In my previous life, what was I like in my teenage years? Hmm…
I must have been pretty carefree.
Yeah, there were busy times, like during exams or study preparations. When I was in high school, I went to cram school and then would study at night, so I wasn’t completely free.
I did think about the future in my own way. For the first time since being born, I had some philosophical musings, too.
Yet, despite that, in my teenage years, there was a certain leisurely feeling that I didn’t experience as an adult. Only after everything passed did I realize that.
The ease regarding relationships with people. The only time I could meet friends of the same age with shared interests naturally was when I was in school. As an adult, even meeting someone of the same age would start with formal speech, and it wasn’t easy to find someone who shared hobbies like manga or games.
At the very least, I don’t think I ever worried about making a living. I didn’t even think about life being long. I did joke that I had to support myself, but I didn’t really understand what that meant.
Yeah, there were definitely parts that made my heart more at ease after becoming an adult. By the time I graduated from university, most of my identity crises were resolved.
I was a man, I liked women, I didn’t particularly believe in any religion, and there were many times when I didn’t really need to move unless I was working.
There was no need to prepare for exams, and just having enough emergency cash in my bank account to get through a month brought me some relief.
While I wasn’t completely free from anxiety about the future, it was definitely better than the time when I hadn’t experienced anything about society.
… But now that I think about it, I’m currently going through all of that again, piece by piece.
“How is it?”
Yuka asked with quite a serious expression.
How is it? I have no clue about fashion. The place where I worked had absolutely no concern for such matters. I’ve had times I did care about clothes, but that was in… a time that’s quite in the future if judged from this world, and the past if judged from the time I lived in.
I’ve never even heard someone say I dressed well back then.
So, right now I’m in a state where I have no idea how to voice my thoughts while looking at the clothes worn by a magazine model.
To my eyes, they’re pretty.
But I can’t tell if the model just looks great because she’s pretty no matter what she wears or if those clothes really suit her well.
I think the ratio of kids around me isn’t bad at all. Of course, if I had to rank them, Yuuki was probably the closest to model ratio, but they’re all pretty enough so that calling them harem genre heroines wouldn’t be too strange. It’s just that Yuuki is the closest to that; it doesn’t mean the others are ugly.
Including Koko and me.
… Though, I have to admit I am a bit on the shorter side.
“Um… Pretty?”
When I sneakily glanced at Yuka and said that, her expression suddenly turned sad.
“Why?”
Seeing that expression made me a bit anxious, so I asked, and Yuka calmly placed her hand over mine and spoke.
“You’ve only just regained consciousness, haven’t you?”
Well, that’s true.
It hasn’t been long since I died and came back to life—Oh wait, that’s not what she means.
What Yuka is saying is probably in reference to me waking up in this world.
Yuka thinks I know absolutely nothing about this world like Koko does. Well, we could claim that culturally, that could indeed be true, since the only Japan I know is the one from within manga.
So, she seems to think that my complete ignorance about fashion factors into that.
… But didn’t we pick out clothes before? Although, I guess during that time I wouldn’t have imagined it would be like this.
“I actually think it’s natural to not know things like this.”
With a slightly sad smile, I couldn’t find the words to respond.
“Uu?”
And Koko reacted to that expression.
“Koko too, huh?”
If we have to break it down, Koko has been conscious for quite a while, but it still felt a bit awkward to point out that her shape was a ‘giant nose.’
“Okay, then let’s add it to the list.”
“List?”
When Yuka mentioned it, I tilted my head in confusion.
“Yep. The list.”
Yuka sat up from where she had been leaning on the bed and looked at me.
“You remember the story we shared, right?”
Did we ever talk about a list?
As I pondered that, Yuka looked at me with a truly sad expression and continued.
“Before I stabbed you… the stories we shared.”
…Ah.
Right. We had that discussion.
At that time, I genuinely thought I was going to die, so I poured out everything I wanted to say. Things I would never be able to do and things I wished to achieve.
I guess Yuka remembers all of that.
It makes sense that she would.
If I had to stab Yuka, I too would try my hardest to remember that last moment.
“Once it’s all over, we agreed to stop.”
Yuka said with a slightly relieved expression.
“I also plan to quit that. I mean, I wouldn’t be able to continue if I’m off to university.”
“Is that so…?”
I couldn’t think of anything more to reply.
Well, I know very well that Yuka didn’t want to take that path. Not everyone wants to relish in scraping the bottom or doing ridiculous things. They do it only because they realize they really need to.
“You’re the same, aren’t you? Your ‘mom’ would definitely oppose it.”
“Yeah.”
I could easily imagine Kagami getting furious and hopping around in anger.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she pulled out a knife instead of me. Though, Kagami seems like she would use something like a talisman rather than a knife.
I see.
So, Yuka is quitting that path.
Considering how these days, she hasn’t carried that knife around. Maybe she really put it away for good.
“Well, if I really need money, I reluctantly agreed to do part-time work. But I doubt anything significant will show up for a while.”
In the story, there were some sudden increases in yokai because it was said to be a prelude to the Night Parade of One Hundred Demons. If that’s the case, it would probably be similar in this world.
It seems the gates of the afterlife have opened too easily, leading folks who could harm others to come out in droves.
Of course, that doesn’t mean all yokai will disappear at once. They haven’t over the past few centuries and won’t in the future, either. There’s just slightly less reason to fight for our lives.
“So for now, I’m really just a normal high school girl instead of an exorcist.”
That made me chuckle too.
I thought about congratulating her but decided against it.
I’ve always thought of Yuka as a pretty average high school student.
She holds a knife in hand, slaying beings that normal people can’t touch.
But that’s about it.
That girl, holding the knife, is just an ordinary high school girl who gets hurt too easily, wants to do a lot, and craves friends.
She just had a bit more to protect than others.
The girl who was always ordinary just became a bit more… ordinary.
“Now, I guess the main job is decided. Go to school diligently and graduate. Take a graduation photo together!”
“Is that so?”
My heart raced a little.
“You said if you can’t change the future, there won’t even be that.”
Yuka said with a smile.
“Thanks to that, I’ll be able to graduate now. So I just wanted to say thank you. It feels a bit awkward to say it in front of your mom…”
“Ah, I get it.”
I burst into laughter.
In fact, there was an unspoken rule of not discussing that story in front of Kagami.
Considering the impact of that day on everyone, Yuka was one of the top two alongside me. Koko was fine since her mental fortitude is quite strong. It’s like, how should I say it? Her character seems existentialist. Since I’m alive right in front of her, she probably doesn’t care about the past at all.
Besides, Kagami might get inexplicably jealous.
If that happens, it’s going to be a tiring ordeal. She’ll probably try to cling more than usual. No matter how old we get, it’s a bit strange for mom to pick us up at school.
I decided against it.
Right. I made a decision to quit that.
I looked down at my wrist for no reason.
There are no longer any tattoos. It’s just white, clean skin. No more shink from a knife.
“Going to school together, and during the breaks, let’s hang out.”
Yuka said while folding her fingers.
“I didn’t get to go to Comiket last time, so let’s definitely go this time. I’ve even marked it on my calendar.”
“I’m looking forward to that.”
I said sincerely.
“Wow?”
Koko tilted her head, not quite understanding what Comiket was.
Will Koko also cosplay? She’d look great portraying a bright character.
“You need to study hard as well.”
Yuka said with a bit of a mischievous expression.
“You said we’d go to the same university, right? I want to go to the best place I can, so you have to follow along.”
“Yeah, I’ve promised to do that.”
That’s right.
Back then, I thought it was just an empty promise. To be honest, while it was genuine, it was also said to comfort Yuka.
I genuinely want that to happen.
If we go to the same university, probably in the same department, it’ll definitely be fun. We might even have club activities there too, and maybe one of us, or all of us, might get a driver’s license and take a road trip around the country.
There are so many places I want to visit that I haven’t seen yet.
Though somewhere along the line, I imagined Kagami would get involved, but whatever.
… If time and money allow, I’d love another shot at visiting Korea. I have something I want to check out.
It’s a story that’s about another twenty years… no, probably nineteen years later.
“So, here we go.”
Yuka picked up the magazine again and placed it between us.
“This is where we start.”
Yuka said.
“Just a regular high school girl, right? Let’s start with shopping normally. We’ve done it once, but now that we’re reborn, let’s treat this like starting again. Since I’m supposed to lead a retirement life for the time being.”
At this age to be leading a retirement life feels like a declaration from a former idol who has left the group due to some kind of huge scandal.
Though it’s true that it’s a retirement life.
Surely, in a few years, she’ll have to re-enter the workforce.
Imagining a normal Yuka working in an office was surprisingly hard.
Or would she try doing something else? Somehow, running a restaurant might suit her.
I thought about this as I looked back at the magazine.
Right. Rather than a floaty dress…
“How about this?”
I pointed to a model wearing a neat dress shirt and casual pants.
It’s a bit more masculine attire, but I think it would suit her well. Yuka is definitely popular with the girls, too.
“Don’t you want something a bit fancier?”
Is it not to Yuka’s taste?
Well, it’s alright.
We have plenty of time after all.
Yeah. At least until high school graduation, we had enough time. After that, we can think about what to do just like before.
We’ll accomplish our desires slowly, one by one. There will probably be some things we’ll miss along the way. Some things will be hard to do, and for various reasons, we’ll have to cut back a bit.
It’s okay.
Even so, meaning lies in having tried. It means I could choose.
We don’t know how our relationship will change from here.
But every single choice we make will shape us, whether we stay close until the end or inevitably drift apart. We might have huge fights and reconcile, or we might find that we’re not as compatible as we thought.
It’s not like it’s predictable.
Right now, I just need to focus on what’s in front of me and walk forward slowly.
An opportunity I didn’t even hope for is right before me.
“What time do I need to be back tomorrow?”
“… I was told to be back before dinner.”
As I casually slipped in my curfew, which had come out of nowhere, Yuka burst into laughter.
“What will you do if you get a boyfriend later?”
Who knows?
I probably won’t get one.
Even if I do, Kagami might go through the roof with jealousy. Maybe if it’s a girl, it’ll be fine? Hmm, I’m unsure. After all, it feels like a form of theft regardless.
Or is it just a mother’s feeling towards her daughter? Isn’t it usually more about supporting them? It’s normal for a mom to support her daughter’s love and a dad to support his son’s, after all.
“Well, that’s good. That means we’ll have plenty of time. Let’s take it easy tomorrow, wake up a bit late, and do some clothes shopping. We can pick up a little gift for your mom too while we’re at it. We can probably excuse coming home late that way.”
“That’s a pretty good idea.”
I nodded in agreement.
As a side note, Kagami still cherishes the Christmas gift I gave her back then. It’s placed prominently, like décor in front of the TV. The surrounding area is so clean that it’s almost as if no one ever touched it.
The more I talk, the funnier it feels when a solution pops into my head.
When I first saw Kagami, I was only languishing in thought about what to do. But now that I know she’s simply human, it somewhat reveals a pattern.
Do I appear that way too?
“Koko, what about you? What clothes do you like?”
“Uu?”
When Yuka gently tugged on Koko’s arm and spoke, Koko tilted her head while looking at the magazine.
In the end, Koko couldn’t choose any clothes. More accurately, I think she doesn’t really know why she needs to try and match fashion.
Well, that too can be figured out slowly.
In other words, we’ve got plenty of time.
*
As Kagami said, we didn’t quite make it back by dinner, but the timing for Koko and me to arrive was rather close to the time Kagami set.
Kagami was waiting all the way out in front of the apartment.
Though the weather wasn’t particularly cold, it seemed she had been waiting for quite a while. Seeing her face light up upon spotting us shows she didn’t seem to mind the waiting at all.
I distinctly remember texting her that I would be leaving at that time. Surely she didn’t miss it?
But that smile vanished the moment she saw Yuka who came along with me.
It wasn’t just a casual vanishing; it was quite icy to the core. Her glance couldn’t be labeled as hostile, yet it wasn’t exactly welcoming either.
I mean, what could you expect from a mother whose daughter has been stabbed twice? Sure, it was inevitable for both of us, but it’s hard to ignore the emotional turmoil from a parent’s perspective.
“Don’t worry; I didn’t come to sleep over.”
It sounds slightly funny since I’ve indeed stayed over already, but anyway, Yuka responded calmly.
“So are you planning to head back right away?”
“Um, rather…”
Yuka said.
“We three were discussing our futures together.”
Kagami’s expression immediately stiffened, and she turned her back to embrace me and Koko as if to protect us.
“…It’s not related to work, you know.”
Yuka said with a hint of exasperation in her voice.
“We were wondering if the three of us should go to the same university.”
“…University.”
At her words, Kagami turned her body sharply towards Yuka, and we had to sidestep to keep from getting in the way.
“To the best university we can get into.”
“….”
Does she have some desires in that regard?
Kagami narrowed her eyes and looked at Yuka.
“Just saying. I was curious if you’d consider supporting us.”
“…Of course, I’d be willing to support if you decide to go to university.”
That expression reads, “Why are you even involved?” and indeed felt quite threatening.
It’s about time I chimed in.
“Mom, mom.”
When I addressed her like that, Kagami looked down at me.
Somehow, it was like she was trying to shower me with affection that she didn’t give to me as an infant, and her expression melted the moment she laid eyes upon me.
“I brought you a gift.”
At my words, her expression suddenly stiffened.
Is it really that terrifying to think I brought a gift?
Well, it has been a while since Christmas, so maybe that’s the case.
“….”
I glanced sideways at Yuka.
Yuka shrugged her shoulders and smiled at both Koko and me.
Thus, our career path after high school was determined.
Though we still hadn’t decided where to go, and we hadn’t officially started studying.
But what’s it to me?
One step at a time, and I’ll be able to obtain what I want slowly.
I figured that I’d be satisfied with today’s progress.
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