EP.89
Claire Delphin Mascarena was fundamentally a woman who did not believe in the concept of fate.
She was a magician. One who was absorbed in exploring the truths of the world by artificially recreating natural phenomena through the manipulation of magical power she orchestrated at her fingertips and the combination of incantations.
Magicians, by nature, possess a temperament that compels them to delve into the very elements of existence, believing that within every phenomenon lie inherent causes and effects. With such belief, they boldly proclaim that one day their fingertips might reach beyond the stars.
Claire, too, belonged to this archetypical breed of magicians.
However, contrary to popular belief, she was neither eccentric nor irritable, nor was she evil enough to sacrifice lives in pursuit of her magical research.
As all students at Nineveh well knew, Claire Delphin Mascarena was fundamentally harmless—if one were to liken her to an animal, she might be compared to a hamster or a rabbit.
She was distinctly different from Erekaya del Pendragon, who openly adopted an imposing attitude towards others, or from Altina von Rudel Seryas, who portrayed an outwardly lively demeanor but clearly drew a line between ‘close friends’ and ‘others.’
Claire Delphin Mascarena was gentle and kind towards others, as reflected in her outward personality; yet, at her core, she was still a magician.
Claire did not subscribe to supernatural elements such as ‘luck’ or ‘destiny,’ which lie beyond human control.
Her seemingly harmless demeanor was merely a product of her desire to avoid creating clear adversaries, and her kindness towards others stemmed from her wish to avoid unnecessary strain in relationships she could not quantify.
Such is the nature of magicians. They believe that everything in the world operates under the laws of nature, thinking that by mastering these laws, they too may become rulers of nature someday.
However, recently, Claire Delphin Mascarena inadvertently began to contemplate whether such an element as ‘fate’ truly exists.
No, it was not just fate she questioned; she pondered whether a divine presence governing human connections might exist, so profound was the shock she felt.
This was all due to her encounter with a man named Jin, right here in Nineveh.
When she first met him, there was no particular spark.
Of course, due to their shared class in Group A, she treated him with her usual warmth and kindness, but that was the extent of it.
To Claire Delphin Mascarena, Jin’s existence was not much different from that of her many ‘friends’ in Group A.
However, that was merely the case when they first laid eyes on one another.
Now, one hundred days had passed since their initial meeting, and the nature of their relationship had changed significantly.
To be precise, it was Claire who began looking at him with different eyes. She could no longer simply see Jin as a ‘friend.’
Her heart raced. Whenever their gazes met, she would find herself lost in the illusion that perhaps they were the only two beings existing in this vast world.
Claire Delphin Mascarena was uncertain of what this emotion was. From a young age, she learned to harness her magical power, and ever since, mastering magic consumed all her energy, leaving no room for her to get close to any other man.
Yet despite this, Claire was a magician. She was capable of calmly observing and verifying her own condition, translating the entire world into measurable terms.
As she assessed her own feelings, it became clear to Claire that she undoubtedly liked Jin.
…No, perhaps simply saying she ‘liked’ him was insufficient.
For while Claire held affection for her parents and siblings as well, she recognized that the feelings she experienced in the presence of her family were distinctly different from those she felt when with Jin.
So then, could this be love?
Might it be that Claire Delphin Mascarena harbors feelings for Jin that surpass mere ‘liking’ and manifest as a genuine romantic affection between a man and a woman?
…The truth is, she was not entirely sure. No, she could not come to a conclusion on her own.
Because all of this was so unfamiliar to Claire, so new, and felt like a first experience, she could not definitively conclude whether her thoughts were correct.
However, if this was truly her first love as she suspected, and if Claire Delphin Mascarena genuinely loved the man named Jin—
“…..”
Surprisingly, she found herself existing in a state where the conclusion drawn at the end didn’t feel unpleasant.
Yes, it wasn’t unwelcome. In fact, it felt good. Being by his side, engaging in conversation, sharing a meal while talking about the events of the day—everything was enjoyable.
Did he know? That simply longing for one person, waiting all day to meet him, and anticipating what she could do for him and what she could prepare for him could bring Claire this much happiness.
One hundred days may seem like a brief period, yet she believed it was ample time for love to blossom between a man and a woman.
Meeting a man whose name and face she did not know, gradually treating him as someone special, and ultimately filling her heart with him had indeed been more than sufficient time.
And without a doubt, the feelings she experienced were entirely her own, the genuine emotions of Claire Delphin Mascarena.
This was all mine. I cherished you, a man special to me, and loved you based on my own feelings and choices.
But what was that? Wasn’t this feeling I had mine?
Was it because the relationship between them was so weak that her feelings could potentially be questioned?
Such talk was indeed ridiculous. Serika von Valentine. How could you measure the heart of another, with what right?
Ah, speaking of which, it is said that those who foresee the future are wiser than anyone in the world, yet the very ability to look ahead renders them foolish in many ways.
Just as a fish cannot survive long on land, the ability to foresee the future is an overwhelming power for humans.
In exchange for the capacity to glimpse the future, she was but a foolish woman, swayed by considerations of tomorrow, bound to make nonsensical claims without truly understanding anything.
These feelings are solely mine. Even if Serika von Valentine spoke the truth regarding lack of reasons, motives, or causation, it remained an undeniable truth that at this moment, Claire loved the man named Jin.
Claire Delphin Mascarena, liked Jin. No, she loved him. And what else could possibly matter?
[Yes. You are right. Claire Delphin Mascarena.]
…Was this an auditory hallucination? It felt as though she could hear a voice whispering to her from somewhere.
That voice was so sticky and intimate, as if it were outright whispering in her ear, yet it carried an ominous shade that captivated her.
[Stay by that man’s side. Observe him. Take in all of him. And do not hide your desires.]
…No, that couldn’t be true. Claire was the most talented magician among those residing in Nineveh.
For such a voice to penetrate the mental barriers she possessed, whispering directly in her head, was simply unimaginable.
[Child of Mascarena. You are a puppet. So, isn’t it only natural for a puppet to harbor no doubts?]
…Yes, so this must simply be an auditory hallucination. Or perhaps, as a magician, the impulses within her heart manifested in such a voice.
So let’s not doubt anything. For this voice was nothing less than another part of myself speaking.
[Do you desire to claim that man? To be steadfast in your emotions and stay by him always?]
Yes, I want him. Although I cannot even understand the reason, I wholly wish to possess him at this moment.
I long for him, crave him, and want to be with him as much as I hope he looks at me and feels likewise.
…But, that desire is likely to remain unfulfilled.
Because, by his side, there were already extraordinary women far beyond her comparison.
Erekaya del Pendragon and Altina von Rudel Seryas.
Among the students produced by Nineveh, two women possessed the brightest talents and skills, and crucially, they were undeniably beautiful even from another woman’s perspective, always lingering by his side.
While Claire had never considered her own looks to be lacking, she couldn’t help but feel the painful inadequacy when looking at Erekaya and Altina.
If she were in Jin’s position, she knew all too well that her plain and unremarkable self would certainly fall short compared to the radiant Erekaya and Altina.
…No, she hated it. She was merely a girl who had once been a nuisance to Jin and was now considered a classmate with whom he shared meals.
Yet, Claire did not want to be satisfied with this limited perception; she did not wish to withdraw.
She wanted to take it a step further. Not just sharing meals, but spending more time with him, wanting to stay by his side and eventually become a companion who shared life with him.
That alone was the singular desire that Claire currently yearned for.
[Then why are you simply sitting here with your hands empty? If you have something you desire, should you not strive to seize it with your own hands?]
But it was impossible. Even if she wished for it so desperately, he would never willingly come to her.
No, even more so, the two women who always seemed to be guarding him would certainly not let go of her actions without interference.
So it was futile. It was a ridiculous proposition from the start that someone as plain and unremarkable as her could surpass women like Erekaya or Altina.
[You are being foolish and inept. That’s why he’s gone to their side rather than staying with you.]
…What?
[Are you just sitting there, waiting for things to come to you without doing anything to obtain what you want? Such a weak-hearted attitude is undoubtedly a key reason for your current pitiful situation.]
[Look out the window. You will see what is lacking in your current state.]
Upon that remark, Claire turned to look outside the dormitory through the window, as if swept away by something—
“……”
And she witnessed the truly unpleasant scene of Erekaya and Jin whispering something sweetly into each other’s ears, followed by their light laughter right in front of the girls’ dormitory.
“…Ah.”
As Claire stared at the scene with dazed eyes, that untrustworthy voice began to whisper into her ears in a particularly insidious manner.
[They will have spent time together out of your sight, gradually nurturing their affection for one another in their hearts.]
[As time goes on and they become important to each other, what will become of you? Do you truly believe you will still be deserving of standing by him?]
“What should I do then… what choice must I make?”
Claire murmured with a voice on the verge of tears, as the unfamiliar voice let out a laugh and then leaned in secretly to whisper to her.
As if the answer it provided were the absolute truth for her.
[What will you do? Of course, the only answer you can provide is one.]
[Take it. Devour everything and make it yours. And if something troubles your eyes, crush it entirely without leaving a trace in the process. So that you need never fear repercussions and ensure that no one dares to covet what is yours.]
The voice that had been whispering softly into Claire’s ear gradually grew louder, until it filled her mind completely.
[There’s no need to worry. For isn’t that the only way humans obtain what they desire?]
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