No matter how I responded, Mia’s words continued.
“When I realized I had returned to this world, I felt a rush of emotions at once. Ah, my father will no longer be here in this world.”
Just that fact that there would be no father must have stirred countless emotions. But I could only guess how that felt.
Ironically, I had never lost my parents. In the world I originally lived in, I had left this world first, and in this world, everyone I could call my parents was still alive.
So I couldn’t even imagine that feeling.
Moreover, Mia hadn’t experienced an ordinary family like I had.
They say family members live with love and hate for each other, but the ‘hate’ rarely surpasses ‘love’. There might be cases where it can’t be helped between couples, but in parent-child relationships, unless things turned extremely horrible, ‘hate’ doesn’t exceed ‘affection’.
But Mia…
What kind of feelings did she have toward her father who was still alive?
Perhaps it would have been better for Mia if I had regretted killing the Count. I might regret it and not gain Mia’s forgiveness, but at least her wounds would be smaller than they are now.
But the Count I met was just like the Count I knew.
A man who boldly declared he would ‘claim’ the body of a Baroness, looking at her like she was nothing more than a commoner. He might have been old enough to be considered an adult by this world’s standards, but frankly, I could never accept that. To me, teenagers were just kids.
“I was sad. But at the same time, how should I put it? I felt relief too.”
“……Is that so?”
“Yes. Like waking up from a nightmare. It’s strange, isn’t it? Just a moment ago, my father was perfectly fine, and now he’s gone.”
Even if the world had changed, most people’s lives probably continued as usual. Those who participated in the last part of the fantasy world battlefield might have died, but they would probably remember it as nothing but a nightmare. Unless they realized that it was reality, the memories of the fantasy world would overlay on the memories of reality and sink deep into their subconscious.
So, there wouldn’t have been a situation where someone who should have died was still alive. The Goddess wouldn’t have had the leisure to recreate all that.
But Mia was different.
The most important ‘killer’ had lived a completely different life.
For a long time, she must have witnessed how her father fell apart and disappointed people.
I cannot tell whether that ‘Count’ had truly returned or if it was just an extremely elaborate illusion. That was a realm that only the Goddess could know.
But to Mia, it must have been the living nightmare itself.
“I was sad. Yes, of course, I was sad. But… as memories rushed back, I also recalled how much I had lost just to have my father in that illusion.”
“……….”
I shut my mouth and only rolled my eyes. It was very hard to keep a straight face. Every word from Mia felt like it was digging deeper into me.
“But still, I… about your father…”
As I struggled to continue, Mia gazed at me quietly and spoke.
“This time, you’re saying the same thing but with a completely different expression.”
“……”
“Perhaps, it’s because you can’t turn back time anymore.”
“…… Yes, that’s right.”
Until now, I would easily turn back time.
To capture that ‘concept’. Always calmly and coolly assess the situation, achieving the maximum result with minimal action as a mysterious being.
“Do you remember what you said back then?”
Mia fiddled with her teacup as she spoke.
“About learning emotions.”
I felt my mind go blank.
The guilt of being the one who killed a friend’s father, the guilt of making Mia experience such a terrible past twice, the guilt of still not having said I was sorry… All the accumulating guilt in my mind flew away in an instant at her shocking words.
That’s right. I had gone to Mia’s room and said that.
That I was learning emotions and practicing them where no one could see me.
Of course, that was complete nonsense. I had just babbled it to get through that situation somehow, but it seemed Mia had believed those words right up until recently.
“That’s… was a lie.”
As I finally managed to catch my breath before my consciousness slipped away, I opened my mouth to say that.
My voice was cracking. To be honest, I was feeling chills down my spine as I spoke. It was a strange feeling, as a cold energy seeped into my bones while cold sweat was streaming down.
Of course, I couldn’t afford the luxury to analyze that strange feeling.
“Is that so?”
This time, Mia asked.
“Yes, that’s right. Actually, back then…”
Now there’s no reason to hide it. But it was painful to say.
Mainly because I was immensely embarrassed.
“I thought you could attack me.”
“It seemed like that.”
Mia nodded calmly.
“But you… you handed me the gun. You said I could shoot if I wanted to. If I’d really tried to kill you, that would have been the best opportunity right then.”
If we think about it logically, now would also be a good opportunity. But Mia wouldn’t kill me. Right now, Mia and I are friends.
…Isn’t thinking that way too calculating?
“And actually, I didn’t think you would follow me.”
Mia Crowfield wasn’t a character like a thief or rogue often found in JRPGs. She was a magician character, so while she could draw aggro from the first target depending on her equipment, it didn’t mean she would completely disappear but merely reduce the aggro.
That was my blunder. Since I had played the original work, I couldn’t even imagine such a situation. So back then, I made that absurd excuse.
At the time, I thought I had brushed it off reasonably well, but I had forgotten that Mia was very intelligent.
…The intelligent Mia remembered everything I had said back then.
“So I hurriedly thought up an excuse, and that’s how it happened.”
As I barely finished explaining, Mia stared at me for a while.
Then, she chuckled softly.
“So, you mean that the perfect being Sylvia Fanggriffon actually made a lot of big mistakes from the start? You had to come up with such a ridiculous excuse that no ordinary person would even think of it?”
“……”
I had no satisfactory reply.
“When you thought Sylvia liked Leo.”
“……”
Why does my dark history keep surfacing? What on earth was I thinking back then to act like that?
If I had known that the ability I had wouldn’t be usable later and that everyone would remember the time I turned back, I would never have thought to use that ability. Or I would’ve minimized using it.
“Back then, I said I was learning emotions, right?”
I kept my mouth shut.
I steeled myself to not be flustered by anything that came after. …After all, this fiasco was happening because of my mistakes, so I should accept it, shouldn’t I?
“I don’t think that was incorrect.”
But what Mia said was something completely different from what I had thought.
“So, I can’t explain it well either.”
Mia looked around and then slightly tilted her head to look up at me. Her black pupils peeked through her bangs, which fell just low enough to cover her forehead. But contrary to how it had seemed the first time, they sparkled like well-cut jewels.
Blushing slightly, as if shy about saying that, Mia spoke.
“Emotions are something everyone gradually comes to realize, after all. I think the same goes for someone who is rich in emotions as well as someone who lacks them. So, I see you, Sylvia, who could casually say such things when we first met and the Sylvia in front of me now as completely different people.”
Mia’s words felt like they were both understandable and incomprehensible.
But one thing was certain: there were no negative feelings in her words.
“So, I think it wouldn’t be strange to say that Sylvia now is gradually rediscovering her emotions.”
But thanks to Mia’s last words and poking at my dark history, in the end, I collapsed onto the table, my upper body leaning in deeply.
…Seriously, I have no idea how to handle my concept.
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