The journey to that place was anxious.
Yuka might have chosen the subway instead of a car for that reason.
It wasn’t exactly a distance you could call close, but driving would have meant arriving even earlier.
Grandfather and Father told her to come separately.
At that time, she understood why they said such things. Anyone would likely prioritize the continuation of the world itself over a single girl.
This was true even for Koto Ne herself and now for Yuka, who was headed toward Koto Ne.
Even while wearing black clothes and riding the subway, Yuka thought she was being cowardly.
“……”
The world was still noisy.
The incident of the ground splitting and houses collapsing was still being talked about. Whenever the news was turned on, they discussed it at least once a day, and the newspapers displayed at convenience stores overflowed with ‘occult’ stories. Even though those newspapers weren’t occult publications.
Naturally, there was no talk about Koto Ne’s death at all.
People were merely raving about aliens, ghosts, and natural phenomena. For those who knew nothing, it was just a source of entertainment and material to sell more copies of newspapers and magazines.
A family sat in front of Yuka. Were the parents on vacation? The child in the middle was complaining to their mother, and the father seemed amused by it.
Their appearance matched well with the red sunset outside the window.
Those people probably didn’t know. What happened in that moment. Whose sacrifice allowed this world to be preserved.
There were only three people who remembered that end, and even among them, there were only a few who had heard the story.
What would other people think if they knew about Koto Ne’s death?
Would they express their condolences?
Or would they say it was only natural, that her very existence was a form of harm?
“……”
Let’s stop thinking about that.
If it were Koto Ne, she probably wouldn’t have liked to be known at all.
Yeah. She would have been quite taken aback by becoming so famous. Imagining that face brought a faint smile to Yuka.
But it wasn’t a smile that lasted long.
*
The place Yuka arrived at was different from Koto Ne’s house, which she frequented.
It looked like an old house that seemed a bit neglected.
It was large enough to be called a mansion, but it didn’t seem to be a house that one could imagine was affluent beyond measure.
To be more precise, it had an atmosphere more like a long-abandoned temple than a place someone lived in. It seemed like someone had tried to tidy up, but the fact that it was old and left to decay was hard to hide.
Yuka wondered if this was Kurosawa’s family home.
It was a lonely place. For such a large house, one would expect a crowd, yet that was not the case.
Oh, it seemed that the reason it didn’t gather people here but at a shrine was probably such a reason.
Everyone gathered here was also wearing black clothes, just like Yuka.
A child was struggling to hold back tears. But the thick glasses on their face were already stained with tears.
That was the child who had taken care of Koto Ne the most while spending time together in the same class. Miura Mako.
……This child felt like another knife had pierced their heart.
Yuka had no words at all. No matter what she said, it would not lessen the burden each of them carried.
On either side of Miura were two people who always hung out with her.
Fukuda Harumi was earnestly comforting Miura. But even she had traces of tears on her face.
How did the news flow to them?
Koto Ne was the child who was unable to even have a funeral. Had they said that they found her body in the meantime? She wasn’t sure. Somehow, delving deeper felt like something she shouldn’t do.
She made eye contact with Yamashita, who was standing nearby. Yamashita slightly lowered his head to Yuka. His expression was also laden with sorrow.
The last time Koto Ne was revived, Yamashita had been much better off than now. This time, was it because they really had to say goodbye? While crying, his face looked pale.
Yuka also nodded her head toward Yamashita.
An unbearable awkwardness overwhelmed her. The uneasy atmosphere mixed with the sorrow felt truly bewildering.
No one expected such a funeral—except for the one lying in the coffin, Koto Ne.
“……Why?”
A voice echoed, turning her attention. An adult stood there with a blank expression, as if in disbelief. They had just arrived, their clothes slightly wrinkled. The atmosphere was one of just hearing the news for the first time.
She recognized the face. It was the boss of the store where Koto Ne worked. Beside him stood a girl of a similar age to Koto Ne or Yuka. She wore a sorrowful expression as well.
Yuka couldn’t bring herself to speak to these people.
……Many people had formed connections with Koto Ne. At school, she was just a girl who liked peace and quiet, but she helped and received help from many.
She could have been loved anywhere. She deserved it.
That was why Yuka couldn’t speak to anyone tied to Koto Ne. They were comparatively distant people, and if they heard what Yuka had done, they wouldn’t understand either.
Once more, she thought about whether that choice from that day was the right choice.
She still didn’t know. The inability to be certain meant it wasn’t entirely a good thing.
“……”
Would this weight eventually be forgotten? After dozens of years, once she became an adult, would Yuka also feel numb?
She trembled at that fear.
If someone heard, they would call it foolish.
They might say it was unreasonable to be happy just because she did what she should have done; it didn’t make sense.
But then, what about Koto Ne?
What happens to Koto Ne, who “did what she had to do”?
Only a few around her knew the situation, and nobody understood that her life was one that owed a debt to that girl. The vast majority would live their lives without knowing anything.
And all those reasons stemmed from the knife Yuka held.
So, this price was wholly hers to bear.
More adults appeared.
Miura. And Yamashita. Fukuda.
The three gathered, talking about something. Their expressions were strange and complicated, not openly displaying emotion.
But even those three changed their expressions when they met Yuka’s gaze. They slightly bowed their heads to her, looking quite uncomfortable.
Kagami, the homeroom teacher for Koto Ne’s class, was also there. His expression was blank, as if he couldn’t quite grasp the situation. It was understandable. A ‘funeral’ should have been held long ago.
But even that teacher, once meeting Yuka’s eyes, contained his expression and bowed his head.
While they exchanged bows, Yuka couldn’t understand why they all were doing that.
It felt like the atmosphere suggested she was one of Koto Ne’s family. That kind of right should have long since disappeared.
……And if such a right existed, Yuka would practically be the one who stabbed her family.
Her lips trembled.
She knew she had to hold it together. That’s why she had screamed several times in her room before leaving.
But emotions weren’t something that could be perfectly emptied just because one poured them out.
A different sound of weeping was heard.
“……Senpai.”
And Yuka barely opened her mouth to say that.
Kaoru and Izumi.
As always, Kaoru, who was impulsive with her emotions, seemed to be struggling to hold back tears. She covered her mouth with a handkerchief, trying to suppress her voice, but tears kept flowing from her eyes.
Izumi was the same. She had already taken off her glasses, and her eyes were red and bloodshot.
The two didn’t even know that Koto Ne had returned. Koto Ne had risked her life immediately after briefly coming back.
“……Yuka.”
Kaoru finally managed to speak. Izumi also slightly bowed her head toward Yuka.
They barely called each other by name, but there were still no words to share.
To put it accurately, it felt like saying anything would make them pour out what was inside them.
As Yuka got closer to the lying Koto Ne, her insides grew uneasy. Even though she hadn’t eaten anything all day, that feeling grew worse.
It was disgusting.
She felt that thinking about coming to such a place was unbearable.
Did that thought appear on her face? Kaoru lightly grasped Yuka’s arm, probably trying to comfort her a bit, but even she couldn’t suppress her own emotions.
She decided she would tell the two later.
At the very least, she felt she should do that, Yuka resolved in her mind.
……No matter what she heard.
Hagiwara and Nakahara.
The two of them never thought they would quarrel in a place like this.
They stood side by side with troubled expressions, and when they met Yuka’s eyes, they bowed their heads as well.
Continuing to walk, they finally arrived at the place where Koto Ne lay.
Just the sight of it weighed heavily in the air.
Shii was leaning against Sasaki, barely standing. She was the child who had been with Koto Ne during that time, so it was probably more shocking for her. This child must have seen Koto Ne open her eyes again.
……And then, that child who went out returned as a corpse, so it wouldn’t be strange for her to be shocked.
She had been a little envious.
Working at the same place, always finishing work at the same time, and having meals together.
Koto Ne was probably the only one to have bought her food.
How much that child had cherished her as a senior, Yuka felt very strongly.
…….
The impact must have been vast.
At one time, she hadn’t thought much of death.
Since it came for every being eventually. Even if one didn’t die right now, someday they would close their eyes forever.
Especially for one pretending to be a shrine maiden, death was simply another journey to the spirit realm.
But that was only because she had never lost someone precious right before her eyes.
Until this very moment of separation from Koto Ne.
There was no thought of following after her. Koto Ne had sacrificed herself to protect the lives of others.
Those lives included Yuka’s.
So, it was an exceptionally heavy life. To not trivialize Koto Ne’s death, Yuka mustn’t harm herself.
She bit her lip.
Yes, even if she forgot everything else, that must not be forgotten.
Even if it meant death, the soul would only go to the spirit realm, so she shouldn’t think that dying wouldn’t matter.
Koto Ne understood. How significant the difference between living and dying was.
She had been a child who desperately wanted to live.
That child, in giving up her precious life, had tried to tell them something.
So she must not forget.
She must not forget.
“……”
Exchanging glances with Sasaki, Yuka stepped forward—
—and stopped walking.
She couldn’t get any closer.
The back of two figures came into view.
They appeared calm.
Long hair was tied up at the ends.
Yuka recognized that ribbon.
It was the ribbon that tied Koto Ne’s hair. No, it might have been the ribbon used around her wrist.
The ribbon was stained a bit darker red.
……It was Koto Ne’s blood.
The blood that had flowed over and over again.
Kagami seemed to have found it and was holding onto it.
Dressed in shrine maiden attire, she was quietly kneeling. Yuka couldn’t fathom what emotion she felt in that position. Was she enduring something? Or had she crossed a certain line and detached herself? Yuka couldn’t dare to imagine.
Perhaps her face looked a little different, but.
……Kagami drove the world into chaos. Though it was ultimately soothed due to Koto Ne’s sacrifice, if Yuka hadn’t moved her sword at that moment, things might have truly turned out like this.
She didn’t resent her.
She didn’t have the right to.
Since even Yuka had been uncertain about whether to stab or not, as a mother, it would have been all the more challenging.
Moreover, seeing how things were, it was only because of that that she could stop it.
If Koto Ne had not revived and had died naturally, or if she had died due to some other cause, only Nirlas would remain in this world without anyone to stop her.
At that point, perhaps there could have been another way.
But the result wouldn’t have been better than now.
“……”
As the two sat side by side in front of the coffin, Yuka felt afraid to approach Koto Ne. Was it okay to be here?
No, could she even be in this place?
While standing trembling a little, the smaller of the two sitting next to her suddenly turned around.
The black eyes met Yuka’s.
Yuka held her breath.
Koko was staring at Yuka…… intently.
That gaze was fearful.
But she couldn’t escape.
At the very least, she had come here with the intention to listen to whatever was said. So—
“……Why?”
Koko spoke.
“Yuka, why……?”
“……”
At that voice, her field of vision began to narrow. It felt like her legs would give out.
Before she knew it, Koko had stood up.
Teardrops filled her eyes.
“Yuka…….”
Words wouldn’t come together. Koko’s way with words had diminished, just like the first time Yuka had seen her.
That was right.
The person who taught words to Koko was Koto Ne. She had bought picture books and read them to her, spending time together.
Who else could have gone that far besides Koto Ne, even knowing Koko’s identity?
Thud.
A hand lightly touched Yuka’s shoulder.
Thud.
Again once more.
“Why?”
A voice filled with unwillingness, questioning.
But each time Koko’s soft hand hit Yuka, it was painful enough for Yuka to endure.
It wasn’t because it was strong.
It was because there was no strength in that hand.
A fist tightened. Her body trembled.
It was hard to endure the fact that she was being resented by Koko.
That face resembled Koto Ne so much, and the motion of Koko, fluffing her cheeks as if it was necessary to do so was…… terrifying.
Terrified, pained, sorry, and lost, not knowing what to do.
That appearance was exceptionally sad.
Even those around thought someone should stop Koko, yet they couldn’t bring themselves to do so.
“……Koko.”
“Why?”
That wasn’t a reaction to Yuka calling Koko’s name.
It was merely an action of desperation.
Having lost someone most important in life, not knowing what to do, wanting to pour out that emotion.
That was all she was doing.
“Why must it be Koto Ne?”
Why, indeed.
Why did it have to be Koto Ne?
Was it because she was kind?
Was it because she was someone who could throw her life away for others?
If she was that kind of person, wouldn’t she have rather needed to live even more?
In this world, many would live on without being good people.
There might be politicians receiving dirty money. There would be civil servants rotten to the core, and there might be businessmen pressing others down with the money of those they disliked.
There would also be murderers and rapists.
Did that little girl named Koto Ne have to be sacrificed so that all of them could live?
……Yeah, she already knew.
Because Yuka was among them.
Because Koko was among them.
Koto Ne merely chose that path.
In the end, Yuka knew she was one who had pushed Koto Ne’s back.
“Koto Ne, Koto Ne…….”
Tears streamed down Koko’s face.
“We were supposed to go out together.”
That was right.
For sure.
Even at the moment when she was collapsing.
Koto Ne had continuously wanted to keep living.
Laughter and chatter with those she loved, leading a normal life.
As a student, she would have disliked studying that everyone else hated, taking tests, and wanted to enjoy even a little bit of an escapade after the exams.
Everything that would bring joy to the people who would keep living in the future was what Koto Ne had longed for.
Her eyes blurred.
“Why…….”
Yuka grabbed Koko’s arm.
Koko was caught with such ease. She could have easily shrugged it off. The reason Koko didn’t was probably due to being so weak and lacking the will.
Yuka imagined Koto Ne growing old.
It didn’t work out.
Koto Ne was Koto Ne, nothing more. No one could take her place. No matter how much Koko resembled her, she couldn’t fill Koto Ne’s absence.
And that was why they were crying like this.
Everyone.
Yuka hugged Koko.
“Uu…….”
Koko seemed to try and push Yuka away. She grabbed Yuka for a moment, then let her arms drop.
That look of not knowing what to do was so heartbreaking.
What should she do?
Koto Ne, merely by being beside Koko, had provided a signpost in life.
Could Yuka manage to do that? Was that thinking just overdoing it?
In the end, a whimpering sound leaked from her.
An innocent child who had done nothing wrong, merely wanting to live, just trying hard to live.
In the end, she would have to accept that child’s death.
She had to watch as the proof of that life slowly faded away.
She would mature and become an adult, ultimately overcoming it all.
She didn’t want that.
Even if she didn’t want it, that would likely become the case.
All the people here.
She hated that too, so much.
She hated this part of herself that was thinking such things.
“How…… How could this be?”
The words she had repeated alone back at home spilled forth again.
“How could it be? How could this…….”
“……Uu……”
Koko’s crying echoed in Yuka’s ears.
Yuka lifted her head.
She could see the coffin where Koto Ne lay.
How could it be that she couldn’t even greet the person lying this close? It tore at her heart like nothing else.
With her legs losing strength, Yuka finally sat down beside Koko.
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