After getting a good scolding from Rubia, we ran away to the valley conjured by Sirin’s imagination.
“Serves you right.”
“…What? You got scolded just the same. Or maybe even worse…?”
“No way! When Rubia is really mad, she doesn’t get that angry.”
“…T-then?”
With my eyes tightly shut, recalling the past memories, I trembled and said.
“…I won’t say a word.”
“Ugh…”
“Really super scary. Even if I apologize or act cute, she just stares and doesn’t say anything at all.”
“S-So how do you make up…?”
I had no clue.
Maybe it’s not just Rubia; if she’s mad, she might do the same. After all, she’s still Rubia…
“That is—”
I was about to say something when I clamped my mouth shut.
“It’s a secret.”
“W-what?! Why! Tell me…!”
“…Nope. You’ll figure it out later.”
Splash splash — my short legs stomped around in the valley, splashing water all over.
I also splash splashed on purpose, making sure to soak my clothes without any mercy.
Splash splashed
Splash splash splash
“Hey, let’s stop.”
“…Okay.”
Our legs quieted down again.
In the place filled only with the sound of the gently flowing valley water, I spoke up.
“So what are you planning to do next?”
“Next…?”
“Yeah. I know it’s cheesy to say this, but… um, we saved the world, and we saved Rubia and everyone else, right?”
“Yeah…?”
My little toes danced under the flowing water of the valley.
“So now that we’ve finished everything we had to do… what are you going to do?”
“Aha… um, I’m going to travel with Rubia.”
“Where to?”
“Well… I don’t know…? No destination. Just… just going somewhere we haven’t been with Rubia.”
“A journey to find yourself… or something like that?”
“Wow… it’s been ages since I heard that.”
Giggle giggle — we both laughed together.
“Traveling sounds fun. Hey, are you planning to go to the Eastern Country across the sea?”
“Well…? Not sure about that. If only there was a plane like on Earth, I’d go… But it’s too far by boat and dangerous, so I’m thinking of just exploring this continent.”
“Hmm… that’s true. If you go on a trip and find yourself wandering in the middle of an unknown sea… Well, you wouldn’t die, but it would be a bummer.”
“Exactly, exactly.”
While my wiggling toes pinched a little pebble hidden under the valley, I picked it up.
“So what are you going to do…?”
I picked up a new pebble with the toes of my other foot.
Wow, my toe dexterity is top notch.
…Could I do that too?
I tried hard to wiggle my little toes like I was doing and rolled some pebbles around, attempting to pick them up.
…But due to my shorter toes, I couldn’t grab any pebbles larger than the ones ‘I’ picked.
Smash…
“I’m going to… um, I want to visit the villages or cities I went to with Rubia at least once. To enjoy what I didn’t get a chance to back then.”
“Oh…? So that’s your idea of a journey?”
“I guess… it kind of is.”
Rolling a pebble around between my toes, I smiled bitterly.
“For starters… I think I’ll stop by the Territory first.”
The Territory.
The place where the tutorial of the game [Black Sun] takes place.
Visiting a place like that first means…
“Is that where you first met ‘Rubia’…?”
“Yeah.”
“Oh… how did that happen?”
“Nothing special. I just went there for a quest as usual, and there was ‘Rubia’ waiting for me.”
“Waiting for you…?”
“She was waiting for the adventurer who came to complete the quest, but thinking back, she must’ve expected me. The day before, I bought an anti-recognition robe with my life savings, and ‘Rubia’ recognized me on that day.”
“But, we were small, so she might have recognized us because of that, right…?”
As I was rolling the pebble, my toe pinched ‘my’ toe.
“Are you stupid? An anti-recognition robe decreases recognition regardless of height, so even if you’re short, you won’t be recognized.”
I also wiggled my toes vigorously and pinched ‘my’ little toe.
“Well… then the anti-recognition robe you bought must’ve been a fake…”
“Mhm…? Uh, maybe?”
Even though it was a playful remark, ‘I’ genuinely considered that possibility and let go of the toe I was pinching.
I kept pinching as is.
Ugh. Ugh.
“There’s definitely… a possibility.”
But ‘I’ seemed lost in thought, as if toes didn’t matter, reminiscing about that time.
Just like how a clap needs two hands to make a sound, ‘I’ was feeling dull without a response, like a steamed bun without red bean.
“Hey, hey… I was just joking. There’s no way I got scammed, right…?”
“Yep. I think I got scammed.”
“Eh…?”
“I was a bit slow like you back then, and with this appearance… it could absolutely happen.”
I couldn’t deny the comment about my appearance, but I couldn’t let the remark about being slow slide.
Pinch! With all my strength, I pinched ‘my’ toe, channeling the intensity of a deity into it.
Finally, ‘my’ brows furrowed, and a jolt of pain rushed through as ‘I’ glared at me.
I glared back.
“…I’m not slow.”
“You are. You’re a total dummy. Just a stupid dunderhead.”
“Again with the dunderhead…? You’re the one calling me a dunderhead with that ‘poop’ in front of it!”
“What are you saying? I told you. It’s because of that unfinished elixir that your intelligence dropped, and you regained it when you got the deity status. I never had that issue, so now I’m totally smart! See? I’m not stuttering at all.”
Ugh… no comeback for that.
So, I didn’t pinch ‘my’ toe but instead grabbed ‘my’ thigh and squeezed!
“Yikes…!”
“…Yikes…?”
Yikes, really…?
How can a scream sound so dainty…?
I stared at ‘I’ with wide eyes.
‘Me’ stared back, equally surprised.
What’s with the irony of screaming and being surprised by it?
Total idiot.
Anyway.
“…Your scream is seriously ladylike.”
“Shut up…”
“How can a scream be yikes…?”
“I told you to shut it…”
“…Have you lived longer than I have or something? You’ve really become a full woman now.”
“What… Hah, whatever…”
With a bright red face and an intense glare, ‘I’ finally sighed, letting out a small chuckle.
“What’s the point in nitpicking now?”
…What’s with that mature response?
Of course, I mean… uh? I am an adult, but…
I never dreamed that I’d respond so nonchalantly to everything…?
What’s this… relative deprivation feeling…?
“Oh, by the way, haven’t you accepted it by now?”
“…W-well, I have, but…”
Of course, I’ve accepted my new identity as a woman.
I did that quite a while back.
But… just because of that, I haven’t let go of those past memories.
I can’t possibly give them up.
Those memories, those experiences, were all tied to the moments I shared with my mom and dad.
If I were to abandon my past self, it’s tantamount to denying those feelings back then.
“I’m just like you. I haven’t completely let go of those memories and feelings around that time. It’s just… I’ve accepted who I am now.”
The more I try to express it, the more endless thoughts pile up, repeating; it’s every thought I buried deep within my heart.
Thoughts I can’t share with anyone, had no one to relate to, and I can’t find a resolution for.
But, I, ‘I’, we.
It’s something we can fully empathize and understand.
Forcefully, I dug up that huge secret that had taken up residence in the back of my mind for so long.
“Have you told Rubia?”
What about?
There was no need to express such doubts.
There could only be one question to come up at this moment.
That I used to be a man.
“…Not yet.”
Not yet.
I still haven’t said it.
I kept telling myself I’d have to say it one day while continuously putting it off.
If it’s now Rubia.
No, if it’s Rubia, who has come to love me, she might have understood that too.
But… I’m scared.
What if Rubia is disappointed?
And after hiding such a long-kept secret, it’s hard to bring up my past.
I don’t know why.
Is it because a pile of dark feelings are accumulating, like a snowball rolling downhill?
Saying that she wanted to know all Rubia’s secrets while hiding my own, hiding the one most important secret for such a long time, is that why I feel sick about myself?
…It could be both.
“What are you worrying about so much?”
Giggle giggle — ‘I’ laughed.
“It’s okay.”
“…Still, I… for a long time…”
“I know. I felt the same way as you.”
Same as me.
“You, you… have you told Rubia?”
Nodding — with a bright smile that seemed like a matter of course, I replied.
“I feel much better after I told her. And your side… um, no, never mind.”
“What’s that? Why stop talking?”
“I figured there’s no need to tell a dunderhead.”
Giggle giggle — I was serious, but I couldn’t help but continue laughing at how cheerful ‘I’ was while looking up at the sky.
A soft pink blanket like a quilt stretched across the sky, with the sunset shimmering above.
A dreamlike landscape.
And the kind of scenery that I, ‘I’, hated.
“I miss mom and dad.”
As the scenery enveloped my voice.
“Mom’s kimchi stew… it was so good. And dad’s strange fried kimchi was delicious. Was it because he threw in tons of sugar? It was like, totally junk food goodness?”
“…Yeah. Right. Always… just pink sausages and fried kimchi. Super sweet… and salty, but delicious… it was weird.”
“Haha… and remember that time with the scrambled dish? Wow, I took a bite and it was so salty, I added water and boiled it again so it turned into just kimchi stew. Mom ended up scolding me for burning the pot.”
“…Heh heh… When we had that scrambled dish, there were eggshells in it and I chipped my tooth a little…”
As the memories came rushing back, ‘I’ shivered, puffing out my cheeks with a wry smile.
“Wow, I was really surprised that time. I thought it was just a shell and tried to eat it without telling dad, but the more I chewed, the more bits of tooth kept coming until I ended up spitting it out. Do you remember?”
Of course, I recalled.
The moment I spat out the food, dad was startled and asked what was wrong.
After that, I probably…
“To avoid worrying dad, I lied saying I was choking.”
“…And while watching TV in the living room, as I touched my chipped tooth with my tongue, somehow mom picked up on it and asked me cautiously.”
“Looking back, mom was really amazing. No matter what I said or what I hid, she knew everything.”
“…Yeah… sometimes it was scary…”
“There were many times she made the exact dishes I wanted, so that was nice, too.”
Especially.
“Curry.”
“Curry.”
Like we matched, we shouted “curry” at the same time, bursting into laughter once more.
“The potatoes were super big.”
“…With chicken breast instead of meat.”
“And carrots were chopped into tiny pieces because I threw a tantrum about not wanting to eat them.”
“And it wasn’t watery… wow, so thick…”
Gulp — I could feel my mouth watering at the thought.
“Did you know there’s curry in this world too?”
“…Yeah. I smelled it before…”
“So, I bought a bunch of different ingredients, tried making it like how mom used to, you know?”
“U-uh, how was it…? Was it good?”
Shake shake—
“I don’t know what was wrong, but it didn’t taste the same. The flavor of the curry itself seemed to be right, but… it was just completely different from mom’s cooking.”
“Oh no… how disappointing…”
“Well… maybe it was the nostalgic embellishment that made it delicious?”
“…Nah. It wasn’t that. Simply put… mom’s curry was just really tasty.”
“I guess that’s true?”
“Yup… I’m sure of it.”
“Right… there must’ve been a special recipe from mom.”
As ‘I’ gazed at me, my attention turned back to the sky as well.
My eyelids felt warm. My throat was tight.
My chest was heavy, and I tightened my jaw.
The world blurred and was hazy.
Everything appeared droopy and distorted.
“…I want to see… mom and, snsn… dad…”
“…Me too.”
“Rubia… I want to show Rubia… I want to show her what kind of person she is… how lovely she is, and how much I love her…”
“Ugh… I’d like to keep the fact that my one and only son turned into a woman hidden… but maybe it wouldn’t matter much. Dad might actually like it.”
“…Oh, mom too. Maybe she’d enjoy shopping together… maybe, I don’t know.”
“Shopping still isn’t my cup of tea.”
Although we were saying different things, they clearly connected.
The points made could well be one person talking.
Such naturally flowing sentences.
We continued, endlessly.
Until the sunset gave way to starry night.
So until Rubia and ‘Rubia’ came to find us.
We poured out everything that had been inside us, all the accumulated stories, feelings, and hearts, to each other.
As a result, our eyes were all puffy, and our throats were hoarse.
But because of that, our hearts felt incredibly light.
