No matter how close friends may be, it doesn’t mean only positive feelings exist between them.
Of course, “most emotions” are positive, which is why we can be friends.
The negative feelings that arise between friends are usually subtle and just a tad annoying, making them feel a bit like leftovers.
For example, imagine two friends from different countries watching a soccer match.
Even if someone usually doesn’t care about soccer, if the teams playing are their national teams, they suddenly become the top cheerleaders for their countries.
It’s not like they lose or gain anything significant from the outcome, but it just happens.
Right now, Alice’s irritation was that kind of annoyance.
“Ugh, I’m so annoyed!”
Grumble!
Hmm. I don’t think she kicked and flailed around when she threw tantrums as a kid.
Noticing me quietly watching, Alice sprang up and glared at me.
“Why? What? Is this the first time you’ve seen me like this?”
“To be honest, yes.”
I nodded.
I had seen Alice throw tantrums often. Since childhood, she had felt various inferiority complexes and jealousy toward me, so whenever I went around taking orders from the Emperor, she would throw fits, insisting she wanted to meet him too.
Every time, I chose options to help her as much as possible. I’d quickly finish what I had to say and let her in.
However, during those times, Alice never kicked and flailed on the floor. She was careful to throw fits just on the edge of damaging her dignity as a Crown Princess.
Moreover, Alice only threw fits when there were no other nobles around. There were other nobles on the train to Lutetia, but everyone was in different compartments.
“……”
When I answered with a serious expression, Alice’s face turned a bit red.
“Is that so?”
“No, you’ve never thrown a tantrum like that. Do you do it when no one is in the room?”
At my words, Alice immediately flopped back down on the bed.
She hit the bed a few times with her fists and feet, then raised her body to glare at me again.
“Just say it anywhere else. If you do, I’ll tell everyone your real self.”
“My real self isn’t much different from what I am now.”
As I said that, Alice let out a “Hmph.” and flopped back down on the bed. But this time, instead of burying her face, she turned her head to look at me. I wonder if that’s comfortable…?
“I think I used to throw fits in front of you a lot when I was younger.”
“And I was very accommodating to those fits. If we had to categorize it, I think I was more of the older sister.”
I tried to explain the situation very objectively, but Alice huffed,
“Really? Then should I start calling you ‘big sister’ from now on? Just like Claire?”
She asked that.
“……”
I paused to imagine Alice calling me ‘big sister.’
And quickly concluded, ‘Honestly, this state is better.’
When I shook my head, Alice frowned.
“…..Even if you ask me to call you big sister, I wasn’t planning to, but your reaction is annoying. What’s the reason?”
“Claire’s ‘big sister’ and Alice’s ‘big sister’ would have very different vibes.”
“……”
At my words, Alice narrowed her eyes.
Isn’t that right?
Claire honestly has a ‘younger sister-like’ vibe about her. She laughs a lot, is lively, and acts her age.
If the original Claire called me ‘big sister,’ it would’ve sent shivers down my spine, but the current Claire saying ‘big sister’ fits her very well.
On the other hand, Alice…
Well, she has childish parts, but at the same time, as a Crown Princess, she’s clever and a bit arrogant. Hearing ‘big sister’ from such an Alice would only seem forced.
She doesn’t even call Bella, who is significantly older than her, ‘big sister.’ How could she call me ‘big sister’ who is practically the same age?
“—Eek!?”
As I was alone imagining this, a big pillow flew right at my face.
Having not dodged in time due to my other thoughts, I was hit squarely in the face and looked at Alice—
“……I don’t know why, but I’m annoyed.”
Alice said that and turned over to face away from me.
“Speaking of which, it hasn’t been long since we both opened up to each other.”
As I picked up the pillow and seriously contemplated whether to throw it back at Alice’s face, she suddenly said something rather embarrassing.
“Really?”
I replied while thinking it did seem somewhat true.
My trip to Lutetia with Alice was only last year. Until then, we never had a conversation just the two of us.
Most of the time, Alice would throw fits, and I would play the role of accommodating her. Coming to Lutetia happened because Alice threw a fit about wanting to get on the train with me.
Perhaps that conversation we had while sitting face to face was the turning point that made us close.
“Yeah, it was after that we started to talk like this…”
Indeed, it seems like it started from then.
Alice suddenly dropped by my room, talked about the exam or studying, and even got mad when she saw the Morphine I had brought out from my room.
“Even now, I’m not someone who’s overly honest.”
Alice turned to look at the ceiling and spoke.
“But I felt it.”
“What do you mean?”
“That you were taking care of me.”
“……”
Hmm…
No matter how much I took care of her, she always complained and threw fits, so I thought she didn’t notice anything.
“How could you feel that?”
“Even if you ask how, I don’t know.”
I had just taken care of her because she was one of my favorite characters from the original work. There weren’t any deep thoughts like trying to change future Alice or wanting her to live a happier life.
There’s something like that, you know? Strictly speaking, we should be fair to those around us, but because you like someone, you tend to give a little extra. That’s the feeling.
And…
“Because you were still young.”
“You were the same age.”
Alice replied with a chuckle and let out a long sigh.
“Right, I heard from Claire that you were like that from a young age. Even when you were in the orphanage—”
Alice’s voice suddenly cut off.
It was probably because of the word ‘orphanage.’ Even in the world I lived in, that was not a positive term, but it was even worse in this world.
“You can just say it. The fact that I was there is the truth.”
“……You shared everything with the kids back then.”
“……I already knew.”
“What do you mean you knew?”
It’s okay to share this with others, but with Alice, who had already guessed my abilities, it should be fine.
“I knew all the kids in the orphanage would meet such a fate.”
“……”
Knowing they would face a tragic end, I just wanted to abandon everything and make sure that at least in their last moments, they were accompanied by someone kind.
Even so, there wasn’t much I could give. Only small pieces of bread or lukewarm porridge at most.
The story I shared about the past was almost entirely made up, so the content was strange.
“Wasn’t that the same for you too?”
“……”
There was nothing to say when put like that.
“Even so, you saved a lot.”
“Not all of them.”
“Hmm?”
“There are a few kids I couldn’t save.”
There was a kid who was ‘adopted’ right after I arrived. Originally, he was the leader among the oldest in the group.
The kids didn’t think highly of him. He was known for being strict with those who didn’t listen to him.
But… the kid was still a kid. And there were a few more like him.
I only began to think of them a few days after I went to the palace. During the escape, there were so many things to worry about, and I was too out of it to think about them, but once things calmed down and I had time to think, that kid, who was certainly facing a tragic fate, came to mind.
But there was no going back in time.
I met Claire after that. I could only escape because it was that day.
What if I could go back in time and take those kids with me? Would I have been able to go to the palace? Would Claire have not been sold off?
There were too many variables.
So I gave up on going back in time.
I chose Claire over those kids.
“……”
Alice didn’t say anything after hearing that.
I had nothing more to say either.
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