“Ah, today… I’m going to sleep in Hephaestus’s room. Rubia, you’re sleeping alone.”
Ah.
Is this what it feels like to get hit on the back of the head with a hammer?
No.
Not at all.
I know because I’ve been hit before.
It feels less than that.
Even when I’ve been beaten by beast-like beings with superior strength, it hurt less than this shock.
Arms torn, legs broken.
Even with my insides spilling out, my powerful willpower endured.
But with just one word from that little girl…
It crumbled.
Lights flashed before my eyes.
Extreme dizziness rushed in, and my legs went weak.
In an instant, my view dropped lower.
A cold sensation wrapped around my rear.
“Um, sister…?”
I could hear Hephaestus’s flustered voice.
Hephaestus.
Hephaestus.
Hephaestus…?
“In Hephaestus’s… room… just the two of us? At night, to sleep…?”
Hephaestus said she loves her master.
Her master, Yuria, is a woman.
Noah is also a woman.
But Hephaestus seemed to love Yuria like crazy.
I didn’t think Hephaestus would do something terrible to Noah.
Hephaestus isn’t that kind of child.
“Um… Rubia…?”
Noah, who had been sitting in a chair, was slowly making her way over cautiously.
So cute.
So adorable.
Can Hephaestus really hold it together after seeing that?
I recalled Noah sound asleep.
She was so adorable.
Her peaceful breathing was cute.
Her twitching fingers while she slept were cute.
Her tightly curled toes were cute.
After seeing Noah like that…
Can I really hold it together…?
My head turned automatically.
I met Hephaestus’s gaze.
Her expression, drenched in fluster, caught my eye.
“Sisters… Shall we just all sleep together?”
All three of us?
“What… Uhm…? But today… uh- ugh-!”
Hephaestus covered Noah’s mouth.
“It’s a waste of room fee, but let’s sleep together today! And tomorrow… we’ll start forging the Great Sword, so being nice and cozy together is fine, right?”
Tomorrow.
Noah without her Great Sword.
Just the two of us.
“It’ll take… At least two whole days. I’ll be in the blacksmith all day long until bedtime.”
The whole day.
“E-eh…? It takes two days…?”
“Yeah. I’ve gathered the materials and found a blacksmith that’ll lend me a spot, but the facilities aren’t great, so it’ll take some time.”
My blood began to circulate.
I barely held onto the fraying threads of consciousness.
Quietly getting up from my seat, I dusted off my rear.
“Sorry. I made a scene.”
With regained composure, a friendly voice flowed out.
“Um, sister… You’re bleeding?”
“It’s just a scratch. I’m fine.”
“No, it’s… really bleeding…”
I looked down at the spot Hephaestus was pointing at.
Near my ankle, there was a long tear, and blood was flowing out.
As I registered the wound, pain began to seep in.
But just for a moment.
Thanks to my held-on consciousness, the wound healed instantly.
“See? I’m fine, right?”
“Um, yeah…?”
“Umm… Rubia… Are you really okay…?”
Behind the flustered Hephaestus, Noah cautiously approached.
“Ah, yes. I’m fine. I’m sorry to worry you. Shall we finish our meal first?”
“Yes… And, um… as Hephaestus said, we’ll sleep together today… I-I’m sorry…”
Noah’s hand wiggled forward.
“No. I did something wrong. You don’t need to apologize, Noah.”
I pulled my hand back slightly.
At that action, Noah trembled a little.
“Let’s finish our meal quickly and sleep, okay? Even if we don’t, Hephaestus is sure to be very busy starting tomorrow.”
“…Okay…”
Noah’s hand, which had been hovering in the air, moved toward her chest.
“Let’s sleep, sisters! Let’s eat quickly before it gets cold!”
The awkward Noah awkwardly returned to her seat.
Sorry, but… there’s nothing I can do right now.
*
After finishing dinner and washing up, we settled into bed.
I took the left, Noah was in the middle, and Hephaestus was on the right.
The bed was a bit small for three of us, but Noah’s small frame made it not too uncomfortable.
“Good night, sisters! I’ll be leaving early tomorrow, so don’t be surprised if the Great Sword is missing!”
“Uh… But it really takes two days…?”
“Yep, if it were someone else doing it instead of me, it could take at least five days.”
“Eww… I get it…”
“Hehe… You can look forward to it. I’ll make you a sword that’s the most comfortable for you to wield.”
Noah nodded her head.
Her swaying hair brushed against my arm.
“Rubia… sleep well, too.”
Noah turned to look at me as she adjusted her position.
“Yes. You sleep well, too, Noah.”
I smiled lightly and closed my eyes.
After a while, Hephaestus was the first to fall asleep.
Then, after some time, Noah fell asleep.
But I couldn’t sleep.
I gently rose and headed towards the window.
The cool morning air reminiscent of my hair color embraced my face.
“Hah…”
I recalled Noah’s words from earlier.
Looking back, it wasn’t that shocking of a statement.
Simply put… she was angry at me and felt it’d be awkward to sleep together, so she’d sleep elsewhere.
A supremely simple statement.
But… why did I react so strongly?
Why did such clingy emotions whirl in my head?
Why did that feeling wash away when she mentioned being alone with me?
It was a feeling hard to describe.
If I had to pinpoint it, maybe it’s obsession…
It’s different from the feelings I had for a sibling.
Yet, it’s too burdensome to label it as a friend’s emotion.
Why…?
Was it because she was the first to show me her true feelings?
Or perhaps because I felt a sense of kinship?
If not that…
Was it because she was a landmark for me…?
I don’t know.
In any case.
The fact that those clingy feelings made Noah uncomfortable doesn’t change.
Hephaestus mentioned that Noah might fear being abandoned by me.
But what if that’s not the case?
Shouldn’t I be the one worried about being abandoned by Noah?
If I made things so burdensome, if I angered her…
It wouldn’t be strange if Noah left me.
Yet, even if I wanted to confirm Noah’s true feelings…
She’s too kind-hearted to say anything that might hurt me.
And with the thought of having worried me… she could be holding it in again.
But then… what about the time when Noah came up to me first?
What kind of feelings was she acting on then?
She held my hand first.
She got angry when she saw me hurt.
She vowed to protect me for life.
Noah, who lifted me when I was falling apart…
What kind of feelings did she have when she killed the person who attacked me while crying and vomiting…?
I don’t know.
It’s complicated.
I’ve never had friends.
Being a Shaman, everyone adores me.
I can’t understand people’s true feelings.
I don’t know how to discern someone’s genuine heart.
And… my own emotions too.
This clingy feeling, I can’t grasp what’s behind it.
I turned to look at Noah, who was peacefully sleeping.
The bed was small, so I set aside the Great Sword, and it was cute to see her hugging my pillow tightly.
Her already small body looked even smaller curled up.
She scrunched her face while mumbling with hair in her mouth, and it was too cute.
I walked over slowly and pulled the hair out of Noah’s mouth.
Then, I gently patted her head.
Noah’s relaxed expression brought a warm smile to my face.
But, in a corner of my heart, that clingy feeling jolted.
Hephaestus’s words came to mind.
She asked if I liked Noah.
Not as a friend or a companion, but as a lover.
It’s not funny.
The love I’ve seen and heard is sweet, soft, ticklish, and warm… those kinds of feelings.
It couldn’t possibly be something so clingy and murky.
I don’t understand my emotions.
I don’t understand Noah’s emotions either.
So…
I guess I need to keep a bit of distance.
And perhaps sort out my thoughts and feelings.
It might not be the answer.
It could even turn into a mistake I can’t undo.
That’s terrifying, but…
I could unknowingly let those clingy feelings pop out again.
Those feelings could ruin my relationship with Noah.
Even if I want to be together a bit longer.
I tidied up the hair tickling Noah’s face.
Wiped away the drool at the corner of her mouth.
Then I too lay down, closed my eyes.
But…
I couldn’t fall asleep until everyone had woken up.
*
When I opened my eyes, the Great Sword was indeed gone.
And… Rubia was also not beside me.
Even after a while.
Even when I tried to show I was awake, she didn’t come over.
“Rub… Rubia?”
No answer came back.
Surely… I could hear her breathing…
“Rubia…!”
“…Cough… Yes?”
The desk rattled as I heard Rubia’s answer.
We were… too far apart.
“Um… no, it’s not anything.”
“If you need anything, feel free to ask anytime.”
“…Okay.”
Rubia seemed strange.
Why… why is she so far away…?
Usually… she would be snuggled right next to me.
Did I make her that angry yesterday?
Hmm…
Unconsciously, my hand moved to my waist.
But it floated in the empty air.
“Uh… Rubia.”
“Yes?”
I want to hold your hand.
But after getting so angry yesterday and saying we wouldn’t sleep together, if I look for Rubia now because the Great Sword is gone… It’d probably make her feel bad…
Yeah… I think I would feel bad, too…
“Ah… no, it’s nothing.”
Silence hung again.
In the midst of that silence, Rubia’s calm breathing and the noisy voices of people outside the window crept in.
Until a little while ago, this never happened.
Something felt… wrong.
I pulled the blanket up over my neck.
Hugged my pillow close.
Still… something felt lacking.
I reached out and grabbed Rubia’s pillow.
I buried my face into the pillow that smelled like Rubia.
But I didn’t feel Rubia’s warmth.
Just a bit.
Very slightly.
It felt lonely.
It’s funny to feel this way now…
I want Rubia to hug me.
So tight that we can feel each other’s heartbeats.
So close that it’s suffocating.
Even if I can’t see in front of me.
So that all my senses can feel Rubia.
Hug me.
