I had a dream after a long time.
It was a dream of the real world.
On a day like any other, I woke up late, immediately made a call, chatted for about an hour, and then sat in front of the computer.
The content of the call I had just made lingered in my mind, and my fingers wouldn’t move.
It wasn’t exactly a fight, but my voice had gotten a little louder.
I tried to pick up the phone again, but my hand felt stiff and wouldn’t budge, so I gave up.
Once I started typing, surprisingly, the words flowed smoothly.
In less than an hour, I finished a piece and even completed the revision.
I was startled by how much faster I was writing, four to five times more than usual, and just then, a call came in.
It was a number not registered in my contacts, but I could tell it was calling from a hospital internal line based on the first few digits.
I might have already sensed it the moment I answered the phone.
I ended up doing something I’d regret again…
“Khuh… Ha… Ha…”
I woke up with a sense of suffocation.
My whole body was drenched in sweat.
Desperately, I tried to catch my breath and calm down for a moment.
“Uh…?”
My breathing sounded strange.
No, it was normal.
It wasn’t a clanking sound mixed with metal, but a clear, bright sound.
The instant I recognized that, my body suddenly felt a tingling sensation.
Something I hadn’t felt for a while returned to my body.
It was Mana.
That mysterious sensation was kneading my body once more.
I was startled and quickly checked my chest.
I hurriedly tore off the tightly wrapped bandages.
What was revealed on my left chest was the scar of a fresh stitch.
When I touched it, I could definitely feel a throbbing movement.
It wasn’t the weak beating of a heart that seemed like it would stop any moment.
It was a lively, healthy heart.
“Emilia!!!”
I threw off the blanket and shouted loudly.
I had to find Emilia.
She had given me sleeping pills and put me to sleep.
What on earth had she done while I was asleep?
“Emilia! Emili… ria…”
The moment I tried to stand up, something grabbed my hand.
The feeling of thick leather.
It was a familiar book.
But a piece of paper had slipped out of it.
I opened the book as if entranced and pulled out the paper.
—Schlus. Are you okay? If you’re reading this letter, it means you’ve received my heart and woke up safely.
It felt like I had been hit hard on the back of my head.
The hand holding the letter trembled uncontrollably.
I shouldn’t read this.
That thought dominated my mind.
But my eyes kept reading the next line as if I was enchanted.
—I’m sorry. It was I who arranged this with His Majesty the Emperor, the Saintess, my sister Erica, and Mrs. Emilia.
If Schlus doesn’t accept it, please forcefully perform the surgery.
I’m truly sorry.
I didn’t leave this letter just to apologize.
Actually, I wanted to say thank you.
If it’s the Schlus who made me, you should know.
You know how much I suffered trapped in the endless cycle of reincarnation.
In this fragile body, facing the unpleasant death, I believe you know how hard it was for me.
I want to escape this cycle and sleep forever; you believe that firmly, don’t you?
That isn’t wrong.
But you don’t know.
How excited I was to meet Schlus.
It was the first time for me.
In a dull everyday life that was no different from any other, it was the first time I felt like I wanted to keep living.
When I realized I was waiting for you, somehow you had already left again.
For that brief moment, I waited and longed for Schlus every day.
Eventually, I ended up leaving my home with these motionless legs to meet Schlus.
Why could that be?
What was so special about you?
Why was it that just seeing your face could make me forget the pain in a life stained with suffering for hundreds of years?
I asked myself repeatedly, but I couldn’t understand.
In a way, it’s natural.
How could I, who has lived for hundreds of years in a child’s body, understand such an unreasonable emotion as love?
I guess I became an adult at the very last moment.
Seeing that I realized this was love.
“······.”
Tears flowed down my cheeks.
My breath grew rough, and something welled up inside me, almost spilling out, but I barely held it back.
I had to read to the end.
To the end, everything.
—The person who showed me that living isn’t painful was you, Schlus.
If I could see your face, I wouldn’t care how much my body aches.
But if you die, then nothing would matter anymore.
When I heard from my sister that my heart was a match, I was overjoyed.
I even thought that perhaps all this endless pain I endured was to meet you.
To meet you, learn about love, and ultimately save you…
Schlus. Are you crying now?
Right now, my eyes sting from the tears and I can’t see clearly.
I said that as long as my heart lives inside Schlus, I wouldn’t reincarnate, right?
Please live long and healthy for as long as possible, Schlus.
I hope you live to be a hundred.
Then at least I could stop reincarnating for a hundred years.
Thank you, Schlus.
For listening to my stubbornness.
And, I love you.
“Ah······.”
That was the end.
I understood the situation.
I had grasped it all long ago.
But a corner of my heart remained suffocated, as if I hadn’t fully accepted it.
“Ah······. Aah······. Auuugh······.”
A sob welled up from deep inside, and an ugly sound burst forth.
I could no longer endure it.
I carefully hugged the letter to my chest so it wouldn’t crumple or get wet and knelt down.
A standing confession.
Even after death.
What is this worst confession?
So detestable and resentful, I wanted to confront and ask what on earth they were thinking when they wrote such a thing.
But I couldn’t.
I could never meet Julia again.
A part of Julia lives inside me.
As long as I’m alive, Julia can’t reincarnate, and if Julia reincarnates, I’ll already be dead.
A couple who can only see each other’s dead forms.
A couple who will never meet again.
That’s who we were.
“Oppa! You’re awake······.”
The door burst open, and Emilia’s voice filled the room.
Emilia looked momentarily speechless at the sight of me kneeling on the floor, before slowly coming over to sit beside me.
She gently took my hand, which was precious as I held the letter.
“Julia······. I miss Julia······.”
“I haven’t saddled up yet. Do you want to go see her······?”
“I want to······.”
Then she suddenly left again.
Leaving behind nothing but regrets.
Leaving only wounds.
Without giving me a chance to respond, she vanished.
Now I admit it.
I won’t turn my eyes away from the truth any longer.
I loved that girl.
I loved her eyes, her hair, her voice, her scent that resembled her.
I loved her fragility.
And yet, I loved her spirited side.
I loved everything about that girl.
That’s my unfiltered true feeling.
And I still love Julia.
*
“It seems the internal circuit has returned to normal.”
*Beeep beep* that annoying sound flowed from the artifact.
Upon hearing Iris’s voice after the examination, I removed the strap attached to my arm.
“The mana core has been restored, and the mana detection device is functioning properly. Aside from a slight drop in your heart rate, there’s nothing to worry about. You’re healthy.”
“Thank you.”
“It’s nothing······.”
After receiving the heart transplant, I regained all the power I had lost.
It was a heartbeat that used to throb in Julia’s small body, so it sometimes exhibited symptoms of anemia since it couldn’t bear my larger form, but everything else was perfectly normal.
I could even be sent straight into combat.
Julia’s funeral was held modestly.
She was laid to rest in the family graveyard of Lichtenburg, with not many people gathered.
Only those who knew I had been hit in the heart congregated there.
The last face I saw of Julia was still beautiful.
Her naturally pale face made her appear as if she were merely sleeping even in death.
I unconsciously reached out to touch her face, adorned with a heartbreakingly beautiful smile.
The cold sensation startled me, almost making me burst into tears.
Of course, I didn’t cry.
I held it in until I got into the carriage, and then I let the tears flow.
Thus, I gave my farewell to Julia.
Having gone through countless reincarnations, I finally let go of a girl I would never meet again.
“Your Excellency. I report the results of the investigation.”
“Hand it over.”
“Yes.”
The attendant who entered the hospital room handed me the investigation report.
What I ordered the investigation on was nothing other than every newborn that had been born on the continent over the last two days.
Using all the administrative power of the Empire, I requested a list of the names of every newborn born into human families.
But not a single name of Julia could be found on the list containing thousands of names.
I thought it was a relatively common name.
Not a single black-haired human girl named Julia had been born.
Just as I predicted, she hadn’t reincarnated.
“You’ve done well. You may return.”
“Understood, Your Excellency.”
After sending the attendant away, I finished getting dressed.
Then I shared a kiss with Iris and left the hospital room.
After lying down for a while and then moving about like this, it felt strange.
My body was filled with strength.
I might have been even stronger than before.
“Welcome out, Your Excellency.”
As I stepped outside the hospital, Pelaine and Trie were waiting for me.
The two of them, fully armed, stared at me, and I nodded at them as I passed.
“Where to now?”
“I’m heading to the Imperial Palace. To get permission.”
“What kind of permission are you talking about?”
Julia does not reincarnate.
As long as this little heart is raging inside me.
In other words, once I die, Julia will reincarnate and repeat her endless suffering.
Forever. Until this world meets its end.
I can’t allow that torment to befall Julia again.
“Majin. Strike the Madman.”
So, I decided to become immortal.
I’ll live eternally, ensuring that this heart never stops beating.
I will survive until the world meets its end, so that Julia never reincarnates again.
That was the only thing I could do for Julia.
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