Is the timing of our meeting a bit strange? Or is it because she’s still afraid of me?
Riana couldn’t meet my eyes.
On the other hand, the shop owner was looking down at me with a grumpy face.
He must think I’m Riana’s accomplice and is now planning to squeeze money out of me.
I don’t mind having money, but I really didn’t want to give it away.
The man approached me, leaving Riana behind. Our eyes met.
“Hey, come here. Is she your friend?”
“…”
As our eyes locked, a stream of information flowed into my mind. It’s a sensation I’ve gotten used to by now.
If I play my cards right, I might be able to put him to sleep. I cast hypnosis on him while maintaining eye contact.
In an instant, his once fierce eyes grew dazed. It didn’t take long before he lost his balance and collapsed.
I whispered to the fallen man.
“Sweet dreams.”
With the nuisance gone, I could finally face Riana again.
This time, she didn’t run away. Maybe her legs were too scared to move.
Anyway, I could finally be alone with Riana after such a long time.
She was still trembling while looking at me, though.
I felt like a little chat was needed.
*
When I was alone, I usually camped out, but it felt a bit off to camp out with two people.
The street wasn’t really a suitable place for a conversation.
So in the end, we found a place to stay.
Iria paid. She had stolen some funds from criminals on the day the incident happened.
Iria and Riana entered the room, drenched from the rain. It was a heavy rain day, and they looked like drowned mice.
“…You can wash up first.”
“Yeah…”
An awkward conversation passed between us.
Though we met after a long time, it didn’t feel as comfortable as before.
We probably couldn’t go back to how we were then. Riana had seen something, and Iria had done something.
Riana was the first to wash her wet body, and when Iria entered and then emerged from the bathroom…
As she dried her long hair, she asked. Still, neither of them met eyes.
“Am I still scary?”
Riana couldn’t open her mouth for a while.
She was only avoiding Iria’s gaze, bowing her head to the ground.
It took a long time before she finally spoke.
“…Thanks for saving me.”
For a moment, their gazes met, then drifted apart.
Riana continued without making eye contact.
“But… I can’t not be scared. It’s hard to forget seeing something like that…”
“…”
Her voice was filled with tension. She was half-crying as she spoke.
“I’m sorry… I didn’t want to say this. I didn’t want you to see me like that…”
Regardless of how it happened, Iria saved Riana. Twice, in fact. The incident that day was also something Iria did to save her.
If Iria hadn’t acted, it could have been Riana who died. Riana was aware of that to some extent.
But…
“I’m sorry, ugh… It’s not your fault, but I couldn’t help it…”
“…”
Knowing something and being scared of it are two different things.
A friend who lived in the back alley suddenly turned into a monster and ripped apart human flesh. Riana had seen the gruesome scene from beginning to end.
It was horrifying. Even in Dusty Lane, where dead humans are seen occasionally, nothing like this could be found.
The memory rooted deep in her mind couldn’t be easily erased. Even now, when Riana closed her eyes, the scene from that day would replay vividly.
So for Riana, Iria was both a friend and a nightmare.
“…I understand.”
Iria, who had become Riana’s trauma, replied with a bitter expression.
She wasn’t crying, but her face looked incredibly sad.
Being treated like a monster by the person you trust the most and receiving gazes filled with disgust is a cruel thing.
Even though she didn’t show it, Iria was also on the edge.
She hid her surging emotions. If she let them out, it felt like everything would collapse, so she played the part of a lifeless doll.
Both of them were festering for different reasons.
Even if they shared the same room like before, the wounds they’d previously felt hadn’t healed.
It was that kind of night.
“If it were me, I would have been scared too.”
This time, Iria avoided Riana’s gaze.
Just yesterday, she had been searching for Riana, yet actually facing her now made her speechless.
She realized that it would be incredibly difficult to improve this uncomfortable relationship.
“…You can use that room, Riana. I’ll leave since it seems uncomfortable.”
“Uh, okay?”
Although Iria paid for the lodging, she didn’t want to stay in the room anymore.
She felt that staying any longer would make it impossible to hide her emotions.
“And you can use this money, Riana. I don’t think I’ll need it.”
Iria took out a small coin pouch filled with gold coins and placed it on the bed.
After that, she bit her lip and turned her head. She didn’t just turn her head. She turned around so Riana wouldn’t see her expression.
It was almost like she was collapsing.
Even if she collapsed, she thought it’d be better to fall apart quietly where no one could see.
Iria turned to leave.
“Wait! Iria!”
Riana’s voice calling out to her was heard, but she didn’t pay it any mind.
Her steps didn’t stop.
Once she stepped through that door, she felt she would never meet again. The worn-out Iria had resolved to seek death.
Iria is a monster.
When she first killed a human, she thought it was just an accident, but since then, she has killed another human.
The reason was utterly ridiculous. She was hungry. Just to have a meal, she killed someone. That’s the kind of creature she was.
To survive, she had to kill humans.
But she didn’t want to kill. Iria didn’t want to be a monster.
If someone was afraid of her, then it was better for her to disappear.
At least, that’s what Iria thought.
Though her time as a monster was short, it wasn’t very pleasant. She just wanted to end it before her flesh caused more harm.
On a rainy day, Iria walked, crying. It felt like she had never cried so much in her life, pouring out all the water in her body.
-Don’t touch my body!
-How can you not be scared? You saw something like that.
Iria was a being that shouldn’t exist in this world.
Just existing could bring about great calamity in the future.
What’s the difference between killing humans periodically to sustain her life and being a monster?
She was afraid of dying, but she was even more afraid of living while being treated that way.
Humans are social animals that cannot live alone. Iria, who was human until recently, was the same.
She, too, was a social animal who couldn’t live alone.
That’s why being alone was terrifying. She was afraid of herself.
She no longer wanted to hurt anyone.
And so she walked.
These were her steps toward death.
*
It was fine to decide on death.
But how would she carry it out?
Iria, hiding her appearance from Riana, harmed herself in a place where no one could see.
She really, really tried many methods.
She stabbed a sword into her heart, but didn’t die, so it was a failure. She jumped into a fire and spent a day there, but her flesh had grown resistant to the flames.
Hanging didn’t even hurt, and when she cut her wrists, it healed quickly.
One day, she decided to throw herself into a deep river. As Iria sank underwater, she lost consciousness. But when she regained her senses, she found herself back above water.
It seemed like her body had control when her life was threatened.
Due to this, the conclusion that Iria drew was this.
She couldn’t die by normal means. After repeatedly attempting suicide, four days passed.
Having tried most of the methods, she felt exhausted in many ways.
Her body and mind were filled with wounds.
Even healing the injuries was now beyond her strength. Iria lay on the street of the back alley, closing her eyes.
“…”
There was one more method she hadn’t tried yet.
Living beings consume something to gain energy. If nothing is consumed, they eventually die.
Iria was a monster, but she was also a living being. She wouldn’t escape that cycle.
Realizing that, Iria decided not to move an inch from that spot.
Crouching her body, she would just wait for death to approach.
She wasn’t sure how much time had passed. The period of hunger was excruciating and painful.
It would have been better to burn away in the inferno. She desperately suppressed the rising desire.
Her mouth was dry, and all the strength left her body.
It had been about a week since she last ate a human.
Normally, one could maintain some sanity for up to a week, but not now.
With endless suicide attempts and the regeneration of injuries, Iria’s body was already nearing its limit.
After spending endless time in hunger, Iria resembled a broken doll.
Her red eyes were dull, and drool leaked from her mouth.
In such an unstable state, Iria began to lose her mind. All sensation in her body dulled. It was the process of losing her sanity and consciousness.
It felt as if her body was moving on its own, without her will.
“How much longer do I have to endure to die?”
The actual time hadn’t passed much, but it felt like an incredibly long duration.
Even if I endure this, I don’t even know if I can really die.
The density of time was incredibly thick.
In this seemingly eternal time, Iria thought and thought.
Why must she experience this? She merely transferred to an unknown world.
By bad luck, she simply found herself in this body.
If there is a hell, this must surely be it. A robust body that doesn’t yield to swords or magic, but is vulnerable to hunger.
It hurts. When will this torturous time end? The journey to eternal rest is very painful and long.
And then…
“Iria! What’s wrong with you right now?!”
Riana appeared before her.
