It feels a bit odd to say this after boldly declaring my stance, but I really care a lot about Nagisa. If my favorite before becoming Mika was ‘Mika’, then without a doubt, my favorite after becoming Mika is Nagisa. It’s a simple logic thanks to being Mika, which excludes Mika from consideration.
Thanks to Nagisa, I was able to adapt smoothly to my current life.
Nagisa accepted me as I am, and only then was I able to establish my identity.
Seeing Nagisa sitting down with an album she found while organizing her moving boxes makes my heart uneasy.
“…This is a photo from Mika’s birthday party right after we entered elementary school. It’s been so long that my memory’s hazy, but there were at least twenty kids at the party. Why did Mika never hesitate to call me her best friend?”
“Huh? It’s obvious that it was because Nagisa-chan was the kindest and had the best heart among them, right? Just being able to call Nagisa-chan my best friend is a huge fortune in itself☆”
“Isn’t that a bit too exaggerated…? Besides, please hold back on speaking for me. Honestly, it confuses me.”
“Oh, was there really anything confusing about that? I mean, as long as Nagisa-chan doesn’t mess up, I’ll support you no matter what you do, and I’ll agree with anything you say. It means I’m totally a Nagisa-chan fan. There isn’t really anything confusing about that, is there?”
“…It’s just because of Mika’s voice and speech pattern.”
“Hahaha, the voice is something I can’t help, and as for my speech pattern… honestly, I find it tiring to pay attention to it. By the way, what’s this photo? Oh wow, that’s so funny! You really captured something like this.”
Mika, swinging on the swings, must have been so enthusiastic that she was caught in a photo upside down during a full swing. Her big round eyes, showcasing her childhood, radiate an insane cuteness.
Indeed, cuteness is justice, and thus Mika is the one true truth.
Nevertheless, the look in Nagisa’s eyes while flipping through the album’s photos is so pitiful. For someone like her, should I really not tell her the whereabouts of the real Mika, and just keep it a secret?
“Hey, Nagisa-chan.”
“Yes?”
Should I say it? It’s a question I’ve pondered countless times.
If I were to explain that, I wouldn’t even know where to start or where to end. I guess the connection with Gematria could be explained through the incident at Arius Branch.
Well… I generally dislike saying lies, but I think keeping secrets and telling white lies can be necessary depending on the situation.
For example… yeah. Ever since I revealed that I was someone from outside Kivotos, Nagisa’s attitude toward me became more proactive, if anything, rather than going negative.
However, that was entirely because I hid some facts. It was impossible to disclose every truth.
There’s no way I’d ever reveal that this Kivotos was merely a game world back where I used to be. That’s truly a taboo that must never be disclosed. It’s needless explanations that ought to be glossed over, and a secret that should be kept.
Letting Nagisa know the true whereabouts of the real Mika feels like an area needing a white lie. There’s a need to approach this slowly, like getting wet in a drizzle.
This thought process was greatly influenced by what Mika herself said to me, that there was still a long time until the day we could meet again. The Black Suit even described this situation as an indefinite study, so we definitely have time left.
So, I’ll take it step by step and move forward slowly.
“Not me, but the real Mika. Somehow, it feels like she hasn’t completely disappeared.”
“…Huh? Is that really true? Then where is Mika right now… no, how…”
“Calm down, Nagisa-chan. Take a deep breath in, and breathe out. There’s still more we don’t know than we do. Still, I felt it would be good to tell you, not just anyone but you. For now, it’s highly likely that the real Mika is still sleeping within this body.”
“Is that… certain? I had already given up, thinking I’d treasure my happy memories of the past, but all of a sudden hearing this… I…”
When Nagisa gets flustered, she tends to lose her grip unless someone helps her regain focus. Right now, she seems even more shaken than usual, struggling to figure out her emotional state.
“I used the term ‘likely,’ but if I’m not completely out of my mind, then Mika is definitely still here. So, just wait for me, Nagisa-chan. No matter what happens, I promise to reunite you with the real Mika.”
“…I wish you wouldn’t call it ‘the real’ one.”
“Huh…?”
“When you say that, it feels like you’re implying that you’re a fake, and it hurts my heart. The former Mika is an irreplaceable person to me, but so are you. So, instead of ‘the real one,’ you could at least use something like ‘dummy Mika’ or something…”
“Pfft… Nagisa-chan, that sounds like you’re calling me an idiot. And I can’t deny that I’m a fake Mika. Yep, that’s an unchanging fact. But still, Nagisa-chan promised to see me as not Mika but as the true me, right?”
“…That’s true. But I still don’t like it. Having a label like ‘fake’ attached to you makes me uncomfortable. And you still haven’t told me your original name.”
Now that I think about it, that’s something worth considering. How should I address the situation when the real Mika finds her body and I get separated?
I suspect that what Gematria would provide as a new body is something akin to a doll. Such a doll would probably resemble Mika.
If that happens, there would literally be both the real Mika and fake Mika existing at the same time, creating a situation where everyone around will undoubtedly be confused.
“The name…”
A name is the identity of an existence.
Before and right after Nagisa acknowledged me, I buried my name because I wanted to minimize reminiscing about what I had lost a little.
And even now, after considerable time has passed since Nagisa acknowledged me, the reason I won’t tell her my name is that I’ve changed so much from my former self that I could be seen as a completely different person.
At this point, what meaning will it even hold to bring that name up? Unless Nagisa literally cries and begs me to tell her, I have no intention of bringing it up.
…My original name wasn’t something that would elicit a question mark at first sound like something as ridiculous as ‘Earthworm’ or ‘Bald Eagle Surprises the World’.
Yet, even if the moment arrives when two Mikas exist at the same time, I don’t think I’ll bring that name up.
“Since that day, I’ve been living considering myself as Mika, Nagisa-chan. But if the real Mika jumps into the picture, I can’t help but be seen as the fake one. Still, if our soft-hearted Nagisa-chan says something like that, I’ll at least consider alternative titles.”
“…Yeah, that much is fine. And calling me soft-hearted is insinuating insult! I can possess a heart of steel when I truly need to.”
“Really? I never noticed since you always came with a half-crying face and hugged me like that☆”
“A little, at least say that while hugging me!”
So I hugged her.
As she immediately buried her face into my shoulder and took a deep breath, it was clear she said that to satisfy her desires.
And her hands…
“Wait, where are you trying to go with that hand?”
“Huh? What do you mean by that?”
What kind of line is that from someone hugging my shoulder with one hand and placing the other somewhere between my ribs and hips?
“The cherry scent… and vanilla mixed with plum… sigh. Mika-chan, please make sure to avoid meeting Kurodate-san on the day you wear that perfume, okay?”
“Huh? Why is Haruna-chan…”
“If I say not to meet her, then please don’t meet her. No questions asked.”
…How odd. Is that about all it takes just for a perfume?
All I could do was confirm I understood, then pulled Nagisa away to continue packing. As for items that should be considered as Mika’s original belongings, I decided to leave them here as they are.
“Just to be absolutely clear… I’m asking this as a last resort.”
“Huh? What are you curious about?”
“If either the former Mika or you had to disappear, one of you… would have to vanish…”
…That’s something I never wanted to hear.
“Nagisa-chan, please don’t go any further. I beg you. If even a remote chance of that happens, I will somehow… by any means necessary… make sure to resolve it. Yep. There’s no need to consider a future where either your best friend or I can’t be by your side.”
Nagisa would never suggest prioritizing the real Mika over me. That much is certain.
That’s why I didn’t want to hear any more of it. While it’s joyful that Nagisa cares for me more, that hypothetical situation would not merely be about who is more cherished and who is liked more.
“…Alright.”
Fortunately, it seems my imploring expression got through to her. For Nagisa, that did the trick every time. Truly. It’s an unbeatable expression that can even fend off a rolled cake.
“Oh, by the way. Do you think we need to take the bed?”
“…If we’re going to have separate rooms, we might as well. Just a moment—”
“Okay! Hup!…”
“—There’s no need to ask the kids outside for help.”
Wow, amazing. I didn’t know I could lift something this heavy.
