrong, you just fix it.”
“……”
A simple act of stroking my hair.
“Just like how you corrected me when I strayed.”
“……Thank you…”
But that was more than just a simple act.
It was a comfort and healing act for my shattered will.
And for my broken heart.
And for my crumbled soul.
“I should prepare to lose a limb or something.”
“……Let’s not go that far…”
“Heh. I’ll think about it.”
And only then did I realize.
That what I had just done was merely a comfortable path.
That it was an easy road I found to make myself comfortable.
A selfish path that didn’t consider the ones left behind even a little.
Simply walking a lazy road hoping they would just blame me.
That no matter what dire situation came, that I shouldn’t have walked this path.
I felt like an idiot.
I wanted to hide.
I wanted to cry.
I wanted to die.
I thought I wasn’t like everyone else, only to realize I was no different.
[Anyone can take a wrong step.]
‘Still… I shouldn’t have done that…’
[Just walk straight again, and that’s it.]
‘……Thank you…’
But they, unlike me, didn’t choose that easy path.
Instead of sadness, they chose joy.
Instead of despair, they chose hope.
Instead of resentment, they chose comfort.
They willingly endured the thorny path that no one wanted to walk.
Not for anyone else.
Not even for them.
But solely for me.
I was sorry. That I had leaned on their understanding without being a support to them.
I was pathetic. Realizing that what I did was not an act of goodwill for them but merely a simple escape.
It was revolting. That having claimed to stand against everything, I was now trying to turn my back on them.
Yet this time.
From within those negative emotions, another feeling began to sprout.
Like a lotus blooming from the mud.
I was so grateful.
For their choice.
For their hearts.
For their will.
For them all.
Everything was so appreciated.
“Shinwoo.”
“……Yeah, Hyeji.”
“I don’t know how to talk well like others.”
At that moment, Hyeji extended her pinky finger toward me.
“So here, I’ll promise everything with this.”
“……”
As I cautiously linked my pinky with hers in silence, Hyeji smiled lightly.
“I won’t let you lose anything.”
“……”
“Neither you, nor anyone here.”
A vow and a pledge are similar yet subtly different.
A vow hangs on an abstract concept.
A one-sided promise made under that concept.
But a pledge is different.
It’s mutual, conditional, and a promise to a person.
That’s why a pledge carries far more weight than a vow.
It’s a mutual promise made to each other as human beings.
“So, Shinwoo, you promise too.”
“……What should I promise?”
At the same time, a pledge also involves a type of contract that sets terms and conditions.
“It’s okay if you lose everything and live like a beggar.”
“……”
And Hyeji made her pledge right then and there.
“It’s okay if you suffer greatly and live your whole life with a disability.”
“……”
She won’t let me lose anything.
“Even if I become a wreck and can’t live like this anymore, it’s fine.”
“……”
She simply didn’t mention any cost.
Because she had a certainty that she would keep what she had pledged.
Because she had the will to ensure there would be no need to pay any cost.
Because she had a belief that no matter what happened, she wouldn’t break her promise.
And because she trusted everyone here.
“We’re all going home together.”
“……Yeah…”
So I too placed a pledge on my lips without a cost.
Not because I worried I would break the promise.
But because I never even considered the possibility of not keeping it.
Just like Hyeji had done for me.
“Got it?”
“I promise.”
Then Hyeji gently kissed me.
A sweet scent wafted gently to my nose.
As the moment dissolved once more, Hyeji’s voice came through.
“And if that situation really comes, don’t worry.”
Then Hyeji showed me a bright smile, looking somewhat teary-eyed.
It was the utmost resolve Hyeji could muster.
“I’ll kill you myself.”
“……Thank you…”
It was a frightening statement, but I felt no fear at all.
Because that didn’t mean she truly intended to kill me.
And it didn’t mean she would give up on me in the worst-case scenario.
It meant she would never let me die at any moment.
“Starting tonight.”
“Ah, f*ck.”
Right now, it really felt like she meant to kill me.
The time for battle is tomorrow morning.
It was just that my battle had started a little early.
I was still grateful to her, but it was a bit difficult.
“Shinwoo, are you okay?”
“……I think I’m going to die…”
To be honest.
“You’re talking still, so you seem fine.”
“……Are you keeping me alive?”
“That’s up to you to keep living.”
“F*ck you.”
It wasn’t just a little hard; it was very hard.
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