“If we keep living together like this, that Judas… will die.”
Epona’s words landed like a death sentence.
Eliya could only twitch her dry lips.
She couldn’t utter a word.
Then Epona spoke with a sorrowful voice.
“Things might change when he becomes a full moon, but… well, I don’t really know about that.”
Epona paused for a moment.
She observed Eliya closely.
Elegant as a noble, her mask was smooth.
There was no sign of turmoil on her face.
However, the fingertips clutching the book were trembling slightly.
Epona let out a long sigh.
“If it’s something you only use, that might be fine. But if it’s not… it’ll be really hard.”
Relations. Connections.
Judas and Eliya.
Eliya and Judas.
Ever since the founding festival, Eliya had often pondered that.
When she was with Judas, she simply enjoyed their time together, but when left alone, she would think deeply.
Levi’s voice echoed in her mind.
“Can you explain what kind of relationship you two have?”
At that time, she ignored it.
To avoid getting caught up in a psychological game.
But looking back, that was a blind spot.
Eliya couldn’t explain her relationship with Judas at all.
It was merely a master-servant relationship.
Objectively, that was correct.
However, Eliya’s own feelings rejected that.
She didn’t want to remain in such a bleak and cold contractual relationship.
So what did she really want?
“…Why are you telling me this?”
“Well, this is a report on your ladyship’s magical powers, right? We promised to share any specifics in exchange for providing magical power.”
“….”
“And it makes me sad to see a young flower wither without knowing why. You get sentimental as you age. Besides, no matter how similar the outcomes are, knowing and accepting it makes a difference.”
Eliya tilted her head as if she found it hard to understand.
Epona simply smiled.
Like an adult, reliable yet tinged with pity.
“Some may disagree, but I don’t think helping someone always requires a reason. That’s just what I believe.”
“…That’s quite an idealistic mindset.”
“Oh dear, you’ve returned to your usual cynicism.”
“But… thank you. I’ll think about what you’ve said. By the way, do you happen to have any good herbs for recovering magical power?”
“Not exactly.”
Epona answered with a hint of self-deprecation and let out a deep sigh.
Reluctantly, she wrote down a list of useful food items for her.
As she wished, they were good for recovering magical power.
“Don’t get your hopes up. As you know, the lady’s power… can’t be dealt with by human effort.”
The power of fire passed down in the Bevel Family.
A crazy flame reminiscent of its founder.
Not ordinary fire, but the power of the sun.
It was akin to the power of a god.
“…I know. Thank you for helping.”
“Alright. Be careful.”
Eliya exited the Magic Tower with a powerless gait.
She stood still at the exit for a long time.
Ignoring anyone who tried to talk to her.
Since she couldn’t hear them, she couldn’t respond.
Looking up at the sky, memories emerged.
The gray sky looked like it was about to rain.
Just like the day her mother died.
Not knowing if it was gray because she couldn’t see colors, or if real dark clouds were looming.
Why did it come to this?
She contemplated the unfair and unjust reality.
When did we start to change?
Was it I? Was it you? Or both?
She couldn’t tell.
Though she felt she understood when it all began.
The two major turning points during the founding festival.
One was when they held hands and enjoyed the festival.
And the second was…
*
One day during the founding festival.
Eliya was walking around the banquet hall, greeting several nobles.
For a moment, while Judas was in the restroom, she was left alone and sipped wine.
At that moment, a man approached.
Bright platinum hair with lime green eyes.
Like Hagal, this was the symbol of the Imperial Family.
His tall stature and soft demeanor were enough to trespass on the hearts of many noblewomen.
Well, by Eliya’s standards, he wasn’t particularly attractive.
He looked a bit too rough and wild for her taste…
“Eliya, my lady. It’s been a while.”
The man greeted her with a gentle voice.
Abraxas Helios.
He was the second son of Emperor Johan.
Unlike the crown prince Gomel, he was famous for being a ladies’ man.
Particularly notorious for his love for women.
“It’s been a while, Your Highness.”
Eliya replied dispassionately.
There was no need to get close to someone who might turn the Empire against her.
“You look even more beautiful up close than from afar.”
“Yes.”
“It seems you’re alone?”
“I am with someone.”
“Oh, I see. However, it seems you are alone at the moment. If it’s not too much trouble, may I…”
Eliya let Abraxas’s words go in one ear and out the other.
If she wanted, she could just leave or dismiss him coldly.
But she didn’t do that.
A wicked thought sparked an irrational impulse.
She thought of Judas surrounded by noblewomen.
What had she felt back then?
To put it briefly…
Right, she was angry.
Anger. Irritation. Indiscriminate aggression towards an enemy.
At the same time, her instinct to defend her own came into play.
It was the same when Princess Hagal proposed to Judas.
The calm and composed anger she felt back then was still vivid.
It felt as if a fire was igniting in her lower abdomen.
That was what made her feel unjust.
It felt like she was the only one going through this.
Every time she let her guard down, Judas was surrounded by women.
For some reason, that made her a little resentful.
She didn’t want to hate him.
Therefore…
Knowing it was a really bad thing to do.
She somewhat hoped that Judas would feel that emotion…
“How about sharing a drink over there…”
“Who are you?”
At that moment, a low and heavy voice interrupted Abraxas’s words.
Both Eliya and Abraxas turned their heads simultaneously.
The man standing there was overwhelmingly imposing.
He was just slightly taller than Abraxas.
But his broad shoulders and muscular build made him look far more three-dimensional compared to the thin Abraxas.
Judas returned from the restroom, frowning at Abraxas.
“It seems the lady isn’t very keen on you. Please leave.”
“…Huh. Do you know who I am?”
“Well, to be honest, that’s not particularly important to me.”
At that moment.
Eliya felt something strange.
He had unconsciously started to resemble her.
Judas was adopting her way of speaking.
“Whether the lady likes you or not is what matters.”
“Honestly, do all bodyguards interfere in every little thing? My lady? Please explain instead…”
“Just leave.”
Eliya said coldly.
Her expression was one of annoyance, as if dealing with a bug.
“…Huh?”
“If you could kindly stop bothering us and leave, Your Highness.”
“……”
Abraxas bit his lips tightly while maintaining a smiling face.
He shouldn’t show any ugly side toward a woman.
“Very well, then. Until next time.”
Abraxas bowed as gracefully as possible and brushed past Judas.
As he passed by, he deliberately bumped shoulders with Judas.
However…
“Ugh?!”
It was Abraxas who stumbled.
At the moment their shoulders collided, it felt like he crashed into a colossal wall.
Abraxas, having fallen on his butt, hurriedly fled without looking back at either of them.
“What’s going on here?”
Judas chuckled, watching him retreat.
Just as he turned to check on Eliya…
Boom, she suddenly jumped into his arms.
“A, a, my lady…?!”
In surprise, he fumbled his hands around, glancing around anxiously.
Fortunately, it was a corner with few people.
There was no one to see them.
“Why are you… my lady, are you crying?”
Eliya’s body shook in his embrace.
She buried her face in his chest and thrashed around.
“Please tell me that jerk earlier didn’t…”
“No. I’m not crying.”
“…Your sniffly voice isn’t very convincing.”
“I’m serious.”
Though her voice was still congested, Judas decided not to press any further.
He hesitated a moment but then wrapped his arms around Eliya’s shoulders.
“Are you truly okay?”
His large hand secured Eliya tightly.
Trusting in that stability, Eliya clung tighter to his waist.
It felt reassuring to have someone to lean on.
“…Yeah.”
Eliya couldn’t define her feelings at that moment.
They were terrifying and disgusting.
She tested Judas.
She committed a wicked act, hoping he would feel the same emotions.
Knowing just how twisted she felt when experiencing those emotions.
But at the same time, it was intoxicating.
Happy and joyful.
When Judas looked at Abraxas, Eliya was certain.
He felt the same feelings she did.
The twisting annoyance in her gut.
The aggression she wanted to cast aside.
Yes.
Judas got mad when he saw her with Abraxas.
It wasn’t just a professional reaction.
It was undeniably emotional.
Possessiveness.
The defensive aggression that surfaces when someone covets what belongs to you.
It was audacious.
Judas was hers, her possession.
A servant shouldn’t feel possessiveness toward their master.
Yet, Eliya wished for Judas to feel that way.
She became intoxicated with satisfaction when she realized he desired to own her.
She discovered a desire to be bound in a mutually possessive relationship.
At the same time, she felt ugly for her thoughts.
Knowing what those feelings meant, she sharply realized how wrong her actions had been.
Only now did she understand.
Emotions can be like that.
Only by objectively observing what others feel can you realize you had felt those emotions too.
Humans cannot reflect on themselves alone.
Jealousy.
She was jealous of everything that came near Judas.
And that painful emotion had been transferred directly to him.
Eliya hugged him to hide her guilt.
She buried her face to conceal her heart.
She couldn’t bear to show him her ugly side.
Yet…
Judas warmly embraced her.
Without asking anything, he patted her back.
He was unconditionally on her side.
The warmth felt so cozy and inviting.
With him, it would be alright to drown.
She left her irrational feelings as they were for a moment.
She wanted that.
Just like a child, she wished to whine against him without thoughts.
It was her fault, yet she knew this shouldn’t be happening.
As she sobbed, she struggled to voice her feelings.
Just a little bit.
“I’m sorry…”
She was so very sorry for the dreadful thing she had done.
Judas simply smiled weakly.
“What are you apologizing for?”
“Just…”
“You don’t have to apologize. It’s okay.”
Without realizing how ugly she was.
What a fool.
But those words felt like salvation to her.
As if it was fine to be anyone.
Knowing there was no such intent, Eliya interpreted it her own way and joyfully accepted it.
The words she once heard from him.
One’s nature does not define one’s existence.
He was still right there beside her, just as he was.
“…Yeah.”
Now she understood.
She realized.
But Eliya decided to pretend she didn’t.
If she acknowledged her realization, it felt like her connection to reality would distort.
It was frightening.
So, she melted her feelings in his warmth.
The shapeless realization coated thick and sweetly dripped away.
The true emotions that were the root of her jealousy.
At that moment, she didn’t want to name it.
*
The emotions she had melted began to take form again.
Eliya could no longer turn away.
She recognized her feelings towards Judas.
Ironically, it was only after realizing he might die in the future.
If only she had known earlier, it would have been better to know sooner.
One hand fiddled with her scarf.
The other hand fiddled with her cat doll.
‘What should I do…’
The right hand, touching the scarf, sparkled with a ring.
An ivory ring reminiscent of Judas’s power.
She placed it on her ring finger.
Then she steadied her mind.
‘…Alright. First, let’s do that.’
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