In the depths of the cave, the monsters seemed to flee from something deeper within, as if avoiding it.
What I saw was something black, enormous, and ferociously ugly, a form that could barely be compared to what I’d seen before.
Could that also be a monster? But it was currently munching on another monster. I witnessed it chewing on a creature deeper within the darkness.
Kin-killing? Was the essence of monsters inherently like that?
Honestly, I didn’t even know what a monster was. The only monster I’d seen was myself, and I just assumed they would be similar to me.
Maybe not at all.
That gigantic monster showed hostility towards me as well. It could be hostile towards all living things.
I tried to read its memory, but it was impossible. Of course, I couldn’t show it any hallucinations either.
It wasn’t that the connection didn’t work; I had been observing its form closely, yet I couldn’t find its eyes.
Without being able to meet its gaze, I couldn’t use my abilities. It seemed impossible to subdue it without engaging in combat.
“What’s that…?”
Lucia, face full of fear, still didn’t let go of her sword.
It was Aster’s style of swordsmanship I had seen before. Did she plan to confront it? Not the best idea.
We had to turn around and run.
“I think we should just go.”
I said slowly while keeping an eye on the situation. Judging by the amount of magical energy I felt, I could roughly gauge the strength of that monster.
That gigantic creature was far stronger than Lucia. Charging at it would be akin to attempting suicide.
Lucia seemed to understand that as well. She sheathed her sword and took a step back.
“…Yeah, that sounds better.”
“Run!”
Sensing danger, Lucia and Rena dashed towards the exit. I followed them since I had no desire to fight.
Lucia and Rena looked terrified of the unknown.
But again, I felt nothing.
Was fear gone for me, or did it just not exist anymore? Perhaps it was because I was stronger than that monster.
I was intrigued by the unfamiliar form of the monster, but I couldn’t unleash my powers in front of the two of them.
So I decided to quietly escape.
We ran for a while.
“Hey, wait! Everyone stop!”
“Ugh?!”
Rena, who was running in front, shouted. A huge shadow was blocking the direction of the exit.
It was similar to what I had seen before. There was another one approaching from the other side.
Lucia, who was at a loss in the middle, panicked like Rena did.
“What is that?! How did this happen?!”
“Maybe… it came back through that fork we saw earlier. I don’t know if there were two from the start…”
Who knows.
Could we even consider that two?
In terms of life, it was one, but if we counted numbers, it was countless.
Even if I sliced it with a sword, it would just split apart and not die. My judgment regarding magical energy was accurate.
The situation had become more troublesome than anticipated. Lucia gripped her sword again.
“So what are we going to do now?”
Bang! The black shadow’s tentacle slammed into the ground. That attack was aimed at Lucia, but she dodged, leaving a crater.
She swung her sword and sliced off the tentacle, but the severed piece split and attacked her like an individual creature.
I knew this would happen.
Before the split creature could reach Lucia, Rena dealt with it using flames.
“I’ll break through!”
Rena said, raising flames in both hands. Her momentary firepower exceeded Lucia’s.
Her will to breach this danger stood out, as she was prepared to pour all her mana into it.
With one spell, she boldly infused more mana.
Both of them were closing in, so time was limited. She had to finish it with one go.
“Bloom!”
The advanced magic layered with mana pierced through the black shadow.
Once it was pierced, the flames clung to the shadow’s body and continued to burn. How long would it burn? Naturally, it would last until the mana that wrapped it around was exhausted.
Fwoosh! A loud sound erupted as the shadow ignited. Though it split constantly, Rena’s flames followed and incinerated it.
Against such an enemy, magic seemed more effective than swords. It didn’t die, but its size was visibly reduced.
However, due to Rena’s characteristic of channeling everything into one spell, she couldn’t guard against both monsters approaching from either side.
Soon, the monster coming from near the exit reached out its shadow towards Rena.
Fwoosh!
“W-wha?!”
The extending tentacle pierced through Rena’s body. Red blood stained the cave wall.
The calmness of the magician’s spell shattered. Rena’s flame that illuminated the dark cave vanished.
In an instant, darkness fell where light had once been.
“Hah, hah…”
Rena groaned, clutching the wound that was pierced. Fortunately, it didn’t seem like any crucial organs were damaged, but the bleeding was significant.
Her blood was notorious for driving monsters mad, so that wasn’t good news.
If the lowly monsters caught a whiff of the blood, things would become troublesome.
Rena couldn’t move for a while, and Lucia also struggled to adapt to the sudden darkness.
If left alone, both would die. And once again, I would be the only one left standing.
Would I feel sad if they died? Did I still have such emotions left?
“I… don’t know.”
What I did know for sure was that I didn’t want to see such a result.
I swung my dagger and severed the tentacle that was reaching for Lucia.
Then I spoke to Lucia.
“Take Rena and get out of here.”
That was the only plan that came to mind. To be precise, there was no other plan.
Even if I rushed to subdue the monster at the exit, another would block our path.
In that case, it was better to focus all the monster’s attention on myself.
“Wh-what are you trying to do?!”
“…!”
Lucia yelled as she cut down shadows that reached out from all directions.
Is she worried about me? I looked at Lucia with astonishment.
She had an expression that looked quite urgent. It was a first for me. I thought her expression felt deeply unnatural.
After all, Lucia and I couldn’t even call our relationship good, not even as a casual remark. She had fought me to take the title of Top Student, and I had tormented her for that.
Wouldn’t one normally be glad if I took the risk and stayed while they escaped?
If I died, the title of Top Student would naturally transfer to her.
“Just go.”
I said while gripping an advanced magic stone in my hand.
Human emotions are truly a mystery. Now, my time as a human felt like an ancient memory.
As I swept my fist with wind to scatter the shadows, Lucia quickly grabbed Rena and fled.
She had tried to take me along to the very end, but I rejected it. After all, what good would it do for all three of us to flee, when we couldn’t shake them off?
Lucia’s actions were illogical. It made more sense for one person to stay and buy time than for all three to be wiped out.
If someone sacrifices themselves so that two could live, that alone would be a blessing.
Her concern for me was born from emotion rather than reason. If she thought even for a moment with a cool head, she would know.
My judgement was right, and Lucia’s actions were wrong.
But why?
What I envied more than making rational judgments was the fact that she had feelings to cling to.
I could no longer feel that.
“…”
Watching Lucia escape, I found myself wishing to feel emotion again.
*
What I have felt while living in this world is that emotions are more useless than one would think.
They hinder rational judgment.
Having emotions means you lose out. Even someone not lacking in intelligence can become foolish at crucial moments due to such burdens.
But why am I disappointed for not possessing them?
I felt simply like an empty doll.
Even now. I feel frustration over what I cannot have, but even that is a sensation that flares up briefly like a flame and then dies down.
I would feel envious for a moment, only to resign myself shortly after. The fact that I feel emotions lightly is just how it is.
And then,
“…Ah.”
It faded.
As the emotions that had flared briefly extinguished, I fell into silence, as if my heart had stopped. It had become a sensation settled into my daily life.
I drew my dagger and lifted my gaze towards the direction where the monsters lurked.
The cave, where shadows flickered.
