I blinked a few times while staring at the stopped electronic billboard showing JJ Entertainment’s hit song.
[Where is my first love! – Tail Rose]
It may be fading a bit now, but 2-3 years ago, it swept through South Korea and even hit Japan hard as JJ’s representative idol.
Among them, [Where is my first love!] is the title track from their 3rd or 4th album.
The song did exceptionally well, and… I know this song too.
“Alright, the song from the Mackerel Sandwich Team is JJ Entertainment’s Tail Rose’s [Where is my first love!]!”
“Waaaaaaaah!!!!”
Not a bad choice, it seems; cheers erupted from our Mackerel Sandwich Team.
Sure enough, on the surface, [Where is my first love!] was a perfectly fine and good song to present in a team competition.
Though it was a few years ago, its performance was so great that it’s well-known among the public. The song isn’t particularly difficult either…
More than anything, Tail Rose’s recent inactivity means we won’t be easily compared to them based on stage abilities.
Yeah… I must have picked a good song.
However… I couldn’t shake off the uneasy feeling in the back of my mind.
It’s because Tail Rose’s group concept is very clear.
Bright, lively… and adorable young girls.
“Waaaaah-!! Unni, you’re amazing-!!”
Just like Park Yoo-jung, who’s now cheerfully shouting as if the world would end.
The concept is perfectly evident even in [Where is my first love!].
Innocent girls who don’t yet know love, pure girls wanting to know love.
Girls who can’t sleep at night wondering who their first love might be.
An upbeat song with bright melodies and fast beats.
All the members of our Mackerel Sandwich Team have kind and cheerful expressions.
They should blend into the song’s atmosphere without any problems.
But the problem is me.
I turned to look at my face reflected in the mirror installed on the wall.
This life’s face. Ha Ye-rin’s face is beautiful no matter when I look.
Innocent and pure little girl? That was far from true.
‘…I’m more the delinquent girl who robs innocent kids’ wallets.’
If it was a chic and sexy concept song, I wouldn’t have any issues.
But [Where is my first love!] doesn’t suit me.
If I could smile well, that would be different…
[Acting Skill: 18]
Unfortunately, my acting skill was 18, eighteen.
“Unni-! You’re the best! The best!”
“Ye-rin! You made a great choice!”
Park Yoo-jung and Lee Hye-jeong kept giving me thumbs up, as if they didn’t sense my feelings.
Well, for them, [Where is my first love!] should feel like top-tier material.
Swish.
I sighed inwardly, raising my thumb to them.
Perhaps in this competition… I might become the obstacle for our team.
With the Veggie Sandwich Team finishing song selection last, all teams had concluded.
Most of the teams chose safe songs.
But…
“The song for the Veggie Sandwich Team is QQQ Entertainment’s Bumblack’s [Thank You Very Much]!”
…The only team that picked last, Yoo Seol’s team, got bombed.
“Wow… Bumblack…”
“That song’s dance must be extremely difficult…”
The mischievous concept boy group Bumblack’s [Thank You Very Much].
With its high-level choreography and rap, it won’t be easy to manage.
Yet Yoo Seol smiled and created a relaxed atmosphere as if it was no big deal.
“It’s a tough song, but… if we prepare hard, we can create a wonderful stage.”
The expression she wore seemed genuine, not a façade.
Looking at Yoo Seol like that, I somehow thought she might really pull off the stage.
“Okay, then I’ll conclude the song selection!”
Once all teams finished, Han Si-woo picked up the microphone and continued.
“You will show the stage in front of the audience one week from now with this team and song.”
At Han Si-woo’s words, all participants showed tense expressions.
One week.
It could be considered long, but it’s far too short to master something perfectly.
Completing preparations within that time and presenting before an audience is no small burden.
I felt the same way.
Thump.
Finally, the time for the team competition, the flower of Na Ah Ah, has come, and my heart raced even more than during the ranking evaluation and final evaluation.
Perhaps understanding the participants’ feelings, Han Si-woo nodded seriously and said.
“You’re probably very nervous. I was too. I still remember the first time I performed live for an audience… my heart was racing so much.”
“……”
“Shall I give you a tip?”
“……!”
At Han Si-woo’s offer of a tip, everyone perked up.
He’s a top-tier idol, so his tip will surely help.
Instead of answering aloud, all the participants nodded in unison, and Han Si-woo smirked and continued.
But…
“You probably won’t be able to stop this trembling of your heart no matter what method you try.”
“……?”
“No matter if ten years or twenty years pass, you won’t find a way to calm the pre-stage jitters.”
…Is this a tip?
The things Han Si-woo said seemed too empty to be a tip.
However, the next moment…
“Neither can I.”
“……!”
The humor disappeared from his tone.
“I’ve done dozens of concerts and thousands of live performances, but… I still tremble while preparing for the stage. What if I make a mistake… or if the audience is disappointed in my performance.”
“……”
“It can’t be helped. This trembling is… a part of life for people like us.”
A part of life? Yeah, if I end up being an idol, this trembling will be my everyday life.
“You can’t overcome this trembling. Instead… accept it.”
“……”
“The moment you accept this trembling as a part of life… you will become a true professional.”
“……”
As we stared at Han Si-woo with blank expressions, he found his smile again and continued.
“I talked for a bit too long. But anyway, I look forward to your success.”
Thump.
Han Si-woo’s tip didn’t stop my heart from racing.
But… his tip surely helped.
I wasn’t alone; the other participants around me also seemed to wear slightly more relaxed expressions.
“Okay, then let’s shout our slogan and wrap up. Everyone, let’s shout together, one, two, three…!”
“Show me your dream-!!!!”
And so, the first team competition began.
After completing team selection and song selection, each team scattered to different practice rooms for meetings.
Our Mackerel Sandwich Team was also assigned a practice room, and we sat around in a circle.
“I think we’re totally lucky with our team! We’ve got great singers, awesome dancers, and everyone’s beautiful! We’re totally winning first place!”
Leading the atmosphere was Park Yoo-jung.
With her signature bright smile and talkative nature, she uplifted the Mackerel Sandwich Team’s vibe.
But…
“We haven’t properly introduced ourselves, right? Should we start with names? First, I’m from Levi Entertainment…”
“Everyone’s wearing name tags, though. Is it really necessary? Is there anyone here who doesn’t know each other’s names?”
“……”
…Someone abruptly cut off the conversation.
That someone was SAV Seo Yoo-jin.
With her words, the atmosphere instantly soured, and I reflexively turned my gaze to the corner.
Zing.
We weren’t alone in the practice room.
There were cameramen and writers.
They were recording our meeting and observing us.
‘What the… talking like that with cameras around?’
I suddenly recalled Seo Yoo-jin’s trait.
[Trait: Arrogant/Conceited Trait – Having lived a life always being held up, you have become arrogant and disdain others. The center of the world must always be you.]
Perhaps because of her Arrogant Trait, Seo Yoo-jin said whatever she wanted without caring about the camera.
Thanks to that, the atmosphere shifted entirely toward her relentless demeanor.
But…
“…Then, the introduction is done. How about we start talking comfortably for the team’s atmosphere? Yoo-jin, since you’re the youngest here, you can speak casually, right?”
…Park Yoo-jung didn’t simply hand over control of the atmosphere to Seo Yoo-jin.
‘……Is there this side to Yoo-jung?’
Park Yoo-jung, who always radiated a cheerful and lovely vibe, was now putting Seo Yoo-jin in her place through age.
“…Yeah, sure. Call me comfortably.”
“Thanks. Hehe, the other unnis can call me and Yoo-jin comfortably too.”
In this Confucian society, where age is still significant, Seo Yoo-jin, who is one year younger than Park Yoo-jung, bowed her head.
Thus regaining her hold on the conversation, Park Yoo-jung continued.
“So… first, before diving into the song, I think we should pick a leader and a center.”
“……!”
Leader and center.
At the mention of that, the mood grew awkward once again as team members started eyeing each other.
“Shall we pick the leader first?”
When the suggestion to select a leader was made, I glanced at Lee Hye-jeong.
She was the oldest here and had a warm presence.
More than anything, she was a singer-songwriter, so she had amazing abilities regarding arrangements.
It would be reassuring if Lee Hye-jeong could take on the leader role.
But…
“……”
Swish.
…She intentionally avoided making eye contact with me.
That was a subtle way of expressing she didn’t want to be the leader.
‘…Does being the leader feel burdensome? Then who…’
Just as I was about to look for other candidates, it happened.
Pop.
‘……Hmm?’
Only then did I realize that the other team members were looking at me.
It seemed they were hoping I would be the leader.
‘Oh dear….’
So, like Lee Hye-jeong, I desperately avoided their gazes.
If I took on the leader role, I would surely gain a lot in terms of screen time.
But I have a short trainee period.
I lack arrangement skills and… above all, my understanding of idol stages is much less than others.
Logically, I wasn’t suited to be a leader.
‘Maybe it’s better for cheerful Park Yoo-jung to lead…’
Just as I thought that about Park Yoo-jung taking the lead.
“Me!”
Someone bravely raised their hand.
“I want to be the leader!”
It was none other than Seo Yoo-jin.
“Umm….”
When she volunteered to be the leader, the team members made short sounds of disapproval.
She was the youngest among us and had been bad-tempered lately, which made the atmosphere worse.
They thought a leader role wouldn’t suit someone like her.
But whether she seriously wanted to be the leader or not, she appealed to her abilities.
“I learned arrangement at the company, and I can do it! Plus, I know most of our song [Where is my first love!] already! I can be a good leader!”
“……”
At first, I thought she wouldn’t make a good leader, but her words made me reconsider.
Indeed, even though Seo Yoo-jin is arrogant, her abilities can’t be denied.
‘If she can do arrangements… it might be okay?’
Judging it to be acceptable, I decided to support her.
“How about we let Yoo-jin try out as leader? I think she might do well.”
As I said that, the other team members chuckled and nodded.
“…Yeah, haha. I think so too.”
“Yoo-jin can do well… I’m in favor.”
“This is totally the maknae on top moment.”
“Then let’s go with Yoo-jin as the leader.”
Thus, with everyone’s consensus, our ‘Seo-Leader’ was born.
“Now, the next is… the center.”
Now that we picked the leader, it was time to choose the center.
Since the center stands in the middle of the stage, they’re most frequently captured by the camera.
Naturally, they need exceptional dancing skills and incredible charisma to command the atmosphere.
Swish.
Slide.
The moment the suggestion to choose the center was made, everyone’s eyes turned to me.
Feeling their gazes, I nodded inwardly.
I wasn’t being conceited; I honestly thought I was the most suitable candidate for the center among us.
When all their eyes were on me, I hesitated for a moment…
‘Should I slowly say I want to be it.’
Pretending to have no choice but to raise my hand slowly.
But then…
Swish.
“Me.”
…Someone raised their hand before I could.
“I want to be the center too.”
It was Seo Yoo-jin once again.
The girl who had already taken on the leader role was now stepping up to declare she wanted to be the center as well.
“…….”
“…….”
“…….”
Her announcement sent the team atmosphere rapidly chilling.
At first, I was taken aback and stunned…
‘…Damn it, Yoo-jin. Get a grip and put your hand down, you crazy girl…’
…An intense wave of anger began rising in me.
No matter how conceited her trait is, this has gone too far.
Does she have no sense or is she relying on connections?
Does she not realize that her greedy attitude is likely to reflect negatively on her image before viewers later?
‘What if the production team intervenes again…’
I thought that perhaps the production crew would step in as before to prevent Seo Yoo-jin from taking the center position.
Then I turned my head to the corner like earlier.
And what I found was….
Grin.
…The production team members who looked genuinely happy.
‘……Crap.’
It seemed they judged this situation as perfect for a good broadcast.
Thus, with Seo-Leader’s center declaration, our Mackerel Sandwich Team faced difficulties right from the start.
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