It felt really strange to flip through the drawings of myself.
The picture hanging in the frame was said to have been drawn two years ago, but there were also more recent ones among the drawings I found in Amy’s desk drawer.
“I’d love to hang this one up too and look at it, but… you definitely drew this well enough to recognize who it is. I’m sorry, but I couldn’t just publicly display it in the office where the palace staff from the Luminous Kingdom occasionally visit. In fact, the artwork has been critiqued before, but I managed to explain it away.”
The most recent drawing was from just a month ago.
Certainly, the earlier drawings from two years ago could be guessed easily by anyone who knew me, but the style had become increasingly realistic since then, resembling a wanted poster.
Of course, that was just how I felt; it didn’t mean the artwork itself was bleak. Rather, the woman in the painting radiated a gentle and warm atmosphere, so much so that I felt a bit unfamiliar, yet she looked astonishingly like me, aside from that part.
Four years.
If I had continued to live in the orphanage as a human, would I have ended up looking like that?
I don’t know. It’s a forgotten past, an impossibility now.
Yet, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the drawing.
“Why… why someone like me?”
I had indeed loved Sophia back when I was in the orphanage, but since coming to accept my identity as a vampire, I hadn’t thought of her.
It made sense. I’m a vampire, and she is a detestable human.
At that time, simply being a human was enough to make me harbor hostility towards someone, and there was no reason to single out one of the many children from my foolish past in the memories of my orphanage life.
To me, it was just that little of a relationship, and I figured it was the same in reverse.
A vampire pretending to be human, lurking in the orphanage while secretly preying on children.
That would have been enough of a gossip. Thankfully, there weren’t any “unfortunate accidents,” but who knows, I might have bitten someone to death!
Before that could happen, it was fortunate that the Church revealed my identity, and everyone must have thought it was a shame that I hadn’t been dealt with properly.
“Kids are surprisingly honest, aren’t they? Children who are unaware of hardship often believe what they see with their own eyes and hear with their own ears more than what adults say. Besides Sophia, there were many children who cried, saying you couldn’t possibly be like that.”
I didn’t know.
I never once thought someone among those humans who should have hated me would remember me from the past I had cut off.
I thought all humans were the same, and I hated them all.
Even Plona had only been able to truly open her heart to me once she became my ally, so my hatred didn’t discriminate by age or gender.
But those children I tried to forget, hating them just because I was human, remembered me.
When everyone was condemning and slandering me, one child drew a picture to remember me, and eventually decided to become an artist.
I hadn’t known this either. Sophia didn’t paint while I was in the orphanage.
“To be honest, I came to show you these drawings. Aria seemed so sad, so I couldn’t help but interfere. I’m sorry.”
Amy handed me another apology, one of many for today.
But what did this person really think of me? I didn’t want to admit it, but her feelings directed towards me didn’t feel like lies.
“Sophia.”
If I could have visited here once more before fleeing the Luminous Kingdom, would something have changed?
…No, it probably wouldn’t have. I was too filled with a longing for life and hatred for humanity to have the luxury of seeing or hearing anything else.
“I always arrive late.”
I don’t think it was wrong to have hated humans all this time.
If there was one cup of water from a human who was friendly to me, there would be as many humans hostile to me as rivers and seas.
However, I tend to stubbornly cling to conclusions once I reach them without flexibility, only to realize my regret after losing something precious.
Because I couldn’t believe it, Plona almost died, and Sophia didn’t even remain in my memories. And the situation I’m in now is no different.
“Martini.”
The first person to become my ally in this world.
The benefactor who saved me from near death by the imperial army and taught me how to survive.
“Stella.”
Initially, a maid who strictly followed Martini’s orders while also being a bit snarky.
She became my mentor, teaching me the art of manipulating shadows and helping me accumulate a massive amount of battle experience.
“Jeil.”
Though our relationship started with a fistfight, he eventually chose to follow me, that grumpy fellow.
He seems like a violent, hot-tempered tyrant, yet he takes good care of his subordinates and treats those he acknowledges with utmost respect.
“I’ve always been thankful… or at least I thought I was.”
Once again, I realized how immense their absence was only after experiencing loss.
My usual feelings of gratitude toward them pale in comparison to their monumental presence.
I really need you all. Without you, I’m just a fragment of myself.
I can’t do it alone. I’m not confident I can win.
I’ve thought and mulled over this multiple times, but the conclusion is simply that with my current self, I could never reach Luminous.
Grant me your wisdom. Lend me your strength.
Please, just give me one more chance. One more chance to draw the future alongside you all.
“Master.”
I looked up at the sudden call from someone who had sneaked in silently.
It was indeed Eleonora. I’d sensed someone keeping a certain distance behind me since I stepped outside, but my nose is a bit off, so I thought it could be one of the three.
I left Amy, who was startled by the sudden appearance of a dragonkin, and asked, “What’s going on?”
I anticipated they might be secretly keeping an eye on me to avoid leaving me alone, but Eleonora wasn’t the type to just intrude on conversations without reason.
Did something significant happen? Luminous still has 17 days until—
“Helraig Duchy might still be alive.”
…What?
*
“Duchess Bianca Serneff has come.”
“The Grand Duke is alive.”
I mulled over Eleonora’s words for an unusually long time.
It’s still too early to jump to conclusions. I’ve experienced the disappointment of getting my hopes up too many times.
Yet, despite that, I couldn’t stop the thrill of ‘could it be?’ rising from deep within my heart.
Bianca Serneff. The third-ranking official of Helraig Duchy and one of the two vampire dukes alongside Slein Perbat.
An expert in espionage and assassination, her job often involves field work, so I only properly met her on the day of the enthronement. When we invaded Helraig Duchy in the past and fought with Jeil, she was dispatched to the west of Bertica Kingdom and I missed meeting her at the Grand Duke’s Castle.
Even though I thought the possibility of Jeil still being alive was nearly zero, just the fact that it was a message from Duchess Serneff was enough to inspire hope.
It wasn’t because Bianca was an expert in espionage.
She was the very first subordinate that Jeil Helraig personally made into a vampire.
While Slein Perbat holds the second-ranking position in Helraig Duchy, he doesn’t belong to Jeil’s bloodline. He is one of the subordinates created by Jeil and Martini’s siblings.
In other words, Bianca Serneff is the subordinate closest to Jeil in terms of bloodline.
Didn’t Plona believe that I was still alive through connections made with my subordinates bound by True Blood?
Then surely, there must be some strong reason for Duchess Serneff to come all this way with a message, leaving her post in Helraig Duchy.
“Where is Duchess Serneff?”
“She’s at the Knight Order Barracks. Shall I guide you?”
“Sure, let’s go. You wait outside first. I’ll follow shortly.”
I sent Eleonora ahead and took a moment to calm my heart, which was racing with excitement for the first time in a while.
I need to confirm this in person. I must find out if Jeil, and perhaps Martini and Stella, are still alive.
“Can I take this drawing… just one?”
“Of course! I think Sophia would actually prefer you take them all.”
“Just one is fine for now. I’ll come back for the rest when this war is all over.”
Amy’s eyes brimmed with tears again, but this time she managed to hold back her sobs.
I carefully took one drawing from the frame and left the office.
“Thank you, Director.”
I mumbled softly as I hurriedly departed. It probably wouldn’t be heard by the aging human, but… it’s fine. It’s just self-satisfaction anyway.
Once outside, Eleonora nodded at me as soon as she saw me emerge and quickened her steps.
Could miracles really exist?
I don’t know. I’ve thought all along that my life had been far from miraculous.
But in this moment, I couldn’t care less about the fact that I lived a life cut short in my past and that the second life I gained was as a vampire, not a human.
There was a saying that everyone gets three chances in life.
If receiving a new life was the first, and finding steadfast allies who stood by me even when the whole continent tried to kill me was the second… then I hope this would be my third chance.
To properly confirm with Serneff.
And if, somehow—if, just if—someone among them is still alive.
This time, I absolutely won’t let go of your hands.
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