Of course, it’s a given, but I had a family.
That is, even before I came to this world.
We weren’t exactly wealthy, but I also don’t remember ever starving. I do recall struggling for money when I was very young, but by the time I reached middle and high school, our financial situation had improved enough to get by.
I couldn’t afford to buy a game console or new games, but I could occasionally buy comic books or novels to read, and we had enough to send me and my brother to college. We weren’t the picture-perfect family, but we still regarded each other as family and valued one another.
It was after I graduated college and entered the workforce that I really immersed myself in hobbies like gaming and manga.
…I’m probably someone who died in the original world. I don’t remember exactly how I crossed over to this side, but the fact that it doesn’t bring me any good feelings when I try to recall it suggests that it was likely something unpleasant.
I find myself wondering how my remaining family is doing, but I think it’s pointless. In a distant future, after living my life and dying, if I meet them in the afterlife, maybe we can talk it out. With goddesses and all sorts of monsters and magic around, the existence of souls is only natural.
I had already put away my memories of my “original family” years ago.
So, what about here in this world?
Maybe it’s because my way of thinking is very East Asian, but I found it was not so easy to consider a family that isn’t connected by blood as a complete family.
On the one hand, I could think of them as sisters I’ve grown up with since childhood, but for me, they felt more like acquaintances I met after turning thirty.
Claire, who calls me “big sister,” or Alice, who proudly declares me her “little sister.” Leo, who calls me “big sis,” wondering if it’s just teasing or something that has stuck in his mouth.
Are we close? If you were to ask, I’d nod. Could I risk my life to protect them? I could nod for that too.
But do I really feel like family? That question was one I couldn’t easily nod in response to.
How could I call them family when I’ve hardly done anything for those kids?
Thinking like that made the seat I was sitting on feel as uncomfortable as if I were sitting on thorns.
“…….”
After visiting Baron Grace’s Estate and exchanging light greetings, we were sitting in the guest reception room of Grace’s Estate, drinking tea.
I was sipping tea slowly, unsure how to start a conversation, while Alice sat next to me, mimicking my movements, and Claire and Leo sat across from us looking far more relaxed.
And Baroness Grace watched us with a slight smile on her lips.
Ironically, I was extremely familiar with Baroness Grace.
Though I hadn’t lived through all that time again, combining all the time I’ve been awake would equate to several years.
And during that time, I had called Baroness Grace “Mother.”
That was a rather calculating move on my part.
When Lucas took Claire instead of me, I was quite flustered, but being the only one left at Grace’s Estate, I turned that into an opportunity. Since it was impossible for me to train in swordsmanship like Claire, I played the part of a “genius” based on the knowledge I had solidly possessed up until that point.
Of course, the label of “genius” would fade as I got older. While it might be remarkable for a child to read books meant for adults, it’s not particularly special for an adult to do so.
In that sense, I could say I deceived Grace’s Estate.
If the memories of that time hadn’t come back to me, I probably wouldn’t have even realized I had deceived them.
Though I deceived them, the ones I deceived never deceived me in return. Baron and Baroness Grace were not the type to have such black intentions.
They probably meant it sincerely when they called me their daughter. And when they said they were proud of me, that was genuine too. When they praised my grades or worried about me when I was sick—
…Hmm.
There’s an old saying from Native Americans that conscience is triangular and that it spins around, hurting your heart whenever you do something wrong. As you become an adult, that triangular conscience turns into a circle, so you start lying without any pain when it spins.
If my conscience had dulled and turned into a round shape, then at this moment, it seems that conscience is spinning fiercely, making me feel as if it has become pointed again, pricking me inside.
“I have something to discuss.”
After waiting for a while with no word from the baroness, I cautiously asked. I knew that being in a position like mine wasn’t suitable for pushing the conversation forward, but I didn’t want to sit in this uncomfortable silence for hours without saying anything.
“Yes, that’s why I called you.”
…Um.
In my memory, Baroness Grace had two appearances.
The first was when she treated me as a princess. The elegant noblewoman she showed me when I visited during summer break, of course, spoke formally to me due to our difference in status.
And the second was her role as “mother” in the goddess-created world.
At that time, my status was “Grace’s Young Lady,” so it was only natural that “mother” spoke informally to me. Still, she didn’t lose her basic dignity while managing to maintain a friendly demeanor. This meant she truly regarded me as her daughter.
Ironically, the version of Baroness Grace that I had seen the longest was the latter.
I assume she saw the same version of me.
“However, I was pondering who you are sitting in front of me. If you are indeed the Crown Princess, then as a noble of this country, I must show you the proper respect, and if you are my daughter, then it is only right to treat you in a much more familiar manner.”
…Uhm.
Even the guilty needle named conscience that was digging deep inside my heart seemed to pause in surprise, thinking, “Isn’t she going to die from this?” Of course, Baroness Grace likely didn’t intend any harm by her words.
“……”
I opened my mouth, then closed it again, not knowing how to respond.
“Baroness.”
As if unable to bear the situation any longer, Alice spoke up.
“Yes, Crown Princess.”
Even now, Alice, who remains a “Crown Princess,” didn’t seem to be fazed by Baroness Grace’s voice. Still, though, it’s not like she has done anything unprincipled against Grace’s Estate, so she was fine.
“I know I am in no position to comment on the two of you. However, if it’s a question of ‘status,’ then you needn’t worry. Sylvia is not prone to such matters.”
……
Is that so?
Given how much I have taken advantage of my status, I wouldn’t say it’s something I don’t care about. But since nobody here was crazy enough to nitpick about such trivialities, I stayed silent and listened to Alice’s defense.
“Is that so?”
Hearing Alice’s words, Baroness Grace responded with a gentle smile, placing her teacup on the table.
“Still, regardless, until I hear your opinion, I cannot treat you recklessly. I can’t be sure if the image of the Crown Princess I remember is truly her or just an act. If it’s the first case, I would willingly return to my previous demeanor, but if it’s the latter—”
The baroness’s expression wavered for the first time. Of course, that didn’t mean the smile completely disappeared. Her eyebrows simply lowered a tad, and she glanced down at me for a moment.
But even that subtle change made her expression appear so very sad.
“If it’s the latter, then I would have no choice but to bury my feelings deep within my heart.”
“……”
Is that so?
I felt Alice’s gaze reach me.
But I didn’t say anything. As the baroness said, it was I who should speak up now. No matter how much Alice defended me, without my own opinion, it would just be a collection of empty words scattered in the air.
I took a moment to sort out my thoughts again.
Then I spoke up.
“……Mother.”
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