No matter how much adults don’t attach any special meaning to Christmas, I can’t completely ignore the month of December.
Because after that Christmas, I’m technically going to be a year older.
Ah, isn’t that how it works in Japan? It’s been a few years since I was reborn in this world, but since my memories from my childhood here are literally from when I was “too” young, I honestly don’t remember clearly. It doesn’t feel like it’s been that long in a perceptual sense.
Even if I pretend to be a little child, the decades I experienced in my previous life can’t be easily erased. Sometimes, habits formed after becoming an adult are harder to change than those formed in childhood.
As a kid, I wanted to grow up quickly, eating a year’s worth of cake each time.
When I become an adult and earn money, I can do what I want. I could watch TV late into the night, indulge in snacks like a midnight feast, and travel anywhere whenever I wanted.
…Well, I only realized afterward that all of this can only be done under the assumption that I can take responsibility for it.
How wonderful it is to have someone else take responsibility for your life.
What about now?
“……”
I pondered while looking up at Kagami, who was peacefully sleeping.
According to Kagami, today is a day off. She mentioned that she got a holiday around Christmas and that today, January 1st, which is the New Year in Japan, is just a day off from work.
Given that Kagami’s hands looked a bit rough and considering the break during New Year, she’s probably working at a place like a restaurant.
It’s not that I dislike that or anything. I just hope she doesn’t have to suffer too much. Kagami’s hardships stemmed entirely from my existence.
And because of that, I was trapped in Kagami’s arms, unable to move.
Since it was a one-room apartment, it was inevitable that Kagami and I had to sleep in the same room, but usually, we spread out the blankets separately.
I didn’t dare turn my body much for fear of waking Kagami, but when I think about the situation, it seems I must have moved.
Even though winter technically starts in December, like all seasons, as time goes on, the weather gradually worsens.
What was bearable at the beginning and middle of December feels way too cold as it transitions into January.
And this is Tokyo, where it doesn’t snow much.
I must have woken up in a daze and sought out a warmer heat source.
And that night, besides the electric blanket, Kagami was the only heat source in this house.
“……”
What should I do?
Usually, before I even wake up, Kagami would gently rise first and prepare breakfast.
If Kagami woke me up, then it would be a different story, but it’s almost never the case that I wake her up.
Thinking about it, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen her sleeping so soundly.
So, waking my “mom” from her long-awaited rest feels too cruel, and I think about closing my eyes and falling asleep again—
grumble
Um.
I must be hungry.
In my previous life, I used to shove anything into my mouth due to various hard work, but with this habit now stuck in a child’s body, it’s a lot harder to endure hunger.
But I didn’t want to wake her up.
…So, these completely opposing emotions were fighting fiercely in my mind.
Still, I think it’s a relief.
I’m glad I’m not just blindly following my instincts. I don’t whine just because I’m hungry, nor do I throw tantrums by lying on the floor demanding what I want.
Snuggled in Kagami’s embrace, I quietly looked up at her face.
Without any makeup on, her face still appeared a bit youthful. No matter how much time passes and how much societal exposure she gets, it’s impossible to completely erase her biological age.
Perhaps it’s because Kagami has a face that would stand out anywhere, pretty as a picture. Well, I’ve also been told I looked older when I was young, and in high school, I was often mistaken for an adult, so this could just be Kagami’s unique appearance.
Maybe it’s because of her skills in the kitchen, or perhaps she has gradually improved her makeup skills lately, but just barely, she might be seen as a “young mom.”
I… I really don’t know.
In this world, I’ve often wished I could just be an innocent child who knows nothing.
It would have been nice to think, “Oh, I see,” every time teachers told us to be grateful to our parents.
As I lay there with my face buried in the blanket, I remained oblivious until the pleasant smell of eggy bread wafted through the air.
*
When we went out with Kagami on Christmas, I thought there were a lot of people, but it was nothing compared to the crowd in front of the shrine for New Year’s.
Well, maybe “nothing” isn’t quite right. Although this isn’t the first time I’ve experienced New Year in Japan, it’s definitely my first memory of being here with Kagami at a shrine.
Even though it’s not a very large shrine, it felt like everyone from the neighborhood was here.
With Kagami in my arms, I looked around. Over there, an elderly gentleman in traditional Japanese attire. What do you call that? The sort of clothes that the characters in manga often wear in shrine backgrounds. Anyway, something like that. There’s even a real shrine maiden! It’s so fascinating since it’s my first time seeing one in person.
Kagami and I stood in line, getting closer to the offering box. In my hand, I held the coin that Kagami had given me earlier.
Kagami bent down slightly and brought me closer to the offering box, and I dropped the coin in.
Kagami gently set me down next to her. The offering box filled my view, so I just chose to look up at Kagami instead. Meeting her gaze, Kagami smiled slightly and said,
“Let’s pray, okay?”
“Pray?”
“Yes, pray. You can’t tell anyone else, okay?”
That sounded familiar to me. There was a saying about how if you told others what you prayed for, it might not come true.
Kagami slightly bowed her head, raised her hands together, clapped them, then put her palms together again. She then opened one eye slightly to look at me.
I awkwardly copied her actions and closed my eyes.
Pray.
What should I pray for here?
I never believed in any gods in my previous life. I’ve never felt anything like that. Some of my colleagues who did the same work prayed fervently, but I had seen too many times that accidents and survival were merely correlated things.
The fates of my family in my previous life were the same. They turned out that way because they were there.
So praying shouldn’t have a bearing on our future, but—
Well, since I’m here with Kagami and Mom, I can’t spoil the mood.
So, I prayed.
I hope Kagami has a happy future.
I hope she isn’t unhappy because of me.
Since she’s had a hard time so far, it would be great if she could live a bit more comfortably.
When I opened my eyes and looked up at Kagami again, she was already looking down at me and smiling.
Kagami, not even bothered by her arm, lifted me up once more.
“What did you pray for?”
Then she subtly asked that, even though she was the one who said not to tell anyone.
“I won’t say.”
As I said that, Kagami beamed brightly and hugged me tightly.
Really, what’s so good about it?
Why me?
It feels like my very existence brings her happiness.
I felt uneasy about that.
Is it okay for my existence to be so significant to someone else’s? Really?
Feeling those emotions swell inside, I simply buried my face into Kagami’s shoulder. It had happened again, a retreat into adulthood.
Kagami, as if she didn’t know what I was feeling, stroked my back gently.
“Yes, yes, since we’re both out like this, shall we go for a walk?”
It seems Kagami felt something after reading the letter I wrote before Christmas, as she said that.
She had just slept deeply, unable to awaken till this late.
“……”
But I couldn’t bring myself to refuse. I knew Kagami would be confused if I did.
In the end, I nodded.
Kagami let out a small chuckle.
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