Bang-!
“Ugh!”
Viviana grabbed Mardian by the collar, lifted her into the air, and threw her away. A strong impact caused the carriage to twist, and a groan escaped Mardian’s lips.
“There were definitely knights outside…”
“Knights? I thought you were facing off against bandits.”
Mardian glared at Viviana with eyes full of resentment. But that was all she could manage. Mardian had no way to contend with Viviana.
Mardian slowly bowed her head, then suddenly reached out to me, trying to lunge at me as if to take me hostage since she couldn’t handle Viviana.
I needed to dodge, but upon meeting those fierce red eyes that had just tormented me, my body froze in fear.
“I-I don’t want to…”
While I muttered in misery, Mardian’s hand reached towards my face. But just before she could touch me, a strong wind rushed in, sending her body crashing against the wall.
Mardian collapsed, unable to even utter a sound. While I stared blankly at the scene, a delicate hand extended toward me.
“Let’s go home, Young Lady. Your mother is searching for you.”
“V-Viviana…”
Viviana waited for me in silence. Eager to escape this carriage as quickly as possible, I reached for her hand to stand up, but my legs gave way, and I fell back onto the bed.
“Ugh, hic…”
I had forgotten my physical state due to Viviana’s sudden arrival. My body was already exhausted from pointless struggles.
As my mind cleared, the effects of the drugs resurfaced. My body began to heat up again, and my breath quickened. As I closed my eyes, I felt like I could faint at any moment as my consciousness blurred.
But Viviana still just looked at me without a word. Meeting her calm purple eyes, a thought suddenly made my heart sink.
Viviana hated weak people. She was cold and would discard such individuals without a second thought. What was she thinking, looking at me who couldn’t even stand on my own legs right now?
Before, I had abandoned her, but now, the situation had reversed, and she could abandon me at any time.
“Uh, um, just a moment? I-I’m fine, I can get up soon…! Just a bit….”
I forced a smile and tried to rise again. But despite my urgent desire, whenever I moved my legs, I crumbled back onto the bed.
“Ugh, I-I’m fine…! It’s just that I was surprised for a moment….”
A sense of anxiety and fear gripped me, wondering if the hand that Viviana had extended would leave at any moment. I was terrified she might abandon me here with Mardian.
“…Haah.”
Viviana let out a deep sigh, as if she were tired of me.
It was too late. I had lost her favor.
She would leave me behind.
She would abandon me here with Mardian.
My whole body started trembling like a aspen tree.
I hated it.
I was being abandoned.
Once again, I was being left behind.
I had always been abandoned.
All alone again…
“Grab my neck, Young Lady.”
“Huh?!”
Viviana supported my legs and back and lifted me like a princess. I was startled by the sudden situation and let out a high-pitched voice. Instinctively, as my body lifted into the air, I wrapped my arms around the back of Viviana’s neck.
Viviana chuckled softly and slowly walked out of the carriage. The unpleasant and gloomy carriage was left behind, and a refreshing evening breeze tickled my cheeks.
All around were just trees. We seemed to have parked the carriage in the middle of a forest. Had Viviana not appeared, I would have become nothing more than Mardian’s plaything here, and that thought made me shiver once again.
Viviana lifted me once more and placed me on the horse she had come on. She immediately sat behind me, wrapping one arm around my waist and taking the reins with her other hand.
“Is it okay to go?”
At Viviana’s question, I weakly nodded. I wanted to get away from this disgusting place immediately. Viviana nodded and gently kicked the horse’s rear.
With a lively sound, the horse took off. The sticky air around us was gone, replaced only by the cool, clear breeze of the forest.
Although my body was still heating up from the drugs, the feeling of safety relaxed me, and drowsiness washed over me again. But I couldn’t sleep on a galloping horse, so I tried my best to fight off the sleepiness.
“You can sleep. You won’t fall off at all.”
Viviana whispered softly in my ear.
Why was that?
There was nothing more dangerous than dozing off on a running horse, yet hearing Viviana say it was okay made all my worries disappear. Eventually, I gently closed my eyes in Viviana’s embrace.
The calm enveloping my exhausted body.
I soon fell fast asleep.
*
My mother was beautiful.
No flattery, everyone said my mother was beautiful. She was far more stunning than the multitude of women appearing in the shimmering square boxes.
I too inherited my mother’s beauty and received quite a lot of compliments on my appearance. However, I found those compliments utterly unwelcome. They even made me feel disgusted.
Because the eyes that looked at me were the eyes of someone admiring a weak, gentle girl.
Pretty, virtuous, lovely; they said I would definitely grow into a proper girl. They all gasped with shock when I said I was a boy.
Such compliments were endlessly unpleasant and made me feel filthy, prompting me to grow my hair long. Once I hid my face, no one approached me with kindness anymore.
Except for one person, my childhood friend.
Anyway.
My mother was incredibly beautiful. Unfortunately, nothing lasts forever in this world. With time passing after I was born, my mother’s appearance gradually changed.
Of course, even then my mother remained beautiful. It was just that her flamboyance diminished, replaced by maturity. My mother was still more beautiful than any other woman.
But sadly, it seemed my father desired flamboyance rather than maturity. Just looking at the day he was caught cheating with a young woman.
After my father left, my mother fell into a deep sadness for a time. Her lovely skin deteriorated, and due to not eating properly, her once balanced figure became nothing but bones.
It wasn’t just her appearance.
As time went on, my mother’s temperament became more ferocious. At some point, she began to curse at me harshly and sometimes even grabbed my hair.
It seemed my mother was reminded of my father every time she looked at me. Knowing how much she struggled, I wanted to understand her.
One day, my mother approached me with a golf club.
“If only you hadn’t been born… I wouldn’t have ended up like this!! Why were you born uselessly!!”
With a shriek that could tear the throat, she hit me. After that, it was just repetitive violence. Every time she saw me, she would swing anything she could grab, saying that seeing me reminded her of my father, and my world slowly turned gray amidst the violence that repeated daily.
When my heart, that was suffocated day by day, could no longer remember what love was.
A woman appeared in my life.
[Tina.]
Artasha Blanc. A woman with eyes that shone far brighter than the most beautiful mother in the world. She loved me so much that she would harm her own health. A kind lady with a gentle and sweet voice that melted my heart.
A tragic woman who unwittingly fell for sweet lies, unaware her daughter had disappeared.
I naturally knew her love didn’t extend to me. But knowing that, I still spoiled myself in front of her. The gaze she cast upon me and the affection she showed were so sweet that I couldn’t bear to let her go.
But it was okay. After all, aren’t humans creatures concealed by lies? Even if I’m not Artasha’s daughter, I can still be happy just by feeling her affection. And seeing Artasha’s expression brighten compared to before, it meant I was surely doing a better job than Tina at being a daughter.
So, Tina.
Please continue to be gone.
Please don’t reappear.
After all, you are the one who abandoned Artasha’s love with your own hands. Hand it over to me, someone who desperately needs her love.
“Tina.”
Ah.
That was my mother’s voice.
She was calling me.
I couldn’t help but smile at her gentle voice, always calling me. Slowly opening my eyes, I found my mother looking at me, filled with affection, while she gently brushed my hair.
“Tina… Do you know how much I worried?”
“… I missed you, Mother.”
At my words, the lady’s eyes filled with surprise. As always, she looked at me lovingly with her beautiful eye smile.
“Truly… you are…”
“Horrible monster.”
Thud-!
“… Huh?”
A burning pain surged in my chest as if I had been scalded. Without even a moment to grasp what had happened, red blood gushed out of my mouth like a fountain.
“Ugh?! Cough?!”
I lowered my trembling gaze and found a knife embedded in my chest. It was a simple kitchen knife that didn’t appear particularly sharp or fine. And the one holding that knife was none other than Artasha.
Thud- Thud- Thud-!
“Cough?! Huh?! Mother! W-Wait,!”
Artasha pulled the knife out and mercilessly began stabbing my body all over again. With each dagger embedded, my body trembled as if it were seizing.
“Shut up! Don’t call me Mother! Where is my daughter, my daughter Tina! Give Tina back!”
The grotesque kitchen knife pierced through my neck, face, solar plexus, and waist, cutting into my flesh without respite, and soon all I could see around me was a pool of crimson blood.
Nevertheless, strangely enough, I felt no pain. The agony of my body splitting and flesh ripping wasn’t registered. Yet my chest was in excruciating pain. The mere fact that it was Artasha who was stabbing me caused unbearable torment.
“M-Mother, Mom…”
Blood tears streamed down beneath Artasha’s eyes. As I looked at her sorrowful tears, my heart plunged as if it were falling into an abyss.
“You horrifying girl.”
No.
Please don’t say that, Mother.
Please…
Don’t say such things.
Please don’t say such things like that woman.
“You shouldn’t have been born.”
I don’t want to hear it.
I don’t want to listen.
I will be abandoned.
By the one person I never wanted to be abandoned by, I would be left behind.
Once again, I would be left behind.
Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned. Abandoned.
“You shouldn’t have been born into this world.”
“Ah!!”
With a pain that felt like my brain was splitting, I opened my eyes wide and jolted upright. I clutched the area where I had been cut, trying to stop the bleeding, but my body, which had just been torn apart by my mother, was completely unharmed.
‘… A dream?’
I wiped my sweaty forehead with my hand.
Cold sweat drenched my body.
Not just my forehead,
My entire body was soaked in sweat.
My head spun.
My breath wouldn’t settle.
“It was just a dream….”
“Yes, it was just a dream, Young Lady.”
At the sudden voice, my body jolted. Beside me, Viviana sat quietly in a chair, looking at me.
“V-Viviana….”
“Hmm? Are you speaking informally now?”
“Viviana….”
Fragments of memory began to gather clearly in my hazy mind. I had definitely been kidnapped by Mardian, and then Viviana appeared and saved me. I slowly looked around. It was the familiar scenery of my room. It seemed Viviana had brought me back to the mansion.
“I’m relieved to see you’re okay. Well then, I’ll take my leave.”
Viviana stood up from her chair after her brief comment. As she turned her back to me, a wave of uncertainty and anxiety washed over me.
“Please… don’t go….”
With a desperate effort, I stumbled to my feet and grabbed Viviana’s collar. She looked down at me with a puzzled expression. I composed myself as my throat tightened in fear, and spoke with difficulty.
“Can you stay by my side…?”
“… What?”
Viviana took a step back and then let out a laugh tinged with disbelief, roughly brushing my hand away. Her purple eyes remained calm, devoid of any trace of agitation.
“I know it’s all a facade, so I wish you wouldn’t look for ways to manipulate me with such feeble words, Young Lady. Otherwise, I’ll seriously have to punish you.”
With that final remark, Viviana turned away again. Watching her retreating figure grow distant, I lowered my head in defeat and whispered softly.
“It’s not a facade….”
Did she hear my voice? In the distance, Viviana’s foot suddenly stopped in its tracks. I didn’t dare look back into her unfeeling eyes and desperately murmured.
“Can’t you… just stay with me…?”
Not being able to see Viviana’s face left me with only the trembling body I could exert to wait for her answer.
Viviana was silent for a moment. But soon she broke the quietness and approached me.
“… Ha, seriously.”
She scrunched her face and, with a quick click of her tongue, resumed her place in the chair.
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