“Good morning, young progenitor! Today, let’s measure your inner organs’ regenerative abilities!”
“…….”
Crazy bastard.
As soon as I saw Raul’s cheerful face, my trained fear made me shrink back, and my heart started pounding loudly.
My body was stiff, but my mind felt foggy.
When was the last time I slept properly? I can’t remember. My whole body aches, so I can’t recall anything.
The limbs that had been severed countless times were now perfectly regenerated. Yet, it was as if the nerves of all those severed limbs were connected to me through some invisible source, and a non-existent pain tormented me all night.
And now, the one responsible for that torment, the psycho who had been cutting and tearing at my limbs just yesterday, is saying good morning. He goes on about the regeneration of my inner organs like it’s some sort of joke.
“Why the grimace? Yes, didn’t you say you wanted to side with humans? If we can better understand the origins and weaknesses of vampires through this research, wouldn’t that be a contribution only you can make? Smile a bit more!”
As Raul began barking again, I closed my eyes, trying my best not to hear his words.
At first, I thought he was doing it on purpose, trying to provoke me.
But it wasn’t that. That crazy zealot truly believes that only ‘humans’ are right. He thinks cutting and mutilating a monster like me is a good and beneficial act.
Such pure malice terrified me. The feeling of a cold blade and the fiery pain of a severed limb were horrific, but the malicious intent and madness of a human delighting in torturing me was far more horrifying.
……Wait a second.
Did he just say the regenerative abilities of my inner organs?
That can’t be…
“Then shall we begin?”
As Raul pulled something from the ground, the wall that was holding my body upside down rotated 90 degrees.
My body, which was once standing, was now lying down, and the wall with restraints instantly transformed into an operating table.
It had been a while since my head touched the ground. But I wasn’t going to enjoy any comfort.
Fwoosh―
A chill running through my abdomen. The cold foreign object invaded my body and turned my insides into a furnace.
“Gah―”
A half-finished scream slipped from my blocked mouth.
It hurts, it’s hot, it’s cold, it hurts. The cold air rushing into my opened belly sent chills down my spine.
Something hot gushed up from inside and poured out.
My insides felt lighter. The substances that composed my body were being stripped of their mass by another’s hands.
A familiar sensation, one I had felt long ago, returned. A feeling I could never forget—an utterly chilling sensation.
The smell of death. An instinctual sense of crisis that brushed past me just before my breath was snuffed out, one I had not felt even when my execution was decided.
If this continues, I will die. The moment I sensed it, a terrifying wave of panic engulfed me.
Am I… really going to die?
I don’t want to. I don’t want to die.
I don’t want to die I don’t want to die I don’t want to die I don’t want to die I don’t want to die I don’t want to die I don’t want to die I don’t want to die I don’t want to die I don’t want to die I don’t want to die I don’t want to die I don’t want to die I don’t want to die I don’t want to die I don’t want to die I don’t want to die.
“Oh dear, at this level, it seems you can’t withstand organ extraction. Let’s get some more blood—”
My vision fades to black and my hearing cuts out.
It hurts. It’s unfair. I don’t want to die.
If I had known it would be like this,
If I had known I would die like this,
Before dying, I should have killed first.
Before my consciousness completely fades, I cursed someone for the first time.
*
I had a dream. A dream of my previous life, back when I was still human.
In the dream, I met my parents after a long time. For some reason, I couldn’t recall their faces, but I recognized them.
Looking back, I realized I had never wished to return to Earth after gaining this second life.
It wasn’t that I didn’t miss my family left behind or that we had a bad relationship. They had borne my medical expenses without a single complaint, even though they were not well-off, and I viewed it as an unpayable debt of gratitude.
Thus, I never wished to return to Earth. Having lived shackled for over ten years, wasn’t that enough? I didn’t even have the right to miss them.
My death was a predetermined matter, and my family had long been prepared for it. They might be sad at first, but in no time they would forget me and live their lives fully. I sincerely hoped they would be happy.
-No. That’s not the reason.
Suddenly, someone’s voice broke my reverie. The sarcastic voice felt both strange and familiar.
Realizing that I was in a dream, I was still annoyed by the presumption that this being knew everything about me, so I retorted bluntly.
‘…You’re not wrong. That’s my true intent.’
-No. It was out of fear. You rushed to put a period on your first life because you were afraid to know the truth. And then you forgot.
‘…Afraid? The truth?’
What do you know about me? I’ve never turned away from the truth.
-You know. Don’t pretend not to. I want to know that my family was happy about my death. I want to bury it under a beautiful memory.
‘They wouldn’t be that kind of people!!!’
As I denied it, the momentary thought struck me. I said “I.” I was clearly talking about myself, yet the voice referred to “me” as “you.”
Ah, that voice was familiar. Realizing that, I no longer wanted to listen. I didn’t want to acknowledge the rotting dark emotions piled up inside me.
But “I” wouldn’t stop.
-An endless fight against illness. Just clinging to life while costing an enormous amount of money. At first, it was love and guilt that drove them to care for you. But what do you think they thought when they saw you being given numerous terminal extensions with no hope for a cure?
‘Stop it.’
-Even if they didn’t blame you openly, their expressions hardened, words decreased, and they became withdrawn day by day.
‘Stop it.’
-The days your parents visited the hospital became fewer, their gazes grew colder. They claimed to be too busy to come but went on trips instead. What was left was not affection but obligation. They must have thought, “Since there’s no chance for a cure, when will you die?”
‘Stop it!!!!’
-Don’t look away. You already knew.
……But they weren’t bad. It’s my fault for not being able to give up that I’m a burden.
-Yes. They never explicitly voiced their resentment and fulfilled their responsibilities till the end. I won’t deny that they were good people.
…….
-But humans are inherently selfish. They matter most to themselves. If that’s true for blood-related parents, how about for complete strangers? The answer is, you’ll know by experiencing it. The reason you’re dying now is that you stupidly trusted others. You became this way because you entrusted your fate to the goodwill of others.
…….
-Enough with the pointless ideals. Do you want to die again?
……I don’t want to die.
-Throw away the illusion that someone will save you. Humans won’t stop until I’m dead. Now, you must accept that you’re a vampire, gain power, and protect yourself.
…Power? How?
-Forgotten? You’re the progenitor of vampires. You kill before being killed. Kill, drink blood, and gain strength.
……Yeah. I see. I had become a monster.
I didn’t want to be a monster, but if I had already become one, there was no helping it.
The ones who made me this way were humans. The ones who expected this from me were humans.
Humans fed me human blood.
Humans turned me into a vampire.
Humans made me… a monster.
Realizing this, the voice that had spurred me inside my head vanished in an instant.
No, maybe there never was a voice to begin with. It was just the human part of me, lacking resolve and obsession, that vanished.
But yes, that method existed.
I should have done that long ago. I knew that the world doesn’t always bend to my will. I wasn’t ignorant of the fact that I couldn’t grasp everything I desired, and that something must be sacrificed.
If I truly wished to survive, I should have thrown away those pointless ideals earlier and accepted my current self.
Is it still not too late?
Is there still a chance left for me to fight for my survival?
If I open my eyes again, if I’m given one more chance,
I’ll survive no matter what. Whatever it takes.
*
As soon as I opened my eyes, unpleasant pain rushed through my entire body.
Frowning heavily, I heard Raul’s bustling voice beside me.
“Oooh, you’re awake? What a relief! I almost threw away a precious sample.”
Seeing that bastard standing next to me, it seemed I had somehow survived. Thank goodness. There would be nothing more ridiculous than making my decision but not having a final chance.
“As an expert on vampires, I must admit, I’ve never dealt with a progenitor before! I should have been more cautious in testing the limits of regeneration. But thank goodness the additional blood was helpful! Observing the enhancement of your regeneration in real-time was quite a good experience!”
He fed me blood again. So, drinking blood does indeed make me stronger.
It was a strange feeling. Even though I was told that I was forced to drink human blood, this time, there was surprisingly no overwhelming aversion like before.
“By the way, while you were passed out, a messenger showed up. The execution date has been set again.”
“……..”
“Precisely two weeks from today. Tsk, I said to wait at least three years before disposing of you after so much research, yet here we are.”
Disgusting. This man, torturing me with a straight face, and the humans eager to kill me without any resistance.
“But don’t worry. Although there’s not much time left, I promise to use your body in a way that contributes to humanity’s progress.”
The betrayal of Selin.
The priests and soldiers who turned a deaf ear to my screams for mercy.
Raul, the one torturing me.
The ignorance and malice of the crowd I heard from within that cold, dark box.
They’re all the same. Humans are all the same.
My teeth grind. I detest the humans trying to kill me.
But more than that, I find myself revolting for trusting them.
Humans are inherently selfish. They would do anything for themselves, all while pretending to be good and wearing masks.
A bitter smile forms on my face, caught in a delayed realization.
Where did it all go wrong? If I had recognized malice just a bit earlier, would things have changed?
I just wanted to live.
That’s why I was grateful for the miracle of gaining an unexpected second life.
I didn’t mind if it was a mundane life.
Compared to my first life, waiting to die on a sickbed, I was confident I could be satisfied living as an anonymous villager, scraping by day after day.
I didn’t mind that I was thrown into a strange world alone.
They say it’s better to roll in dog shit than to wait for death. Just feeling alive, the unfamiliarity would simply be a spice.
I didn’t even mind entering this new body.
At first, I was slightly taken aback due to the change in gender, but accepting a body that moved according to my will made gender seem trivial.
Even when I realized I wasn’t truly human… I thought it would be okay.
I had a human heart, memories of living as a human, and days spent with them, so I thought I could understand them.
That’s what I thought.
That’s what I believed.
I was foolish. The weak, delicate creature that lived in the greenhouse was too foolish and naive to recognize malice.
Whether I’m guilty or not was never important from the start.
In their eyes, I was a monster, and that was reason enough to kill me.
I want to live.
I don’t want to die.
Don’t kill me.
Even if I plead, they won’t stop.
I’ve come to realize now.
To not be taken from me, I must take.
To not want to die, I must kill.
I’m not going to die.
No matter what, I’m going to survive.
Even if it means killing everyone and taking it all,
Even if I have to give up being human,
Even if I become a monster that drinks human blood,
I will survive.
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