What choice should I make?
For the past few days, I’ve been battling a troubling dilemma that’s been wreaking havoc in my head and heart.
In front of me lay two divergent paths.
One was a road that had been paved since my previous life. It gave me a sense of comfort and stability.
On the other hand…
The other path was a brand new one formed in this life. It was imperfect and rugged, warning me of a treacherous journey ahead.
Both paths had distinctly different characteristics, but they shared one significant trait.
Choosing one would mean abandoning the other.
“…O Sun.”
I muttered absentmindedly and took a swig of the orc-black beer that Liam had fetched me.
At first, I sipped cautiously, but soon enough I was gulping it down.
The smoothness of the drink and the crisp aftertaste, along with the refreshing coolness, was simply delightful.
It really was delicious. No wonder I kept seeking this out.
After downing the beer in one go, the face of that unruly hero suddenly flashed before me.
—I like you. Do I need another reason?
“…Was it not needed?”
Honestly, I wasn’t sure.
The truth was, I had never experienced romance before.
In my previous life, I was too burdened just to survive each day, and in this life, I lacked the time to indulge in love.
Had I ever even met someone I liked? No one came to mind, no matter how hard I tried.
So being in a situation like this felt exceptionally unfamiliar and awkward.
How do others decide their feelings in such a situation?
What would they do upon meeting someone who genuinely liked them?
If I were to accept that person’s feelings, how would I cope with the turmoil of emotions and preconceived notions I had built up until now?
No matter how much I pondered, I couldn’t figure it out.
There was no way to know. No one else would be going through something similar.
This was something I had to navigate through alone, without others’ advice, trusting my own judgment.
“Please grant me the wisdom to make a wise decision.”
With a fervent prayer, I fiddled with my beer mug.
Liam’s magically enchanted mug was still cold, despite the heat rising in my cheeks.
*
After that, I poured myself into training for a while.
Being a saint for the first time in ages, I had the luxury of lounging around in bed all day.
Plus, with the healing from my Sacred Power, the size of the frostbite on my body diminished day by day, and the tremors in my limbs disappeared entirely.
I also practiced controlling my Sacred Power every day without fail.
The years of struggle without any progress seemed to dissipate, and I was making advancements by the day.
Where it used to be challenging to even form a simple orb, now I was able to shape my Sacred Power into more complex forms.
“Wow!”
Erin gasped, looking up at the swarm of Sacred Energy butterflies I created.
“You’ve improved from yesterday!”
“Right?”
“You can use five Sacred Spells now, right?”
“No, six.”
“Congratulations!”
I never thought a day like this would come.
I reminisced about the times I was belittled as the weakest saint, and it brought tears to my eyes.
I truly felt wonderful.
However, the tangled knots of concerns still sprawled out within my heart, waiting for me to untangle them.
If I had it my way, I would want to ignore them completely…
But if I did, my recently budding ability to control my Sacred Power would stagnate again.
To forge a future, I had to get my body and mind in sync.
Even though I knew that well, I kept delaying my decision.
Like an ostrich burying its head in the sand when faced with a dangerous enemy. Despite having urgent matters to resolve, I hesitated and wandered in confusion.
‘That guy….’
The indecision in my heart swiftly turned to anger directed at Liam.
After all, this chaos stemmed from him.
If he had just kept acting like the usual unruly brat, I would’ve lost interest and hardened my heart right away.
But because he was trying to change in ways that didn’t suit him, I found myself at a loss.
Even the day before yesterday, I had a drink alone with that Guardian Logan, whom I used to dislike so much.
According to Erin, we didn’t argue at all, and he even bowed politely to apologize for previous wrongdoings.
I was beyond astonished; it bordered on horrifying.
‘He was standing tall even when meeting royalty….’
Could it be that something changed in between? Or did he accidentally bang his head against a wall without me noticing?
It was such a dramatic transformation that I couldn’t help but wonder.
As Liam changed, Erin’s questions directed towards me grew more and more loaded with meaning.
“Saint, do you know?”
Finally tearing her eyes away from the swarm of Sacred Energy butterflies, Erin casually brought it up.
Though I hadn’t quite caught the details yet, I could already guess what was coming. The young sage had a big smile on her face.
Should I just pretend I didn’t hear?
After pondering seriously for about ten seconds, I ultimately decided to respond.
“What do you mean, do I know?”
“I had a deep conversation with the hero during dinner yesterday, just the two of us.”
“You too?”
“Yes! Honestly, at first, I was scared he’d yell like before, but he was kind the entire meal!”
Erin excitedly continued her story.
“So, I mustered the courage to ask if he was struggling with pretending to be nice against his nature.”
“…You really did gather courage.”
If it were before, I might have slapped the cheek of even a child for such a question.
But instead, the transformed Liam simply smiled gently, the reason for which didn’t stray far from my expectations.
“He said he wants you to get along with your companions and that he would try to suppress his temper, no matter how hard it gets.”
“…….”
“I think even if you reject him, he’ll keep trying to change for a while. Isn’t that fascinating?”
I gently nodded in agreement.
“Yeah, that is fascinating.”
While my lips readily accepted the agreement, my mind was more tangled and dizzy than ever.
‘…Should I just run away?’
This time, a strong impulse surged within me, but I ultimately decided to face reality.
It was time to make up my mind. Once my body fully recovered, I’d soon be busy again without a moment of rest.
I had roughly a day left.
“Erin.”
“Yes?”
“I’m going to have a chat with that guy… later.”
Tonight, I would leave the crossroads and move forward. Whatever direction that might be.
*
That evening.
I was sitting on the bed in my inn room.
Not to rest, but waiting for someone Erin had been asked to summon.
“….”
My heart was pounding loudly, and sweat was dripping from my forehead and back, despite the cool climate.
I felt restless, fidgeting with my hands in anxiety when I sensed movement from outside the door.
Knock, knock.
The gentle sound of knocking on the door made me straighten up unconsciously.
Finally, they had arrived.
I cleared my throat softly and said casually, “You can come in.”
As soon as I granted permission, the door opened, revealing a handsome young man.
Liam, of course.
“You called?”
There was not a hint of tension in Liam’s demeanor. As always, he appeared to carry himself with a confidence bordering on arrogance.
How can he do that? I feel like I’m going to die over here.
Even though I was trembling, I made an effort not to show it and opened my mouth nonchalantly.
“Liam. I’ve been thinking about whether or not to accept your feelings for the past few days. You knew that, right?”
It was a straightforward remark intended to maintain my composure.
But Liam’s eyes widened in surprise, as if he hadn’t expected that at all.
“Really? I thought you weren’t concerned at all.”
“…What? Didn’t Erin say anything?”
“She did, but I thought she was just trying to cheer me up.”
He surprisingly seemed to lack confidence.
Despite his outward demeanor, it appeared he was genuinely worried that I might not even consider his feelings.
“That’s not like you.”
“Clitia. This might be a little awkward to say, but I have some dignity.”
Liam avoided my gaze and smiled awkwardly.
“To be honest, I’ve treated you poorly all this time. I ignored you and insulted you, despite always being there to support me.”
“That’s true.”
“So, I thought I didn’t deserve you. Even if you hated me, I accepted it.”
Through his gaze, I could see the seeping self-loathing and regret. A bittersweet expression that wouldn’t have been visible if he hadn’t recognized what he’d done wrong.
Liam was genuinely feeling remorseful. Reflecting on all the past troubles he had caused, he was seeking forgiveness from me, who had always cared for him.
“I’m sorry.”
Immediately after, Liam knelt down on one knee.
As I was startled and instinctively reached to help him up, he continued in a slightly trembling voice.
“I’m a pathetic guy. Honestly, you deserve far better than me.”
“…….”
“But, if you happen to still find me acceptable….”
Looking directly into my eyes without looking away, Liam conjured a bouquet of flowers in his hands.
A rainbow-hued bouquet sparkling with vibrant colors and a vivid fragrance tickling my nose.
“Be my lover.”
“…….”
After finishing his words, Liam finally looked up at me with anxious eyes.
That expression was both pitiable and amusing, causing me to burst into laughter.
“You really put in the effort.”
That was the first thought that came to mind.
Next was a light jab.
“Hey, what’s with the flowers? You could have at least brought some alcohol.”
“…You don’t like it? Logan told me to do it this way.”
“He’s a noble. You shouldn’t listen to someone who unnecessarily seeks romance.”
Still, despite my words, I accepted the bouquet.
It looked even more beautiful up close, and I quietly spoke.
“I’ve never received such enthusiastic wooing before, Liam.”
My heart fluttered.
It was my first time meeting someone who suppressed their own nature, reflecting on their past mistakes, and pouring affection into me.
“I understand your feelings. And it’s not a lie that you want to change.”
Liam was sincere.
He wasn’t just pretending to change for my sake; he was genuinely trying hard for me.
Because of that, I couldn’t contain my pounding heart.
“To be honest… I don’t really know how to respond.”
Suddenly my head spun.
Everything grew blurry, as if I were about to lose consciousness.
It felt like I might collapse right then.
At that moment.
“You don’t know how to respond?”
Liam’s voice pierced through, anchoring me and pulling my wandering thoughts back together.
Then, he wrapped his arms around my swaying body and smiled gently.
“Then let’s explore it together. I’ll show you what happens when someone who doesn’t know how to love gets showered with fiery affection. How does that sound?”
“…….”
Before answering, I momentarily fell into thought.
In my past life as Park Si-woo, I grew up as an orphan, abandoned as a baby, and felt so lonely.
Except for a younger sibling I befriended in the orphanage, I couldn’t get close to anyone.
So I didn’t believe it. That deep love could exist without any gain.
But.
Now, that’s no longer the case.
In my hometown, I was showered with affections from the elders.
In the convent, I experienced being the envy of other nuns.
After becoming a saint, I formed a bond with companions who felt closer than family, even without blood ties.
And now.
I had finally met someone who wanted to give me a love as warm as the sun for the first time.
I was no longer living the same life I had before.
Saint Clitia Eluke.
A member of the hero party formed to defeat the Demon King.
That is who I am now.
It has always been this way, but it will only become more so in the future.
I had just decided that.
“I understand.”
With my thoughts collected, I met Liam’s gaze and smiled brightly.
“Just like you said, let’s take it slow. But if you can’t satisfy me, we’ll go back to how it was before. Sound good?”
As expected, Liam nodded vigorously.
“Okay!!!”
His loud shout nearly made my ears ring.
Still, I felt great. My heart raced with anticipation of what would unfold next.
This marked the beginning of my life as a true ‘Clitia Eluke.’
…And the story of how I first engaged with Liam unfolded just a week later.
Who would have thought he would satisfy me so thoroughly?
Love was a feeling far more intense and sweet than I had expected.
*
“Are you okay?”
“…Not okay.”
Once again, an intense encounter came to an end.
As the currents of pleasure washed over me, I lay sprawled on the bed, completely drained.
‘My back….’
I had hit my limit. Any further and I might suffer serious consequences.
Thankfully, Liam appeared satisfied, finally looking relieved.
His face looked so cute that I couldn’t help but smile.
‘It was a good decision.’
I don’t regret choosing this path.
Even when I think back on it, it was an outstanding choice.
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