When I was my original self and even as Lindera, I was always the kind of person who kept my distance from exercise.
After all, I spent most of my life indoors rather than outdoors.
During my teenage years, I was clearly forced to study like crazy in school, and even after becoming an adult, things were only slightly better.
So, I can definitely say that I… just didn’t have a knack for using my body.
“Ugh… Ha… Core…”
“Are you okay?”
“No… Ugh…”
My breath was coming in sharp gasps, and my head was spinning.
Was it stage four?
I wasn’t even sure how far I had run to end up like this.
I collapsed from running too much, I guess?
“Lindera, here… Water, at least…”
“Thank you…”
I was pretty sure I looked like a complete fool or just plain ugly at that moment.
My hair, which had been neatly tied up, felt a bit messy after the collapse… and I had a lot on my mind.
But ultimately, the only thing I could do right now was lie still.
After all, I had collapsed from sheer exhaustion.
Is this… what they call fatigue?
“Phew… Ha… Ha…”
“I guess it’s been so long since I last ran that my body is shocked…”
“Is that so…”
“Do you feel any other pain apart from being tired?”
“No… I don’t.”
I answered Dolores that way for now.
Because apart from feeling out of breath and dizzy, I didn’t feel anything else.
Those two things were just so intense that I couldn’t notice anything else.
“Should we just remove the coat you’re wearing? It might be making you hotter?”
“Yes… Alright…”
Typically, I wouldn’t have bothered to take this off, but right now, I was definitely feeling hot.
I could feel the heat coming from my body, not just the room.
Each breath I let out felt harsh… to be honest, I wasn’t used to it and found it unpleasant.
By the way, the Commander had run just like me, yet he looked surprisingly fine, which annoyed me…
Riiiip…
I managed to lift my body and slowly began to unzip my coat.
Once I take this off… it should feel a bit cooler.
Despite my embarrassment, there was no escaping it.
“…Should I step outside for a bit?”
“What are you talking about, Commander… My suffering and you taking a break are two different things…”
“No… that’s not what I meant…”
“Dolores? I think I’m fine. Let’s help the Commander with his workout for now.”
“Uh… Is that so?”
“Yes. I’m fine.”
The Commander’s expression when he heard me was somewhat amusing.
I’m not exactly sure what kind of expression it was, but it felt a bit funny.
I had been running relatively well until just a moment ago, but now I couldn’t do that, so I had to sit back down and rest.
With this fatigue kicking in, how could I exercise again?
“…Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Nothing…”
“Huh?”
Since the Commander kept looking at me, I asked, but he didn’t give me a proper answer.
Was he worried about me?
If that’s the case, it might be a good change of pace for him.
Just like how I had worried about the Commander a little while ago, it made sense he would be worried about me.
Since I just collapsed after running, it really wasn’t an unreasonable action.
“Then, Commander? Should we move on to the next exercise?”
“No… Lindera is resting. I should rest too…”
“Commander?”
“There’s always next week, right? We can work out together then…”
Despite Dolores insisting on working out, the Commander was trying to not give in.
He seemed like the type who didn’t work out regularly, much like me.
“Commander?”
“Alright, fine…”
Of course, I eventually wore him down, especially with Dolores giving him that icy stare.
*
“Ha… Hah… Hah…”
“Are you okay?”
One person lay down on the floor like a starfish, exhaling with great effort.
I was worried about the Commander lying down like that.
“Did you overdo it?”
“…A bit.”
“Why didn’t you take it easy for once? What were you thinking?”
So foolishly.
The Commander was breathing heavily, clearly exhausted unlike his usual self.
It seemed he had indeed overdone it.
“…You’ve been cheering me on from behind this whole time.”
“Excuse me?”
“You sat there cheering me on. Really, the whole time.”
“Yeah, that’s true.”
What’s so wrong with that?
I only spoke a little while sitting in my chair.
All I did was offer simple cheer-up phrases like “You got this!” or “Hang in there!”
Why was he blaming me for his reckless behavior?
So foolish.
“Ha…”
“Are you tired?”
“…Yeah.”
The Commander definitely looked worn out.
There was no need for me to ask anymore.
But I kinda wanted to keep talking.
“Why don’t you drink some water?”
“…Thanks.”
“…….”
I handed the Commander some water, and he began to sit up and drink.
I found my gaze drifting towards his neck as he drank.
That slight hint of sweat… kinda looked sexy…
“Gah…”
“What’s wrong?”
“N-Nothing…”
As soon as I realized that I had weird thoughts, my gaze dropped again.
Why on earth did I think his neck looked sexy?
Have I finally lost it?
This was definitely strange.
No matter what, it made no sense for me to think someone sweating during exercise could look appealing… What the…
“Are you okay?”
“Uh, yeah…”
“You collapsed a moment ago… So if you’re really not feeling well, just say so.”
U-Uh, yeah…
The Commander said something, but it didn’t really register in my head.
Thanks to the strange thoughts that popped up moments ago.
For some reason, I found my gaze lingering on the Commander’s arms.
“Do you have a fever or something?”
“N-No!”
“But your face looks a bit flushed…”
“It’s really… nothing. Just… a bit tired…”
Was this exhaustion making me act this way?
No matter how I thought, focusing on a man’s neck or arms was completely out of line.
This was definitely not how a normal guy should act.
Truly, something was off.
“See? I told you exercise is too much for me…”
“Well, then just take a break mid-way…”
“I was cheering you on from behind. How can I just take a break out of the blue?”
“Then, if it was that, you shouldn’t have done it from the start…”
Wouldn’t that work?
Why was he always making excuses related to me?
“I could never work out alone without you around.”
“Huh?”
Truly… Why was he pinning it all on me…
*
I lay on the bed in the room, pondering.
I was definitely losing my mind these days.
Just today alone, I found myself continuously eyeing the Commander’s neck or arms… and the look of his sweaty body was impossible to ignore.
Moreover, every time I was around him, something felt different.
Especially when it was just the two of us.
Whenever I spoke with the Commander, I always got that strange feeling.
Like my heart was racing, or I was fidgeting with my hands.
For some reason, it felt slightly difficult to just treat the Commander normally.
“This is just weird…”
I wasn’t some lovestruck girl…
“…It can’t be that.”
Yes, I truly couldn’t be that.
I was a man, after all.
Even though I was now in the body of a woman named Lindera, I was a man.
I lived as a man for over 20 years… and at least during that time, I had never once thought of getting close to another man.
“Yeah… It’s just… I’m going nuts.”
It wasn’t about falling in love with him or seeking interest in men.
It was purely that I had lost my mind.
I must be going nuts.
“Logically, there’s no way I could like a man… He’s good-looking, but still…”
The Commander treated me well… even though he kept my secrets, he was far from a bad person.
But I couldn’t be attracted to a man.
That would mean I had completely become a woman, both body and mind.
Even though my body had changed, I could never fully become a woman.
“This is all…”
Because of the Commander.
It wasn’t me being strange; it was all the Commander’s fault.
He kept treating me well… looking ridiculously handsome… and what happened last time…
“…It felt nice though.”
Even if it was drunken folly, the sensation and memory remained.
The shame of having been taken by a man was no joke, but the pleasure had undeniably… been nice.
“I’m out of my mind.”
I was undeniably… going completely insane.
Otherwise, there’s no way I could have thought it was good after being taken by a man.
Of course, the physical pleasure was obvious…
But to think that it felt good crossed a serious line.
*
“Are you okay?”
“I’m… not okay.”
Neither my body nor my mind was okay.
My body was sore from the weekend’s workout, and my mind…
“Ha…”
“Are you in a lot of pain?”
“It’s… not to the point where you should worry… just don’t come too close… I’m fine.”
I was really just losing my mind, thinking those thoughts.
I couldn’t possibly be genuinely attracted to the Commander, so the only conclusion was that I was indeed going crazy.
“Well, that’s good to hear.”
“Yeah… it is…”
I definitely felt like I was genuinely going nuts.
It made sense; if I hadn’t lost my mind, I wouldn’t feel happy just from the Commander worrying about me…
This was really something…
“Ha…”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, it’s nothing. For now, let’s quickly wash up. Don’t we need to have breakfast?”
I decided to send the Commander to the bathroom, aiming to hide the embarrassment that kept growing.
At least if the Commander disappeared into the bathroom, out of my sight… I thought it might ease things a little.
“That’s true. Just wait here in the room for a bit. There’s drinks in the fridge. You can have some of those too.”
“Yes, hurry… go in.”
The Commander smiled slightly as he nodded in response to me before entering the bathroom, leaving me alone in the Commander’s room.
Somehow, this felt strange in its own way…
“Seriously, what’s wrong with me…”
I’ve been in the Commander’s room many times, and sitting like this wasn’t new.
Yet, still, it felt significantly different from before…
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