After finishing lunch and returning to the classroom, as I was about to open the classroom door, I caught a glimpse of Sylvia sitting at her desk through the glass window of the door.
I wondered if she had finished her meal already, but then realized I hadn’t seen her at the restaurant.
The fact that she, who had never once eaten lunch from the snack bar, was already sitting in the classroom meant… she probably skipped lunch.
While I was thinking about this, I noticed Sylvia let out a sigh.
Her expression was one drowned in deep sadness.
When it crossed my mind that the reason for Sylvia’s state was likely my fault, I felt uneasy.
It was as if something heavy was pressing down on a corner of my chest.
Honestly, I knew that the right thing to do was to ignore her if I wanted to keep my distance, but…
I just couldn’t shake off the guilt, so begrudgingly, I headed to the snack bar, bought a snack, and picked up a macaron before returning to the classroom.
“…Sylvia, take this.”
“…Ah, Miss Scarlet? This is…”
As I placed the items I bought on Sylvia’s desk, she was looking down, and then she stared blankly at me with a face that asked, “What is this?”
I pushed the things I bought towards her and replied.
“…I don’t know what worries you have, but you shouldn’t skip meals. You need to eat something to stay healthy, so at least eat this.”
“…You mean you bought this for me… because I skipped lunch?”
Sylvia looked surprised and gazed up at me in disbelief.
In her eyes, I could see a deep sense of guilt reflected.
Was my forced relocation really that apologetic for her?
I wanted to tell her that it was fine and she didn’t need to feel sorry, but…
Maybe it was just typical of gentle-hearted Sylvia to feel that way; she shouldn’t have to suffer to take care of herself, so I spoke in hopes that she’d shake off her guilt.
“I was going to say this when you apologized earlier, but you don’t have to feel sorry to me. I don’t blame you for that at all. I really am fine, so don’t worry about it anymore, okay?”
I smiled gently at Sylvia to emphasize that I was truly okay.
At that, she mumbled in a soft voice.
“…How can I not be worried? I did something terrible to you… Why are you always so….”
“Hey, I don’t think it was that terrible. Just stop and quickly eat something. You must be hungry.”
Under my urging, Sylvia hesitated but then picked up a bag of bread and took a bite.
While I was appreciating the sight of her slightly blushing face as she timidly nibbled on the bread, she suddenly jumped and looked at the shopping bag I was holding.
“…Um, Miss Scarlet. What’s that…?”
“Oh, this? It’s a cosmetic that Florene gave me as an apology. Why do you ask?”
“…No, it’s just… it feels a bit… strange…”
Seeing Sylvia’s unsure expression toward the shopping bag, I gave a wry smile and said.
“See, even you think it’s strange, right? It doesn’t quite suit me. They say it’s really expensive cosmetics, but it feels like a waste. I’m not at all interested in decorating myself, so I’d rather it went to someone like you who it suits better, haha…”
Honestly, it was a bit odd.
I mean, come on, of all things, cosmetics.
For someone like me, who had only ever put on skin cream, lotion, and a concealer on their face, cosmetics felt totally out of place.
But Sylvia murmured as if something displeased her.
“…What do you mean it doesn’t suit you?”
“…Huh? No, it’s just I’ve never used cosmetics before nor do I plan to…”
“…Miss Scarlet, how can a person be like that?”
When I answered that way, Sylvia glared at me with an angry face and said that.
…Did I make a mistake or something?
Feeling nervous, I was looking for a hint from her when she suddenly shouted.
“Miss Scarlet! It’s nice to care about others, but you need to take better care of yourself too! Being altruistic is one thing, but there should be a degree of selfishness too! You always buy things like these macarons for me! But you never eat anything yourself! Why is that? You’re not hesitant to spend on others but hesitant to spend on yourself?”
“Hey, I… um…”
“Cosmetics don’t suit you? What do you mean they don’t suit you! You’ve never tried them! That’s why you think so! And you only wear the plain clothes I gave you! You might have had a tough time until now, but you must have things you want to do too! Now that you have some money, don’t hesitate to spend on yourself! It’s so frustrating to watch you like this that I’m getting mad!”
With all that pent-up anger, Sylvia suddenly stood up and grabbed my shoulder.
Then, with tears in her eyes, she pleaded.
“…Please, I’m begging you, value yourself more than others…”
I couldn’t help but nod in response to her earnest request no matter what my true feelings were.
Afterward, Sylvia took a few breaths and sat back down, casting a complicated glance at the shopping bag I was holding before letting out a sigh and murmuring to me.
“…You would look good in makeup, I’m sure.”
Of course, I couldn’t agree with that.
It wasn’t even a punishment, and I wasn’t going to do it anyway.
*
“I’m back,” I said as I opened the door to my house after finishing class, but as expected, there was no reply.
Since Yoon Si-woo wouldn’t be coming back for a week starting today, I was all alone at home.
After letting out a sigh of disappointment, I entered my room, organized my things, and shoved the shopping bag filled with cosmetics into the corner.
I wouldn’t even look at it again until I decided to sell it or something.
With that in mind, I emerged into the living room with the kitchen and prepared dinner.
Since Yoon Si-woo wasn’t here, of course, the menu was stir-fried bean sprouts.
If someone looked at me, they might say, “Are you eating stir-fried bean sprouts again? Don’t you get sick of it?” But right now, I would gladly eat this three times a day.
In fact, maybe it would be better if I did that.
Someone once said.
You can’t experience memories again, but the taste of memories can be relived through cooking.
At least while eating the nostalgic foods that my mother used to make, I could recall the most peaceful and happiest days of my life.
Suddenly, I thought of my mother.
What would she say if she saw me now?
Would she be sad to see me struggling?
Or would she praise me for holding up even through hardships?
I hoped for the latter as I wiped my plate of stir-fried bean sprouts clean.
After washing the dishes and taking a shower, evening had come.
I lay down on my bed a bit earlier than usual.
The bed I had bought not long ago was really plush and comfortable, living up to its expensive price.
As I lay on the bed, memories of the conversation I had earlier with Sylvia came to mind.
I wanted to show her this bed, telling her that I could indulge myself this much once in a while.
Yeah, indulgence.
A bed is fundamentally a tool for a good sleep.
So for me, this bed truly was a luxury item.
You need to be able to sleep for a bed to even be useful, right?
I made a wry smile and sat up.
Then I curled up on the bed.
Sleep is originally a means to rest the mind.
But if there isn’t anyone next to you who can help when things go south, then resting the mind at this point feels way too lavish for me.
So, I couldn’t sleep.
Now that Yoon Si-woo was gone, I needed to keep my mind alert.
Once a week, I could afford a good night’s sleep only when Yoon Si-woo was around.
The reason I bought this bed was just not to burden Yoon Si-woo with unnecessary worries.
Actually, I had thought about paying for it in installments just as I had done until now, but I bought it outright since I couldn’t guarantee how long I could hold out with this living situation.
If I suddenly dropped dead while paying in installments, that would be a burden.
Well, still, I would probably endure as long as I could manage.
As long as my mind can hold out.
I wouldn’t lose, I told myself while pondering how to spend this long night, and I eventually started counting sheep.
“One sheep… Two sheep…”
And then,
“Fifteen thousand six hundred thirty-two sheep…”
By the time I counted that far, the morning light had seemingly arrived.
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