Shocking news made my hands tremble as I picked up my mobile phone again, just as I heard Sylvia muttering something before the call cut off.
I felt like I remembered what she said, but the words escaped me.
The story I had just heard was so shocking that my mind felt blank.
Half in a daze, I staggered to the sofa and collapsed onto it.
Could it be that I misheard?
I briefly denied reality, but as I recalled the vivid sound of Sylvia’s voice, I had to accept that what I heard really happened.
My uncle was dead.
He had taken his own life.
“… Why?”
That single word that slipped from my lips expressed my emotions perfectly.
After all, it had only been a few days since I last saw my uncle’s face.
I could still clearly remember his words of encouragement before we parted.
But now he was gone.
I couldn’t fathom why he would choose to commit suicide, and lost in those thoughts, I kept muttering “why” in a daze while leaning against the sofa.
[… Scarlet, I’m here.]
I heard Sylvia’s voice from beyond the front door, accompanied by the chime of the doorbell.
What could Sylvia be doing here?
Come to think of it, I think I recalled her saying she’d come over just before the call cut off.
I managed to get up from the sofa and stumbled to open the front door.
When I opened it, I saw Sylvia’s face filled with worry.
It seemed like my uncle’s death was just as hard for her to accept.
What words could I possibly use to comfort her? I was blankly pondering when she asked me.
“… Scarlet, are you okay?”
That question made me realize.
She was just as confused as I was, and my bad expression must have given her quite a scare.
Evidently, I was not in a position to offer her any comfort.
Wanting to ease her worries, I tried to say something, but instead, what came out was not “I’m okay” but the question that had filled my mind.
“… Why did my uncle have to die?”
I blurted out an inquiry instead of reassurance.
Sylvia looked at me with a sorrowful expression as she murmured in response.
“… Let’s go inside first. I’ll explain it to you.”
I let her into the house.
Once we sat face-to-face at the dining table, Sylvia hesitated for a moment before she spoke.
“Um, Scarlet, this might be a difficult topic, but please try to calm down and listen. The truth is, yesterday—”
That’s how I learned about the events from yesterday from Sylvia.
The conversation about the Witch Weaponization Project that had come up during a meeting and how she and Yoon Si-woo, alongside my uncle, had tricked people to keep my name out of discussions.
After hearing everything, I understood the reason behind my uncle’s suicide, which I had pondered over alone.
That’s right.
It all made sense.
“Then, my uncle… died because of me…?”
I blurted out the fact that I suddenly realized.
And as soon as I said it, something inside me began to boil.
That emotion that surged from deep within twisted my expression, and I murmured.
“My uncle… because of me… Ugh, ugh…”
Amid the murmurs escaping my contorted face, laughter mixed in.
No, it could’ve been sobbing, but that detail didn’t matter.
What mattered was that one person had crossed the irreversible river because of my existence.
“Ugh, because of me… Ugh, because of me…”
Someone else had become unhappy because of me.
This damn existence of mine had driven another person to misery.
So I laughed bitterly, scoffed, and felt self-loathing, hate, disgust, resentment, and curse, and I cried out towards that existence.
“Because of someone like me-!!!”
A loud smack echoed.
As consciousness returned, a sharp pain swept over my cheek.
Turning my head slowly to look ahead, I saw Sylvia glaring at me with a mix of sadness and anger.
On the hand that had just slapped my cheek, a familiar light flickered.
… Judging by the feeling that my emotions had settled, I assumed it was a calming spell.
Staring blankly at Sylvia, she placed her hand on my cheek and murmured.
“… I’m sorry for hitting you without permission. But, Scarlet, please don’t say that because of someone like me. You mustn’t belittle your uncle’s death like that…”
Tears glimmered in her eyes as she gently stroked my cheek.
With a trembling voice, she asked me.
“Think back. When you were taken by the witch to save us, did you want us to blame ourselves for what happened to you?”
Her example made me slowly shake my head.
It was indeed a perfect example.
I immediately regretted saying that.
My uncle wouldn’t have wanted me to blame myself like this either.
Seeing her look as though she was asking if I understood now, I lowered my head.
It was an apology to her and my uncle.
“… I won’t say that anymore.”
After I apologized, Sylvia wiped her eyes with a handkerchief she took from her pocket and then pulled out an envelope to hand it to me.
“… I’m sorry too. I should have delivered this sooner, but I was so flustered.”
“… What is this?”
“… It’s a letter your uncle left for you. He asked me to deliver it.”
I took a slight breath at the identity of the letter she mentioned.
The lightweight envelope suddenly felt incredibly heavy.
With Sylvia’s gaze seemingly urging me to open it, I slowly opened the envelope and took out the letter.
I took a deep breath filled with an inexplicable tension.
What if this letter contained resentment towards me?
However, the first sentence of the opened letter was,
– I’m sorry, Scarlet.
It started with an apology directed at me.
– The fact that this letter reaches you likely means you’ve heard the news. I thought you would be very surprised. I’m sorry about that.
Surprised, I indeed was.
But now that I received this apology, I decided to be the bigger person and forgive him.
– Knowing your gentle nature, you might blame yourself for my death. So let me reassure you, you did nothing wrong.
… How did he know my character so well?
I chuckled slightly at the incredulity of it all, especially at the statement that I hadn’t done anything wrong.
Yes, I smiled. It was absolutely not a moment of being choked up.
– Anyway, you might find my choice extreme. I want to share a bit of my story, hoping it helps you not to feel guilty.
I focused intently as I read the next sentence.
– The truth is, I didn’t expect to live long. I’ve had an illness spreading throughout my body. It’s too late to turn back now. Scarlet, stress is the main culprit that damages the human body.
I gasped slightly at this previously unknown fact.
– Well, in my case, I neglected the illness due to stress. As you know, I made quite a few mistakes, didn’t I? I realized the illness had manifested due to stress but left it untreated. I thought I deserved it as punishment.
… My uncle’s face, which had grown increasingly pale each time we met, flashed across my mind.
Until now, I had assumed it was due to various issues he was facing, but it appeared that it was because his illness was progressing.
– I struggled in the past, unable to bear the weight of the wrongs I committed against you and other children before you. Had nothing happened, I would have lived a life filled with regret.
He must have struggled even more because he was originally a doctor.
Using skills honed to save lives for strict and harsh matters.
The weight of guilt he carried was evident through the tightly penned letters.
– However, meeting you changed my life. Scarlet, you gave meaning to my life filled with regret.
That felt somewhat strange.
That my name was associated with the meaning of life.
– I wished to be a kind person and hoped that I could be someone who protected others. But you truly became such a person. You likely have no idea how much that saved me. I was happy because of you.
Did my actions hold that much significance for my uncle?
… I wasn’t sure.
Yet, the words that my uncle was happy because of me struck a chord in my heart.
Why did it resonate so much?
– I wanted to repay even a little of that debt. So, I chose to spend the remainder of my life to help you, who became my meaning. I’m sorry for being selfish until the very end. But please understand.
After reading that, I began to consider that there might be a few things in common between me and my uncle.
– … I intended to share only a little about myself, but I ended up writing more than I planned. I suppose I’m inexperienced at writing letters, so I’m not sure how to conclude. Well, a few more words should do.
Realizing he wasn’t good at this made me reconsider my earlier thought.
I recognized that my uncle had someone else he resembled.
– There will likely be many challenges ahead. Yet, I believe you can overcome them. Stay strong.
My uncle seemed quite similar to my father.
And we shared some traits too.
Encouraging me to stay strong and live well at the end.
Also, just like him, he left my side to protect me.
– And lastly.
– And lastly.
– Be happy, Scarlet.
The fact that both of them wanted me to be happy.
“Ah…”
There were no further lines in the letter.
Even if there were, I would no longer be able to read them.
“Ugh… sniff… sniff…”
Tears dripped from my eyes and fell onto the letter, spreading across the paper.
My heart felt uncomfortably heavy, and the tears wouldn’t stop.
It was strangely peculiar.
Considering I hadn’t seen him that often, and he wasn’t truly my parent.
Yet, I felt this sad as if my real parents had passed away.
As I pondered this briefly, I suddenly realized something.
That I wasn’t the only one feeling sorrow over my uncle’s death.
What kind of significance did my uncle hold for Scarlet?
He was the one who brought Scarlet into this world, after all.
He was the one who gave her a name.
To Scarlet, her uncle was likely a father-like figure.
“Ugh… Waaah… Hwaaaah…”
So, it wasn’t strange that Scarlet mourned for her uncle’s death.
I decided to express the sorrow flooding inside me without holding back.
As Sylvia approached and hugged me tightly.
Burying my head in her arms, I cried for a long time.
*
“Are you a little calmer now?”
Sylvia asked me with a concerned look in her eyes.
She had reason to worry, considering how I was just sobbing uncontrollably.
I felt a bit embarrassed, my face reddening as I nodded.
But it seemed Sylvia was worried about something else too.
“… The letter is completely soaked.”
She murmured, looking at the letter with smudged ink beyond readability.
Since this was my uncle’s keepsake he left behind, I guessed it weighed heavily on her heart.
“It’s okay, really.”
“But…”
“Really, I mean it.”
I stated, pretending it didn’t matter as I picked up the now drenched letter.
Then I opened the window and set fire to the soggy paper.
Sylvia gasped in shock.
But it didn’t concern me.
After all, the contents of that letter were etched deeply in my memory.
It was a debt I could never repay; how could I possibly forget it?
I would probably have to live my life repaying that debt.
Not for the one who died because of me but for the one who died for me.
As the letter burned and sent smoke into the distant sky.
I felt as if I could hear my uncle’s voice encouraging me to be strong and be happy.
That’s how I would live.
I promised myself silently.
I would smile brightly as if to reassure my uncle, who I knew was watching over me from somewhere.
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