Expressing emotions honestly isn’t as easy as one might think.
Even if it’s not a situation where you’re verbally expressing your feelings to someone else.
Humankind’s mind isn’t divided into rooms with walls, but rather it’s a smelting pot where various impurities are mixed together and indistinguishable.
Even during times of depression, you might laugh at something funny, and in joyful moments, you can still feel sadness and melancholia, making it hard to sort through your emotions when you’re alone.
Especially right now; I was experiencing exactly that.
Yuka was staying at my house under the pretense of getting me to study, but she wasn’t forcing me to study all the time like a school instructor.
After a decent study session in the literature club room after school, we’d go home, and after another couple of hours of studying, we’d have free time.
To be honest, it was way better than collapsing onto my blanket after coming back from my part-time job.
…Speaking of my part-time job, the boss told me I didn’t have to come in during exam periods.
Saying I didn’t ‘have to come’ was just a nicer way of telling me to take a break. Even though I looked fine right after being discharged, perhaps because the boss was aware of my condition, I was given leave until the exams were over.
I was thankful, of course, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had been receiving too much help.
“Why?”
Yuka, picking up a tangerine from the basket on the kotatsu, felt my gaze and asked.
“…It’s nothing much.”
I decided to say this to Yuka, who had a slight ‘aha’ expression on her face.
“I was just wondering if it’s okay to stay here this long.”
That’s right.
My house is in Saitama.
To explain a bit more, it takes at least ten minutes to get to school.
And even that “ten minutes” is only when I take the bus, including waiting time, so depending on luck, it could take longer.
On top of that, I usually walk, adding another thirty minutes to the journey.
Yuka’s house wasn’t exactly close to the school either, but at least it was in Tokyo, right? I had visited Yuka’s place a few times, and it was definitely much closer by distance.
“Do you dislike me being here?”
However, rather than answering my question directly, Yuka countered with her own, which left me speechless.
“No, it’s not that I dislike it…”
Right, I didn’t dislike it.
If someone I didn’t know at all decided to live here, I’d probably dislike it. But aside from someone using a hypnosis app, that scenario was unlikely, so that question was misplaced in the first place.
“Is it uncomfortable? If it is, I’d go back.”
“…No, it’s not that either…”
To be honest, it’s comfortable.
It’s comfortable, but the problem is that it’s too comfortable.
Koko isn’t completely useless at household chores.
Until recently, I had been doing almost all of them, but at some point, Koko started helping me out with various tasks to lighten my burden.
Despite her child-like speech, Koko was fundamentally quite clever. Simple tasks like cleaning and washing dishes came naturally to her.
Plus, while I was at the hospital for a few days, Koko handled household chores and took care of Kuro all by herself.
She even stopped by the house to tidy up before heading to the hospital; how impressive was that?
And Yuka was the same. While she stayed here, I had no reason to do anything.
Yuka took care of the household chores before I could even move.
That’s right.
If I keep living like this, I’ll end up leaving everything to these two high school girls who are much younger than I am.
No matter how I think about it, my conscience wouldn’t allow that.
“If it’s not uncomfortable, then it’s fine, right?”
“…”
Given the situation, it made it difficult for me to express my true feelings.
Hanging out with friends is enjoyable. It’s comfortable. It provides a sense of reassurance.
But at the same time, I felt a peculiar sense of burden. This isn’t Yuka’s fault or Koko’s fault. I was just the one feeling this way and sulking over it.
Eventually, running out of things to say, I reached for a tangerine.
“Well, it’s fine. I’m doing well in my studies anyway, so as long as I keep this up, I should manage to stay in the mid-range.”
Yuka smiled and said.
“There’s winter break after Christmas, right? Do you have any plans for the end of the year?”
Hmm.
If Kagami and I were actually a close family, I would’ve probably had plans.
Unlike in Korea, where the New Year’s celebration is split into solar and lunar, Japan’s holidays are all based on the solar calendar. Japan’s New Year means January 1st.
January 1, 2005.
There’s not much time left now. Once the finals are over and winter vacation starts, I’ll be a year older.
A year older here.
“…I don’t have any plans yet.”
Thinking of my lack of plans with Kagami reminded me that I had other friends too.
Mako would probably ask me first about my New Year’s or Christmas plans, but right now, the situation isn’t great. Miura-san is still in the hospital, after all.
…See, didn’t I get gloomy all of a sudden? It was definitely a peaceful winter night, but I couldn’t help feeling very down internally.
“…Um.”
At first, I thought of suggesting we spend time together if there’s nothing planned, but as I responded, I suddenly felt gloomy, and Yuka briefly seemed at a loss for words.
“Is there anywhere you want to go?”
“Anywhere I want to go?”
Trying to shift the atmosphere, Yuka asked, and I blankly returned the question.
“Yeah. Once the exams are over, we can take a break, so if there’s anywhere you want to go, maybe we could go together, like we did last summer.”
Oh, I see.
Since it’s winter vacation.
I quietly pondered for a moment.
How about a hot spring?
I went in summer as well, but honestly, as a person who isn’t originally from Japan, that summer hot spring was a bit too much. Still, a winter outdoor hot spring is somewhat of a dream. It’s also something that frequently comes up in manga.
Dream—
Oh, wait a minute.
While narrowing my eyes and staring at a corner of the ceiling, I suddenly felt some thought bubble up from beyond my memories.
What was it? I feel like there was something I had resolved to do by the end of the year—
“Ah.”
“Oh, what is it?”
Yuka, who had been leaning in toward me as if intrigued, asked as I suddenly exclaimed.
Had Yuka’s curiosity been piqued because I rarely ask her to do something first? Her eyes sparkled as she looked at me.
But…
Is it really okay to just say this?
The term ‘otaku’ certainly existed back in 2004. The word itself has likely been around for quite some time before that.
In regular light novels, otaku are often depicted as a standard demographic. In a way, it makes sense; they are, after all, the primary consumer base.
And while this might not apply for those in their twenties, many teens often have similar otaku friends.
However, the reality and fiction are different, right? In stories, there are heroines who love games aimed at otaku and enjoy reading manga and dressing up in cosplay, but in reality, there are plenty of people who don’t understand the anime and manga that otaku watch.
For me, I haven’t had the luxury of buying figures and whatnot because I ended up living with Koko out of nowhere, but fundamentally, that’s still my true nature.
But now, without any signs of it until now, I would ask Yuka for such a favor?
“Why? What’s going on? Are you worried I’d feel pressured? Do you want to go to Disneyland or something?”
Disneyland is whatever, but there is another place I’ve been thinking of wanting to go.
“Uwah?”
As I hesitated, Koko, who had been eavesdropping on our conversation, perked up in curiosity.
“That is…”
“Yeah, tell me.”
After a moment of contemplation, I took a small breath and finally spilled the thoughts I had.
“Comic Market.”
That’s right.
What I actually wanted to see was that.
Of course, I know.
There must be an incredible crowd there. Maybe I won’t enjoy it as much as I hoped.
But even so.
This is during a time when light novels and manga that I loved so much during my childhood were rapidly gaining popularity. It’s not the 2020s when there hasn’t been any new content for so long; it’s a time when light novels and media were thriving.
After coming here, I was curious enough to look it up, and for the most part, they actually existed. The only missing title was [Tokyo Slayers].
So, I want to go.
You know, there are still people who regret not attending Michael Jackson’s concert because they missed it when he came to town. It’s not about whether I could have gone or not; it’s just about how disappointing it is to not have been there in person.
I felt that way. Of course, back then, I probably wouldn’t have considered visiting Japan for these reasons.
“…”
Yuka and Koko were momentarily silent at my statement.
Thump!
I felt my face suddenly flush in an instant.
Koko loves magical girls, and Yuka enjoys video games.
Of course, Koko is a child who can’t be said to fully match the mental age of a high school girl, and I don’t even know if Yuka still enjoys games.
But to me, neither of them seemed like blatant otaku types. It’s not like I haven’t been into Yuka’s room or anything.
“Comic Market, huh? Is that where all the comic lovers gather?”
“…”
See, they don’t really know.
“Uuuh?”
It’s not surprising that Koko doesn’t know.
“…No, let’s just go somewhere like a shrine—”
“Hmm.”
As I tried to backtrack, Yuka chuckled softly.
For a moment, I thought Yuka resembled a distant cousin of Kaoru’s. Her mischievous smile was a playful expression I had never seen before on Yuka.
No, I haven’t even seen something like that in the original novel either. In the original narrative from Sasaki’s perspective, Yuka was portrayed as an extremely sharp-tongued tsundere. It was almost unheard of for her to show such a playful side.
Thud!
Suddenly, Yuka slapped the kotatsu, making me jump.
“That sounds good. Let’s go. When is it?”
… I don’t really know well.
Catching the look on my face, Yuka nodded.
“Well, I can search it online, I guess.”
Yuka crossed her arms and kept nodding, “uh-huh, uh-huh.”
“Well then, after vacation ends, let’s all go together. It’s something you want, right?”
“…”
Even knowing Yuka said it so confidently, my face still felt hot.
But I didn’t feel like retracting my words; it wasn’t to that extent, anyway.
Seeing Yuka looking incredibly satisfied for some reason, I awkwardly nodded along.
*
From Yuki Yuka’s perspective, Kurosawa Kotone was not an easy child to read.
In fact, thinking it over, it might be expected. Yuka, who had not been able to spend time in one school due to various circumstances since childhood, didn’t really know how to converse with her peers.
It was a little strange.
Everyone easily greets a new face, finds common ground, and naturally gets friendly. However, for Yuka, attempting to do so was extremely difficult.
Just swinging a knife won’t slay a yōkai.
The method of wielding a blade differs depending on the yōkai’s form. Plus, each yōkai has various traits, so there are many preparations needed.
As she learned all of that and struggled to keep up with school lessons, she couldn’t enjoy the things that other kids her age would easily find enjoyable.
When trying to talk about dramas or TV shows she watched yesterday, it was hard to keep up with the conversation.
She was also rather ignorant of popular songs and artists.
Of course, that didn’t mean she was always shunned, but Yuka strangely found it tricky and uncomfortable to engage in such dialogues.
In that sense, having Kotone, a peer with perfect conversation topics, was Yuka’s first experience.
But just as Yuka had to tread carefully in front of others, Kotone did the same in front of Yuka.
Even though she was much more honest and talkative than when they first met, Kotone still refrained from saying things that would worry others.
So, before Satori spilled the beans, she probably kept her thoughts to herself.
Yet now, Kotone was speaking directly to Yuka.
Expressing where she wanted to go, with her own mouth.
Yuka had no intention of missing this opportunity.
“Well then, after vacation ends, let’s all go. You want to go, right?”
“…”
Yuka’s words made Kotone’s face turn bright red.
It was also rare for Yuka to see Kotone openly show such pure embarrassment. She might be seeing this side of Kotone for the first time.
Even Koko next to them was staring at Kotone’s blushing face.
“But what made you want to visit such a place?”
Naturally curious.
Yuka didn’t think Kotone lacked hobbies. As a member of the literature club, she read books and occasionally watched TV or movies with it playing in the background. She thought it was lucky to have brought the old game she had, too.
But Kotone wanting to take the initiative like this was fresh.
From what Yuka understood, the “Comic Market” wasn’t necessarily the same as a comic festival. It was more of a comic ‘market’ where a multitude of people gather to buy and sell derivative works.
Put simply, if you have no interest in the works, it might not be enjoyable at all.
“Do you have a favorite manga or something?”
When Yuka asked her that, Kotone’s face turned even redder.
Now that I think about it, Kotone works part-time at Akihabara.
At a maid café, no less.
Initially, I thought she just chose based on hourly wage, but looking at this, it seems there’s something more to it.
“…”
Still, Kotone didn’t seem ready to say anything.
Yuka didn’t want to pry and risk upsetting Kotone’s feelings.
Well, they had already decided to go there together anyway.
If they went, they’d figure out what Kotone bought and would eventually learn what works she liked—
thinking that, Yuka continued staring at Kotone’s increasingly red face with arms crossed.
*
Well, fine.
Still, I had intended to talk about it eventually.
Honestly, I was contemplating playing it a bit more casually, making it come across as a nonchalant request without showing my eagerness, but since it turned out well, I could let it be for now.
Still, I felt somewhat uneasy thinking Yuka would be staring intently at my purchases.
… I can’t buy anything over the top, not with Koko around.
After searching for the schedule on the school library’s computer, I found out that the event was yet to happen. They had said it would occur at the end of the year, and indeed, it was actually scheduled to take place at the end of this year.
December 29 and 30.
Those were really the days to cap off a year’s worth of fanaticism. Although I haven’t seriously engaged in such activities since coming here.
“After Christmas, huh?”
Yuka said while staring intently at the computer screen beside me.
“Great! Then I can enjoy everything leading up to the New Year. And we can go to the shrine right after. Didn’t you say so yourself?”
“…Yeah.”
Because Yuka was smiling so brightly while speaking, I couldn’t find the heart to refuse.
Well, I wanted to go. I didn’t want to be the only one sticking to swordplay in this world.
“Well then, in order to fully enjoy all of that, I need to study.”
Gag!
Yuka said, looking back and forth between me and Koko.
“It’s the finals that wrap up the year, right? If you don’t do it well, you won’t be able to relax and play.”
She wasn’t wrong.
I nodded.
*
“Ah, but.”
And after school.
Thanks to Yuka, the atmosphere in the room turned entirely studious, and Izumi seemed to be inspired by Yuka’s studying and suddenly looked up from her textbook, having shifted from doing a routine to studying.
“Does anyone have plans for the end of the year?”
“Ah, as for that, we…”
Yuka began to speak but then glanced at me.
…Why?
Ah, is it because of the incident when I got flushed at the idea of asking her to go somewhere?
At that point, it was too late to backtrack after already teasing it.
“We do have something scheduled for the end of the year.”
Yuka wrapped up her statement without revealing where it was heading.
“Just as I thought?”
Kaoru chuckled.
“I was thinking about throwing a year-end party.”
“A party sounds good, doesn’t it?”
“Hey, you said you have plans, right?”
“That’s scheduled for the 30th. If it were the 31st…”
She slightly trailed off, looking in my direction.
“I’m fine with that.”
“Of course!”
Koko excitedly chimed in at my answer.
That’s right. No matter when you hear the term “party,” it sounds like a fun idea.
While it might be a little awkward with someone unfamiliar, I would welcome a party with close friends like this.
“Oh, really?”
Kaoru turned her gaze to Izumi.
“Izumi, what do you think? The kids said they’re okay with it, and it’s something you wanted to do, right?”
“Kaoru…!”
Izumi’s face flushed brightly at Kaoru’s words.
I see.
Actually, it was Izumi’s idea.
It seems she couldn’t find the timing to bring it up.
“Okay, then. Let’s do the literature club year-end party on the 31st. Is that alright?”
Now that I think about it, it’s funny to see Kaoru using the term ‘literature club year-end party.’
It seems she has completely become a part of the literature club without realizing it.
Even though her face was blushing, seeing Izumi flash a triumphant smile made me think she was a bit impressive.
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