-My name. I’ll tell you. Iris.
Iris.
Yeah. This touch was definitely Iris’s.
Just a little smaller though.
The warmth and softness were no different at all.
-What’s your name?
My hand moved on its own.
Relying solely on touch, unseen and unheard.
Struggling, I grasped Iris’s hand and placed my finger on her palm.
-Fin.
Fin…?
At that moment, Schlus’s emotions crashed into me.
‘Ah.’
Suddenly, my throat tightened.
An unknown sense of despair weighed down on me.
Just like when I lost that guy…
It felt like I wanted to cry like a baby right at that moment.
In Schlus’s case, he’d lost his sight and hearing too, adding powerlessness to it all.
But Schlus was holding on.
I didn’t know what had happened, but he was enduring it with all his might.
Only then could I understand the meaning of “fin.”
At that point, Schlus was giving up on life.
This would be where his life ended.
-Fin?
-The conversation is over.
The brief written note ended just like that.
Schlus didn’t seem in the mood to explain things in detail.
He didn’t even want to express gratitude for being saved.
He just wanted to die.
He wanted to end this pain-filled life that would only continue to be uncomfortable.
-Schlus.
-?
-Your name is Schlus. It means ‘fin’ in the Empire language, right?
Surprised, my, no, Schlus’s hand trembled.
Schlus.
I see now. His name was given not by anyone else but by Iris.
-What’s your surname?
Schlus seemed deflated, completely refusing to talk.
He shoved Iris’s hand away and pulled his hand back.
What a pity.
It was my chance to figure out Schlus’s real surname.
After that, perhaps feeling regret, Iris touched my hand a few times before leaving.
Once he judged that no one was left, Schlus stretched out his arms, starting to survey the surroundings.
Where he lay was a soft bed.
Ah… he wasn’t trying to assess the situation after all.
He was looking for something sharp, possibly a blade.
What he intended to do with it was clear.
“······.”
Soon Schlus slipped his hand under the bed, grabbing something that was dangling.
It was a wooden piece that was about to fall.
When he pulled it with strength, it came off with a satisfying *pop*.
Just touching it, I knew it was sharp enough at the end.
But perhaps seeking perfection, Schlus even pricked his own palm with it.
The wooden piece’s tip finally pierced through the back of his hand.
Still, the sturdy wooden piece retained its shape.
A faint smile appeared on his lips.
He must have thought he’d be able to die like this.
Maybe he was aiming for the carotid artery.
‘Ah, crazy.’
Oops.
This punk was crazier than I had imagined.
He pressed the tip of the wooden piece against his temple, then relaxed again.
It seemed he was trying to carve a groove into the wall before hammering it in.
Soon, Schlus’s body started kicking into gear with an internal circuit.
His entire body heated up, and the mana energy that was created quickly spread throughout.
In return, the mana reinforced my fist, and right as I was about to drive the wooden piece into my head…
“······!”
Suddenly, something pushed me back, stopping me.
Due to the misalignment, the wooden piece merely grazed the scalp, unable to withstand Schlus’s fist and breaking off, flying somewhere.
I was suddenly filled with rage.
I felt more anger than the pain of the wooden piece digging into my head or the pain of my palm being pierced.
A fragile arm brushed against Schlus’s outstretched hand.
This rude little bastard immediately grabbed the girl’s shoulder and slammed her onto the bed.
A strong grip moved up her collarbone.
Finally, he found her neck.
I was already perched atop her, gripping her neck tightly.
It wasn’t for intimidation.
After all, begging for my life would be pointless since I couldn’t hear her.
I just wanted to kill her.
To kill everything that got in my way, and I wanted to die too.
Without any hesitation, I tightened my grip in the attempt to kill her for real.
Tears streaming down her face, no sign of pain visible, and no sickening sounds escaped her throat.
It was the perfect state for killing someone.
“······?”
At that moment, gentle hands touched my face.
I thought she might be trying to stab me in the eye for resistance.
But those hands, that kind touch, merely brushed up my cheek to wipe away my tears.
Then, the hand continued upwards, touching the torn flesh on my temple.
It hurt.
It hurt so damn much.
Just a moment ago, my head throbbed with excitement without realizing I was hurt, but now it hurt like hell.
But shortly after, I felt the head wound connecting, and the pain vanished.
“······.”
Schlus’s grip slowly loosened.
Suddenly, it seemed a wave of guilt surged over him.
The delicate hand touched my hand again.
But Schlus didn’t try to pull away now.
The careful, writing finger began to pen these words.
-It’s okay.
A lump in my throat rose, threatening to spill over.
I, or rather Schlus, clutched Iris’s hand tightly again.
Facing her, Schlus couldn’t lift his head.
And like a fool, he started crying, apologizing.
Screaming that he was really sorry.
I couldn’t even tell if he were pronouncing it properly since I couldn’t hear, but he kept apologizing.
Crushed under Schlus’s guilt, I slowly began to feel suspicion rising.
When exactly would this end?
I felt like ‘Memory of True Self’ had been active for over 10 minutes.
Until now, it had only lasted at most 10 seconds.
This was my first experience of it being this long.
What state was my real body in right now?
Was I flailing my hands aimlessly in mid-air like an idiot?
I gradually began to worry, but I had no means to act…
‘Ah.’
I had one.
The reason the ability had triggered was that I held Iris’s hand.
So I simply had to let go of Iris’s hand in reality.
The problem was, now that I was completely linked with Schlus’s senses from the past, would my real body move as I thought?
I tried moving my left hand, the one Iris was holding.
‘Damn it.’
It was no use.
I had become trapped in Schlus’s memories.
*
Incredibly, shockingly, that damn ability was active for over a day.
How did I know even when I couldn’t see or hear?
Well, Iris had been bringing me meals.
This was the 4th meal.
Of course, I had made efforts to open my eyes during that time.
In reality, I was observing the flow of mana to replace my sight and hearing.
But it didn’t work here.
No matter how much I tried, it was hard to even read the flow of mana.
Was it because the past Schlus had a lower mana sensitivity than I did now?
But the most frustrating thing was definitely not being able to move my body as I wished.
I could feel all the sensations, yet time continued without moving as I wished, driving me to the brink of insanity.
I never expected reading someone else’s memories would be this painful.
-Let’s take a walk.
That was the note Iris passed to my hand.
Schlus hesitated for a moment, seeming to ponder, but soon grabbed both of Iris’s hands and stood up.
His legs trembled.
At least he hadn’t been lacking in energy from lying down all day.
He probably had some injury to his legs.
“······.”
Holding Iris’s hand, he left the bed and took one step at a time.
Into the pitch-black void where he couldn’t see anything.
He stepped cautiously, feeling the floor that could give way at any moment.
At first, he seemed scared, tapping his feet carefully as he walked.
At that moment, he sensed that Iris was trembling through their hands.
Though it hadn’t been long, he recognized it instinctively from spending time with her.
She was laughing while trembling.
Realizing this, Schlus suddenly quickened his pace, taking big strides forward.
As he walked through the corridor, he touched the stone walls.
He caressed a wooden door.
And when he stepped outside, he felt the refreshing breeze.
At that moment, Schlus felt no despair, no guilt, nothing.
He was simply alive in that moment.
He savored the joy of being alive.
Then, suddenly, Iris’s hand slipped away.
“······!”
Schlus panicked at his hand that had suddenly disappeared.
Frantically, he flailed around, searching for Iris.
As if a lifeline had vanished.
Without a doubt, Iris was just playing a little prank.
What a pitiful guy.
“······?!”
At that moment, something poked at my chest.
I fell backward, landing squarely on my butt.
But it didn’t hurt at all.
Instead, it was fluffy.
Only then did I realize I was lying in a bed of flowers.
As soon as I felt Iris approaching, I grabbed her hand.
I held on tight, vowing not to let go again.
Perhaps at that moment, I was crying.
But I wasn’t sure.
Now, I wasn’t sure at all.
“······.”
Honestly, at that point, I was resigned.
I couldn’t find a way back to reality.
And even if I could, I couldn’t do anything here.
All I could do was watch this vividly immersive 5D movie.
Around that time, Schlus was similarly resigned.
Initially, he’d rejected Iris whenever she brought flowers, but now he allowed her to place them on his head without protest.
Iris treated me like a living doll.
After all, in the past ten years, Iris must have been a child.
With no sight or hearing, I had subconsciously mistaken her kindness for her being an adult, not realizing she had a childish side.
Iris must have had her own innocent childhood…
Seemingly bored of dressing me up, Iris eventually plopped down beside me.
Still holding my hand tightly.
-Did you know? There are people who can see and hear through mana.
-Where would such people be?
-There are, really.
-Even if there are, that doesn’t apply to me. I’m terrible at reading mana.
-Practicing will help.
-……
-Nothing is impossible with practice.
At that time, it was simple to understand Schlus’s feelings.
What a load of nonsense.
He must have been thinking just that.
-Can you do it, Iris? See mana with your eyes closed?
-I can’t.
-You can’t either, what’s with that?
-Then let’s do it together. I’ll practice starting today.
I was dumbfounded.
What on earth was it about this rude little brat that was so adorable, enduring her relentless nursing?
Everything I had been through with Iris felt utterly meaningless in comparison to her kindness.
Commonly, people argue that you can’t categorize people as purely good or evil, but Iris was an exception.
She was so incredibly kind that she would reach out to those who wanted to harm her.
I truly felt that once again.
-Let’s focus on the mana right in front of us, shall we? I’ll draw a simple spell. Let’s read it together…
Iris saved Schlus.
And pulled him from the depths of despair that made him want to die.
Moreover, now she was even trying to help him regain his lost sight and hearing.
From now on, it would be Schlus trying to open his eyes.
It might take a long time, but just then…
“Cough…!”
“Whoa, easy there!”
Suddenly, my vision cleared up.
The tremor of mana instantly began to reach my ears in the form of sound.
Turning around, I noticed that Iris’s hand had fallen away.
“Hah… Hah…”
I came back.
To reality.
But I couldn’t separate the emotions that merged with Schlus from my own.
An unknown wave of passion surged over me continuously.
