I can’t go back like this with these clothes.
But if I return home like this, what will I say?
Many thoughts crossed my mind, but still, I couldn’t choose to go back.
If I walk into the hall with my neck cut and blood flowing, wouldn’t people freak out?
When I took off the handkerchief Adele gave me, I realized that no more blood was flowing.
However, the wound still remained.
The bloodstains on the collar of my shirt were the same, so I really had no choice but to go home.
An opportunity to meet the princess… Even though today is a special occasion, it’s not like there’s no way to meet her again.
Right now, I can think of dozens of opportunities that I remember, and if new connections arise, won’t I get to see her again?
So I let go of my lingering feelings.
If we’re going to meet someday, there’s no need to spoil it over something as trivial as a ball.
If my father asks what happened, I could just say I met Adele.
The handkerchief in my hand will be proof of that meeting.
For a woman of such character, it was quite a plain handkerchief.
Underneath the simple white handkerchief was the Igrit emblem.
I stared at it for a long time and then started walking across the garden.
‘…Speaking of which, did she really invite me?’
– Come north later. Let’s have a drink.
Knowing her personality, she wouldn’t have said that lightly.
Both the invitation and the offer for a drink were probably sincere.
Then I can just say that I used this as an excuse to slip away.
If I say I’ve formed a connection with the Grand Duke of the North, even my father would have nothing to say about it.
Yet, wouldn’t it be better to avoid getting too close to Adele Igrit?
That thought arose because of her future.
In whatever future and whatever situation,
She, too, would be accused of betrayal and purged, just like me.
It’s not a memory I want to dwell on for long, so I shook my head with a wry smile. Spending too long with a woman named Adele brought back a lot of thoughts.
For instance, regrets I once held. Or visions I would never see again.
Tap—
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
“Excuse me. I was just thinking…”
My thoughts were cut off the moment I collided with someone.
I bowed my head, blaming myself for not watching where I was going, but the other person simply replied while staring at my back.
As if they didn’t even know where I was.
Only then did I realize it was a woman who had bumped into my shoulder.
The golden thread embroidered on her pure white garment, blemish-free, could only belong to one person in this country.
Saint Adriana,
The moment I thought of her name, a chuckle escaped me. The saint was here as well.
“I’m over here, Saintess.”
“Oh, is that so? I can’t feel you unless I touch you, so I’m sorry.”
The saint, who lost her sight in exchange for divine power, had long been a symbol of this country.
With authority even higher than that of the Pope of the Tigress Church, the state religion,
And with a divine power capable of bringing back even those on the brink of death.
It’s true that some people even praise the saint more than the emperor.
Upon hearing my voice, she bowed her head with a gentle smile.
Does she not have any attendants with her?
Just when I thought it was quite surprising that she was wandering around here alone, Adriana spoke first.
“You’re quiet. Is it because I’m alone in a place like this?”
“Are you asking if you’re okay?”
“…Yes, for now.”
“Miragen is my friend. His Holiness the Pope warned me, but I still managed to bring her along as my attendant. She’s left on her own because I asked her to.”
And then—she pressed her finger to her lips for a moment, turned her head toward the surroundings, and flashed a sweet smile again.
“There might be some people who secretly followed me, so you don’t have to worry.”
“That’s a relief to hear.”
She must be referring to the Paladin protecting the Saint.
I fully understood why the Saint was here.
But what surprised me a little was that this was the first time I had met her in all my life.
Saint Adriana, although I had heard her name often, I hadn’t had many chances to meet her in person. The thought of meeting her had only recently crossed my mind.
After all, why would a fool like me, who was anxious even to approach people around the Crown Prince, think of increasing the number of people?
As the only Saint in this country, she was someone even the Emperor met occasionally.
Let alone someone like me, the family’s scapegoat, how could I ever meet her?
Her pure white-blond hair looked as if it was flowing with light.
Didn’t they say her hair changed color the moment she received Divine Power? She felt like a mysterious woman in many ways.
“By the way, are you injured anywhere? I smell blood nearby.”
“I got a slight cut. It’s a small wound, so you don’t need to worry about it.”
She sniffed the air, visibly concerned as she looked my way.
Maybe the scent was coming from a wound on my neck.
After a moment’s hesitation, I nodded, and Adriana looked at the direction of my injury, slightly surprised.
Even with her eyes closed, she must have been looking at the wound.
It was a strange sensation. Her eyes, which couldn’t see anything, seemed to pierce through me, accurately examining my innermost feelings.
I thought to myself that I could no longer deny it.
“Did you… injure your neck?”
“I just got nicked. Things happened.”
Though I said it casually, she knew well that getting nicked on the neck wasn’t a common accident.
However, Adriana didn’t press for more details.
Instead, she gently reached out to caress the wound on my neck.
In that moment, I felt a warm sensation permeate my body.
A yellow glow illuminated the area, and once she removed her hand, Adriana spoke in a calm voice.
“…It’s a superficial wound, so it should have healed completely. But the fact that you’re injured… is it a personal matter?”
She seemed determined to find out why I was hurt.
I couldn’t understand why she was so concerned about someone she didn’t know, but it occurred to me that this must be her nature.
That’s why they called her a Saint. A woman who empathizes with and cares for others’ wounds.
I let out a slight grin and replied.
“Yes, it’s a personal matter.”
“That figures…”
Perhaps she anticipated my response, as Adriana’s face, now at ease, turned back toward me.
Feeling a bit too close, I tried to pull away, but her small hand held my wrist tightly.
“Saintess?”
“Then, may I ask one favor?”
“A favor? You’ve already healed my wound, so I can grant you that…”
“I want to know your name. You know me, but I don’t know you.”
Caught off guard by the sudden request, I momentarily lost my composure, but soon, my senses returned.
The God has returned.
Thinking about it, she, who cannot see, had no way of knowing my face.
Since we’ve never met, she wouldn’t know my voice either. After a brief moment of contemplation, I slowly parted my lips.
“I am Robert Taylor of the Duke Taylor family, Lady Adrian.”
“Is that so? What a nice name.”
She chuckled softly, then slightly increased the distance between us, bowing her head and tracing a cross in the air.
As if praying for someone, Adrian drew the cross and then spoke again.
“I hope that when we meet next, you won’t be hurt.”
A warm smile, filled with warmth, drifted away in the summer breeze.
Yet, the softness remained, creating a gentle atmosphere around, unlike when I met Adele.
Just as we were staring at each other for a moment, I heard someone running from a distance.
“Ah, I think I should be leaving now. I’ll go ahead.”
“Is that so? Please, go ahead.”
Adrian said it seemed her subordinate was approaching as she moved her steps again.
Despite not being able to see ahead, she walked confidently, and I quietly watched her figure disappear in the distance.
The saintess I had never met in a hundred lives, a saintess who always vanished as if fate itself rejected my attempts to meet her.
What could it possibly mean to meet her in this life?
As I rubbed my neck, I found only smooth skin remaining, free of any wounds.
#
“Young Master, did you come alone?”
“Yeah. There’s nothing for me to do anyway.”
Renold looked at me with the expression he had been showing more frequently lately.
What was he so surprised about? Even if I attended the party, I would just be a mere supporting character.
Being a partner was merely a pretext; it was Yuria who had to shine above anyone else in Taylor.
He probably wouldn’t say anything to me out of resentment for my absence, and surely, nothing would go wrong in my absence.
Even when I missed a few balls, nothing happened, so it should be fine.
Renold glanced at my blood-stained shirt and looked like he had a lot to say.
But since there were no wounds, and I returned alone from the ball… well, I figured he would come up with something.
At least by tomorrow, the people at the ducal residence would know that I met Adele.
No matter how vast the place was, rumors spread faster than anything else.
This time, I didn’t plan to hold back.
I was curious about what exaggerated rumors Yuria would hear and what foolish expression she would make once she found out I met Adele.
It would be quite amusing. I mean, she’s a woman who would never think I’d act in the Taylor’s interest.
“I will rest in my room today, so unless it’s urgent, don’t come looking for me. If the Lady of the House asks for me… just tell her I’m sleeping. I don’t really intend to meet her.”
“…Understood.”
Yuria’s annoyance would likely fall on Renold.
But I didn’t need to worry about such things.
Today, I would rest and gather my thoughts, then start taking action from tomorrow.
Clang-
As the door closed, tranquility welcomed me.
An overwhelming silence, with the only sound being the ticking of the clock, filled the room as I trudged over and plopped down onto a chair.
Perhaps because I had went through quite a bit today, I felt an immediate heaviness in my eyelids from the wave of fatigue crashing down on me.
Just as I thought about closing my eyes for a moment, I slowly shut them.
– Robert, I’m really curious when you’ll finally decide to end your own life.
Yuria’s voice started pouring into my ears.
I know it’s an auditory hallucination. Probably a voice lingering in a corner of my memory.
Yuria is at a ball right now. There’s no way she could hear this.
But no matter how much I convince myself, this memory forcefully squeezes my throat and takes away my breath.
With a rustling sound, somewhere on my arm began to be sliced off.
My fingernails were crushed and fell out, and several of my fingers had already disappeared into a mushy mess.
This must be a memory from when I was tortured. The torturer was a truly cruel person.
He knew how to inflict pain so well, that he wouldn’t even let me faint.
My head, lying on the floor, was gripped by Yuria’s hand.
With that brutish grip, she lifted my face and spat out merciless words one after another.
– You should never have been born. If only I had strangled you to death when your mother gave birth to you, nothing would have gone wrong.
It’s a statement closer to outright insult than resentment.
That statement hurt me worse than being torn apart in my chest.
At that time, I was a man who respected the woman named Yuria.
Should I really have never been born? I used to live trapped in such thoughts.
My arms and legs were nowhere to be seen.
Only my torso remained; my breath still clung on, but cold dirt was pouring over my face.
Even though my teeth were in such a bad state that I couldn’t scream, the shovel continued to dump dirt on my body.
My vision was being obscured – dark and cold, I tried to thrash about with my immobile body.
Ah, did I even have legs?
But no matter how hard I tried, one of my countless lives ended like that.
In the silence where nothing could be heard, only death accompanied by stillness marked the end.
The last thing I remember is the frozen blue eyes that watched me being buried in the ground.
“…Yuria.”
Only after I realized I had spoken did my senses finally return.
A cold wind brushed against my body.
Instead of my dazed mind, I felt a wet sensation, and my tightly shut eyes slowly opened.
When I opened my eyes, my body was drenched in cold sweat.
Realizing that quite some time had passed, I looked around the calm surroundings and realized that what just happened was a dream.
I was relieved that it was just one night’s sleep.
I had thought loosely that I wouldn’t have to see that again.
This nightmare would surely never end.
How long will this past, which chases me like a brand, be able to cling to me until my dying moment?
I wiped my damp forehead and let out a quiet breath.
My body was fine. So, the pain I felt now must have been a phantom pain that shouldn’t exist.
It was just a hallucination brought on by my wrong thoughts.
Yuria was the one who had killed me the most in my countless lives.
Yet, how could I think of it so nonchalantly?
I might have… lied.
I said that no emotions were left in me, and that even if I had a past, it was the past, and I could just forget it all.
I stared into the void where nothing was visible.
The darkness gave no answer.
It simply kept silence, urging me to find my own answers.
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