I pondered seriously about what shame really is.
So… for example, a high school student shouldn’t feel embarrassed to wear a school uniform, right? Isn’t that obvious?
In places like the U.S. where students go to school in casual attire, it’s different, but this is Japan, and I lived in Korea in my previous life.
Similarly, there’s no reason to be embarrassed about wearing gym clothes.
It’s quite normal for elementary school students in Japan to wear those distinctive Randoseru backpacks. It can even become a ‘stereotype’ to the point where it represents common items and clothing for kids of that age.
I assume the outfits worn by kids attending kindergarten are the same.
Yeah, if the person attending that kindergarten is actually a kindergartner, that is.
Generally, kids in kindergarten are of an age that’s appropriate to be attending kindergarten. What I mean is, no matter what reasons there are to lower one’s mental age to match those kids, it’s still impossible to actually attend ‘kindergarten.’
Even if their mental age is low, their physical age still grows. Naturally, problems would arise if those people were to be around kindergartners.
But then, what about the opposite case?
“…”
“…”
Kagami’s words, “I hope this child grows up normally,” seem to be heartfelt.
And it seems that in Kagami’s definition of ‘growing up normally,’ it includes educational institutions that kids naturally pass through without significant life changes, like kindergarten, elementary school, middle school, and high school.
Kindergarten isn’t mandatory, and one can drop out of high school, but it still falls into the category of ‘generally attended.’
Thanks to that, I ended up wearing the same uniform as the kindergartners.
I would start attending kindergarten tomorrow, but for now, I needed to buy the clothes and items necessary to attend.
Just like how high school uniforms are bought in advance.
“…”
And Kagami, who dressed me in that uniform, looked quite nervous in many ways.
In fact, I somewhat understood the situation. It’s a bit embarrassing, but it’s just normal attire to others.
However, unfortunately, it’s a bit hard for me to display the kind of happiness that a child shows when they’re incredibly excited about wearing new clothes. I’ve grown out of that kind of feeling as I aged.
It’s likely that Kagami was tense for the same reason. If she dressed a child in new clothes and the kid had a stiff expression, she might think, “Isn’t this great?”
“Wow….”
I tried saying that.
“It’s pretty.”
“R-really?”
Though a bit belated, seeing my reaction brought a relieved smile to Kagami’s face.
Still, after spending a few years with Kagami, I’ve come to learn that she tends to pay more attention to others’ feelings than I expected.
What kind of world is this, and why did Kagami have to run away with me like this? I can’t say for sure.
In the novels and manga I’ve read, a world where one is reborn usually happens in a fantasy setting, yet I’ve never felt that kind of vibe since coming to this world.
I didn’t seem to possess any superpowers or anything.
“Kotone.”
Kagami held me and placed me on her lap.
“From tomorrow, you’ll be spending time with new friends at kindergarten.”
“Okay.”
I had wondered how a three-year-old would respond to that, but now that I think about it, it’s pointless, so I decided to keep my answers short.
Anyway, everyone around me already thinks I’m a smart kid, so what can I do?
“You’ll be able to get along well, right?”
“Yeah.”
Just like I’ve done until now.
The kids playing at the playground would include me if I stood in a corner looking dazed.
With teachers at kindergarten, it should be a bit easier. It might even be more comforting to attend classes than simply playing around doing nothing.
“Kotone is a smart child, so you’ll do well.”
“Yeah.”
In reality, the person who really needs to worry isn’t me but Kagami.
The “age to play with friends” applies to Kagami as well. She wasn’t a kid like me, but she certainly seemed like she should be at least in high school based on the way I think.
An ‘ordinary kid’ who strayed off the path.
Too young to be called a mom.
…Surely, the situation where she had to give birth to me and the one where she had to run away with me were far from ‘ordinary’ circumstances.
“So, should I change back? Let’s go to bed early today.”
“Okay.”
Listening to Kagami, I raised my hand.
I could change my clothes alone, but Kagami always wanted to do everything for me.
I knew almost nothing about early childhood education. I think I’ve heard somewhere that trying to do too much could lead to complications.
…
Well, I guess it doesn’t matter.
Just because Kagami does all those things, it’s not like my common sense will disappear.
Until I grow a bit—probably until I become an adult—I thought I’d accept Kagami’s actions.
After changing my clothes, I followed Kagami’s guidance to the bathroom to wash up, then lay down beside her.
Kagami hugged me tightly once before laying me on the blanket she had spread out next to her.
Then she lightly kissed my forehead and looked down at me for a moment.
A still very young face.
However, that face already bore the look of a ‘mom.’
It was a bit heartbreaking to realize that.
“Good night, Kotone.”
Kagami said while stroking my head.
“Good night.”
I replied.
A soft voice. Indeed, still so young.
That kind of voice, lacking the strength to help the little child in front of me.
*
Truth be told, I was a bit worried.
In both Japan and Korea, it’s not exactly favorable when a woman under 20 is seen with her child.
If Kagami looked a bit older, it wouldn’t matter, but Kagami actually looked very much like a young woman in her late teens.
The last lady who helped us didn’t seem to care about that kind of thing, but with people around, it’s not strange if someone does.
People who lack the empathy to even imagine what others might be going through.
I had already met the kindergarten teachers, but I couldn’t predict what would happen if I ran into the other parents.
“Kotone.”
As if Kagami was aware of that fact, she squatted down and looked me in the eye before we set off for kindergarten.
“If someone bullies you at kindergarten, you have to tell mom.”
“Okay.”
“If you tell me, I’ll do everything I can to help.”
When you’re little, you genuinely believe that adults can do anything. But as you grow older, you come to realize that’s not true.
If I were truly a young daughter, would I feel that way seeing Kagami like this?
“Okay.”
I nodded while answering Kagami.
Kagami hugged me tightly once again.
Then she stepped back and stared at my face.
Her hands cradled my face.
Her appearance was youthful, but Kagami’s hands were already a bit rough.
Even at an age where she should be starting to doll herself up, her face showed no makeup. Rather than the lively energy of a teen, there was a hint of exhaustion in her eyes.
However, the expression with which she gazed at me was not at all gloomy.
It was like she was looking at someone she was incredibly proud of.
I hadn’t done anything yet.
I’d only been existing alongside her.
And yet, Kagami smiled at me.
“Well then, take care.”
“Okay.”
I nodded and, for the first time in a long time—no, it’s been really, really long even counting my previous life.
“I will be back.”
I said that.
Turning around, I saw a kindergarten teacher who looked at least seven years older than Kagami.
Of course, that age was still young enough that it wouldn’t be strange to call her a fresh graduate.
Kagami looked much younger than that teacher.
There was no hint of prejudice on the teacher’s face. She greeted me just as she would any other child.
She kindly explained her name and took my hand.
I slightly raised one hand and turned back to peek.
There stood Kagami.
As if getting on the kindergarten bus was more important than anything else in the world.
Like she was someone who got their wish fulfilled.
I waved at Kagami.
Kagami waved back with a smile.
As the teacher led me to the bus, the other kids’ gazes converged on me. I wondered if it was because a new kid had arrived.
Well, at their age, they’d probably even find a crawling ant fascinating.
There was a spot by the window, so I sat there and looked outside.
Even after the bus started, even after the bus turned and Kagami was no longer in sight.
She kept waving her hand until she was completely out of view.
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