– You always look at me with those strange eyes. Do you have something to say?
– No, it’s just that I’m a little worried.
An incomprehensible exchange. The words, neither heard nor spoken before, were clearly part of the conversation between oneself and Robert.
In the memories, Robert seemed more infused with the North.
He had shed all the airs of a central noble, making it believable he was merely a member of the mercenary group he led.
…But Robert Taylor was a central noble. Draped in a cloak, his nobility was unmistakable.
His unique aura, and those eyes that looked like they might crumble any second, were so different from the Robert in my memory.
So what were the memories I’m seeing?
Since Robert came to the North, these fleeting fragments have often arisen, making Adele gradually realize that her feelings were twisting.
The emotions she felt when they first met, and during the full moon festival, were completely different.
Maybe it was a little more endearing.
Whenever their eyes met, entirely different emotions bloomed, and she vaguely sensed that this memory was causing confusion.
Illusion.
Auditory hallucination.
– How long do you plan to stay in the North? We can’t always be together.
– I’ll leave once the Grand Duke dies. Until then, I won’t go back to the center.
The gaze directed at her felt quite different from reality. So, was this her delusion?
Adele bitterly smiled and rose.
The pale moonlight shining through the curtains touched her white hair, allowing a faint glow to escape.
This wasn’t some mere auditory hallucination. It was definitely her memory, but there were too many awkward points for it to simply be that.
Why was Robert, who said he would leave for the South, still here?
Why was he looking at her like that? Yet even that remained unclear, leaving only a distant emotion swirling around.
Like the dark marks left when burning a painting, only the voice and eyes remained in that dark fantasy.
It had been days since she couldn’t sleep properly due to the memories that naturally came to her when she drifted off.
Was it her delusion, or had she unknowingly had ties with Robert?
Wrapped up in incomprehensible thoughts, Adele hugged her knees.
“Haah.”
It was suffocating. Lately, the one complicating Adele was none other than Robert’s existence.
An entity she couldn’t control, one that slipped away soon after gaining her interest.
Wasn’t he an especially strange man in Adele’s life?
Leading the mercenary group to unify the North, and becoming a Grand Duke, even until now.
To Adele, all beings were merely things she could ‘control’.
No matter how formidable they were, she could quell any rebellion if she personally led soldiers.
Whatever the problem, calling Lothos to resolve it would put things right. If she wanted something, she took it.
In any other place, perhaps, but in the North, it was pretty much a land where Adele could do anything.
From her childhood, wandering after losing her parents, as long as she had a sword, even the local thugs couldn’t put up a fight against her.
– I’m about to head back now.
When Robert said he would come to the North, Adele truly thought of keeping him by her side.
He was doing it.
It didn’t seem like he would be active in the center, and the skills he was hiding were far beyond what could be expressed as remarkable.
So he made him a lieutenant and wanted to watch him perform in the campaign against the immigrant tribe.
At such a time, this hallucination came to mind.
A memory that shouldn’t exist, yet settled in as if it had undeniably taken place.
It didn’t take long for the faint anxiety I felt every time I saw Robert to amplify.
The moment the princess appeared alone, I heard a ringing in my ears.
I ran straight ahead without even being properly prepared.
Why was I in such a rush?
Why was I so frantic that I couldn’t even make a proper judgment while running?
When I heard that Robert was going to the South, what I felt was irritation.
It wasn’t just because my thought that he would stay a few more days in the North was shattered, but rather because it was an unexpected situation again.
Even when I thrust a sword to his neck, he didn’t react at all.
He suddenly appeared in the North during winter, setting off alone to save the princess.
And now he was planning to go to the South early.
Was there anything that matched my expectations?
I felt a flicker of anger as he slipped through my fingers, almost like it was deliberate.
I shouldn’t have been angry, but caught off guard by the sudden embarrassment, I rubbed my cheek.
“I… don’t know why I’m doing this.”
After only a few encounters, showing such excessive concern for someone I had only seen for a few weeks in the North was odd.
Wasn’t there no need to care about anything he did?
There were several common points with my father, but Robert wasn’t weak enough to die suddenly anywhere.
He would be fine on his own, even without my concern.
Hah.
The sigh pouring out was a plea against the frustration.
Looking at Robert, I might be slightly denying that I was overlapping him with another person.
A person whose wish never came true, who no matter how much I wanted to keep close, eventually left and disappeared completely.
Like my father.
The words to stay for two more days were to sort out these complicated feelings.
Is this infatuation? A bitter smile crept onto Adele’s face. It wasn’t that kind of feeling.
Though I had never felt infatuation, I didn’t think my feelings toward Robert were close to it.
It was just that it bothered me, and if he wasn’t in sight, I would worry about him.
Out of anxiety. I was afraid he might disappear, and I’d suddenly hear the news of his death one day like my father.
And that made me irritated. It hadn’t been long since I was seriously injured by the immigrant tribe, yet he claimed he was going straight to the South instead of staying here longer.
I wanted to avoid ominous thoughts as much as possible, but it was unavoidable for those thoughts to linger in my mind.
As I frowned slightly, I saw a dim light. The actions I had taken came to mind, causing me to chuckle for no reason.
The actions swept away by momentary emotions, and the embarrassment about it finally reached me, a warm flush touching my cheeks.
Why did I grab him by the collar? It wouldn’t have been odd to just see him as a strange person.
But there was no need for that. Robert and I were nothing to each other.
It wasn’t anything special.
She was just a temporary lieutenant, someone he happened to run into. That was all there was to it.
In the fantasy world, she was quite close to Robert.
They always hung out together, occasionally riding wolves and wandering around the North, just the two of them.
Thus, it must have been an illusion.
She truly believed that this absurd fantasy was real. That this memory was just a misunderstanding on her part.
It was likely nothing more than that.
Adele’s eyes, which had been staring blankly into the void, slowly closed.
Her head slid down the wall and landed on the pillow, and just like that, a few minutes passed.
When her eyes opened again, they were directed at the ceiling.
The pale moonlight grew dim, and time passed until the dawn approached.
…For a very long time, she simply stared at the ceiling.
#
She wasn’t so busy that she couldn’t accept two days.
Moreover, since it was something Adele had mentioned, she couldn’t refuse,
and there was no justification to turn it down, so she had no choice but to stay in the North.
Two days, huh? It wasn’t enough time to throw her schedule into chaos.
However, she was curious about what words were worth waiting two days for.
Even after a day had passed, Adele hadn’t shown up.
And today, on the second day, she still hadn’t appeared.
She wasn’t even visible in the office where they worked, and everyone was puzzled, to the point that Lothos even asked me about Adele’s condition.
Even if he asked about her condition, I probably wouldn’t have much to say.
All I knew was that she seemed a bit upset, but I didn’t even know why she felt that way.
Most of the events I was experiencing this time were all firsts for me.
It all started when I first told Teresa about the engagement being called off. There were no more variables or situations I recognized.
Adele’s attitude felt quite strange too.
Of course, it wasn’t the first time she had shown such an expression. This was the third time I had met her.
I first met her when I was dead and had died a few more times, still in ruins.
Then, we had our second meeting starting in the North. And now, this was the third.
Out of those three meetings, two of them had been spent almost always together, so it felt like we had a somewhat peculiar relationship over that time.
Wasn’t there a time when Adele seemed like a savior? And she didn’t view me as a mere lieutenant either.
She didn’t easily open up about her past. Even Lothos, who had been with her the longest, didn’t know it.
The reason I knew her past was probably because of the feelings she had for me back then.
“…Lovers.”
We may not have reached the same level as Miragen, but there was a time when we vaguely held such feelings for each other.
Hence, it remains as a regret. The fact that I couldn’t prevent her from leaving for the Imperial Palace,
not to mention that I didn’t even attempt to go with her.
-I won’t die, Robert. So wait for me. I will prove that your worries are unfounded.
I’ll prove you wrong.
These past few days, I’ve thought about searching for Adele, but such residual thoughts have made me hesitate for no good reason.
What could she possibly be up to, disappearing for two whole days? Tomorrow morning, I’ll be the one leaving.
As time passes and night approaches, I can’t help but feel a bit worried about Adele still not showing up.
But if I actually go find her, what would I even say?
I mess around with my hair and then sweep my face, lowering my head.
It’s frustrating. Just like how Adele is annoyed with me, I’m just as frustrated.
Carrying a memory that only I know, holding onto that emotion is bound to wear a person’s mind down.
There have been countless times I’ve witnessed the same actions, and the more time passes, the harder it gets to watch someone act the same way. There have been moments when I’ve just wanted to let it all go.
I briefly grip my wrist tightly and let out a heavy sigh.
It’s actually me who wants to stay in the North.
There’s no place more comfortable than here for my heart, and if I didn’t have any goals, I probably would’ve just settled down here forever.
But I could no longer remain still.
To end this reincarnation and die, I had to move, even if I didn’t want to.
Let’s not hold on to regrets, let’s not dwell on them. Just as I was calming my mind, a knock echoed through the door.
Knock knock—
“It’s Lothos. The Grand Duke is calling for you. Are you busy?”
“No, I’ll go out.”
The quiet sounds in the room were cut short like that.
I straightened out my clothes and headed to the door, where Lothos was staring at me with a bizarre expression, as if saying, “What on earth have you done?” I shrugged my shoulders and spoke.
“Is there something going on?”
“Hmmm. Not exactly, but the Grand Duke has… changed a bit. I thought it might be due to external influences.”
I tilted my head at the mention of change, and Lothos quickened his steps with a meaningful smile.
It’s obvious that I was heading to the office since he said Adele called for me.
When I wondered what had changed and approached the door to open it, Lothos came closer and quietly spoke.
“Enjoy your time.”
“…I don’t really understand what you mean.”
But with that, Lothos vanished.
What on earth did he mean by that? As I pondered, slowly opening the door.
Upon finally revealing the scene, I could slightly understand what Lothos had said.
“Did you come? I was worried I called too late.”
The Grand Duke, who always wore a cloak, was nowhere to be found. The leader of the mercenary group who once brandished a sword and killed immigrants was absent.
It was neither rough nor cold.
A little shy, slightly soft.
A woman, with a faint blush blooming on her cheeks, looked at me intently.
Dressed in a blue dress as radiant as her own eyes, Adele glanced at me with a hesitant gesture, slightly lifting her skirt.
She hesitated, her lips moving ever so slightly.
“…I’ve never worn this before. Does it suit me?”
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