Chapter: 187
Beyond the open closet door, Yoon Si-woo and Sylvia appeared.
As their figures blurred more and more, I realized that I was crying.
Why was this happening? Overwhelmed by the uncontrollable tears, I hurriedly wiped my eyes with my sleeve.
But no matter how much I tried to wipe them away, the tears kept pouring out like a dam that had burst.
“Ugh, Scarlet! What happened?!”
“Why are you crying so suddenly…! What on earth happened?! C-Come on, calm down…!”
It seemed that the two were even more flustered than I was.
After all, it was only natural to be startled when a girl curled up alone in a closet suddenly burst into tears the moment the closet door opened.
I tried my best to stop my tears while witnessing their bewilderment, but I just couldn’t do it.
Just then, when I was sniffling and unable to stop my flowing tears, I heard Sylvia’s voice.
“…Scarlet.”
Turning my gaze towards her while wiping my tears, I saw her filled with concern.
Did she know?
Did she know that I was a monster who almost killed someone today?
Just imagining how her look would change if she found out sent chills down my spine.
But she didn’t ask anything. Instead, she gently said to me.
“…I don’t know what happened to you, Scarlet, but we will help you. So please, don’t cry alone in such a cramped space; come out.”
Even though she knew nothing about what happened, she still offered to help.
Sylvia stretched out her hand cautiously toward me.
Seeing that hand made me hesitate.
Aah, was it alright for me to shamelessly grab that hand?
As a monster who almost killed a friend, was it okay to ask for help like this?
Contradicting emotions surged inside me.
Half of me said I shouldn’t grab that hand.
Yet the other half desperately wanted to hold on.
As I was tangled in confusion, Sylvia spoke to me in a warm voice.
“It must be uncomfortable in there. Come on.”
With tears blurring my vision, the girl shining like a silver star stretched her hand even closer.
Though Sylvia reached out her hand, she didn’t force me to take it.
It was as if the decision to grab that hand was entirely mine, as she simply waited silently for me to take it.
However, I didn’t hesitate for long.
Perhaps it was because, even while hiding in the closet, I secretly hoped for someone to extend a helping hand.
Or perhaps I felt the tight lock inside my heart crumbling at the sight of the hand stretched out towards me.
I’m not sure, but I chose to accept her outstretched hand.
Guided by her touch, I finally made it out of the cramped closet.
“Alright, let’s stop crying. There we go.”
Even after coming out of the closet, I couldn’t easily stop my tears, and Sylvia comforted my back for quite some time.
I cried for a while between Yoon Si-woo, who looked at me with worry in his eyes, and Sylvia, who gently patted my back before I finally managed to stop.
Once my tears ceased, Sylvia smiled bitterly and murmured.
“Really… are you finally calming down? I was really scared! I came to check on you and see if you were okay after hearing you were unwell, but you weren’t in your room and there you were in the closet. Then you burst into tears the moment I opened the door… I’ve never seen you cry so sadly before, Scarlet.”
“…I was surprised too. If something happened, just tell me. I’ll help you solve it no matter what.”
Seeing Yoon Si-woo say this with a serious expression, it seemed that my crying had left quite an impression on him.
Especially for him, but even more so for Sylvia.
While I had inadvertently shown Yoon Si-woo a side of me I didn’t intend to, I had tried my hardest not to show weakness in front of Sylvia.
With that said, when Yoon Si-woo asked what happened, my mouth wouldn’t easily open.
How could I casually mention that I almost killed someone, especially someone like Jessie whom they also knew?
As I hesitated and struggled to find the words, Sylvia suddenly shot a glance at Yoon Si-woo and said.
“Did Yoon Si-woo do something terrible to you? If that’s the case, I won’t forgive him.”
“W-What do you mean by terrible! I would never do something like that to Scarlet…!”
“It was a joke. Come on, despite everything, I trust that you wouldn’t do anything like that to Scarlet. Well, seeing you overreact makes me a bit suspicious, though.”
With the atmosphere feeling far too heavy, Sylvia attempted a joke and smiled at me.
It seemed like she tried to lighten the mood since I was downcast.
After gazing at me briefly, Sylvia then adopted a serious expression and cautiously asked me.
“So, Scarlet, can you tell us why you were crying like that?”
As I contemplated how to deliver the truth, I found myself hesitating to speak for a long time.
I almost killed someone.
Getting out those words felt exceedingly difficult, as if my breath was constricted.
After much internal struggle, what I finally forced out was this.
“…I almost made a huge mistake. And because I hated myself for almost doing such a thing, I felt guilt…”
Upon hearing my words, Sylvia tilted her head for a moment before breaking into a soft, cute laugh.
“Just a moment. You were crying over not actually doing something wrong but almost doing something wrong? Oh my, how can someone be this kind… It’s okay, Scarlet. Everyone makes mistakes. You don’t need to feel guilty over something that didn’t even happen. It’s not like you actually killed someone or anything… right?”
Sylvia’s voice trailed off as she saw my complexion turn pale.
It was because she witnessed my reaction to her words.
As she spoke, insisting it wasn’t something to worry about, I felt a tightening in my chest.
What if she knew?
If she found out that I did that, how would she look at me now?
I saw her expression turn serious as she swallowed deeply, gazing at me with disbelief.
“…Scarlet, did you really do that?”
The level of intensity in her eyes when she asked if I almost killed someone felt piercing, almost like a reproach from someone who had seen a monster.
The warmth that had filled her gaze turned into something painful for me.
But even so, the sins I committed wouldn’t just vanish.
It was true. I was a monster who almost killed a friend.
Nodding at her, I heard a small gasp as she took in a sharp breath.
Her reaction felt burdensome, but now that I had told her, I had no reason to hide anymore.
With a repentant heart, I laid bare everything I had done and what I almost did before her.
“…Yesterday, I briefly left the Barrier for work. I’m basically a monster no different from a witch or a demonic beast, so when I passed through the Barrier, I lost my miasma. After that, this morning, my mind went haywire, and all I could think about was needing to replenish the lost miasma, so I tried to use the Beast Corpses to do just that.”
I shared the story about how I had lost my mind when I entered the Barrier and sought after the remnants of miasma.
“Then, I almost got caught by Jessie while doing so. Thinking it would be bad if I got caught…I tried to burn Jessie to death to eliminate the evidence. Luckily, just before doing that, I managed to snap out of it and stop myself…”
I recounted the moment I nearly set Jessie ablaze to cover up the evidence.
“I’ve become a monster able to unleash such horrors at any moment. A monster who could turn on my precious friends and burn them to ashes…”
I confessed that I had become a terrifying monster capable of doing such things.
However, at the end of my confession, I didn’t add a plea for forgiveness.
I didn’t think I could be forgiven.
Like I had believed, I thought she would come to despise me.
Even so,
“…It’s okay.”
Despite this, Sylvia said that to me.
“…Scarlet, you didn’t actually do anything wrong. You’re not a monster. So it’s okay.”
That one unexpected line made my well-held tears threaten to burst forth again.
Since I didn’t wish to trouble her again, this time I tried hard to suppress my tears.
But my attempts were in vain.
As she gently held me, whispering it was okay despite the loathing I felt for myself.
Ultimately, the tears I had restrained flooded out once more.
That simple affirmation felt like salvation to me.
A sentiment I couldn’t muster for myself.
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