“Why are you out so late?”
“………”
As soon as I stepped outside, I spotted Erica with a pouty face. Leaning against a pillar, she kicked at random stones, initially looking happy when she saw me, only to quickly shift to a dissatisfied expression.
“Keep that frown in check.”
Such a pretty face, wasting it away.
“What do you want?”
“Do I need a reason to call you? It could just be… for no reason at all.”
“Sure, I could just ignore you and walk away.”
“Aah! Fine! I’ll tell you! I’m going to say it!”
As I tried to walk away, Erica grabbed my sleeve.
“Do you think I’m just twiddling my thumbs?”
Unlike you, who has put in relentless effort since childhood to build your skills, I have to prepare for the next exam with good old cramming and tricks. I couldn’t waste time on pointless matters.
If I had free time, I’d rather go out with Emilia.
“You promised. You said you’d fix my little sister’s nightmare.”
“I definitely said that.”
“Well, I told Mom about it.”
“……?!”
Why did you say that, you fool?
The words almost came out but got stuck in my throat. From Madam Lichtenburg’s perspective, there’s no way she’d take my meeting with Julia lightly.
“She sighed and then said it was fine.”
“What? Are you joking right now?”
“Does this look like a joke? Of course it’s true. I was surprised too.”
“………”
That was quite unexpected.
Did Madam Lichtenburg’s wariness toward me drop due to recent incidents?
No, it’s more like her worry for Julia grew so large that she must have been desperate enough to ask for my help.
“But you’re not seriously dating my mom, right?”
“Still on that topic…?”
“Well, it’s weird! Every time I mention you, she flinches and looks surprised!”
“………”
Erica was looking at me as if she could barely contain her curiosity, but I just kept my mouth shut.
I wasn’t lying.
My relationship with the lady was nothing like that.
It was a more seedy affair.
“Hmm, hmm. Anyway, I’ll be calling you to the mansion soon. Come meet Julia.”
“Do you think I’m some kind of therapist? Just because you call doesn’t mean I’ll come running.”
“Ah, then what should I do?”
“I’ll come on a day that’s convenient for me.”
“Then do it… But you have to notify me at least three days ahead?”
“I’ll make sure of it.”
Even if it’s just a facade, I hold the status of a knight under direct command from the emperor.
And considering I managed to end a war within a week by rallying a crumbling suppression army, my current position is not low at all.
I needed to uphold my status.
I couldn’t be seen as a puppy that comes when called and leaves when told.
“By the way, can you give me a hint?”
“What about?”
“About fixing nightmares. How do you do it? I should know something, right? I don’t trust you to not do any weird stuff; if physical contact is involved, let me know beforehand…”
“Don’t worry. There won’t be any physical contact. We’ll just talk.”
“R-really? Will that even work?”
“I can’t explain the details.”
I turned my back to Erica.
After all, it was all nonsense, and there was no way I could provide any details.
This whole mess was caused by my own desires, my own attachments.
In fact, I could stop the nightmares right away if I wanted to.
“Th-thank you! Schlus!”
“What… I haven’t even fixed the nightmare yet.”
“But if it’s you, Schlus, you’ll definitely pull it off. So, thanks in advance.”
“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. Save your gratitude for later.”
“Okay…”
I waved goodbye and quickly distanced myself from Erica.
I felt incredibly uneasy.
Ever since coming to this world, I’ve been deceiving its inhabitants, but today felt particularly bothersome.
‘Just this once. One last time.’
I rubbed my left ring finger and made a determination.
To say my final goodbye and let go.
To liberate Julia from the fake I’ve created out of my own attachments.
*
“Ha…”
“Oh, you’re here? Hand me your clothes and bag.”
As soon as I opened the door, Emilia welcomed me with a bright face.
Honestly, I wasn’t all that tired, but pretending to be exhausted, I let her take off my outer clothes and hurriedly bring them to my room.
In that moment, it struck me how cowardly I was.
Taking advantage of Emilia’s special position and just accepting her kindness.
“Do you want to eat first? Or take a bath? Or maybe-”
“Whoa, whoa. Hold up.”
“……… What do you mean hold up?”
“Not that.”
I must be thinking too much these days.
I shrugged past the puzzled Emilia and plopped down on the sofa.
“Today, I just want to… relax.”
“You want to relax? Are you sick? You don’t have a fever, right? Or did something happen today?”
“Ya.”
Emilia fussed, placing her hand on my forehead.
Of course a person can take a break.
Just because I stay holed up in the training room doesn’t mean I’m studying the whole time; in reality, a solid 10% is time to relax.
Emilia must think I’m some kind of study bug.
“Should I make tea? Want some?”
“No, if I drink that, I’ll only get a headache.”
“But you love black tea.”
“I drink it to stay alert, not because I like it.”
“Ah, I see… I didn’t know that.”
Swoosh.
Emilia naturally sat next to me.
The sofa is so spacious, yet she snuggled up right beside me.
“Are you struggling now that classes are restarting?”
“That’s part of it… But honestly, I don’t know. There are mountains of issues, and I don’t even know what to tackle first. I’ve just been fixing the immediate problems to get this far, but I feel lost about what to do next.”
I found myself rambling on.
There was so much to do.
First, I had to secure a decent status, so I’d force my way into any event and participate in the civil war, putting on a show.
As a result, I did become relatively famous, but I also ended up increasing my enemies.
And among those potential enemies is even the emperor of the empire.
I still have time, but there are still many events where people are dropping like flies.
I need to keep a tight reign on Hertlocker so he doesn’t go crazy.
And I have to build enough rapport with the heroines for them to support me in the future.
On top of this, I need to reach out to species not of this empire.
It was all overwhelming.
I couldn’t tell what the right judgment was anymore.
“You’re thinking too much.”
“I just go in without thinking and wing it.”
“That’s not true. You think a lot. Do you really believe that things just happened to work out? No way. You’ve subconsciously made all these plans and calculations, and that’s why things have gone well.”
“………”
“You’re just exhausted. It’s not just your body getting tired; your mind is tired too. So today, let’s just relax, brother. Forget about the future worries. Just clear your mind and unwind.”
“How do I do that?”
Just empty my mind and relax?
Is it possible without frying my brain with electric shocks?
“Um… I guess like this?”
“………”
Emilia slid a little closer and pulled my head into her lap.
As I got pulled down weakly, I felt a soft sensation at my ear.
It was Emilia’s thigh.
Unlike Iris’s endlessly soft one, this one had a bit of bounce, showing that she clearly worked out.
“How’s that? Are you feeling more at ease?”
“Umm… I think I’d feel more relaxed if you stroked my head.”
“Uhh…”
Swoosh.
Emilia’s small hand slowly ran through my hair.
My curly hair brushed against her fingers, producing a *scratchy* sound.
I couldn’t tell if she was petting me or messing it up.
But one thing was clear—I was truly starting to feel relaxed.
“Brother, what do you think it would be like to live a life where no matter how hard you struggle, you can never be number one?”
“Suddenly?”
“Yeah. Suddenly.”
“Of course, it would be tough. It would be painful.”
“………”
“But it wouldn’t always be hard and painful. I don’t know what it’s measuring against, but that can’t be all that life is about. If you can live a life you’re satisfied with, does it really matter if you’re not number one?”
“Uhh… So, if I’m satisfied… I don’t need to be first, huh.”
“But what were you talking about?”
“Nothing. Just rambling. A vague thought.”
I wondered if the intelligence agency had some performance competition or something.
I couldn’t figure out what Emilia was on about.
“Are you sure you don’t want some tea? Sweetened to the brim.”
“I’ve never had that.”
“It’s tasty. How about this time, instead of just waking up, you enjoy the flavor?”
“I’ll pass.”
Emilia laid my head on the sofa and I heard her heavy footsteps as she walked to the kitchen.
The sound of tea leaves *swishing* and boiling water *bubbling* filled the air gently.
How peaceful.
Suddenly, that thought came to me.
Trie had said it.
I don’t let emotions seep into my sword.
I kill people without malice.
Could this be a reaction to that?
At some point, whenever I sat still doing nothing, those memories keep flashing in my mind.
Rather than memories, I guess it’s more of a strong image.
The sharp screams, the sobs, the red blood kept *flashing* in my head.
Perhaps that’s why I pushed myself to keep working or studying.
My personality was already one that didn’t rest, and I became almost fanatical about it.
When something occupied my mind, those images wouldn’t appear.
But this was the first time.
Doing nothing and dazing off, yet those stimulating images didn’t flash in my mind.
“Here’s your drink.”
“………”
I looked up at Emilia’s soft smile and sat up.
How long has it been since I had a rest like this?
A true, genuine rest where I could clear my thoughts.
A peaceful respite with no screams.
Slowly, I drank the cup Emilia handed me.
“How is it?”
“It’s sweet…”
So, this is what milk tea is.
I’m trying it for the first time.
I never even looked at this drink in my life, but I didn’t expect it to taste this sweet and nice.
“But I feel kind of drowsy…”
Suddenly, sleepiness overwhelmed me.
As my head nodded, Emilia quickly took the cup from me.
Does sleep come this suddenly?
Was I that tired, or was it just a fleeting thought I had?
I thought pinching my thigh would help wake me up, but my hand wouldn’t obey.
At this point, I realized.
This wasn’t just regular fatigue.
“Emilia… What did you put in the tea…”
Damn it.
How did I make the blunder of not checking for ‘suspicion’ in my drink?
I lost consciousness right then and there.
