“Is Judas doing well?”
Lindell muttered as he stared blankly at the sky.
Nils replied from beside him,
“He’s got the skills to manage anywhere.”
“True…”
Hador grumbled.
“It’s not his skills that are the problem. It’s his personality. He probably caused some kind of trouble.”
“Considering what Bethany is like, he’s bound to.”
“Exactly, with that personality of his, he should have stayed here instead of causing a scene…”
Even with their disappointment, nothing changed.
Judas would not be coming back.
As Richard had said, everyone around them, except for the two involved, vaguely sensed their relationship and feelings.
They were just so careful that they pretended not to notice.
They didn’t know exactly what words had been exchanged between the two.
Yet, Judas was driven away.
It wouldn’t be easy for him to come back after such an experience.
It was closer to impossible.
Dillon tried to ease the heavy atmosphere.
“If it’s Judas, he’ll manage whatever he’s doing. We just need to focus on our own tasks.”
Richard leaned his chin on his hand as he listened to Dillon’s words.
“Speaking of which, Lindell, Dyke. Is it true what you saw outside?”
“Oh, yeah. It seems like the Empire Alliance was setting up camp just beyond that ridge.”
“They moved forces without a declaration of war… It’s practically a declaration of war itself.”
“I’m not sure. They just patrolled nearby and that’s all. Why hasn’t the lady reacted at all?”
“Well…”
He knew the reason, but it was a topic too difficult to voice.
Worry about defeat didn’t cross their minds.
The overwhelming power of the Eliya they served was far from defeat.
And it was true that Duke Balak’s magical prowess was fearsome as well.
He had secured his status with that power.
However, Eliya’s strength was said to far surpass that duke’s.
Since Eliya had never revealed her power, it’s an inaccurate prediction.
So the chances of defeat were quite low.
That is, assuming Eliya remained in her right mind.
“What should we do…”
Nevertheless, he had no intention of leaving.
He didn’t want to break the vow of loyalty.
Especially since Judas had entrusted him with his part as well.
“Sigh.”
As someone let out a sigh in frustration, a messenger burst through the mansion’s front door in a hurry.
It was a familiar scene lately.
News from an allied faction.
Or news from an opposing faction.
Whatever it was, it came rushing in and then rushed back out.
The messenger, panting, asked Dillon,
“Uh, where is the lady?”
“I think… she’s probably in the bedroom that Judas used again. Is it something that needs to be told in person?”
“Well, that’s… not exactly it…”
The messenger hesitated before delivering the news he had brought.
As soon as he spoke, all the guards shot up and focused on him.
It was as if they were questioning the truth of his words.
*
Eliya struggled to get up from the bed.
Her tangled hair was left messy.
Stumbling over, she went to the window to water the potted plant.
Once a week.
She couldn’t skip it.
The anemones might die if she did.
After confirming it was damp, she returned.
Lying back on her bed, holding a doll, her vacant eyes stared at the pot.
The sunlight streamed brightly over the pot.
While her eyes looked outside, her thoughts were sinking deeper and deeper within.
A space where outside sensations could not intrude.
Crouched inside her cage, she gazed at the anemone.
Inhaling, she caught the distinctive scent of the flower.
No, it wasn’t the anemone; it was Judas’s scent.
The last lingering fragrance left on the bed.
That, too, was fading.
With time, his scent would grow fainter.
At this rate, it would eventually vanish completely.
A sudden fear surged, and she took a deep breath, nearing the point of burst, and expelled it violently.
“Keh, cough…”
She coughed roughly, having vomited several times a day, which made her throat sting.
These days, even breathing felt burdensome.
Beyond just burdensome, it was tiresome.
Why did she need to breathe? She had no idea.
It had been a while since she last cried.
For some time now, tears wouldn’t come.
She just waited endlessly.
Knowing he wouldn’t come.
Knowing she had made it so he wouldn’t.
It was a disgusting contradiction.
She had driven him away, telling him never to return, yet she wished for his return.
Even after stabbing him with sharp words, she hoped he would kindly embrace her.
Then.
If such a miracle were to occur, she would drop everything and apologize.
Like petals falling helplessly, she would drop down to him.
She dreams with her eyes open.
Like catching scattering petals, she embraced the self that had been thrown into the void.
A beautiful and intoxicating illusion.
But that dream is a nightmare.
A dream that cannot come true.
When was the last time she cried, and when was the last time she smiled?
Suddenly, Yuel came to mind.
The moon deer that Judas had brought.
Her younger self, smiling innocently as she touched foreheads with the moon deer for the first time.
What expression had Judas worn at that time?
He had seemed to gaze at her blankly, she thought.
What were you thinking while looking at me back then?
Looking back, she realized she had been dependent on him since then.
For the first time in a long while, Eliya decided to go to the stable.
She didn’t want to use magic if possible, but this time, she had to teleport.
If she walked, Ria would follow worriedly.
She didn’t want anyone beside her.
Except for Judas.
Using magic would intensify the fire within her, but she thought she’d be fine.
Though the fire had been burning since Judas left, it wasn’t hot.
Rather, it felt cold like ash.
It was a resentful power.
The culprit that hurt her mother and ultimately separated her from Judas.
Yet at the same time, it was necessary to kill the Bevel family.
With a teleport, she soon found herself in the stable.
Barefoot, but she didn’t care.
If Ria found out she was missing, she would be surprised and come looking, but she didn’t want to bother with that.
Yuel, who had been curled up on the ground sleeping, perked up his ears and opened his eyes.
Recognizing Eliya, he stood up groggily.
His steps were weaker than usual.
Though his clear eyes were lackluster.
As she watched him approaching, Eliya couldn’t help but think of young Judas.
The way he had first brought the moon deer home.
The idiot expression he wore when he said he would save it.
After that, they often stroked the moon deer together in this stable.
In a life that had known no leisure, it was the only time of rest and solace.
But she had thrown it all away.
Rearranging her priorities, she had pushed him down the list.
It shouldn’t have been like that.
She hadn’t realized it when she held him.
He was hers.
That realization came naturally.
Since he was the only being she considered natural, he was essentially no different from her.
She hadn’t known that.
A person’s eyes face outward, so they can’t see themselves.
Thus, she forgot the existence that overlapped with her.
Only after parting did she come to see it with clarity.
Only after being separated did she recognize him as an entity.
He was her other self and also the foundation that supported her existence.
“Ah…”
If he were by her side, she couldn’t crush the Bevel family.
But even without him, she couldn’t.
When she had driven him away, she felt the pain of ripping flesh and blood.
It wasn’t an illusion.
Judas was Eliya.
Without him, she wasn’t herself.
And he would not return, nor should he.
If he were beside her, he would burn and die.
Confronted with such an impasse, all she saw was her own utter helplessness.
Feeling the ground beneath her feet crumbling, Eliya collapsed helplessly.
She knelt and sank onto the floor.
“Aah… Ugh… Ugh…”
It felt like a hole had opened at the center of her chest.
The black hole hurt so much that she gritted her teeth.
Tears streamed from her bloodshot eyes, against her will.
That crying felt so extravagant that she squeezed her fists tight in an effort to hold it in.
The fingertips scraping the ground ached.
“Ugh…! Ugh! Aaaaaah!”
Finally unable to hold it in, she let out a scream-mixed wail.
Her small hands pounded the ground.
It was too late for regret.
Even though she knew that regret made no difference, she couldn’t stop the surging emotions from overwhelming her.
As she berated herself in her mind, pounding the ground wildly,
Yuel approached and pressed his forehead against hers.
“Ah…”
Eliya looked up blankly.
Through the tear-stained face, she gazed at Yuel.
The innocent-eyed moon deer nudged her face comfortingly.
Sharing warmth with her.
“Ugh…! Ugh…”
Biting her lip, she soon embraced Yuel fiercely.
“Ughhh…! Aaaah!”
Crying like a child, she clung to his warm presence.
The moon deer calmly nestled next to her, offering comfort.
Eliya felt even sadder.
It was all her fault.
She had ruined everything through her misjudgment.
Yet no one blamed him.
If only someone had yelled at her, it would have made her feel better.
But no one did, so she had no choice but to shoulder that guilt.
“Ughhh…! Hic, Ugh…”
While she was still sobbing, someone suddenly burst in through the door.
“Lady!”
It was Ria.
She rushed in with a pale complexion and engulfed the crying Eliya in a tight hug.
“Ria… What should I do…”
With a vacant voice, the child whined, and Ria could only hold her tighter.
Having been by her side for years, she had never shown her bare face.
That meant Eliya had reached her limit.
“What now, what now…? I…”
Ria bit her lip, fighting back tears.
She couldn’t afford to cry herself.
She could only hold the trembling Eliya close.
The world was truly unfair.
‘What wrong has this child done…? How much longer will she have to suffer…?’
She had come rushing with news to deliver.
But she couldn’t bear to say it herself.
People started flooding in from outside the stable.
Eliya looked over Ria’s shoulder at them.
Everyone wore dark expressions.
Instinctively, Eliya felt fear.
Something displeasurable was coming.
When had it started to rain outside?
“…Lady.”
The commander, Dillon, stepped one foot into the stable.
Eliya wanted to run away, but she couldn’t.
She could only hold Ria tighter.
“Important news has arrived.”
She didn’t want to hear it.
She wanted to pretend not to know.
Just like this, without knowing anything…
Eliya tried to plug her ears, but her hand slowly lowered.
She couldn’t believe the words Dillon exhaled as if sighing, avoiding her gaze.
“Judas is dead.”
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