“Hmm….”
I quickly checked the water temperature and slowly eased myself into the bathtub.
Splash, alongside the clear sound, warm heat enveloped my entire body.
“Huah….”
Natsune Nanase’s 3D live show ended, and the promised dinner was canceled.
To be precise, I was the only one who returned home early.
After hearing that I wasn’t feeling well, everyone worriedly said their goodbyes and advised me to rest.
Especially Yukari Akabane, who saw me shivering in the waiting room.
“No matter how happy today is for Izumi, you can’t overdo it. Got it?”
Saying that, she kindly hugged me.
But it was a lie.
It wasn’t like that at all.
“Really… yeah. I’m really looking forward to it.”
“But even more so, I want to have tons of fun with you and all the Star’s Flow members.”
“Let’s enjoy ourselves to the fullest tomorrow.”
“Thank you so much for today, Izumi!”
I already knew it.
The ones running with all their might toward their dreams shine more beautifully than anything else.
She was the one who taught me that.
Today, too, she was shining brighter than anyone else.
That’s why I became certain.
I….
I can never shine like her.
I still haven’t found it.
What I want to do. The dreams I want to fulfill.
I can’t shine like Natsune or the theater club members I saw during the cultural festival.
“I’m envious…”
The emotion I felt at that moment was a longing to become like them.
And the emotion that followed was… jealousy, feeling that I couldn’t be like them right now.
Before the Starfest live began.
Why couldn’t I smile?
Everyone laughed at Natsune’s clumsy encouragement, but why couldn’t I smile?
Now I could clearly understand.
I am different from the other members.
“My older sister thinks that what you love, what you want to do, and what you can do are all different.”
All the other members wanted to be VTubers, so they consciously chose to join Star’s Flow.
But not me.
I never dreamed of being a VTuber, nor did I choose to join Star’s Flow.
Of course, chatting with the supportive players on broadcast is enjoyable, and I genuinely love it.
Also, the activities of Izumi Kainoh as a VTuber are something only I can do.
However, as my older sister said… this activity wasn’t something I chose because I wanted to.
It all stemmed from my mom’s misunderstanding, and ultimately, I tricked myself into starting this life because I had no other choice.
So, I subconsciously felt jealousy toward Natsune…
No, toward all the Star’s Flow members.
Because I envied them for choosing this path for themselves.
…But that feeling couldn’t last long.
I couldn’t harbor dark feelings like jealousy toward those who are kind to me, who like me, and who shine brightly.
It literally disappeared in an instant.
And what followed… the feeling I realized today was.
“So frustrating…”
It was frustration.
That feeling was directed not at the other members, but at myself.
If only I had worked harder, things would’ve been different.
What if, what if, what if… what if it had been like this from the start, where I actually wanted to choose being a VTuber…
Then I could have shone like them.
I kept repeating such meaningless hypotheses.
I know it.
I poured all my efforts into who I am right now.
This is the best I can do at the moment.
I know that… but still, it’s frustrating.
The fact that I can’t stand alongside the members I truly adore.
That what I show to the supportive players who like me isn’t fundamentally a result of my own choices.
It’s really, really frustrating.
“A-Aah…”
Plop, and a small ripple appeared in the bathtub water.
The reason was clear without saying a word.
“Wah, aaaaah!”
Tears. The crying didn’t stop.
If someone saw me, they’d frown, thinking it looked pathetic.
They’d laugh, saying it’s a childish fantasy.
And later, they might realize it was an impossible dream.
Even knowing that… the longing for Natsune, the yearning for everyone didn’t cease.
Yeah.
Even if someone curses, laughs, or belittles me, it’s okay.
Even if it becomes a meaningless effort, it’s fine.
Still, I want to shine brightly together with everyone.
…I want to become an idol like Natsune.
★
[Izumi Kainoh: I have something I want to talk about when we meet.]
[Aozaki Fujie: Then I’ll contact you when I head over tomorrow.]
[Izumi Kainoh: Wouldn’t it be better for me to go?]
[Aozaki Fujie: No, let’s meet at the cafe from last time.]
[Izumi Kainoh: Okay….]
Last night, I received that message from Fujie.
Having served as Izumi’s personal manager, it was a rare event for her to message me first like this.
Usually, she just sent simple messages for basic matters, and most of them were apologies for when Yeo-sang triggered.
And this was the first time Izumi directly suggested we meet…
“…Could it be that it’s a level of Yeo-sang that can’t be explained via message?”
A chill ran down my spine at the thought of it.
“No, there’s no way that’s possible…”
Watching Izumi grow over the more than two years I’ve known her as a manager, there was no possible way she could trigger a level of Yeo-sang that needed an explanation via message.
I felt certain of that.
[Mei-chan is so cute. I want to tease her until she cries.]
[If I have to send a red hyperchat to tease Izumi, isn’t that a bit cheap?]
Worried, I searched for information about Izumi in the community and on Neiter, but the supportive players were just as usual, and there was nothing particularly notable.
So, what could Izumi need me for?
‘…Thinking back, I heard that right after Natsune’s live ended two days ago, she wasn’t feeling well and returned home immediately.’
Could it be that she’s taken a break recently due to health issues?
That seemed quite plausible.
Izumi was still a high school student.
No matter how much she enjoyed broadcasting, it wasn’t easy to manage both school life and being in the spotlight.
Plus, in a company like Star’s Flow, it wasn’t just about broadcasting support. It was a production that acted as virtual idols.
There were dance lessons and vocal lessons for live broadcasts, public relations for the company, and many other tasks beside broadcasting.
In fact, within Star’s Flow, Izumi was one of the members with the least days off, and during vacation periods, aside from special cases like Nekoto, she was a workaholic with the highest broadcasting hours.
“It’s weird that she’s not exhausted…”
As her dedicated manager, I bit my lip, attributing this to a clear oversight.
No matter who you are in the entertainment industry, Izumi is still a high school student.
Considering she just recently became a legal adult, I should’ve paid more attention to her activity guidelines compared to the other members.
What if Izumi really wanted to take an indefinite break because she was utterly exhausted?
Izumi was one of the most popular members in Star’s Flow.
If we were considering just the absolute number of subscribers, she might fall behind Natsune or the first-generation members, but in terms of memberships and hyperchat ratios, she was at a similar level with Natsune.
Izumi always asked not to overdo it, but despite her pleas, those supportive players continue to throw hyperchat, meaning they truly care for her.
In other words, from Star’s Flow’s viewpoint, ‘Izumi Kainoh’ was a VTuber they had to dissuade from taking a break.
“Well, it’s unavoidable…”
I decided, if Izumi wanted to take an indefinite break, that I would accept it.
It wasn’t simply pitying her situation.
From the company’s perspective, Izumi needed a break.
If she continued like this and her health condition worsened, that would be the worst-case scenario.
Before it got to that point, taking a breather seemed like a good way to catch her breath.
Surely the supportive players would understand.
From Neiter and the community, it was clear there were supportive players who wished for Izumi to take short breaks and care for her health.
“Ha…”
As I sighed, I had arrived at the café where I was to meet Izumi.
“…Huh?”
After talking with Izumi, my head felt completely blank.
★
In the reception room of Star’s Flow’s headquarters.
I think the last time I came here was during the spring break this year?
That time, I had been called in for the Star’s Flow Festival.
Well, this time too, I was called in by the company, but the difference was that this incident was my doing.
As various thoughts swirled in my mind, I sat down on the couch and gazed at the ceiling, when the door to the reception opened with a creak.
“Hello, Izumi.”
And it was the manager again who came in.
“I’m pretty sure we met in this reception room last time, right?”
“Yes….”
At my response, the manager chuckled and took a teacup from the shelf.
Is she planning to have tea time before getting into the main topic, just like last time?
…Indeed, the subject might be inappropriate for starting off directly.
“Here you go. Enjoy.”
“T-Thank you.”
With that said, the manager took a seat.
Her bright blonde hair loosely fluttered as my eyes caught her, and she looked at me, covering her mouth and added.
“…Now that I think about it, Izumi, your eyes are also blue, just like mine?”
“Ah, yes….”
Surely it was my mom’s great-grandfather who…
“Actually, Izumi, you’re my daughter.”
“…Huh?”
“When I gave birth to you, the situation was really dire, so I sent you to Seona for adoption…”
That can’t be….
“Could you call me Mom?”
“U-Uh….”
“Just kidding.”
The manager said that with a wide smile.
Well, I didn’t believe it anyway, so it didn’t matter.
“Now then, shall we slowly get into the main subject? I heard from Aozaki. Is this your sincere feeling, Izumi?”
The ambiance shifted completely.
Unlike the usual light smile she wore around me, the manager’s expression was more serious than ever.
And I.
“Yes….”
Nodded quietly.
“I want to… graduate.”
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