One of the members of the Arius Squad, Imashino Misaki. Isn’t she, indeed, the most mentally unstable character among those who profess bright and wholesome traits in Blue Archive?
It’s true that Hoshino, who has lost a close person, is no easy case either, especially since the environment in Abydos isn’t particularly kind to her.
However, in Misaki’s case, she had to survive in Arius, the most dire environment across all of Kivotos. She couldn’t even fill her growling stomach properly and had to live on stagnant water.
As Beatrice instilled nihilism into her, her mental state only worsened, and the only one keeping her from committing suicide was Saori. Misaki’s impression when she first saw Atsuko was even more negative compared to the other kids, which shows just how deep her emotional scars are.
“Right now, I don’t think I would attempt suicide,” Saori said, but who knows? A sickened heart doesn’t heal so easily, does it? So one must be crystal clear about things.
“…So, is that a reason to keep me locked up here?”
“Ahaha, saying it that way makes it sound like we’ve imprisoned you! Of course, it’s true that the first three days were forced. But after that, those visits were entirely your choice, Misaki-chan.”
“Haah. I’ll concede that part. I won’t say I absolutely hate the atmosphere here.”
“Thank goodness☆”
Sitting across from Misaki in the counseling room of the Rescue Knights’ headquarters, I rest my chin on my hand and look at her. One thing’s for sure: the time spent at the Rescue Knights has been beneficial for Misaki. Though she’ll likely deny it with all her might.
“But that’s all there is to it. Nothing changes by doing this.”
Exactly. What Misaki thinks has changed amounts to nothing. People struggle to view themselves objectively.
“Yeah, nothing’s going to change.”
“Then why does someone who knows that… Misono Mika, what do you even want from me? It’s easy to find stories about you here in Trinity without even trying. You’re the idol who could be called a star in the night sky, revered by countless students from a different world than ours. So why…?”
Hearing that brings up mixed feelings. It’s been less than a few months since I’ve lived as Mika, so while I know it’s true in my head, I find it hard to empathize with it. In a way, it might be better to accept it as being at the pinnacle of Trinity just as a host.
“First, Misaki-chan, let me correct what you’re mistaken about. Saying that nothing will change only applies if your attitude stays the same.”
“…What?”
“Yeah, thinking everything is negative and meaningless, lamenting about your situation, and locking yourself in pain. Your attitude needs to change first; that’s what I’m saying.”
“…”
I reached out and took Misaki’s hand firmly. The bandages wrapped around her wrist catch my eye. Naturally, I notice the bandages around her neck as well.
The harsh environment of the Arius Autonomous District, where Misaki was born and raised, pushed her to this point. Life in the slums, even before Beatrice, was far too cruel for Misaki.
But then Beatrice added fuel to the fire. As if that weren’t enough, she poured oil all over it. It became a knot so tangled that you wouldn’t know where to start unraveling it.
“…What do you know about me?”
“Misaki-chan.”
“How we lived in our childhoods. How painful every day was… what it feels like to live a life where hope cannot be found…”
As she thrusts her hand away and violently unwraps the bandage around her wrist, she reveals the scars of self-harm accumulated over years, crying silent tears.
“You don’t know anything. You’ve been blessed since birth, so how could you possibly understand something so different from our very existence…? If you want to laugh at me, just go ahead. Nodding along as if you understand everything, and offering cheap sympathy, is nothing more than tearing at our wounds…!”
Misaki’s emotional wall is impossibly high. It’s truly unfortunate that Misono Mika’s background blocks my sincerity from reaching her, but… Misaki being here now is thanks to that very background, so it’s not something I can blame.
“I’ve lived thinking life and death don’t matter. I’ve blamed the leader before, but following the leader’s words meant I didn’t have to think deeply. So why do you keep trying to burden me with your problems?”
“Misaki-chan.”
I took her hand once more. I capture the vivid scars and traces of suicide attempts in my gaze. I strive not to evaluate Misaki with my personal feelings so that I don’t impose my emotions onto her. After all, as Misaki pointed out, it’s a ridiculous attempt to try to understand her, and trying to empathize would yield nothing.
“You’ve been through a lot. And I’m sorry for not being able to help you sooner. I apologize on behalf of the former T-party, the root of all the fundamental reasons behind why you had to grow up there. This isn’t some cheap sympathy; it’s what I should have done from the start, so please don’t take it the wrong way.”
“…What’s that supposed to mean? Why are you apologizing again? I don’t get it. Wasn’t that something you didn’t do?”
Now that I think about it, you said those words when we first met too. Why? How come?
“Ahaha, it’s fine if you don’t understand it now! As I said before, one day, Misaki-chan, you may be able to understand more, and I’ll do my best to make that happen.”
“You’re such an idiot… and I’m worried about the other idiots who are following such a fool.”
“Yeah, so Misaki-chan, you just have to take good care of those kids. Right? It’s not a bad reason to live, don’t you think~?”
Misaki, having completely relaxed her arms, leaned back against the chair and closed her eyes. Then she let out a deep sigh.
“Everything is vain and only becomes more vain, yet since everyone got to know you, things have been changing little by little. But I’m still stuck in place, feeling self-pity, thinking that nothing will change just because circumstances around me have done so, while keeping the desire to abandon this weak body and finally be free.”
“But no matter if everything’s bani bani, you must always do your best. Yes, indeed, you can learn a lot from Azusa-chan’s approach to life. I’d like to hear your thoughts on this too, Misaki-chan!”
“…bani bani, what?”
“Ahaha! What a cute reaction! Okay, let’s go back to the beginning. How’s your relationship with the kids from the Rescue Knights?”
“So, what does bani bani even mean… Hah.”
Despite sighing heavily, Misaki’s expression while searching for an answer to my question didn’t look too bad. The Rescue Knights are fundamentally a group of good kids, even if Mine’s negative reputation is prominent externally. And although Mine may be somewhat off course, if you talk to them, communication isn’t as bad as you’d expect. Well, it’s not what you might think.
“When I come here, I mostly talk with Captain Mine and Serina. I guess you could say Mine is persistent, like a leader.”
Ah, that makes a bit of sense. Knowing Mine, she wouldn’t tolerate Misaki trying to dodge questions.
‘You need a rescue…’
Wait a minute, that sounds a bit dangerous. It might have a similar vibe, but the connotation is definitely different.
“Serina feels like a princess. That warmth that makes it impossible to push her away… Hmm.”
“Are you talking about me?”
“…?!”
Startled, I release Misaki’s hand and turn my head, only to see Serina standing there with a big smile. No way; wasn’t that teleportation something only the teacher uses? Where on earth did she suddenly pop out from?
“Hello, Mika-san. And Misaki-san. Misaki-san, I’m so glad you came again today!”
“…Hi.”
“Ahaha… Nice to see you, Serina-chan! How have you been?”
“Well, don’t even get me started! I hardly get a day to rest with taking care of patients. It’s a rewarding job, and I always do my best… Oh no, I’m sorry for saying this in front of you, Mika-san!”
“Huh? What’s there to apologize for? Well, if we’re just talking about being busy, then it wouldn’t be weird if you’re busier than me! I might get busy again soon, but right now, I have quite a bit of free time on my hands. You’re doing something far more important than me, so feel proud☆”
“Hehe… I’m grateful for your words, but shouldn’t you, Mika-san, be the one to feel proud? What you’re doing is so impressive! Pursuing harmony between the two long-time rival academies and fundamentally reducing the incidents of students getting hurt, that’s something only you can do!”
…Huh? I distinctly remember telling that story only to the upper echelon of Trinity excluding the kids from Arius and Pater.
“Serina-chan, how did you know that I’m pursuing harmony between academies?”
“Huh? Wasn’t that the case? Festivals are ultimately events for everyone to enjoy, so of course, competition is a secondary element that comes along…”
“Well, that’s not wrong.”
…But then again, if the kids don’t know that I have an extreme hatred for Gehenna, half of them probably have figured out my act by now. Our pure would-be friends, if nothing else, are likely the only ones who completely bought into it.
I’ve begun to develop some affection for them, so nowadays they occasionally remind me of a beloved yet irritating little sibling. If only they could resolve that hardline mindset, I’d likely want nothing else. I hope the upcoming festival brings the most positive results.
“Anyway, what’s important now isn’t that. Serina-chan, what do you usually talk about with Misaki-chan?”
“Um, with Misaki-san? Usually just me talking about what happened, the trivial stuff!”
“Ah, so Misaki just listens, huh?”
“At first, yes, but nowadays she responds quite well. Hehe… this is evidence that she’s gradually opening up, right?”
“…”
Is she being shy or something? Misaki slightly turned her head away to avoid making eye contact. Seeing that side of her reaffirms my belief that it was a good decision to entrust Misaki to the Rescue Knights.
“Ahaha! You said nothing would change, yet Misaki-chan isn’t being honest, huh?”
“I’m not.”
Yeah right, it’s obvious.
“Misaki-chan, did you know? You just smiled.”
“What…? I didn’t smile.”
With a slight air of uncertainty, Misaki keeps denying it. It’s surely hard to pin down this steadfast opponent. Normally, you’d expect a more vibrant response to such teasing.
At this rate, who knows when we’ll see her brighten up? I’m truly worried.
Silently, I take Misaki’s hand again and stare at her intensely. Eventually, Misaki gives up on avoiding gaze and looks at me.
“Why? If you have something to say, just say it.”
“I’ll bring a few books next time; how about reading some?”
“…Books?”
“Yeah, books. If you have a specific genre you’re interested in, I can bring those, but since you probably don’t, I’ll just pick some suitable ones for you. Are you interested?”
“Do whatever you like.”
“Ahaha, for Misaki-chan, that’s a surprisingly positive response. Got it!”
Misaki picks up the bandage she had pulled off earlier. It was scruffy the first time I saw it, but now it’s noticeably been replaced by a clean, new bandage.
“By the way, they say Millennium’s technology is the best in Kivotos.”
“…?”
As I loosely wrap the bandage around her wrist, her expression seems to ask what nonsense I’m trying to bring up, which makes my heart ache a little.
“I can erase these scars if you want. Millennium’s technology is such that I’m often surprised every time I see them. So, in that sense, removing scars is an act fit for shaking off past wounds and moving forward. But, that’s only if Misaki-chan feels like it.”
“…Not really interested. You’re not expecting me to change my mindset just because a few lines on this worthless body are erased, are you?”
“Yeah, I just asked. I’m not trying to force anything. Simply, if you ever feel like it, just let me know!”
“It won’t happen. It wouldn’t make a difference even if I had a hundred of these on me.”
…It seems Misaki isn’t going to be easy after all.
“Serina-chan, I’ll be heading out now!”
“Ah… Are you leaving already?”
“Yeah, I have some things to buy. So I’d like to ask you to take good care of our Misaki-chan from now on, alright?”
Looking closely, it seems Misaki’s phone situation doesn’t look too good either. So, I’m planning to completely overhaul our squad’s phones. How is it possible that only Atsuko has a phone screen that isn’t cracked?
“…Mika, what’s with that tone that sounds like you’re handing over a child or something?”
“Of course! I’ll do my best to ensure that Misaki-san can finally smile brightly!”
“Ahaha! Thank you☆ I’ll come again next time!”
“Wait, don’t run away! Sit back down and clarify that tone first…!”
Next time I should take her out for some fresh air and change of pace. I wonder where would be a good place? Somewhere with beautiful scenery would be just right.
*
“…Hmm, did Mika-san have any appointments today?”
After 7 PM and nearing 8, Nagisa, who had been working, checked her phone again with a puzzled expression. The message sent an hour ago still hadn’t gone away from the screen.
“…”
Once she accepted her feelings, everything seemed to bother her. The unchanging ‘1’ somehow felt like Mika was rejecting her, making her feel oddly despondent.
At that moment, one of the T-party executives burst into the office without even knocking.
“Nagisa-sama…!”
“Huh? Is something wrong?”
Nagisa, gesturing for the assistants present in the office to remain silent, asked.
“Mika-sama… Mika-sama…!”
As soon as that T-party member mentioned Mika’s name, an ominous feeling engulfed Nagisa, making her crease her perfect brow.
“Mika-sama has been kidnapped!”
Crash!
The teacup that fell to the floor shattered, and an unexpected summer snow began to fall.
