It was my first time informing someone around me about the Crown Prince, but Adrian’s reaction was surprisingly calm.
Perhaps it was because he had already read my memories.
Since he had gone through the process of killing the Crown Prince a few times already, Adrian didn’t show much reaction even when I mentioned killing the Crown Prince.
What was certain was that it wasn’t a negative reaction.
If he had thought negatively about it, he would have said something during the memory reading.
A moment of silence followed, and as the illusion of the Crown of Memories faded away,
Adrian, still in my arms, slowly parted his lips.
“…I don’t think it’s the right thing to do. I’m a saint before I consider anyone’s sins.”
After saying that, Adrian swallowed hard.
There was more he wanted to say.
Adrian’s expression was filled with hesitation when he opened his mouth again, but his voice sounded resolute.
“However, that doesn’t mean I support Kaitel.”
Adrian had no obligation to be loyal to the Imperial Family.
She was the representative of the Order and the saint of all people; no matter how much of an emperor he was, he couldn’t oppress her,
And no one could interfere with her simply because she was chosen by God.
While she couldn’t side with either side, if pushed, Adrian’s position could be considered neutral.
So, she thought a lot about it. She was aware of this memory, yet she questioned whether it was right to mention the intention to kill the Crown Prince.
By me speaking, she could be oppressed.
I didn’t want to see the saint who maintained neutrality between the Order and the Imperial Family shaken.
However, she read my emotions.
She knew the reason I kept repeating reincarnation, being the only woman who understood all the memories.
It was inevitable that I had to speak about this reason.
There was a trace of anger in the voice calling him Kaitel instead of the Crown Prince.
Adrian knew that the Crown Prince had intervened in my death multiple times.
Perhaps because of that influence, her mood seemed quite uncomfortable when she mentioned his name.
“As a saint, I cannot understand your intentions. Killing a Crown Prince of a nation carries significant weight, and simply uttering those words means betrayal. I must always stand in neutrality, so if you wished for support, I apologize.”
“It’s alright. However… if you don’t support me—”
“But I, Adrian, am different.”
Adrian placed her hand on her chest and spoke.
When something welled up in her expression, I finally realized that this was her sincere plea.
She was earnestly trying to convey to me that the positions of ‘saint’ and ‘Adrian’ were different.
“…I want to understand you. Even though not everything you hold dear is right, I’ve seen Robert’s memories. I’ve watched what kind of heart he carried and what thoughts he lived with.”
She extended the hand that was resting on her chest towards me and carefully brushed my cheek.
It felt like an action to reassure me. Absurdly, it genuinely put me at ease, and I chuckled softly as I looked at her.
“Can I be honest with you?”
“…Feel free to say anything.”
“If you have any sin, it’s that you considered yourself too worthless.”
I couldn’t really refute the remark about considering myself worthless.
Was it just easier mentally to think it was my fault instead of blaming others while repeating my reincarnation?
I lived believing that was the right way.
If I thought that the deaths of those around me or my own death were my fault, then I could fix it in the next reincarnation.
However, at some point, I couldn’t even tell what was wrong anymore.
No matter what direction I took or how I progressed without mistakes, death awaited me at the end.
It took several lives for my mind, which I had let go of at some point, to return.
“Sometimes it’s okay to say it’s someone else’s fault. You can share your worries with others, sometimes get angry, and even lie. I don’t understand why you always try to bear everything alone…”
“That’s not something a Saintess would say.”
Telling me to blame others or lie made me chuckle softly, and Adrian smiled in response.
The hand that had been caressing one side of my cheek now cradled my entire cheek, warming it with the heat radiating from her palm.
“Right now, I am Adrian. Not a Saintess, but Adrian.”
As we laughed at that, silence fell again.
I couldn’t let what I had said slip by. After all, it was too serious of a matter to just brush off.
My closed eyes fluttered open slightly, and my blurry reflection appeared in her clear eyes.
Her blue eyes returned to me, making the hesitant lips finally part.
“Now I can feel it.”
“What do you mean?”
“I saw your face in my memories, and I was curious if you were really that person.”
The touch of her fingers gliding over my eyes and nose was gentle.
Her tender hand, which would inflict no harm at all, passed over my entire face.
Her world began at her fingertips and ended in her palm, so Adrian, who brushed my cheek once more, smiled softly.
“Do you look similar to what I saw in my memories?”
“…Well, I think I know one thing.”
The hand that had touched my cheek now reached the corners of my mouth, and Adrian burst into a chuckle as she pulled at my lip corners.
“I think smiling suits you better. The face I saw was always one in pain.”
“It seems like smiling suits you better. The face I saw was always one that was in pain.”
I didn’t laugh much.
I had more memories of crying than of smiling, and more memories of suffering than of crying.
The corners of my mouth which had been forced upwards were, before I knew it, smiling naturally.
I held Adrian’s hand that was on my cheek and slowly replied.
“…I’ll try my best.”
“I’m not asking you to try. That’s not what I wanted to say.”
The hand on my cheek moved down and turned forward. As we looked at each other, Adrian held my hand and spoke.
“I mean I’m going to be by your side. Until Robert can smile comfortably, and if that’s not possible, until I kill Kaitel and end this reincarnation. I’ll stay by your side.”
Is that okay? The way he smiled made me let out a chuckle.
It wasn’t like someone was forcibly tugging at the corners of my mouth; I was just smiling while looking at a woman.
Why did I only meet someone like this now? If I had met him earlier, I wouldn’t have gone through so many reincarnations.
What Adrian said was simple. Even after hearing what I said, he meant he would still be by my side.
There was no way I could refuse such words.
To be precise, it meant I couldn’t refuse, but I only had one thing to say.
“You were scarier than I thought.”
Perhaps understanding Adrian better than Miragen or Adele might be even harder.
I stared blankly at the completely empty Crown of Memories, which no longer had any power.
I thought there was nothing to gain within it, but surprisingly, I was able to get a lot.
However, if I were to judge the most valuable thing I gained from there…
It would definitely be Adrian. As I reached out my hand to leave, Adrian naturally took it and followed me.
Things were going better than I had thought. Much better, in fact.
#
“So, how do you plan to explain it to Miragen? Once it’s used, it might be hard to use it again.”
It’s a given, but such a tremendous relic requires a lot of time to be used again.
Thinking back to when I studied the Crown of Memories, I believe it took at least ten years to reactivate it.
Even if we gathered magicians to channel magic power into it, that was the case, so naturally, it would take half a century to use it again.
While the relic that Miragen was trying to secure was here, it was no longer available.
“I’d have to say it’s gone. That would be more helpful for Miragen.”
I’m sorry that it turned out to be a bust, but I hope Miragen realizes through this experience that things don’t always go as planned.
“How can I expect everything to go my way every time?”
In truth, it was merely an excuse, but Adrian nodded with a chuckle, clearly in on it.
“That’s true. I wish Miragen would tone down her risky behavior a bit too.”
“I feel the same. It’s always been a concern.”
“I’ll try to be a little more attentive from now on. Robert has a lot on his plate, after all.”
As he said this, he simply shook the hand he was holding, quietly agreeing. Adrian’s demeanor had become noticeably more familiar after leaving the Crown of Memories. Whereas he had previously drawn a line, now he seemed to be crossing it without hesitation.
How would this relationship organize itself? She had said she would stay by my side until I finished everything. Though she couldn’t support me as a Saint, Adrian declared she would be on my side as a woman. I appreciated her feelings, but I wondered if it would still be okay by the time I reached the end.
…But.
What had long tormented me felt slightly lifted. There was still a long way to go until I could see the end.
Right now, I had to become the Head of the Family, and I hadn’t even become the Crown Prince’s aide yet. There was so much to do. This relationship wasn’t progressing anywhere, not with Adrian, who wasn’t trying to get closer to me.
I heard footsteps approaching from a distance. As I sensed the presence of Miragen and Adele looking up, I released the hand I was holding and extended my arm instead. Although we had been holding hands at some point, there was no need to flaunt it.
“Oh, Duke Taylor. Was there a relic down below? It seems like you’ve checked up here thoroughly, but I don’t believe there’s anything.”
“If there’s a relic, it would be underground. So, did you find anything?”
When I looked at Adrian in response to Adele’s words, Adrian cast her gaze in my direction as well. As if matching words, the fleeting exchanged glances held answers that were nearly identical.
“It seems like someone has used it.”
“That’s right. My Divine Power didn’t react.”
“…Are you saying that no one used it?”
“That’s how it appears.”
I laughed at the bewildered expression on Miragen’s face. I doubted there would ever be a day when Miragen would know how the relic was used. This was something only Adrian and I knew.
Now there was only one thing left.
Securing the relic and moving forward.
The time to face my Sister was slowly approaching.
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