Gulp…
I almost let that slip out, but quickly bit my tongue.
No matter how much my character seems to be falling apart and the truth being exposed, there are still some parts I need to keep intact. I’m trying my best to maintain at least a minimal semblance of my character even after losing my abilities. Someday, my true self might come to light, but I don’t want it all to come out at once in one go.
Starting a conversation with “Um…” doesn’t fit my character. Until now, I’ve been saying whatever came to mind without hesitation.
“…Can I ask how much you remember about me?”
I asked with a threadbare hope.
“……”
Mia’s gaze momentarily drifted to the air. After a brief silence as if she were rummaging through her memories, she said, “I think I remember almost everything you’ve shown me, at least…”
She said that in a somewhat uncertain voice.
Although she thinks she remembers almost everything, she’s probably playing it safe, just in case she’s wrong.
But I know the truth.
Mia has a remarkable memory, capable of reciting complex magical incantations. Her grades are always at the top. While I study for hours just to keep up and Alice employs her efforts to maintain her grades, Mia is simply smart enough to achieve good grades naturally.
Of course, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t put in the effort. But her thoughts about studying are on a different level compared to ours.
While Alice begrudgingly tries hard to set an example as a princess, Mia genuinely enjoys her studies. As she mentioned before, she’s really interested in magic and studies out of her own enjoyment. With her good head, it’s only natural her grades are excellent.
For the same reason, if I did anything embarrassing in front of Mia, there’s a high chance she remembers it.
“……”
The problem is, I can’t remember any of those embarrassing moments.
There’s a limit to human memory, after all. I mentioned that Mia has a good memory, but that only applies to her; it doesn’t reflect on me.
My good grades and my knowledge of game settings, stories, and the insides of dungeons all come from having thoroughly repeated those experiences. To be precise, it would be more accurate to say I repeated them until I mastered them.
In my case, I can’t remember all the little details, so hearing Mia say that is tremendously unsettling.
Still, I can’t ask about it here. If I had a way to turn back time, I would have first asked her, then clutched my head and rolled on the floor, crying out and turning back the clock.
But thinking about it, if I had the ability to turn back time, I wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place. No one would remember that I went back in time.
“…Understood.”
In the end, after much deliberation, the only response I could muster was that.
*
Trials never seem to end.
Typically, trials lead to some good outcome after overcoming them, but the trial in front of me offers nothing of the sort.
Looking back, this was all karma for my past actions.
So, I could say I’ve already reaped the good things that come after these trials, which I put aside for later.
No, if I had known it would turn out like this, I probably wouldn’t have gone back in time at all. I would have only turned back time when I made a fatal mistake while sticking to my silent character.
“Your Highness.”
The one who spoke to me cautiously was Rena.
There are almost no people around me who look up to me. Most simply regard me as an equal friend, and I’m not bothered by that at all. In fact, I prefer it that way.
However, there are a few who look at me with admiration from a slight distance. These people are those who likely never witnessed my mistakes, and even if they did, they probably think it was just a moment of confusion, unaware of the time travel involved.
Having come back on a Gryphon to stop the Emperor, who sought to turn the world into a sea of fire, I became someone difficult to talk to within the academy, except for my close friends.
Among those friends, there was only one who openly admired me.
That was Rena Meyer.
She most likely entered the academy to keep an eye on me or report my actions to the higher-ups, yet from the beginning, Rena’s eyes sparkled at everything I did.
When I first met Rena, I worried that our characters would overlap. In fact, in terms of the ‘cool beauty’ image, Rena was ahead of me. If all my actions were mere ‘acting,’ Rena was the real deal. Beyond just appearing calm and collected, she genuinely loves cute things, adding a layer of ‘authenticity’ that I couldn’t match.
I tried to show off in front of Rena to prove I could surpass her, and thanks to that, she truly began to admire me.
To the point that when there was an empty seat next to me, she’d naturally sit there, and if anyone tried to badmouth or suspect me, she’d step up to defend me. Even her fighting style was influenced, adopting my ‘tactical’ moves from movies in her own way.
However, even Rena has regained her memories.
Many people are disappointed when they see the flaws of someone they admired. And though my flaws weren’t particularly severe, they still fell within the realm of what should be expected of a person.
But my flaws… well, weren’t they much worse than that?
“Can we have a moment to talk?”
The day after my conversation with Mia ended.
As usual, after class, Rena said this as we were leaving the classroom.
I glanced at Alice. She shrugged her shoulders slightly and nodded silently.
Uh… I was hoping for a better environment to discuss things together.
…Well, I guess we’re bound to have a private moment, eh? If that’s the case, maybe it would be better to discuss things beforehand.
“Yes, that’s fine.”
In the end, I nodded and said that.
*
“……”
“……”
Thinking back, I’ve never really had a deep conversation with Rena.
It’s not that we’ve never talked.
However, because Rena wasn’t one of the ‘characters’ I knew well, I never fully understood her personality, and the mix of how she looks at me and what I feel from that meant we had almost never had a serious conversation.
So, it’s no wonder I couldn’t think of what to say first.
“I have memories of the war.”
It seems Rena felt the same. Previously, she would have chitchatted with me, but now that her memories have come back, I might not feel like the same person I used to be.
Talking to someone without knowing their true feelings and doing so while aware of them involves a level of difficulty, even if we’re the same person. Strictly speaking, I’ve already become someone else in my mind.
“Is that so.”
“Yes. I remember the Empire attacking the Riclant Autonomous State… that is, my homeland.”
“……Did you participate in the war?”
At my question, Rena shook her head.
I had no connection with Rena in that dreamlike world. I didn’t step onto the battlefield like I did in the real world.
“My father sent me and my mother to safety in the rear, and then we lost contact. All I received were news of the border area being devastated by shelling. Later, I heard that the government had even allied with some of the opposing warlords.”
“……”
Rena’s expression as she continued to speak was composed.
“I wanted to participate in the war… but my mother stopped me, so I was left by her side until the end.”
She couldn’t send the only remaining family member to the battlefield.
Now that I think of it, I don’t know anything about Rena’s family. I only know her father is an important figure in the autonomous state.
“And after realizing that all those memories weren’t real, I felt quite relieved.”
“Is that so.”
I once again responded with the same answer.
“……So, there’s something that’s a bit confusing, can I ask a question?”
“Yes, please.”
“I sometimes feel that the actions you took, Your Highness, are different from what I clearly remember.”
“……”
I wanted to take a deep breath, but I held it back.
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