Ego search.
The act of searching for one’s name or a nickname on the internet, including SNS.
Usually performed by public figures or celebrities, though the exact reasons behind it remain unclear.
To receive objective feedback, to check their reputation, or just out of boredom.
Each person likely has different reasons. After all, we are all born differently.
However, someone, in particular, knew exactly why they ego searched.
A person unable to suppress their innate attention-seeking tendencies, quietly timid yet always stirring things up. A planned and smart person.
This person, laden with all sorts of descriptors, developed a habit of occasionally searching for terms like Weak Camilla, Kayak, and Camilla in galleries.
Yes, who could that someone be? It was me, of course.
“Hmm….”
It had become a somewhat habitual routine. It was the day after the shooting with Taker had wrapped up.
As I thought about whether there was anything interesting to watch while having a quick meal, I unconsciously headed toward the Abyss gallery.
Honestly, it felt like a hometown to me. You might wonder how a mere community site could feel like home, but at least that’s how I felt.
Yes, I felt ‘was.’ That’s not the case anymore.
Let’s take a moment to recall the past.
The day I became the girl Mun Ah, who looked just like Camilla, and the world flipped upside down, the first thing I did was log into the Abyss gallery.
I wasn’t thinking of writing something like ‘self suddenly transformed into Camilla, legendary lol.’
It was just that I was secretly anxious. Though I pretended otherwise, I couldn’t not be anxious. The world had turned upside down overnight.
Like animals fleeing to shelters before a natural disaster or people returning home after experiencing hardship.
For me, the Abyss gallery was the only sanctuary for my heart. So right after I became a woman and realized it wasn’t a dream, I logged on to the gallery.
What I faced was a site that had transformed just like me.
A sigh escaped me. It felt like a young person who hadn’t been home in ages returning to find their hometown had changed.
That feeling was absolutely devastating and terrifying.
In a rush, I shut down the gallery. Since then, I hadn’t logged in once.
This was my first time back in a long while. I sneaked a peek at the site I entered without even realizing it.
This time, I had no desire to run away. Unlike the confusion of my first day, I had adapted to the change to some extent.
Because I said yes.
The gallery I returned to hadn’t changed to a bad meaning.
It felt like a rural village that was suddenly developed into a big city. Instead of the stuffy but nostalgic scent of my hometown, the grandeur of an advanced metropolis was now present.
[Tips for newbies looking to enter the game Ver. 8.0]
[I just carried in a game lol]
[Please don’t be Miriam if you're below gold, seriously]
Well… it wasn’t too bad.
Seeing posts actively being uploaded compared to the old days when only one would pop up an hour gave it a bit of a lively feel, like an actual community.
In the past, it had been quite desolate. Just the same familiar faces from a failed community over and over again.
“Tips for newbies… still here, huh?”
Finding memories of the past in my changed hometown had a subtle charm to it.
I wondered if the first post I wrote had gone through countless revisions to reach here.
I remember I touched it up to version 2.0 after I wrote it.
I guess someone kept it going after that. That’s reassuring.
“Ahem.”
The tips for newbies boldly displayed in the announcements.
I felt a bit proud, like I had become a master passing down a technique. Should I say, it had finally seen some light?
Back then, I was just hoping the game wouldn’t go down; I had no idea it would flourish this much.
Feeling silly for having run away scared from an unfamiliar community, I was finding intense joy in reading each post.
Newbie advice, puzzling bait, tier certifications, and even streamer guild cups.
Dopamine, dopamine is flowing…
After a long time, savoring the true taste of the community, I lost track of myself.
“Huh.”
Recalling my original purpose, I slowly moved my mouse to the search bar.
I had come to the site to search my name, but I had completely forgotten that and dove in deep.
However, searching for Kayak or Weak Camilla was never on my agenda.
To be exact, it wasn’t necessary.
[Kayak, hurry and start your broadcast!]
Because right in front of me was a post containing my nickname.
*
‘I did hit someone, but I didn’t think they would die.’
Wait, is this expression too criminal-like? I don’t know. Let’s just gloss over it. As long as the nuance gets conveyed, it’s fine.
Anyway, that’s the feeling.
I planned a bit before causing a ruckus, but I didn’t expect it to have such a huge ripple effect. Really.
I had no idea the impact would be this big. Seriously.
This is the moment I’ve read through all the posts in the gallery one by one. I started with the latest concept posts and then read every single piece related to me.
Of course, there weren’t just good comments. There were some bad ones here and there. But…
“They’re calling me a gallery master… Wow…”
Most of the responses were positive, which shocked me at first and then made me laugh.
I mean, it’s hilarious that they’re calling me a gallery master when I’m just a person in the gallery!
It was also funny that in a way, they weren’t entirely wrong.
“Kayak, turn on your broadcast quickly!”
These are the common posts made by people showing me goodwill. They all want me to turn on the broadcast.
I did intentionally expose myself in the Taker’s broadcast, but I had no idea there would be so many people remembering me.
I only expected reactions up to “Who’s this Camilla? She’s good,” and when I eventually turned on the broadcast, I thought I’d hear something like “This person is that person.”
I had no idea these comments were being posted while I was unaware.
The overwhelming reactions were a bit burdensome yet… also made me happy.
It’s all the people who remember that past disastrous show of mine treating it as foundational, and pushing me to turn on the broadcast already.
Seeing so many people—I mean, total strangers—wanting my broadcast made me feel a bit soft-hearted despite not being easily swayed.
Before I knew it, my shoulders were shrugging in pride, pushing me to turn on the broadcast even sooner than I initially planned.
I was supposed to turn it on tomorrow evening, but it wouldn’t hurt to start it a bit earlier, right?
“Should I leave at least one post?”
After all, it would be awkward if no one showed up when I actually turned it on.
Therefore, I decided to pull off a somewhat sneaky trick after a long time. Normally, it wouldn’t be allowable, but promotion is a big deal. If I don’t get caught, it’s fine anyway.
I turned on the broadcast that I had set up in advance and quickly posted something.
“ㅇㅇ(113.39) Kayak is broadcasting! ㄷㄷㄷ Go into Twitch and search for Kayak ㄱ”
In that instant, I became a foreign resident and then returned to Korea.
Not using my usual fixed nickname from the gallery but a floating ID.
This is a technique that those active in the gallery have to know.
It’s what you call floating clone technique.
*
“Why isn’t anyone coming….”
“Why isn’t anyone coming…?”
I unconsciously let out a voice, surprising myself and clamping my mouth shut.
It’s already been 10 minutes.
I braced myself to start the broadcast, but even after 5 minutes and then 10 minutes, not a single viewer had dropped in.
Zero.
I was just staring blankly at the shining number 0, blinking away.
Well, things can’t go that easily. It’s pretty unlikely for dozens or even hundreds of people to suddenly flock in just because I turned on a stream.
Not to mention, my fame was just half-baked. The brief streaming I did ages ago, meeting Nicang in the Abyss, appearing in a Taker’s shoot, and my slight popularity in the gallery; all of that equals to… nothing.
Wait, thinking about it, that’s quite a bit, isn’t it? Why isn’t anyone coming?
Even the big gamble of breaking the law in the gallery turned out to be a total dud. A courageous act with some risks, but no payoff? How disappointing.
“Guess I’ll just play a game.”
I muttered that and jumped into the queue.
I thought if people came while I played, I’d be too focused to talk properly, so I was aiming to have a chat first before showcasing my gaming skills. But of course, life never flows as planned.
With no skill to babble on like pro streamers, all I could do was play the game.
Surely someone will show up while I play. I’ll talk when someone comes.
If nobody shows… Well, I can just hope for tomorrow.
People will come to the stream eventually. Yeah, you can’t fill up on the first meal.
*
However, that resolve of Mun Ah’s was quickly diminished as viewers flooded into her stream in no time.
[Kayak! Kayak! Kayak! Kayak! Kayak! Kayak!]
[Kayak went live to defend the gallery….]
[I just worship the goat]
[Came to see how good you are]
[Is this person not talking?]
[She’s already no-cam, no-mike, so I guess she’s doing that again]
[At least turn on the mic….]
That post by Mun Ah started a chain reaction, immediately spreading the news around the gallery.
“Oh, what a shame. I was about to grab it.”
But Mun Ah, still unaware of that fact, remained silent, keeping her eyes glued to the game while the broadcast mic lay turned off.
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