“Let go.”
It was a resolute tone. She couldn’t meet my gaze, and the trembling was one thing, but her swollen red eyes caught my concern.
Adele, Adrian, and Miragen were all people I loved.
And they are still people I love.
As I touched her reddened eyes, the hand that I tried to pull away swung back, striking my body harshly.
“Let go, I said.”
“I already let you go before.”
Preventing her from going to the South was my role. Miragen said she would go to find a relic in the South, and I had naïvely thought she would always return safely.
During the brief time we didn’t meet, Miragen died. How many times have I regretted not sending her off when she left?
This is no longer a story I alone know. Miragen knows, and Adrian knows.
Someday, Adele will know too.
As if she sensed when I was speaking, Miragen nodded slightly and released her tight grip on my sleeve.
I looked at the drooping hem of my shirt for a moment, then raised Miragen again and glanced around.
This is definitely not a place for conversations like this.
It was fortunate no one else was around; if someone had seen us, they would have easily jumped to bizarre misunderstandings.
A crying princess and a duke chasing after her—talk about scandal! Especially now that this relationship is somewhat widely known.
“Even if it’s an order, I won’t let go—”
“I will comply. Punishments can wait until later.”
I tried to force her up, but Miragen, letting out a breath of resignation, stood up obediently.
I offered her a handkerchief, wanting her to see my smiling face rather than her crying one.
It bothered me that she was crying because of me, and as Miragen wiped her face and headed for the room, I closed the door and rubbed my own face.
Where should I even start with this story? It’s hard to have a conversation with someone who has trouble even meeting my eyes.
After a moment of looking at the silent Miragen sitting on the bed, I cleared my throat and cautiously opened my mouth.
“I called you here to talk. If you keep silent like that… nothing will change, you know this, right?”
“You know what I’ve done.”
“Didn’t you hear what I’ve said all those times?”
“…I heard. But—”
As she started to say something, Miragen bit her tongue again, lowering her head.
I hadn’t intended to make her carry the burden of guilt by talking about the past.
I didn’t share the past hoping to embrace it.
She has the right to know the past and was curious, so I told her. Rather, it might be better to bury the past and explore a different direction.
“Did I tell you the past so Miragen would be sad?”
“…I know.”
“I’ve told you countless times not to resent me.”
When I slightly bent my knees to meet her gaze, Miragen turned her head again.
But this time, I placed my hand on her cheek so she couldn’t avoid it. Our eyes met.
Just for a moment, she squeezed her eyes shut again. Miragen’s eyes hadn’t changed from before.
They were a little bloodshot from crying, but that didn’t turn her pitch-black eyes red.
“If you keep avoiding me, I won’t know what to say. Can I ask you something?”
“……”
“My fault for telling you-”
“I don’t think that way.”
Miragen, still turned away, replied.
Her gaze brushed against me slightly, and it was funny, but since it wasn’t the right atmosphere to laugh, I stifled my smile and looked at her.
Her hair was a complete mess. It was because she had been distressed listening to me talk about the past.
I considered stopping the conversation upon seeing that but figured it wasn’t something I could just drop.
“…I’ve never thought Robert did anything wrong.”
“Acting this way makes it feel like it’s my fault.”
“It is my fault. If I hadn’t gone to the South, Robert wouldn’t have had to do such things.”
“Honestly, I’m grateful. If I hadn’t trained back then, I wouldn’t have been able to save you this time.”
If I hadn’t been able to wield the sword while Miragen was in the North, I would have just watched her suffer at the hands of the Immigrant Tribe.
And I would have felt pain again. Perhaps I could have lost my life as well. But I saved her.
The fact that I could face Temujin and the Immigrant Tribe by myself was thanks to the experience I had gained with the sword.
After all, it was something that had to happen at some point. In this life, I was able to tie up the regrets I’d had all along.
I saved Miragen with my own hands, and I formed a bond with Adrian that I couldn’t before.
Next, it’s time to prevent Adele from dying.
“That too—”
“You told me not to feel guilty, so why do you keep blaming yourself?”
I understand why Miragen didn’t want to blame herself. And I felt the same way now.
I understand the reason why you didn’t want to blame yourself. And right now, I’m feeling the same way.
Do you not realize that the more you blame yourself, the heavier the hearts of those watching become?
You probably do, but I can’t help but think that the pain of your own actions is making it worse.
“I understand. I know how you feel, and I know why you’re sorry.”
But I wish you didn’t feel sorry. I don’t want to see you cry, and I have this selfish desire for you to only smile in front of me.
I no longer wanted to hide my heart.
My heart hasn’t changed; I still feel this life could be my last. However, I didn’t want to ignore the connections from the past.
I hope for happiness if possible. Even if I don’t want it, my heart wishes for everyone to live happily and laugh in a world without me.
Now, I smiled a little at my slightly turned head.
As time passed and I waited until I could face my own eyes, they finally sparkled when they met hers.
Droplets.
As I wiped away the tears falling with my hand, Miragen slowly blinked, wiping her own tears with her remaining hand.
When the moisture disappeared from her long lashes and all the falling tears had vanished…
A voice, cracked from biting her red-stained lips, whispered out.
“…I truly mean I’m sorry.” “I know.”
“What I said about not blaming yourself was also sincere.” “I understand.”
“Then respond to me.”
The hand that touched my chest slowly slid down to her solar plexus, then back to her chest as Miragen carefully placed her hand on mine.
After confirming our connection several times, Miragen finally seemed reassured and trembled her eyebrows slightly.
She sighed, pondering her next question, and then opened her mouth while gripping my hand tightly.
“What should I say to Robert here?”
“Well, I don’t know.”
I didn’t want to be answered with anything specific. I merely wanted things to go back to how they used to be.
If we could still interact like we did during this chapter, that would be enough for me.
“If we can talk like yesterday, that’s sufficient.”
“Like yesterday?”
“Just laugh, joke around, and tease each other about whether we were waiting for one another.”
While fiddling with the pin caught in her tangled hair, she eventually brushed her hair back to fill it in again.
“Isn’t it great how it all came together?”
“Wasn’t this the missing piece I couldn’t fill in the thirty-fifth?”
“In a way, this also holds multiple meanings for me.”
“Giving each other gifts or, sometimes, just hearing each other’s voices through an artifact isn’t too bad, right?”
“It’s fine if we’re not lovers like before. This life isn’t like the past, so the special emotions that tied us together aren’t just with Miragen.”
“Even if we become lovers now, it would get complicated, and besides, I didn’t want to form deep relationships with anyone else until I wrapped things up with Kaitel.”
“Only then did I realize I had crossed the line I had set for myself.”
“I trampled over the line, erased the boundaries, and stepped right in front of Miragen.”
“It was a mistake. This shouldn’t have happened, but whatever I say now won’t change what I’ve said until now.”
“Maybe it’s better to just accept it.”
“Perhaps it was time to redefine the line I had set for myself.”
“As I pulled her hand, Miragen’s body swayed forward. The space between us closed in, and she nestled right into my embrace.”
“Seeing Miragen’s ears turn red as she snugged close made me chuckle for a moment, then I wrapped my arms around her back and gently patted her as a small voice came out.”
“…Is it okay to hold like this?”
“Of course. I wanted to do it earlier, but you were crying too much for me to.”
“It was obvious that forcing a hug on someone who’s crying would backfire.”
Miragen, who had slightly pulled away from my grip, stared at me intently.
Her expression suggested she had many things to say, but the slight smile on her lips indicated they weren’t negative.
“Like saying sorry or blaming herself. Maybe it was too much for her because she started giggling alone and leaned her head on my chest.”
“Do you remember when you asked me if I had ever dated anyone before?”
“I remember.”
“That I said I had only dated one person? Was it that fiancée of yours?”
“Not a chance.”
“My first crush was Teresa, but my first love was with Miragen.”
“I’m just good at saying such things; it’s simpler than you think when it comes to love.”
“I’ve only loved one person since I was born.”
“But, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t dozens of times; to an outsider, it would look like I’ve dated dozens of women.”
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