Eliya gazed down at the sleeping Judas.
It was the first time she had seen him since breakfast.
She had intentionally avoided him.
At first, she thought she would just make a brief visit to the Magic Tower alone.
But there she heard the news that Judas might die.
Because of her.
She couldn’t bear to face him.
If she did, she wouldn’t know what to say.
Having just come to terms with her emotions, she felt further away from reality.
Paradoxically, not wanting to see him made her think about him all day.
She couldn’t focus on anything.
‘What would you have felt?’
In a day without seeing her, how much did Judas think of her?
Eliya quietly sat by his side.
She didn’t use his arm as a pillow as usual.
That would absorb his mana and put him in danger.
She just imagined it.
The outline of his body. His warmth. His heartbeat. His breath. Things like that.
Her heart raced painfully.
It hadn’t been like this before.
It had been as natural as breathing.
As comforting as her mother’s embrace.
Not anymore.
It was uncomfortable.
She could no longer enjoy her everyday life as it was.
‘……’
A line.
A virtual line between her and Judas.
She thought she hadn’t crossed it, believing it wasn’t real for some reason.
But that wasn’t true.
There had never been a line.
She pushed him away for fear of dependency.
She had to stay strong, keeping her distance.
Afraid he would become her weakness.
One weakness was enough.
And that one didn’t even exist in reality.
So, to her, she had no weaknesses.
She had to be flawless to kill Bevel.
It was too late.
She hadn’t pushed him away at all.
From the beginning, she had approached him, and he had approached her.
And never once had she pushed him away.
Looking back, that was the case.
She had simply avoided facing it, fooling herself with self-rationalization.
Labeling dependency as usage, and believed it to be the truth.
‘I… I… since a long time ago…’
She had learned the magic of reading memories.
She had used it to interrogate Angra and the wizard, but her true purpose was different.
She wanted to restore Judas’s memories.
Before she connected with him.
The only colors left in her memories of her mother.
Perhaps Judas also had something like that.
She wanted to return it to him.
‘If I use that magic now…’
She could show him his memories.
If she adjusted the strength of the magic, it wouldn’t wake him.
It would take a bit longer, though.
‘…Is it okay?’
She hesitated, thinking about Judas’s wishes.
Should she freely rummage through someone else’s memories?
Did she have the right to do so?
If someone rummaged through her memories without permission, she would be very uncomfortable.
Because memories and feelings belong to oneself alone.
‘…It’s not just that.’
More than rudeness, there was something she was worried about.
If she saw his memories, she would obviously also see herself in them.
She would learn about Judas’s feelings for her.
‘What if… you don’t look at me…’
What if our hearts were not in sync?
What if we faced different directions?
Or what if he cherished someone completely different from her?
Just imagining it made her heart tremble and her stomach churn.
It felt like she was going insane.
The fire ignited inside her flared even more at the thought of using magic.
‘He’s become too special…’
Eliya had to admit it.
He was special.
Precious.
On the day of the founding festival.
When Judas got hit by Bevel, who was turned to powder and scattered along the beach, Eliya felt shocked to the core.
She was furious as though flames engulfed her body.
At that moment, she wanted to burn the capital of the Helios Empire.
She didn’t care who would get caught up in it.
That’s when realization began to dawn on her.
Ah.
She couldn’t treat Judas merely as an ordinary guard knight.
Upon reflection, it had always been like that.
When Judas had nearly been killed by Ramek for her sake.
Eliya cried for the first time since her mother died.
She had just realized it late.
From long ago.
‘I….’
I had been dependent on you.
So.
‘You are….’
My weakness.
She couldn’t deny it any longer.
Devastatingly, he was the only real, dangerously fatal weakness she had.
‘There are too many risks…’
She would fight the Empire.
She would wage war with Bevel.
Countless casualties would be inevitable.
Among them, it was not guaranteed that Judas wouldn’t be one.
He was an excellent knight.
But she couldn’t guarantee everything.
Even during the founding festival, it had been this way.
What if the palace’s enhanced army attacked him with dark magic?
‘This can’t go on…’
Eliya felt it instinctively.
She couldn’t fight properly with him by her side.
She was worried he might get hurt.
Afraid he might die.
Her person.
The only being that lived and breathed as her world and color could vanish.
Fearing she would experience the same loss again.
Just imagining it made her vision blur with fear.
‘Rather, if that were to happen…’
If someone had to die.
If it would put her at risk as her weakness.
‘I should… acknowledge the memories. Yes, the memories need to be recognized. Just that, just that will be fine. Then afterwards….’
If real weaknesses.
If absent, then that can’t be considered a weakness.
So….
Her mind was a complete mess.
Eliya’s rationality had completely shut down.
The emotional torrent she had never experienced before.
It was not just simple fear or sadness.
The tangled affection swirled chaotically.
Eliya followed her chaotic instincts as they were.
She climbed on his body.
She couldn’t even think about not touching him.
She was dizzy from the crazy flames.
And she cast the magic.
The magic that reads memories.
At the same time, she reached out.
Her hands rested on his thick neck.
‘This is… so I can, no, for me…. I must kill… Bevel, and everyone, before my mother….’
The tips of her fingers brushed his neck.
She felt the fiercely pounding pulse.
The cold energy seeped into her through the touching hands, thighs, and so on.
It was the longed-for chill.
The cooling sensation that always soothed her flames.
She felt a prickling satisfaction.
But it wasn’t enough.
It didn’t settle.
More, more was needed.
She had endured.
Though it had barely been a day, it felt far too long for Eliya.
To deeply feel him and absorb him, she yearned for more intimate contact.
She wrapped her hands completely around his neck.
‘If I remain as my weakness and die…. If it’s going to be that way anyway…. I’d rather….’
Yet, it wouldn’t settle.
The weakened coolness was entirely insufficient to calm her anymore.
And then she saw it.
Judas’s neck, which she had touched, was blackened.
‘…!’
Eliya was startled and pulled her hands away.
She quickly got up and retreated from the bed.
Breathing heavily, she looked down at her hands.
They trembled.
Just a moment ago, she had been touching Judas’s neck….
‘W-What am I… what am I doing….’
She felt like throwing up.
In her obsession to eliminate her weakness, she had tried to kill Judas.
That murderous intent she felt in an instant had been sincere.
Even if she was possessed by the crazy flames.
She almost killed Judas…
‘N-No…. If this happens…. Ah….’
And then there was the black mark on his neck.
It was proof of her absorbing power.
Since Judas’s mana was also imperfect, side effects appeared every time she absorbed.
‘No way….’
Eliya carefully examined his hands.
She couldn’t think straight, startled that he must have woken up due to the commotion.
That hand, which had always been held tightly,
Was now blackened.
If she checked underneath his clothes, the other parts of his body would likely be like this too.
‘Because of me….’
Long before she realized it, he had already reached his limit.
He couldn’t bear her anymore.
Being close to her was dangerous in too many ways.
‘Disgusting….’
Anemone blooming in the cage.
The only color in the world.
The fragmented moonlight shining on the cage.
The only light in the world.
Unsatisfied with that, Eliya grew greedy.
When her greed didn’t fulfill, she tried to break the flower and shatter the moon.
She felt a twisting stomach and nausea in her self-hatred.
Slowly backing away, she suddenly touched something with her hand.
The window frame.
When she turned around, the anemone pot reflected in the moonlight greeted her.
It had consistently bloomed for years, always occupying its spot.
The anemone.
The rounded flower bud was slightly opening.
As if about to bloom soon.
“Ah….”
Eliya let out a low groan and then covered her mouth.
As if fleeing, she used teleportation to her bedroom.
She didn’t even have the composure to realize why her memory-reading magic hadn’t worked.
As the scenery transformed, she collapsed onto the floor.
“Ugh….”
She pressed her hand to her mouth to suppress the nausea.
Struggling to stand, she looked at her own pot.
There was also a pot here.
Anemone. Its rounded flower bud.
It was bigger and more open than Judas’s.
Eliya stood frozen, staring down at the anemone for a while.
With her hands covering her face, she sobbed.
Old memories resurfaced.
Back when she lived with her mother.
There had been a time when her mother had suffered due to her inability to control her flames.
It was similar but different from now.
Back then, she had sworn she had no intention of killing her mother.
But today….
She couldn’t assure herself that it wasn’t so.
Even after ten years, nothing had changed.
She still couldn’t properly control her power and harmed her precious person.
No, it had gotten worse.
The sensation left on her hands.
The impulsive murderous intent that had surged in her mind then.
It was chilling.
She found it disgusting that she was this kind of person.
She had faced the very reality she had feared and worried about so much.
When she stopped crying and lowered her hands, her eyes were darker, heavier than before.
‘…Yeah. Let’s do that.’
Finally, Eliya made her decision.
*
Judas silently rose from his place.
“……”
He had been awake since she had clung to him.
He had just pretended not to notice.
[‘Discovery of Revelation’ activated. All magic immune for 3 seconds.]
[24 hours until next use.]
The first tragedy he had witnessed five years ago.
Eliya, who had climbed on him and tried to strangle him.
The future he had feared, where she might kill him using magic.
It was happening just like that.
‘…Fate.’
He stood up and chuckled helplessly.
He thought he had escaped.
After five years, he didn’t think Eliya would kill him.
He hadn’t escaped.
Fate unavoidably came to pass.
‘…Then, the second tragedy…’
Would it happen someday?
‘It doesn’t seem like I did anything wrong….’
If it had been his childhood, he would’ve jumped up, questioning what she was doing.
But having grown closer, it was even harder to do so.
‘If I asked why this happened, what would I say….’
Even after staying up all night, he didn’t know.
Not knowing the expression Eliya was making because he kept his eyes closed was also something he couldn’t help.
[Magic: 1.0]
*
The Sun Church has several commemorative days for various religious events.
Today was one of those days.
The sun, which first shed light on the earth, chased away emptiness and provided the nutrients for life to grow.
At that time, all creatures living on the earth had served the void, but the sun gladly forgave them all and embraced them.
The Day of Forgiveness.
On this day, one person is chosen by lottery, and their feet are washed.
And Judas was chosen to wash Eliya’s feet.
In Eliya’s bathroom.
Judas kneeled before her.
Eliya looked down at him with disheartened eyes.
It was the first time they faced each other since the near strangulation.
Eliya had been deliberately avoiding him while he tried to come talk to her.
Eliya quietly watched as Judas prepared for the foot-washing ceremony.
The red handkerchief around his neck.
She had given it to him during the founding festival.
Underneath it were black marks.
No matter how much he tried to hide them, it was useless.
The soot still remained on his hands.
Even though he used plenty of good herbs and ingredients for mana, nothing improved.
In fact, Eliya still wanted to escape right now.
Because as he touched her to wash her feet, he would absorb her mana.
But there was one last thing she wanted to confirm.
Without any conversation, the foot-washing ceremony began.
An awkward silence fell, only interrupted by the splashing water.
Judas quietly washed her feet.
The small foot that kissed him when he swore loyalty.
He carefully and lovingly wiped the soft and smooth foot.
Meticulously.
While the foot-washing proceeded, neither spoke a word, but both their minds were equally chaotic.
What should I do?
What should I say?
It was both their first time feeling such emotions.
This was too unfamiliar and strange, and neither had any idea how to treat the other.
As they thought about each other, both were clumsy with their feelings.
After the foot-washing was done, Judas hesitantly spoke up.
“…Lady.”
Eliya averted her gaze and gestured towards the door.
It meant she didn’t want to talk, implying he should leave.
Judas hesitated, wanting to say more, but he held back.
He simply bowed his head and greeted her lightly.
Eliya pretended not to see.
One question lingered in her curiosity.
Why was he still by her side?
Why, even now, did he still try to treat her like a person?
She thought she might know, but she pretended not to.
And as if nothing had happened, they both returned to their original places.
Ria, who observed them, felt her heart wrench.
The incident occurred the next day.
Judas received an order from Eliya.
It was practically like a death sentence.
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