If you don’t keep growing, what does it matter?
Still, life gradually got better.
Kagami, being naturally frugal, rarely took me to places that cost too much money. However, since seeing my Christmas letter, it seemed like she realized something and started taking me out here and there.
She would hold my hand when going grocery shopping or take a short evening walk on weekends.
At first, the family finances were somewhat unstable, but thanks to Kagami’s consistent savings, things were slowly getting better, and our house was beginning to feel like a place where “a child lives.”
The bookshelf was filling up with picture books, and my toys were gradually increasing too.
Given my personality, I usually preferred to buy things like transformation robots second-hand rather than magical girl wands that girls my age like Harumi enjoyed. But it seemed Kagami didn’t mind those kinds of things much.
Seeing how Kagami wanted me to enjoy what I loved made me think that perhaps she was projecting her own feelings onto me.
…I wonder if Kagami is happy? Can she really say she’s happy after all that hardship? I have no idea. People say that raising a child is such a joy, but as someone who has never truly raised a child, it’s a hard feeling for me to understand fully.
That said, I had no intention of asking Kagami. No, there’s no way I could.
However, despite my thoughts, Kagami didn’t seem to mind when I approached her.
“Hmm.”
Whether I got tired of playing with toys or watching TV, I would curl up in Kagami’s arms.
Now, I had no shame in it. At first, I had to hold back my embarrassment of being caught acting weird with Kagami, but now it wasn’t like that.
The warmth I felt when Kagami held me close was hard to resist.
When was the last time I had been held like that? Even rummaging through my memories of my previous life, it felt like it had been so long.
I knew already that the existence of a mother in this world was a blessing. I had lost memories to prove it.
That’s why I couldn’t help but cherish Kagami, my ‘mom’ in this world.
And Kagami held me tightly.
She would read me stories before bedtime, stroke my back while humming lullabies.
Life now wasn’t necessarily an easy one for Kagami, but selfishly, I enjoyed those moments.
“Koto Ne, Koto Ne.”
Once, Kagami whispered my name softly.
“Mm.”
I responded with a somewhat weak voice, blinking sleepily in Kagami’s warm embrace, and she asked while stroking my hair.
“Is there something you want to be when you grow up?”
“Mm…”
As I answered in a half-dreamy state, I paused to think.
What I wanted to be.
Right. This life is different. I’m just a child. It’s perfectly fine to dream new dreams.
But, like most adults, I found that I didn’t have much of a dream. It had been years since I came to this world, and I had gradually begun to adapt to my young body, as well as to the personalities of the kids in my vicinity, but I was still that same adult inside.
As a child, I had wanted to be a firefighter. Those big red trucks racing around and firefighters clad in cool outfits looked awesome.
I thought they were heroes, rescuing people in danger like the superheroes from cartoons.
As an adult, when I actually began to think about becoming a firefighter, my thoughts changed a bit.
So, what kind of job should I have in this life?
Unfortunately, I didn’t have any ‘dreams’ of that sort. Unlike a child who can dream freely, I understood that every ‘job’ comes with a degree of responsibility and difficulty.
I was sensible enough not to blurt out something casual like ‘celebrity.’
Thinking of Kagami’s face, and then my own face inheriting those genes, it wasn’t impossible, but it made me chuckle as I thought about it. Yes, I want to be a ‘content creator’ in the future. Someone who films their travels and posts them online. Well, I’d need another job just to make ends meet, though.
…
It was getting a bit drowsy to continue my thoughts, so I snuggled deeper into Kagami’s arms and mumbled.
“Living with mom forever.”
Yeah, that would do.
I was still young, so I had plenty of time.
Someday, I might have to leave Kagami’s side. If Kagami decided to live a new life, I could nod and accept it.
I still wasn’t too grown up to meet anyone yet.
Even when I’m an adult, that could happen.
“…”
Kagami didn’t feel the need to respond to my words.
Instead, she just held me tighter.
*
Working hard and doing a good job are two different things.
Kagami knew that fact very well. Although it wasn’t the life she wanted, she had no choice but to live a life of ‘hard work,’ and she had only truly ‘done well’ once.
Doing well here meant having given birth to a child of God with intelligence. It wasn’t Kagami’s judgment but Kosuzu’s.
That’s why Kagami was still terrified until now.
Kagami was alone. No family to care for Koto Ne in her place, and no excess to send her elsewhere. Aside from savings for the future, there was limited money she could spend.
While she wasn’t without people to help her, they weren’t the kind of individuals she could fully trust either.
Everyone who had crossed paths with Kagami in her short life hadn’t lived normal lives either, herself included.
The few people she met who could work with her were ordinary folks, but even then, she couldn’t truly rely on them.
So, she just kept working hard.
Yeah, that was the only way to live. Whether within that fence or now, outside of it.
Because otherwise, even the bare minimum of living would be impossible.
To Kagami, Koto Ne was too kind. Unless she was truly sleepy and burrowed into Kagami’s arms, she often seemed too mature to be just a child.
Her requests weren’t demanding, and she rarely expressed wanting for something.
Kagami saw her own childhood reflected in that.
It was the appearance of someone who had given up. An attitude of someone who knew that simply speaking wouldn’t bring results.
Am I messing up? Am I still insufficient?
Kagami had been troubled by those thoughts.
That’s why when Koto Ne wrote a letter for Christmas, she felt a mix of emotions all at once.
She was surprised, apologetic, and happy. It was the first time Koto Ne had clearly expressed what she wanted.
After that, the wall that had felt a bit present from Koto Ne seemed to fade away. Koto Ne was getting closer to Kagami and snuggling in.
It was as if she felt truly at ease, dozing off as soon as she came into Kagami’s embrace. Kagami found that sight simply adorable.
Watching Koto Ne like that, Kagami thought for the first time that she had gained a family.
At first, when she had taken Koto Ne and fled, it was all just a whirlwind in her mind. She felt some regrets too. The existence of Kosuzu was far too frightening for Kagami.
Maybe back then, it was less about thoughts of having a daughter and more about not wanting her to live the same life as Kagami.
Since Koto Ne was a girl, it was possible she could end up leading the same life as Kagami.
“…”
There was a sound of breathing from my arms.
In my embrace, Koto Ne, clutching Kagami’s clothing with one hand, was softly breathing as she slept.
Her body was warm. Her hair was soft, and her skin felt squishy.
She was Kagami’s daughter.
She was Kagami’s family.
The only being who trusted and followed Kagami entirely, loving her purely.
How could she not love such a being?
The first person in her life to wholly trust Kagami, this adorable child, was someone Kagami could never let go of.
“Hmm.”
Koto Ne moved closer in my arms. Her small hand gripping the fabric of my clothing tightened a bit.
Therefore, Kagami was happy.
Not as a vessel of God or anything, but as someone who sees Kagami as a mother. A being that trusted her simply for the reason of being her daughter, without any conditions.
Just being able to be together made her happy.
Perhaps this was the first happiness Kagami had ever felt in her life.
“Don’t worry.”
Kagami didn’t think Koto Ne would hear her already asleep, but she quietly stroked her head while responding.
“As I said, I will do my best so that we can stay together for a long time. Even if it means risking my life.”
My site has received a lot of DMCA notices, lol. From now on, I will update the MTL on https://darkmtl.com/.
The site is fast and lightweight because there are no ads yet. However, the theme is different from Cybor-TL, so take some time to familiarize yourself.
Support me by donating at least $10, and you'll have the right to request any novel from Novelpia (excluding 19+ content) using a newly developed tool.