This is a bit much.
I have never heard of getting tired even after dying.
When I first started climbing the stairs, it wasn’t a big problem. Even if there were a lot of stairs, I thought I wouldn’t be affected by gravity or anything since this isn’t reality.
One problem is that if there’s no gravity, you can’t even step on anything in the first place. I guess my body would be floating instead.
So, this place has gravity, and I have a body that supports that gravity.
I guess it means I can get tired.
“Wait… let’s take a break for a moment.”
As I plopped down on the stairs, Kurosawa, who was ahead of me, also stopped.
Sitting on one step, Kuro looked up at me.
“…You’re not saying anything.”
“Why should I say something?”
“Well, you know, usually divine beings don’t understand humans and things like that.”
I sat on the stairs and looked down at the path I had climbed. I think I went up about 300 steps.
It wasn’t particularly difficult, but there was a slightly wider space in the middle, and another door. When going up, the door looked like it was sticking out, and I could see through to the other side, but looking down, I could only see a little space beyond the door; everything I had climbed wasn’t transparent.
So, I definitely entered ‘another place.’
I racked my memory. Was it 70 steps and… 700 steps again? I might have already climbed 70 steps. That space in the middle must have been the tip of the 70 steps. If I went further in the wide space, I might see a completely different world.
Is it purgatory? Where I’m going is hell?
“Meow.”
Kuro meowed once and lay flat against the floor.
“I was just waiting to guide you, not to blame you.”
“…Where exactly are you guiding me? Isn’t this some kind of ascetic practice?”
“Ascetic practice?”
“Like, you know. After you die, you go to hell depending on your sins, that kind of talk.”
“Did you forget everything I said before we came up here?”
Kuro looked at me as if I were a pathetic person, and I felt a little ridiculous.
“Are you thinking I died because my heart stopped?”
“…Normally, people would think that.”
Kuro continued to look up at me.
“I’ll ask again, did you do something wrong?”
“Uh?”
“You keep talking about death and hell since earlier.”
“Well… I guess I did what others do.”
When I replied, Kuro tilted her head.
“Really? Then can I see a little?”
“See? Like some kind of magical light?”
“Well, maybe. Meow.”
Kuro gave that vague answer and turned her head away.
The empty sky began to move. Like in the distant past, when the Big Bang occurred, countless lights scattered as if stars were exploding deep in that dark place.
And those lights soon turned into constellations.
“…Ah.”
My family’s constellations.
“There are two types of sleep, right?”
Kuro said while looking up at the sky beside me.
“Shallow sleep and deep sleep. Shallow sleep is the kind where you dream. We just crossed the 70 steps of shallow sleep. We’re still climbing the steps of deep sleep, but we haven’t reached the top yet, so it’s enough to dream.”
Kuro paused for a moment, then continued,
“And usually, the content of dreams follows your memories.”
She said that.
I, despite listening, couldn’t respond.
The moving constellations were too beautiful. No, it was the beauty I remembered.
When I dream, my family always appears. And the family is the last appearance of the family I remember. I left without even properly leaving their corpses or having a last conversation.
I hadn’t seen my family from even further back for a long time.
The family in the constellations was having a birthday party. It seemed to be my younger sister’s birthday party. I couldn’t remember exactly when since my sister and I were both too young.
The younger sister, who looked not even five years old, was wearing a party hat and staring at the cake with the candles. Her big eyes sparkled with light. One, two, three, four… There were four candles, so it seemed to be when my younger sister was four years old.
Even though I was around that age, I could distinguish things to some extent, but I was still young.
What kind of expression was I making?
“I probably had the same expression as now. Kids like cake, after all.”
Kuro said, as if she could read my thoughts.
My much younger mom and dad clapped their hands and sang. My younger sister followed along and clapped, and I did the same.
After the song ended, phew, my sister blew out the candles. The candles didn’t go out all at once. After another puff, only then did the candles finally go out.
“Yeah, I liked cake.”
I probably ate the cake with cream all over my face.
“The thing about dreams is, in the end, they just follow your memories. If you don’t try to remember your family, the appearance of your family you can meet in dreams can only be the last appearance you saw.”
“……”
“If you dived into a deeper sleep without even having a moment to dream, that means…”
“I…”
I opened my mouth, trying to say something, but just closed it again.
It wasn’t a wrong statement.
I just gazed at that dream endlessly.
Time passed.
My sister grew up, and so did my parents, and I aged as well. My sister seemed to really dislike me, but sometimes she cared. After all, we were family. I did the same. We fought, but I never truly hated her.
My sister got into the university she wanted, and I gave her a watch as a gift. She put it on despite saying something about it not being the right thing to give. Thinking about it, I guess I should have bought her a bag or clothes instead? To be honest, I had no idea about that.
“Ah, wait. Just a second.”
I quickly lowered my head. Luckily, the memories didn’t hear me, but I knew what memories would come next.
Surely the next memory is—
“You don’t have to bother.”
Kuro said.
“But, still—”
“It’s okay.”
“……”
Kuro’s voice was calm. There wasn’t the usual teasing tone in it.
I slowly raised my head.
And there,
“…Ah.”
Koko was there.
Not just Koko, but everyone I had met from that side was there.
“I told you, right? Dreams follow your memories.”
Kuro said to me, who was staring with my mouth agape.
Dreams were as per my memories.
Going out with friends, feeding Koko, putting her to sleep. Most things weren’t a big deal. I was simply enjoying food just because my friends were eating, and my friends seemed to enjoy watching me enjoy. Koko was the same.
Playing at the beach, retreating at a hot spring. Enjoying the sports festival and the cultural festival.
Having a Christmas party, praying at the shrine together.
“If there are not-so-good experiences and good memories, can’t you just pick out the good parts? Those kinds of memories are usually mixed together. The good feels good because there are bad memories.”
Yuka, dressed in shrine maiden attire, smiled at me. Koko did too. Even Kagami gave a slight smile.
And slowly, like firewood’s flames gradually dimming, they all became faded starlight and disappeared.
“……”
I wiped my eyes.
“How is it? How do you feel?”
“……Do I have to say that?”
“Expressing your emotions in words is a very important part of psychological therapy, they say.”
It was absurd for a surreal being to bring up psychology, and I almost laughed for a moment.
“……Annoying.”
“Me?”
“No, this situation.”
I sniffed and scrubbed my eyes.
Why, even though I died, is my body yet present? Climbing the stairs while sweating like mad annoyed me, and I was frustrated with myself for crying tears.
My aching legs were annoying, and my aching heart was annoying.
Most of all, it annoyed me that I couldn’t do anything here.
I thought of my friends on the other side, whom I hadn’t considered while climbing the stairs.
What are they up to?
Are they mourning my death? What happened to my corpse? No, more than that, I had no way of knowing what was happening over there.
My chest felt heavy.
I still had so much I wanted to tell Koko. I had many things I wanted to say to Yuka, and I wanted to know why Kagami had become so kind lately.
Though I usually acted indifferent, I found many of Kaoru’s ghost stories quite entertaining, and honestly, I had hoped for a fun bait fishing session long ago. I felt a bit sorry for Izumi, but teasing her with odd words was also quite fun.
And Mako too. Ah, would Mako have learned about my death? If it were her, she would definitely be very sad. She would think it was all her fault, even if she had no blame. I wonder what Fukuda will look like when making a messed-up face? What about Yamashita? They are all my friends, but I couldn’t imagine what expressions they would wear after my death.
My boss would probably be sad as well. Would the boss try to look after Koko even a bit? Miki… It would have been fun if she could have entered the same school. It would mean there would be an older junior.
And Yuka—
—I want to go and tell her it’s okay. That the knife she stabbed me with didn’t hurt at all, and that I’m fine like this. She must be immensely tortured and confused. She wouldn’t be able to think that she wasn’t the one who stabbed me. I wonder how Koko felt? What did Kagami say to her? I’m so worried.
“I’m annoyed and angry.”
“Do you want to go back?”
“Are you seriously asking that?”
I wiped my eyes.
“Of course. I didn’t want to leave yet.”
“Even after hearing such a story?”
“……Yeah.”
Who would want to die? So many people treat me well.
Even if I’m bleeding, stabbed, torn, and have scars, I didn’t want to leave those kids behind. I wanted to watch them grow up.
“Okay.”
Hearing Kuro’s words, I looked up, and the sky was tainted black again. I couldn’t see the trace of the stars that were there, and my heart broke.
“That answer is enough.”
Kuro got up from her place and stretched her front paws forward.
“Meow, shall we climb some more now that we’ve rested?”
I stood up.
Looking up, the top of the stairs seemed a bit closer than before. Though I hadn’t walked, so the actual distance remained the same.
“So, what was that?”
“What do you mean, your dream.”
“Are you trying to show me to comfort me?”
“Maybe?”
The tip of Kuro’s tail swayed gently as she climbed a few steps ahead of me.
“There are various meanings to the word ‘dream,’ you know?”
“……You’re being ambiguous again since earlier.”
Kuro just meowed again and continued.
Now that I think about it, that meowing might just be Kuro’s way of laughing.
*
“……What?”
When Shii heard the story, she made a serious expression right away.
“Where is Senpai right now?”
“……”
Yuuki didn’t say a word.
Shii decided that calling Senpai in the middle of the night was impolite, so she would wait until the next morning.
She wanted to sleep, but couldn’t fall asleep easily. Hagiwara said he would protect the house, but just because there was someone there didn’t mean yesterday’s fear would disappear.
She had already learned about the monster during summer vacation, and she had known since then that her older brother’s blood could bite that monster.
But she had never been tormented by fear because of that monster. Even if she had seen it then… it was way too disconnected from everyday life.
“Meow.”
Kuro sat near Shii and Sasaki, as if to protect them.
Thanks to that, her heart felt a bit at ease, but in the end, Shii couldn’t sleep a wink.
She waited for 10 PM and immediately called Koto Ne, but no one answered. After a couple of attempts, she called Koko, but again, no one picked up.
Because of yesterday’s incident, Shii’s mind became anxious, and she called the people who usually got along closely with Koto Ne.
The first person she called was Yuka.
[Sorry. Right now, Yuka is in a bit of a difficult situation to take a call… ]
“Ah, yes, I’m sorry. Excuse me.”
Yuka’s grandfather said that he was very sorry, and without realizing, Shii bowed her head into the air before she had no choice but to hang up.
What in the world is happening?
Next, she called—
[… Koto Ne is… ]
Yamashita Senpai answered the phone and hesitated.
Shii realized from the voice that Yamashita Senpai knew Koto Ne’s condition to some extent.
[Koto Ne is a little hurt right now.]
After a lengthy pause, Yamashita Senpai finally managed to say that.
“……What?”
Shii’s reaction was only natural.
If it was ‘a little’ hurt, Yamashita Senpai wouldn’t hesitate so much to say it.
It sounded as if she was contemplating whether to lie or not.
The last time she met Yamashita Senpai, they weren’t exactly close friends, but she knew that she wouldn’t say things without reason.
“Where is Senpai right now?”
Shii unknowingly asked in a slightly rude tone.
As soon as she blurted it out, she regretted it, but she was more concerned about Koto Ne.
Because she wasn’t the type to regain consciousness so easily after spilling blood. If Koto Ne had to hear a voice like that, it was easy to infer that things weren’t looking good.
[That’s—]
When Yamashita Senpai opened her mouth to answer,
The door burst open.
“Sota, Shii—”
Hagiwara rushed in, panting, and upon seeing Shii on the phone and Sasaki next to her with a serious expression, he shut his mouth.
[—Sorry, but I can’t tell you right now. I don’t even know yet.]
“Ah, is that so? I’m sorry…”
[……No, if you’re worried, that’s understandable.]
Yamashita Senpai replied to Shii’s apology like that.
Sure enough, even if she knew that Koto Ne was hurt, it would be worrisome not to know where she was. Shii felt the same way.
[……When I find out where she is, I’ll let you know.]
“Thank you…!”
Again, Shii unknowingly bowed her head into the air.
Once she hung up, her older brother looked at Shii with a serious expression.
“What did she say?”
“Koto Ne Senpai… said she was hurt. The hospital still doesn’t know.”
“……Really? That’s serious.”
Her brother must remember what happened last summer.
He would definitely be worried hearing that someone like her was hurt in the hospital. Especially thinking about the monster they saw yesterday made it even more so.
“But thank goodness she’s in the hospital. If it’s Senpai, I believe she will surely recover with just a little time.”
“That’s right? It seems the situation isn’t looking too good, so let’s not try to search for her first. Not knowing where the hospital is means they might be hiding it on purpose.”
Shii and her brother nodded at each other.
“……Hagiwara Senpai?”
Shii then turned her head to Hagiwara, who had just blurted in while watching the two talk with a dazed expression.
“Yes?”
Hagiwara replied in a slightly dazed voice.
“Uhm… do you have something to say?”
“Ah, that.”
Hagiwara, still looking a bit dazed, thought for a moment before smiling at Shii and saying,
“Our people decided to protect this place for now. For a while… even if we can’t say it’s completely safe, we can at least feel somewhat secure.”
“……Thank you.”
Shii bowed her head to Hagiwara with a complicated expression.
It was a mix of fear and relief. And there was a slight hint of defeat as well.
There was nothing Shii could do in this situation. All she could do was wait for news.
Even for the blood—
—Ah?
Shii blinked, as if she had thought of something.
“What? Is something wrong?”
Her older brother asked, worried as he looked at Shii.
Shii quickly shook her head.
“No, it’s fine. I just felt relieved.”
“……Alright.”
Her brother said that while rubbing his eyes.
“Alright.”
He stretched his arms and said,
“Okay, then shall we eat breakfast? Since our thing to do now is wait for news.”
Shii nodded in agreement with those words.
*
“Sota, wait a moment.”
Hagiwara called out to Sota, who had rushed out of the room, saying he would cook.
With a slightly bewildered expression, Sota approached the anxious Hagiwara, who was shrinking her neck. Her eyes were fixed on the door behind Sota, as if she were worried that Shii might suddenly come out from there.
“I’ll help with the cooking too.”
“What? Senpai, you worked hard yesterday, and you’re a guest now, so I can handle it—”
“Stop talking and come along.”
But before Sota could finish his sentence, Hagiwara grabbed Sota’s arm and dragged him into the kitchen.
“Senpai?”
Sota was surprised by Hagiwara’s unusual behavior. Once they reached the far corner of the kitchen, Hagiwara finally spoke.
“Uh…”
The first thing that came out was a heavy sigh.
It was a sigh filled with deep concern.
“Senpai?”
“Sota, don’t get too startled, but listen.”
Hagiwara spoke with a pale face.
“……Last night, Kurosawa Koto Ne died.”
“……”
Sota stood there, frozen, with a perplexed expression.
“……What?”
That was all he could manage to say.
“That’s the news I just heard. I was going to tell you, but it seems your younger sister…”
“But Yamashita said—”
“……That must be a lie. You know someone who knows your sister.”
“There’s no guarantee that—”
“It was where Kurosawa was yesterday that Yamashita was.”
“……”
“Anyway, I’m telling you so that you at least know about it. You’re her older brother. And while you weren’t as close with Kurosawa, you were still close enough.”
Even though the shock had not passed, it was indeed understandable why Hagiwara was telling Sota this.
…At least one of them should know so that they can handle it later when they find out the truth.
But—
“……”
Both Hagiwara and Sota stood there for a while, not doing anything.
What could they do?
In a situation like this, they had no idea what words to say or what actions to take.
It felt as if they had a lump of lead stuck in their hearts.
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