I’ve never felt embarrassed while eating.
In my previous life, and even in this one, I believed that eating to fill my hunger was not something to be ashamed of.
I willingly fell for Kaoru’s bread fishing and received bread to fill my stomach.
Lately, I’ve been feeling a bit bad for getting lunch bread from Yuka every day, but it wasn’t really an embarrassment about eating; rather, it was feeling sorry for unilaterally receiving help.
That’s right.
Thinking back now, I was completely unembarrassed while being observed by much younger girls as they offered me food.
…I have to admit, that’s a little impressive. So this is the greatness of survival instinct, huh?
But now, I felt a slight sense of embarrassment.
“Is it good?”
“Mm-hm. Munch munch!”
I wiped the area around Koko’s mouth as she happily mumbled with a mouthful of hamburger steak. It wasn’t overflowing to the point of being rude, but then again, speaking with food in one’s mouth is a breach of dining etiquette.
That said, I didn’t intend to blame Koko. She’s just a kid who’s still learning. I wasn’t foolish enough to have high expectations for a child who’s only just started to communicate with others.
But still…
…Having already polished off three servings was a little much.
Well, I used to eat three or four servings at a meat place in my previous life. After all, a single serving there isn’t all that much.
Plus, a hamburger steak is just too small to fill you up with just one.
Yet, the way we’re eating right now makes us look like high school girls.
“You eat well.”
Fukuda smiled warmly at Koko, who was stuffing her cheeks with food like a hamster.
It seems like these three don’t have any particular doubts about how much Koko eats. I mean, these three usually order large sets at burger joints too.
When I think about it, I’ve heard that at lunchtime in high schools, there are tons of students rushing down the halls.
…But I doubt anyone would eat everything they’re served without question. At this rate, wouldn’t they start feeling full soon?
Perhaps I was overlapping my own image onto Koko’s. To me, bread that had something inside was a completely different world of food.
Did I look as hungry as she does now when I ate back then? Did all those kids buying me food have the same warm expressions as grandmas looking at their grandkids?
“……”
Caught off guard by this sudden self-reflection, I diligently continued wiping Koko’s mouth.
She won’t get a tummy ache or anything, right? If her insides are anything like mine, overeating isn’t a good thing. I had already eaten a lot outside just before this meal.
The kids don’t seem to be showing signs of wanting to get more food, so I felt a bit relieved.
“Oh, right.”
Fukuda clapped her hands and said,
“Kotone-chan, are you going out tomorrow?”
“……Uh-huh.”
I nodded in response to Fukuda’s sudden question.
“Are you living at home just with Koko?”
“……Uh-huh.”
I answered with a bit of suspicion in my tone.
I could guess what she was getting at.
“Then, can I come visit? I’ve always wanted to sleep over at a friend’s house.”
That surprised me a bit.
I wasn’t shocked by her asking if she could come over. Fukuda had shown quite a bit of interest after hearing that I lived alone. To her, a teenage girl living alone probably didn’t seem all that bad.
Isn’t this the age when one is mostly wanting to break away from family? Living alone might seem like a free life without anyone nagging.
In some respects, that’s not entirely wrong, but that’s only seeing the good side.
Even I felt mentally more at ease just because I had two other beings to live with recently. It increased my workload, though.
“Harumi, that’s—”
Yamashita said, glancing at me.
She’d been to my place before, so she probably knew best how I lived.
Of course, back then, I didn’t have Kuro or Koko. It probably seemed much gloomier than it does now.
“Is it not allowed?”
“Harumi.”
Fukuda’s tone was a bit urgent, as if trying to stop Miura from saying anything.
Hmm…
…Actually, it’s not completely without its problems.
Kagami’s older sister — was it Kosuzu? There was a possibility she might come looking for me again. Of course, I, and Kagami too, didn’t think the possibility was very high.
…Honestly, if I think of things as dangerous, then my surroundings would always be in a perilous situation. If I thought that woman could do anything, then…
But after the last incident, there’d likely be more people watching over me now, right? It wouldn’t be a huge problem with Yamashita getting protection for herself or Fukuda’s dad who seemed to have a connection with Miura’s dad.
Plus, it’s been said that I’ve been hanging out with Kagami lately.
So this trio… without even realizing it, they seem to be stepping into some unusual territory now.
With that thought in mind, I nodded.
“……It’s fine. But don’t be disappointed.”
“Disappointed…”
Fukuda waved her hands dismissively at my words.
“Out of the three of us, I think my house is the smallest since I live with my dad. So don’t worry. If Miura gets surprised, then that’s another story.”
At that, Miura shot a playful glare at Harumi.
“……”
And truly, when Yamashita actually saw my house, she looked a bit worried.
Well, I’ve gathered enough experience to know what these three are like. I’m sure they’ll try to act as if nothing is wrong when they see my place. They wouldn’t tease or ignore me.
“Uung?”
As if sensing the awkward atmosphere among us, Koko tilted her head with a mouthful of food.
I gently wiped the corner of her mouth again.
…Even if I can’t fix her chopstick skills right away, I need to teach her to avoid spilling food as soon as possible.
*
“Oh….”
That was the first sound Fukuda let out upon seeing my house.
How is it? It’s much older, narrower, and shabby than you’d expect, right? Even if you take into account the floors above and below, it might not reach the average area of where those three live. Although, if you put it that way, most of that average area is taken up by Yamashita’s place.
Of course, I have no intention of making it uncomfortable for my friends who are just here to visit, so I pretended not to hear her and went up to the second floor.
Creek.
The old door creaked slightly as it opened.
“Kya.”
Upon hearing the door open, Kuro slipped out from within.
“Meow~”
…Koko always mimicked Kuro, and now it seemed she recognized its sound better than her own name.
“Wow!”
Upon seeing Koko boldly hug Kuro, Miura exclaimed in awe.
“So this is the cat you were raising!”
Miura hurried over and gently rubbed the cat’s ears with careful movements, almost hesitant, as if she didn’t know how to touch it.
“Meow~”
“I’m Kuro.”
I formally introduced Kuro to Miura as if she were greeting her.
“Hi, Kuro?”
Miura smiled brightly while petting Kuro’s head.
While leaving Miura in that moment, I went to the bag of cat food in the corner of the kitchen and opened the rolled-up top.
Then, I placed a bit of cat food on my palm and approached Miura.
“Put your hand out.”
“Oh, okay.”
A slightly dazed Miura extended her palm at my request.
I put several bits of food on her hand.
It quickly clicked for Miura, and her eyes sparkled as she stretched her hand out towards Kuro.
Kuro poked her head forward and ate the food.
“Hehe, that tickles.”
“I want to do it too!”
Seeming to forget her initial confusion, Fukuda exclaimed, and I placed food on her hand as well.
And then…
“……”
Although Yamashita had been quietly watching me serve food to Miura and Fukuda, she hesitated for a moment and extended her own hand too.
After all, the name Kuro is one that Yamashita came up with.
While it’s a straightforward name, it suited Kuro and was kind of cute in its own way.
“Meow~”
In what felt like a ritual of sorts, the three of them took turns offering snacks to Kuro.
…Yet, Kuro did her part. Thanks to her, the somewhat awkward atmosphere completely disappeared.
It seems that both Koko and Kuro benefit from being cute in their appearance and actions.
*
The old fan made a rather loud buzzing sound.
With five teenage girls crammed into the small room, it felt a bit more humid than it was. It seemed just adjusting the fan to rotate wasn’t quite enough.
Although the window was open, it was still bearable.
“Is this how it is… living here with Koko…?”
“Not long ago, I was all alone.”
Noticing Yamashita was looking at me, I answered Miura.
When Yamashita came over, I really was all alone.
Thinking back, I actually felt pretty at ease back then. At first, it felt a bit strange that a runaway girl was relying on me, but we were friends who had known each other for a while.
In fact, it felt a bit strange to be all alone again after that.
So in that sense, it felt as if the room was almost full now.
I didn’t have much more than my body and a bag for school; everything else was my belongings, furniture, and friends that filled the previously empty room.
Hence, while it felt somewhat awkward, it also felt warm.
At first, I thought I would just be alone here.
“……”
I held the remote and turned on the TV in silence.
All the kids who were sitting around immediately turned their attention to it.
What played on the screen was one of those nameless variety shows that always aired at this time.
A couple of celebrities sat as panelists, chatting with the MC, while comedians chimed in to continue the program’s formulaic flow.
We quickly became engrossed in the TV.
The program probably didn’t seem as long when I was watching it alone, but just having kids around laughing made it enjoyable. The fact that they knew all the celebrities’ names added to the fun.
Based on the trivial stories the TV was showing, we also had our own trivial chats. I, who didn’t have a past here, and Yamashita, who usually doesn’t talk much, mostly listened, but even occasionally chiming in made the conversation flow smoothly.
…It was a little amazing to think that this place was our home where such conversations were happening.
I wondered if the neighbor would come complaining that we were too loud. I briefly worried, but they must have either been out or thought that some days can be loud when friends gather, as no one came knocking.
Perhaps in the meantime, they found a part-time job for night work. Kagami did say she would find me a good job.
For the first time, I felt grateful that the other rooms were empty.
*
How long had we been talking?
I probably fell asleep long after the clock had struck midnight.
By the time the TV was playing those late-night shows, I spread my blanket out and turned off the lights.
I left the TV on. The late-night shows were quite entertaining too.
Although there weren’t many blankets, there were enough to fit all five of us comfortably. I learned today that the room was large enough for that.
Since summer nights were hot, we didn’t really need blankets.
As the voices of the kids discussing quietly began to fade and one by one they started to breathe peacefully, I remembered turning off the TV.
Lazily staring at the ceiling, at some point, my memories vanished.
…Yeah, when I think of being in a place like this, it’s surely not that out of the ordinary.
The relentless, sharp sound of a horn. The acrid smell of smoke wafting around. The scent of oil leaking from somewhere.
Even though I knew it was a dream, somehow, all my senses became painfully vivid.
…But I knew I shouldn’t.
If I go there, I would see my younger sister and my family again. I know this.
Yet whenever I dream, I again walk toward that direction.
If only I had checked then.
If only I had not gone there in hopes of something.
If I had turned my back and asked someone else for help, would I have not dreamt this?
…No, surely if that was the case, I would have seen in another way. I would have had to check the bodies, after all.
Why?
I thought today I had enough fun.
I walked around for quite a while, ate a lot, stayed awake until late into the night, and yet here I am again, dreaming such things.
Walking toward the crumpled white car wedged between a truck and another vehicle. No one was visible inside yet.
I can’t go.
I mustn’t.
I felt an urge to see inside with my own eyes, just as I always do when I dream.
And, as always—
As always…?
“……Ah.”
There was no one inside.
No, that crumpled car wasn’t the one I had seen my family in. Somehow, it had become a van.
There was no one inside. It seemed the truck had clearly struck from behind, but…
That’s not it, that car back then had been crumpled far worse than what my family had been driving. There’s no way I could have confirmed a body in the way it looked.
A hand was visible.
It was not the hand of a firefighter.
It wasn’t a hard adult male hand, but the small, soft hand of a girl.
I looked down at the palm.
This hand—
“Kotone?”
I blinked.
I turned around.
There stood Koko.
Tilting her head.
“Kotone?”
As if unable to comprehend why I had checked that place, she called my name again.
As if she were indicating that she was right there.
“……Ah.”
That’s right.
Koko wouldn’t die just from something like that.
In this second life I unearthed, I might not need to worry about losing her.
Whether or not she’s a human, or how she maintains her form.
Those things no longer mattered.
I was not alone.
I was no longer.
Behind Koko was an apartment.
A rundown two-story building that looked like some ghost might jump out. In fact, it was embarrassing to even call it an apartment in Korea.
The upper floor’s door was slightly open.
I took Koko’s hand and headed that way.
Slowly ascending the stairs to the second floor, I opened the door.
What came out was a room filled with stuff Yuka had given me, and right in the middle, comfortably curled up, was Kuro asleep.
The room had no walls, merely a pond stretching into the distance. The black sky outside reflected in it, making it look boundlessly deep.
Above that pond floated a lantern.
A lantern returning me home.
I took a step toward it.
Not yet, not yet.
Recalling was painful, and I didn’t want to dream such things anymore. I didn’t want to see my younger sister’s face crushed every day.
But that was also the string I was holding onto.
If I let go, it would drop away. I wouldn’t feel that longing anymore.
Not yet, I’m not ready to let go—
“Kotone?”
The moment I stepped into the pond, a voice came from behind, clutching my body.
I shuddered and froze.
Unable to turn back, unable to move forward, I simply gazed off at the fading lantern.
“Kotone?”
Whose voice is that? I don’t quite know whose voice it is.
Is it Koko? Yuka?
Or rather—
“……Kotone?”
…I know.
I know whose voice this is.
At the very least, it wasn’t the voice of someone who would call me that.
A voice I had almost long forgotten a while ago.
But one I couldn’t forget. I tried to hold onto it desperately, struggling not to let go.
“…………Kotone?”
The voice grew faint. Even as I could hear it from behind, it felt as if it connected with the lantern floating away.
The red lantern had almost turned into a point.
What do I do? What should I do?
Stuck in place, unable to move forward or back, I found myself just standing there.
I wish someone would grab me.
Pull me forward or back to safety.
I was scared.
I was scared of being alone. I don’t want the people around me to leave me behind. In truth, I didn’t want that, but I was too scared to read more. So I—
“Kotone.”
The voice had become so faint that if I hesitated a moment longer, it might completely vanish.
Whose voice was that? I knew it well.
I was sure.
I worked hard to try to remember, but it was difficult.
That voice once again called me one last time.
“Brother?”
I turned my head sharply at that sound.
*
And I woke up.
The first sound I heard was the sound of cicadas. Then slowly, the gentle sound of breathing.
“…….”
In front of me was Koko. We were facing each other, lying on our sides.
My body was drenched in sweat. Kuro was nestled between Koko and me, sound asleep, seeming to enjoy the heat.
With so many kids in the room, I guess the warmth didn’t escape outside.
I slowly sat up.
Yamashita and Fukuda were still asleep. Yamashita was stuck tight under the TV stand, while Fukuda was completely turned over, just her head turned to the side.
Miura was nowhere to be found.
As I tried to lift myself, I heard clattering sounds coming from the kitchen.
I slowly sat up and headed toward the kitchen, where Miura was busily preparing something, clinking dishes.
“Oh, sorry. Did I wake you?”
Sensing my presence, Miura turned to me and said softly.
“I was preparing breakfast.”
Last night, she had bought curry for today’s breakfast while we were out. It seemed she was now preparing it.
“Ugh.”
Did the word “meal” make a reaction? Koko made a sound.
But she didn’t seem to be waking up.
Was she still dreaming?
“……Kotone.”
That voice made me turn around to look down at Koko.
Could it be that the voice I heard in the dream was Koko’s? Was I just listening to her murmur in her sleep?
“…….”
I shook my head and turned to Miura.
And as I approached her, I said,
“I’ll help out too.”
“It’s okay.”
“You guys are the guests.”
As I said that, Miura smiled wryly and slightly moved aside.
The curry that Miura prepared in her own style was very delicious.
It was enough to make me forget about the disturbing dream for a while.
…Or maybe it was simply the enjoyable conversations with friends over the meal that made it so.
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