*Clatter clatter.*
The bowls clinked against each other on Emilia’s hand.
Just as she finished wiping the last bowl and was about to put it on the shelf, Emilia swallowed hard and turned around.
Schlus Hainkel was still sitting with his back turned, checking the mail.
“You did well with the dishes.”
“Ah, no… it was nothing…”
“I’m tired. I’ll take a break.”
“Yes…”
Heavy footsteps echoed and gradually faded away.
The sound of those footsteps on the second floor was cut off with the sound of a door closing.
With the sound of the door slightly louder than usual, Emilia flinched and shivered.
“Ah…”
Staggering towards the table, Emilia sighed.
Various pieces of mail lay sprawled out on the table, including a coded message she had just deciphered.
The end of that deciphered message read:
– Since the Battle of Eisburg, Morgeng Ayle has been missing.
– However, considering the age and appearance of the boy who had been going around with the name Schlus Hainkel the following year, he seems to be the same individual.
It had been quite some time since Schlus asked her to find Mari Ayle’s son.
This was even before he made an alliance with the intelligence agency.
At first, she couldn’t fathom why he wanted to find that woman’s son.
It felt a bit awkward to ask him directly, so she asked Hertlocker instead, and got this response:
“Mari Ayle? She was an incredibly unlucky woman. She’d been compromised by the kingdom’s intelligence agency for decades and was forced to cooperate since she had too much information to handle. Iskandal was in charge of the disposal… but then, of all times, Schlus Hainkel caught her at the scene, and it all fell apart. Seeing how desperately she wants to find her son, she must have been Schlus Hainkel’s first love.”
She thought they must have been somewhat close.
Perhaps out of gratitude and attachment, she assumed he wanted to find her son to offer some words of comfort.
It made sense, given that Schlus never spoke of Mari Ayle with much emotion.
Of course, he was always cold, but sometimes—very occasionally—when his emotions erupted, he would throw off that chill.
Since he spoke about Mari Ayle without any agitation, it was impossible to think of her as anything more than an acquaintance.
“But how could she possibly be his mother…?”
Her assumptions hit a wrong note.
Mari Ayle, who had nonchalantly ordered an investigation, was, in fact, his biological mother.
So he had ordered his enemy, the one who killed his mother, to find out who her son was.
He had essentially given that enemy a chance to figure out that the son was him.
Chills ran down Emilia’s spine at the thought.
What sort of mindset must he have had to bury their past grudge deep inside for the sake of self-interest?
To provide a moment of realization and repentance to the enemies who killed his mother, what kind of insanity was that?
No matter how she pondered it, it was not something one could do with a stable mind.
“What should I do… What the heck should I do…”
Just how much hatred must he have for me?
How much must he have gritted his teeth seeing me, blissfully ignorant and smiling?
How many tears of blood had he shed, dreaming of the day of revenge while keeping me close?
Even though I didn’t kill her directly, it was undeniably a crime committed by the intelligence agency, and I couldn’t completely absolve myself of responsibility since I had tacitly agreed at every step of the decision-making process.
“I was the only one who was serious…”
The gentle touch that had brushed her hair away.
The warm palm that had caressed her cheek.
The embrace that felt as if it would break her ribs.
And the moist lips that had brushed softly against her…
Thinking all of that was an act made her heart ache.
“Uh?”
*Drop. Drop.*
Water droplets fell on the carpet.
Only then did Emilia realize that tears were cascading down her cheeks.
No matter how hard she tried to stop, it was futile.
It was as if her tear ducts were broken, just endlessly flowing.
“*Hic… uh…*”
She couldn’t stay by Schlus’s side.
Just standing next to the one who killed her mother must be immense suffering for him.
He must always feel an agonizing urge to strangle her, to kill her.
He would be feeling dozens, no, hundreds of times more pain than what she was experiencing now.
“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…”
Emilia staggered towards the table.
With trembling hands, she picked up a pen and a blank sheet of paper and began to write out her resignation in neat handwriting.
She didn’t deserve to be with Schlus.
It was better to end it here if all she would bring him was pain.
Setting aside this foolish affection, it made sense to leave cleanly.
Before long, Emilia finished writing her resignation and signed it to seal the deal.
The end of the resignation was damp with her tears.
“I’m really… sorry…”
No matter how she wrapped it, in the end, it was just her fleeing from the pain.
It was an act of shirking responsibility.
But how could she even begin to atone for her sins?
Emilia wiped away her tears and turned around.
The fact that she could never shamelessly confess her love to Schlus again weighed heavily on her.
Just as she draped her overcoat over her shoulders and grasped the doorknob…
*Thump thump.* Panic-filled footsteps drew closer.
“Hey. Where are you going?”
*Snap.*
Schlus grabbed her wrist tightly.
As if he would never let go.
“I’m… going to quit…”
“Who decides that?”
“Even you don’t want this. You don’t want to live with your enemy… right?”
“Why are you my enemy?”
“You knew everything and still kept me around until now, didn’t you? You wanted to see when I’d figure out it out… when I’d notice the person who killed your mother…”
“No. I only found out a little while ago. I was supposed to have lost my memory. I didn’t make you investigate because I wanted to do something psychopathic.”
Lies.
It was an obvious lie.
Memory loss? What kind of convenient plot device is that?
Even thinking that, Emilia felt her heart start to stir.
Her mind deemed it forced, yet her heart yearned to believe in Schlus.
“The bastard who killed my mother is dead. So what do you want to blame now?”
“Really…? You don’t hate me?”
“I don’t hate you.”
“Then hold me… just a little…”
*Tight.*
As Schlus bent down to wrap her waist, she realized that was not how she wanted to be held.
Yet his chest felt too warm, and Emilia ended up burying her face in his shoulder.
If she raised her head, it felt like tears would burst forth again.
“Is it okay for me to like you? Can I truly like you?”
“Of course.”
At that kind, straightforward response, Emilia felt like she was melting.
She didn’t have to leave.
It was alright to be by Schlus’s side.
Just confirming that was enough to bring her solace.
‘Looks like it’s a one-way street after all…’
At that moment, the doubts she had harbored transformed into conviction.
Schlus loves me.
That must be the truth.
But it seemed like that love was more brotherly than romantic.
The fact he had chosen not to have any romantic relationships or marriage until reaching adulthood made her wonder if it was because he didn’t see her as a woman.
He always kissed her, yet he refused to go any further, almost as if he recoiled from it.
Even now, with her chest pressed against him, he was pretending not to notice.
Maybe he didn’t want to kiss her at all, but that was merely a reluctant obligation.
Emilia suddenly felt a bitter sensation stab her heart.
She never imagined that loving without anything in return could be this painful.
“I won’t abandon you. I don’t hate you. I swore in that church that I would always be with you, through joy and sorrow. No matter what happens, my feelings won’t change. Don’t give up, Emilia.”
“*Sniff…* Alright. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say I’d give up.”
She swallowed her tears with effort and forced herself to smile.
But no matter how hard she tried, that smile kept distorting.
Knowing that Schlus did not hate her should have been enough to bring her happiness.
But she felt an insatiable doubt gnawing at her heart.
‘Would it be greedy to hope for his love as well?’
This was the punishment for the sins she had committed.
Though she loved Schlus more than anyone, she had been given the punishment of never receiving his love.
With that thought, Emilia carefully distanced herself from Schlus.
In her heart, she wanted to pull his tie and plead for a kiss, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it.
She didn’t want to do anything that would put him in a difficult position anymore.
“Come here.”
“Uhhh…?”
At that moment, Schlus’s large hand grasped the nape of her neck and pulled her close.
Their heated lips met, and a harsh groan escaped.
It was rough, but it didn’t feel bad at all.
Yet, just as they were about to reach the climax…
Once again, it came to an end.
The tip of his tongue barely brushed her lips as he attempted to delve deeper…
And once again, it was over.
“*Phew…*”
Schlus pulled away, his breath ragged.
A thin strand of saliva hung between their lips, then broke off.
So this was how it ended.
Schlus truly didn’t see her as a woman.
He only did it because it was a duty…
With her head bowed, Emilia wore a bitter smile.
“Should we continue in the room?”
“……?”
In the room?
What does that mean?
Emilia’s face flushed at the thought, but she quickly tried to redirect her mind.
There was no way Schlus meant it in that way.
“Oh? Yeah?”
“Or should we do it in the living room?”
That definitely meant it the way she thought.
Emilia gazed up at Schlus, dumbfounded.
She had never seen him like this.
His face was flushed, as if he had just said something embarrassing…
As Emilia gazed up at that face, she answered with an almost hypnotized tone.
“I want to do it in the room…”
Today, Schlus seemed a bit different.
