Discomfort.
Is it okay to label this suddenly arriving sensation with such a name?
Miragen looked at Robert.
What made her feel like she had seen this situation of talking to Robert before?
Déjà vu? No, it wasn’t just that kind of feeling.
Words that seemed like they had been heard before, words that felt as though she had herself once spoken aloud.
As she was engulfed by this bizarre feeling repeating itself, she was slightly startled and flinched at the gaze of Robert, who was silently watching her.
Though always empty, there was a cold light lurking in the corner of his eyes, which sometimes showed soft brightness.
“…That can’t be right. It’s just not happening.”
“Perhaps. This is the first time I’ve called Robert.”
Is that really the case? Amidst the fading consciousness, memories began to bloom.
It was all a jumbled mess, with time twisted up, and she had even forgotten what she was trying to give Robert at that moment.
Clearly, she had intended to give something, but there were just too many things she had wanted to offer.
“Miragen.”
A voice pierced through her confused mind.
When she felt the hand gripping her shoulder, Miragen realized her body was trembling.
As memories floated continuously in her head, she couldn’t even manage to hear the voice reaching her.
In that memory, Robert also existed.
“Ah, it’s alright. I think I just mistook something for a moment. Was I going to give this to my older brother?”
“Is that so?”
She chuckled softly at the blunt voice and shrugged her shoulder casually.
Perhaps it was just a moment of misunderstanding. Was it merely a sudden fantasy?
All the imaginings she’d conjured up seemed ridiculous, making her face flush as she brushed her cheek.
If others found out about these thoughts, she wouldn’t have a comeback.
Goodness, Robert whispering that he loved her? No matter her affection, that crossed the line.
She didn’t want to share it with anyone, and she especially didn’t want to hear such things said in front of her.
The hand on her shoulder felt so wide. She hadn’t minded it before, but lately, she was aware of every little thing.
At first, he was a grateful person who helped her, then rather foolishly, a person who tried to save her.
After that, one she felt let down by for not keeping in touch. And then what?
Well, Miragen hadn’t seriously thought about that next part.
It was certain that every time they met, he was a new person.
Sometimes he looked as if he would vanish if she didn’t keep her eyes on him, and other times he approached her as if he had charmed several women.
Even though she hadn’t given permission, he would often stand right in front of her, crossing that distance effortlessly.
He used to stand right in front of me.
If you were to ask whether I disliked such a thing, for some reason, I couldn’t easily answer.
At some moment, I had naturally accepted that gap.
Whenever Robert didn’t come closer, Miragen would occasionally check if she felt awkward and if her mood had soured.
Sometimes, I wondered what it meant to have a relationship as the crown prince of the duchy.
If I had intended to become the head of the family from the start, I could have excluded myself.
Rather, since I was cooperating with the crown prince, wasn’t it okay to push myself aside and bolster the crown prince’s forces even more?
But why is he helping me? And why did he come to me first instead of my older brother in the first place?
Sometimes, I entertained such questions.
Even though thinking about it now wouldn’t change anything, I realized that Robert’s attitude was strange in various ways.
Wasn’t there a benefit to him in engaging with me?
If so, he must have approached me purely with goodwill, but even Miragen herself couldn’t figure out what aspect he saw in her.
“Robert.”
As I quietly called out, Robert, who had been walking forward, turned his head.
His appearance was not much different from the sudden memory that came to mind.
He was just a little colder, a little less smiley. Somehow, he always wore a wistful expression.
If I had something to ask, it would be whether he ever said he loved me.
In that very brief memory, Robert had said as much, so perhaps he had said it while I couldn’t remember.
However, my lips wouldn’t easily part. A grateful person, a foolish person, a disappointing person.
If he then became someone I liked, I wouldn’t know how to face Robert.
Perhaps I had already developed such feelings, but Miragen decided to take a step back.
It wasn’t the right time yet. They had only met a few days prior, and Adrian… didn’t just think of Robert as a friend.
“What is it?”
“…I just called out.”
Even in my memories, Robert used to turn his head when I called him like this.
His expression was colder and more indifferent than back then, but Miragen once again superimposed her memories over Robert.
I couldn’t tell if this was a memory or my embarrassing fantasy.
Just. Perhaps it could have been a forgotten memory.
#
I don’t exactly know what conditions there are for recovering memories.
Isn’t this the first occurrence while repeatedly reincarnating?
It’s uncertain whether the more I interact with me, the more memories resurface, or who recalls those memories.
However, there was someone whose memories I hoped would not resurface.
So I was a bit surprised.
When Miragen asked if I had ever experienced something like this, my heart was filled with a desire to ask everything about that memory.
But if I were to say that I had experienced something like this, that would just give me a headache, so I simply said I didn’t know for now.
I hoped to never think about it for the rest of my life, but I know that’s not something I can control.
If I could control it, I would have tried to do something about it.
However, memories come without warning.
Teresa was the same, and so was Adele.
Yuria forcibly summoned them through magic and hallucinogens, but this Moon Stone would evoke memories if they were connected to someone deeply.
…I felt that it was a mistake to visit Miragen.
Even if it would be a memory I would recall later, I wished that the timing could be a little later.
Miragen’s expression was markedly different from before.
She stared at me intently, then blushed all by herself, leaving my mind in a whirlwind about what kind of reaction that was.
“Seeing you like this makes me embarrassed,” she said.
As I answered playfully, Miragen’s jaw dropped in slight surprise.
It seemed she had been deep in thought.
I hoped that it wasn’t the memory I mentioned earlier, but I was curious about how much she recalled.
If only I could read people’s thoughts, that would be convenient. Unfortunately, I didn’t possess such abilities.
“Oh… I was just thinking a little about what happened earlier,” she said.
“Are you talking about something you feel like you’ve experienced before?” I asked.
“That’s right. I was just wondering if I had brought Robert here a few times. But that shouldn’t have happened.”
Her expression stiffened for a moment at those words, then she silently shook her head in response.
That had never happened. To be precise, it had happened, but it should have been something that didn’t exist.
Miragen’s memories weren’t just sunshiny moments.
It seemed better to completely deny those memories if possible.
It was different for Adele, who didn’t have many memories, or Adrian, who had none at all.
Miragen had far more memories than others.
If there had been only good memories, it would have been fine, but she even had the memory of killing me directly.
If she recalled that memory in the current relationship we had…
I couldn’t guarantee she wouldn’t feel guilt.
If it were Miragen, she would definitely blame herself.
Confused by my continued denials, Miragen finally sighed and nodded.
She seemed to have her doubts in many ways but didn’t seem entirely convinced.
When our gazes met again, I saw her cheeks turn red once more, and I chuckled before speaking up.
“Did you have some strange imagination? You seem unusually flustered today.”
“It seems like you’re doing something.”
“Well, that’s not it.”
Seeing them hesitating left my feelings quite complicated.
If she were to recall memories, it would be okay as long as they were good ones.
After all, if she only remembered good things, it wouldn’t be a problem at all.
But on the contrary, if only negative memories came flooding back, I wondered if she could bear it.
“I hated you.”
The words I heard from Miragen, probably something she wouldn’t remember…
If she was to remember this, there’s no way Miragen wouldn’t blame herself.
What would happen if she recalled that she was the one who severed my neck?
Imagining that she might think back on those memories when I’m not around… I didn’t even want to imagine it.
“Anyway, I’ll use what I received well. It’d be best if I don’t have to use it at all, though.”
“Keeping it as decoration could be nice too. I also thought it would be better not to use it.”
“Then it would’ve been better to give something else as a gift.”
“I know. But…”
Miragen, who had been hesitant, glanced at me again and then smiled softly as she continued.
“It’s just that… When holding that sword, I hope you won’t get hurt. I was really worried about the time you got hurt when you came to save me. I looked for various things, and I thought this would be the best after all.”
It was vastly different from what I had heard before.
Instead of the woman saying to remember her whenever I used the sword, it was simply a woman still blushing, unaware of her own feelings.
Still, I appreciated that sentiment, so I quietly smiled and nodded.
It seemed impossible not to get hurt anyway.
Using this sword would certainly bring her to mind as well.
The truth was, it was impossible to predict what might happen after today.
Just like how the current Miragen was a different person from the Miragen I once knew.
…Would Miragen regain her memories? Or would she simply regard today’s events as a minor occurrence because she couldn’t find them?
I couldn’t be sure of anything.
What I hoped for was that her memories wouldn’t return, but the wind of destiny would surely bring her memories back somehow.
I still felt uncertain.
After all, this life was my first, so if I wanted to know something, wouldn’t I have to face it directly?
I would only know what tomorrow would bring by living through it.
If Head of the Family Robert wanted to know the 101st Miragen, he would have to spend more time close to her.
As I briefly closed my eyes, a cool wind blew from the now darkened sky.
Winter was almost over, and now it was a complete spring day.
That breeze felt refreshing, easing my once stuffy heart a little.
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