Before I knew it, it’s the end of the year. In just two days, this year will be gone, and a new one will begin.
It feels like just yesterday when I held a surprise event for the viewers on Christmas, and now it’s already year-end. Time sure flies.
“Ah.”
Thinking back, it really was just yesterday. Christmas was barely a week ago.
Even if it was just a misunderstanding, the feeling of time speeding by was the same.
Reflecting on the end of the year, I found myself growing sentimental as I gazed out at the piled-up snow, recalling everything that had happened since then.
Like a film reel unfurling, the events I experienced since my body changed flashed before me one by one.
Most of those events were related to broadcasting. The moment I decided to become Camilla, turning on the broadcast, participating in competitions, firing up the camera… everyone I met was connected to the broadcast, people I got to know through it.
What would I have done if I hadn’t started broadcasting?
It was a sudden thought, one I sometimes found myself pondering before sleeping.
In my imagination, I became a stunning fashion model, a hardworking office worker, and even a jobless bum at times.
I find myself imagining countless versions of me breaking into various fields, almost like a parallel universe.
The commonality of those daydreams? All my appearances were strikingly similar to Camilla.
It hasn’t even been a year, yet I can hardly imagine what I looked like before becoming Camilla.
The memories linger only faintly now; they’re becoming hazy. Or maybe I unconsciously steer clear of my previous life altogether.
It’s not impossible. In fact, I’ve had countless nightmares about reverting to my old self after waking up from broadcasting.
My body changed for no reason. A blessing received without cost implies it could be taken back at any moment. Sometimes I tremble with anxiety, wondering if I might revert to my former self.
If that happens, everything I’ve achieved, all the relationships I’ve built with people, would tumble like a sandcastle before a wave.
Like a sandcastle, it would collapse in an instant.
It couldn’t help but feel futile. Life may be fleeting, but it was something I wished wouldn’t be so.
“What is life, anyway?”
Today, I find myself deep in thought. Various random musings are unraveling like a chain reaction.
– Um, Teacher.
I received a message.
There were only a few people who would message me. Editors, the fellow streamer Riri, or my enthusiastic student Chang Mira.
Counting them, it turned out to be quite a bit. Three distinct categories, no less.
Anyway, the person who contacted me this time was Riri. She insists on calling me “Older Sister” because she’s older, but it seems she struggles between formal and informal speech.
She was one of the few who regularly reached out to me, and in some ways, she was the only one.
Both editors primarily reached out for business-related matters like reviewing edited content and emails. As for Chang Mira, her messages mainly included updates on her practice performances.
Only Riri would send personal messages like asking if today’s weather was nice or suggesting we check out a tasty cake together sometime.
Since we were on the same team at a competition, she has consistently kept in touch.
I suppose she has a good knack for making connections. But seeing her cling to the “Older Sister” title, it seems she might have a bit of a “boomer” vibe despite being young.
The message Riri sent was simple.
– New Year’s is the day after tomorrow.
– Would you like to go hear the striking of the New Year’s bell together?
Is she talking about that? The big bell that resonates when everyone gathers to celebrate the New Year?
She wants to go to the actual site?
“Hmm…”
I pondered while gripping my phone. I’ve read the message, so I should reply. But how can I decline without making it awkward for her since she made the suggestion?
There’s really no big reason for my refusal. I just wasn’t feeling it.
We live in an age of extreme internet advancement, after all. In a world where you can listen to the bell chime and watch the sunrise without stepping outside, do I really have to freeze outside waiting for the bells to ring?
Of course, there’s a certain ambiance that can only be felt in person. That’s an undeniable fact.
“Is that really possible?”
On the other hand, Riri, who received a positive response from Kayak, opened her eyes wide. She thought she was just taking a shot in the dark, but she never expected Kayak would actually accept the proposal.
Especially since Kayak had shown a lackluster response to all previous suggestions.
In Riri and Dahee’s 23 years of life, it was tough to find someone like Kayak who was hard to get close to.
In fact, forming any kind of common ground was not an easy task. Even though Kayak was only two years older than Dahee, getting to know her felt impossible.
Things that girls in their age group usually found interesting—like cozy cafes, delicious desserts, cute clothes, or dramas and movies streaming on OTT platforms—Kayak seemed oddly uninterested in. Whenever Riri suggested going shopping or to a popular restaurant, Kayak rejected them all, leaving Dahee facing her first hurdle in trying to become friends.
Riri figured that asking about Camilla could spark some interest, but that would eventually hit a limit too. They couldn’t talk about Camilla all day long.
She was genuinely curious about Kayak’s true feelings even if it didn’t pertain to Camilla.
After that, Riri continued to check in via KakaoTalk whenever she got the chance to learn about Kayak’s interests, but that was no easy feat either. Kayak responded promptly but seemed to subtly guard her inner thoughts, making it feel more challenging than dating.
It was a situation. Responding promptly to messages was becoming more exhausting than actual dating since there was this strange failure to reveal true feelings.
Recently, there was a subtly annoying vibe from Kayak. Dahee noticed this and felt shocked and hurt, yet ironically, it sparked a sense of determination in her.
How on earth could she get closer? This was the first time in her life that she encountered someone who pushed her away like this.
It was also her first time getting tangled up like this, but what could she do? She had never encountered someone she longed to get closer to until now. After all, it’s said that a thirsty person will dig a well.
Kayak was like a mythical Pokémon. If you had to put it in metaphors, that’s how it was. In Dahee’s world, Kayak had unintentionally become that kind of existence.
Capturing such a rare breed usually required considerable effort. Dahee erased all the common sense she held within herself. She decided to let go of her biases and try various methods.
Inviting Kayak to go listen to the New Year’s bell was part of that plan. It was now quality over quantity, and she had scattered various bait, and fortunately, a bite came almost immediately.
‘At first, I think she was going to refuse…’
The number indicator next to the message disappeared. It meant that it had been read.
However, if a reply didn’t come right away, it meant Kayak was choosing what rejection to present.
Based on her past experiences, Dahee had figured out her rejection patterns, and that’s why she quickly added a follow-up message, clutching at straws.
“Did you want to make a wish?”
Maybe the mention of fulfilling wishes caught her interest. After all the previous rejections, it was surprising how quickly she responded positively.
Perhaps contrary to appearances, she might enjoy fortune-telling or astrology. Noting how quickly Kayak reacted to the mention of wishes, it didn’t seem far-fetched. It would be wise to remember today’s success story.
‘Should I aim for that next time…’
For now, things were looking good. Dahee was in a great mood, having made plans with Kayak.
She hummed a tune and opened her wardrobe. It was time to pick out clothes for tomorrow.
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