Where did it all go wrong?
The problems of a person are complex. If you don’t retrace your steps from the beginning, there are times when you won’t know the cause.
‘…In the end, I was just being greedy for my own comfort.’
I was greedy.
I kept lying to Pina with my own thoughts.
“Saintess? What do you mean, Licht?”
Her eyes widen. With her white wolf ears perked up, she sends me a questioning look.
By her expression, it seems she had no clue at all.
If I had known this would happen, I should have said earlier that she was a Saintess with wolf ears.
At first, I was afraid it would catch the Demon King’s attention,
Now, I couldn’t tell her the truth because of my own greed.
A situation where I could neither go forward nor backward.
A tightly closed exit was squeezing me.
I briefly asked Grun del to give us some space. Saying I had something to discuss just between the two of us.
This was something that needed to be resolved between Pina and me.
“It’s as it sounds, Pina.”
“….?”
Justifying it wouldn’t be enough of an explanation.
I kneeled before her. I couldn’t hold her hands, just propped one hand up.
“You… were the ‘Nameless Saintess’, Pina.”
“But I’m a princess…?”
Pina blinks her eyes, scanning my face as if trying to see through me.
Every time I see her not believing me, I feel my breath catch.
“If the future I know is true, you’ll become the Saintess.”
Right now, I absolutely do not want her to become the Saintess. I know how unhappy that future is.
Due to some ridiculous reason in the prophecy, one who can’t leave anything behind in this world and ends up losing everything.
Someone weak without a name, friends, memories, or strength.
‘…But one thing, my determination was stronger than anyone else’s.’
I came here to save Pina.
Rather than hiding something, I need to speak openly and help her.
“I don’t know if you’ll believe me, but I came to save you from an unhappy future.”
Is it karma? Or should I call it a face-saving statement? The truth revealed now has a bitter aftertaste.
Disgusting. How great it would have been if I had just been honest from the start.
“Does that mean the person who said your white hair was beautiful is…?”
“Yes, it’s you, Pina Grancia. In the future.”
Pina’s mouth drops open. Even covering her mouth, you can hear the sound of her gasping.
I awkwardly pretended to play the hero.
Saving people with no reward? What a pile of nonsense. I was suffering inside with nothing to gain.
I was just flailing about, not wanting to lose anything more.
It would be fine if she could curse me for self-satisfaction. Instead, she kept her mouth tightly shut.
“So, in the future I know, you will be chosen as the Saintess to fight against the Demon King.”
“As a beloved Hero…?”
Pina clasps her hands, fidgeting with her fingers.
Swallowing hard, she seemed to try not to miss a single word I said.
Why did I lie to someone like her?
“That might be so. But, it wasn’t an easy life.”
I let out a long sigh. Looking down, I saw my face reflected in the ground.
Was I wanting to cry? Or wanting to be angry? I felt a mix of emotions.
A mirror that reflects everything transparently.
In this shrine made entirely of mirrors, I saw a lying wolf.
“If you think I’m lying, you can check with Kainel.”
I thought it was better for Pina not to know.
Like a child trying to rewind an unspooling tape endlessly.
Could I speak of such a grim future?
Is it alright to say that this world is all a story in a game, and that I was sucked into it?
I had been lying endlessly until now.
Was this what I had to do to get here?
“Pina.”
Let’s be honest about everything. So that she won’t get hurt anymore.
The lying wolf is now graduating.
“I came from a world far away from this one.”
“….I know.”
She knows. She must have caught a glimpse of my past through the visions in the shrine,
And she speaks lightly, someone who has an idea of me through her dreams.
Pina comes closer to comfort me. She reaches her hand out, signaling me not to come any closer.
“In a world you don’t know… I kept watching you.”
“And so…?”
Her lips twist, her voice trembles. Now that I’ve said it out loud, it feels absurd.
“Even if this world is all fake, Pina… Won’t you be shocked?”
I confessed a bitter reality.
Like a sinner in confession, I told her the facts I had hidden.
“Right now, this body is not even mine.”
Possession.
The fact that I possessed the game character I raised belonging to Pina.
It had been bothering me all along.
No matter how much I liked Pina, this body wasn’t mine.
That was also the reason I thought I didn’t want us to connect even after viewing the affection levels.
“…Have you become disillusioned, Saintess?”
I clenched my teeth. Closing my eyes tightly, I waited for her reaction. I even wished she would slap me.
Then at least it would serve as some sort of venting for me.
Rather than relief, a painful feeling surged from within me. The wound that had already festered had turned into a scar.
How much have I hurt Pina with my personal greed?
Now that I said it, only a hollow emotion lingered.
It felt like someone was beating my heart, making me feel smaller and wanting to hide in a mouse hole.
‘Was speaking like this right?’
At the very least, I could have chosen a more dignified way to say it.
If I had told her after defeating all the Demon King members of the Hero Church and heading toward a happy future.
No. If I had just not liked the Nameless Saintess…
“….Pina?”
At that moment, something warm touched my body.
The familiar scent of roses spread, and I felt someone’s warmth.
“You’ve had it tough for a long time, Licht.”
Pina Grancia carefully hugged me as I knelt, not letting go.
With just the two of us in this quiet shrine, even the echoes felt soft.
The first words she spoke to me were not to blame or hate me. They were words of comfort. Just that one phrase.
Pina’s body was trembling slightly now. She was definitely feeling doubtful.
The betrayal must be greater because she had trusted me so much.
She was upright. But my situation was too miserable to even call it that.
“Don’t you hate me? Why? This world could all be fake, you know?”
“It doesn’t matter. You’re real.”
As I tried to push her away with words that weren’t from my heart,
“If you say you met me with an ulterior motive…?”
“…So what? I also had my own motives when I saw Licht’s swordsmanship.”
Rather than agreeing, Pina was hugging me even tighter.
The warmth was suffocating. Now my words were getting tangled, and I didn’t even know what I was saying.
The lying wolf’s words. I wanted to stay nestled in her embrace and vomit everything out.
“Saving Queen Bellin was just luck. I’m neither a Hero nor an actual hero.”
“Lying is bad, Licht.”
Pina wiped the tears from my eyes as she spoke. She soothed my heart with her dainty hands.
“As you said, you might not be a Hero or a great one… But.”
Looking carefully at my face and moving her lips, Pina Grancia.
Her eyes also bore a hint of redness. I didn’t know who was comforting whom.
“You are my Black Knight.”
Pina smiled brightly.
Her expression was more like someone who had shed a weight off her shoulders.
*
Cursed Eyes.
When Pina Grancia turned seven, it was what the people around her said.
Her eyes were so beautiful; they could see the truth or lies from just people’s expressions.
“You’re perfect, but you’re too extreme. Think about the people around you too.”
It had been a complex troubling her since her childhood.
But now, she could detect the sincerity of the Black Knight crying in front of her better than anyone.
Pina thought her eyes were blessed.
“What about the fact that I’ve been lying?”
“…It was obvious, so it was okay.”
In truth, his lies were all too obvious, so it wasn’t much of a shock. His clumsy side shone at such moments.
She patted Su-hyun’s back to calm him.
Though a crying man may seem unpleasant and untrustworthy,
‘He’s leaning on me like this. So cute.’
Pina wanted to ruffle the man’s hair.
An irresistible heart fluttered within her chest. It felt good to lean on someone and let herself be vulnerable.
It was true she liked her unfortunate fate as the Nameless Saintess and that she had come from a distant world.
The notion that this world could be fake did shock her.
But what does it matter? Right now, Su-hyun is before her.
Isn’t that enough?
She was slightly angry about him hiding that he was the Nameless Saintess.
But because he was opening up to her, it was proof he chose her over the Saintess.
Victory.
She felt a sense of satisfaction that she had won.
“You protected me even so. You didn’t want money or fame.”
“…What if I did?”
Through Tar dun’s trial, she had already experienced how crazy Su-hyun’s world really was.
He professed his love for the Saintess while also protecting her.
“Lying is bad. Didn’t I just say that, Licht?”
In truth, it wasn’t with an ulterior motive that she met him.
Pina playfully poked Su-hyun’s nose, laughing.
If she had aimed to approach him as a princess from the start, she wouldn’t have acted as she did.
During the grade exam, he showed her consideration, knowing she was a girl. He had also defended her during the Magic Hat’s onslaught.
What kind of insane act is it to fight against a Demon King just to gain honor or wealth? Madness.
The Demon Kings of the Hero Church couldn’t even catch the Ten Heroes. Even if he threw his life away, it would only buy time.
‘Besides, there’s something Su-hyun doesn’t know.’
Among them, Pina Grancia noticed something odd about what Su-hyun said.
It was about how his body wasn’t his own.
That couldn’t be true. From the start, she didn’t think he was suited for swordsmanship.
Looking at his tangled mana circuits, there was no way he borrowed someone else’s body.
The source of mana is the heart.
Because the heart was linked, she could know better than anyone,
If it really was the case that the body and soul were different.
‘If Su-hyun’s body wasn’t his, then… My father would’ve noticed.’
Of course, Ro ck Grancia would have caught on.
Since the sports competition, her father hadn’t said anything special.
There had been instances where the Emperor recognized someone whose body and soul were different among the summoned heroes from another world.
After all, the Demon King of Might, Finn, was a possessor.
‘Could it be a misunderstanding?’
Emperor Rock simply told her to have a good trip on this train ride.
If it were true that his body was different, he wouldn’t have said such things.
Not yet confident, she decided to put this conversation aside.
“Su-hyun. There are things in this world you don’t know.”
She felt a bit angry for having continuously lied to herself and was determined not to let it slide if he said again that he liked the Saintess.
*
The liquid in the shimmering potion.
After finishing all my confessions, I took the remedy.
“Then, I will drink it, Pina.”
“It’s about losing memories… Are you sure?”
I’m fine. Anything is better than Pina losing her memories.
I wanted to prevent her from becoming the Nameless Saintess, yet to awaken her, I had to give up my memories?
It was absurd. I should be the one to drink this.
“If I lose all my memories…”
I purposely tried to hide my sorrow and smiled at her.
Saying goodbye feels like an eternal farewell, as if I wouldn’t see her again.
Instead,
“I hope you can make me fall in love with you again.”
I conveyed my shy confession to Pina.
I wanted to make sure it was sincere, given that I had been beating around the bush for so long.
