Chapter: 384
Arthur recalled the emotions of loss. The moment he lost his mother. The time of the funeral. The time he stood alone by the grave on a rainy day. The many humiliations he suffered at the palace after being left alone.
He thought he had overcome it, but as he reflected on the wounds that still remained, he cleared his gloomy thoughts and spoke up.
“First, we need to lay down the premise that if we clumsily intervene, it will only worsen the situation.”
The pain of losing one’s parents should not be interfered with by outsiders. Even after nearly ten years, if the echoes of those emotions remain, it’s even more so.
“Such foolish sympathy only nurtures the wounds in the heart.”
Swallowing the words he had experienced himself, Arthur tapped on the table while continuing.
“The fortunate thing is that there’s someone in the mansion who can share Lucy’s sorrow.”
“Benedict Allen, the Marquess.”
“Yes. In my opinion, having Marquess Allen comfort Lucy would be the best solution.”
“I think so too, but…”
While drawing on memories of Benedict’s expression she had seen yesterday, Joy continued, “It seems that Marquess Allen is a bit hesitant about the young lady.”
This was back when they had just returned from the expedition. Upon hearing of Lucy and her party’s return, Benedict dropped everything as if it were only natural and came out to welcome Lucy.
Up until that point, it was typical behavior for a doting father, but when he actually met Lucy again, his demeanor became quite peculiar.
Seeing Lucy smiling brightly while calling him ‘Papa,’ he stiffened and then chose to escape, claiming he had urgent matters to attend to.
Afterward, Benedict noticeably avoided Lucy. He had always done his best to stay by his daughter’s side, making his odd behavior hard to believe.
“Would it be because the young lady’s expressions have become more varied?”
“That’s probably it. The Marquess used to adore her usual arrogant expressions, but how can he withstand her bright smile now?”
The two, knowing how foolish the kingdom’s hero would become in front of his daughter, sighed in unison.
“Well, we need to decide what to do. We must inform the Marquess about Lucy Allen’s state. That should get him to take action.”
“If it’s the Marquess, we won’t know how he’ll spring into action upon seeing the young lady’s sorrow, so we should prepare the advice in advance.”
Joy and Arthur began discussing what to say when they meet Benedict.
Meanwhile, Frey, who had been silently listening to their conversation from one side of the table, tilted her head in confusion.
Does someone who always pays attention to Lucy really not know that she’s feeling down? Isn’t it just that he can’t approach her for some reason?
Of course, Frey didn’t voice her doubts.
She thought the two much smarter than her would handle it just fine.
*
Benedict did not like winter with its snow.
The reason was simple. The person he loved had died on such a day.
“Mira. Even after all this time, it seems the heavens still mourn your death.”
Benedict, lost in thought while staring blankly out of the window, sensed a presence from outside and spoke up first.
“Come in. I was just resting anyway.”
The young lady of the Partlan family entered through the slowly opened door. Knowing she was a particularly cherished friend of his daughter Lucy, a softness appeared on Benedict’s face.
“What brings you here? It’s time for training, I believe.”
“I have something to ask the Marquess.”
“Feel free to ask me anything. Since you’re my daughter’s friend, I’ll answer just about anything.”
“Are you aware that the young lady is feeling down?”
With such a direct question, Benedict froze for a moment but then sighed and nodded thoughtfully.
“You knew?”
“Yes. I am aware of everything that happens in the mansion. How could I not?”
Benedict lived with a keen interest in everything that occurred in the mansion.
It was a habit born from worry over what a servant who might hate Lucy might do, as well as the fear that Lucy could go astray.
Now it had become a pointless habit, but he still kept a watchful eye on the happenings in the house.
And that’s how he realized that, as Mira’s anniversary approached, Lucy was in sorrow.
“…But then why do you avoid Lucy?”
“Because I have no right to comfort my daughter.”
Even though hearing that Lucy was sad tore Benedict’s heart to pieces, he could not bring himself to comfort her.
He believed he did not have the right to do so, and thus bore the pain from a distance.
Joy questioned Benedict’s words but found herself unable to voice them, as his expression looked so pained; the hero who seemed unbreakable felt like he would collapse at the slightest touch.
Perhaps noticing the worried gazes, Benedict forced a smile.
“It’s not a grand story, but I suppose it’s something the young lady’s friend should know.”
Then he looked up and called out to the two outside the door.
“Come in as well.”
“…You knew.”
“I apologize.”
Seeing Arthur and Frey take seats beside Joy, Benedict called a servant outside to bring refreshments and sat down across from them.
“What do you mean you don’t have the right?”
“It’s as simple as that, Your Highness. What right does a father have to comfort his daughter’s sorrow when he wasn’t there for her during her greatest pain?”
If you were to ask Benedict when he would want to turn back time, he would answer without hesitation.
He wishes to go back to the time when Lucy was suffering the most.
Not to the time of youthful energy. Not to when he was treated as a hero. Not to the happiest moments of meeting his wife. But to the moment when his daughter most needed him, and he was not by her side, wanting to be her support.
“When I lost my wife, I was so caught up in my own pain that I couldn’t care about anything else.”
When he woke up in the morning, the person who should have been there was gone. The warmth. The laughter. The gentle voice. Everything was emptiness.
The same went for meals. The person who used to prepare food next to him and express their expectations, the one who would smile brightly if he said it tasted good, was no longer there.
It was the same when he worked, wandered around the mansion, went for walks outside, or traveled in a carriage. The person who had always been there, the one who seemed like they would always be by his side, was now gone.
The loss of the one who filled his life became the greatest pain of Benedict’s life.
That’s why he turned away from Lucy. Because seeing his daughter reminded him of his wife. It made him want to cry. It made him want to follow his wife. He just couldn’t bear to have his daughter near.
“It was only after a long time that I realized how foolish I had been, but by then it was too late. Lucy had long since closed her heart. And it was only natural. How could she open her heart when this trash of a father had abandoned her first?”
Benedict understood his own guilt; thus he lived with the heart of a sinner for the rest of his life.
He believed that the only thing he could do was love his daughter and pray that she would forgive him, and so he acted accordingly.
“People are truly cunning beings. The sense of guilt that I had sworn I would never turn away from slowly dulled.”
When the child, who had been pouring curses out toward the world, stuck in the day his wife died, began to get back on his feet after overcoming his sadness all by herself.
The foolish Benedict had shown pure joy at the child’s change.
He pictured a day when he could forget about his sins and find happiness together with his daughter.
He wanted to go back to that happy time.
Without realizing his own shame.
“Yet, the moment the scene I had longed for unfolded, all of my past sins returned along with the memories.”
Returning from the battlefield, Lucy could smile brightly again, not with a forced smile but as she did back when her mother was alive. She learned to be honest with her own feelings.
Seeing that, Benedict felt a sense of guilt far greater than his joy.
He remembered sins that could never be erased from the scenery of the past.
He realized that at some point, he was trying to excuse his sin in abandoning his child.
“That’s why I’ve been avoiding Lucy. Because seeing her now would genuinely make me happy.”
I’m not a person who should be allowed to be happy. I’m the one who should bear my sins and suffer for the rest of my life.
When Benedict had forgotten how to smile, a knock sounded at the door.
After a servant entered, set down refreshments, and left again, Benedict looked at his haggard face reflected in the teacup and continued speaking.
“I have no right to comfort Lucy. I don’t even have the right to be forgiven by her.”
Thus, Arthur and Joy were left speechless at Benedict’s words. All the words they had prepared were rendered powerless in the face of Benedict’s guilt.
“Therefore, you all…”
“Lucy’s dad.”
But one person was different. Frey, who didn’t care about the glances of others, boldly continued despite Arthur and Joy’s urgent glances.
“Isn’t it Lucy who should decide that, not her dad?”
“…Huh?”
“The punishment for a bad person isn’t something bad people decide themselves. If that were possible, I wouldn’t have gotten in trouble with Lucy or you, Your Highness.”
“Hey! Frey!”
“So, um. Um. Um.”
Ignoring Arthur’s shout, Frey stood up suddenly.
“I can’t do this. I’m too stupid to say something good.”
“Why on earth are you suddenly making a fuss?”
And without seeking permission, she dashed out of the room.
While the three were frozen in surprise at her sudden behavior, Frey returned from somewhere, creating a commotion, and placed a crystal orb before Benedict.
“Lady Kent. What is this?”
“A contact orb.”
“Who is it connected to?”
“To the most mature person I know.”
Frey said this as she poured magic into the crystal orb. The blue light shimmered several times before stabilizing, projecting the figure of a person above the crystal.
—Young Lady. What… Oh my. Marquess Allen.
“Saintess?”
—Yes. It’s Phoebe. It’s been a while.
It was the saintess, busy with her duties at the church’s holy land.
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