Chapter 8 – It’s Alright to Get Hurt in the World of Gags (2)
Before Lania could say a word to stop it, flames came flying at me.
“Yikes!”
In an instant, time began to flow sluggishly.
Click.
My body straightened up.
Click.
My waist rounded into a circle.
Swoooosh…
The fireball slowly approaching zipped past the circular ring I made with my body and hit the ground. I rolled forward, did two spins, knelt on one knee, and spread my arms wide.
Kabooom!
Like something out of X-Warrior, a massive explosion erupted behind me. I was grinning with pride, ready to soak in the glory when suddenly…
Whoosh!
“Eek!”
I whipped my head around to catch the scent of burning wood.
“Aaaah! Fi, fire!”
I hurriedly ripped off my top and flailed it about to douse the raging flames, but instead, it only fanned them into a fiercer blaze.
“It seems to burn pretty well on its own. Time to leave, Master.”
“No, no! I owe that guy!”
“A debt?”
I couldn’t quite grasp what Lania and Mia were saying.
‘The dungeon! If we stay like this, all the kids might die!’
I wasn’t sure how this place diverged from the gag world, but I definitely knew one thing about life and death.
‘I have to save them!’
As a proud member of the gag tribe who rides roller coasters without safety belts, being cautious is not in my playbook. With a steely resolve, I headed for the underground dungeon.
Bang!
I barged through the door and made my way downstairs.
“Kids! Come out, now! There’s a fire!”
“Wha, what?”
“Ugh… ughuh…”
Burned-tongue kids, barely learning how to talk, stared wide-eyed in confusion. In the meantime, the flames grew, and thick smoke began infiltrating the dungeon.
Clank! Click-clank!
I whipped out the keys and unlocked the door, pulling the dazed children out one by one.
“No, nooo!”
“Waaaaah!”
Thinking a dark sorcerer was taking them, the kids started crying, plopping themselves down and refusing to budge.
“Aaaah?! Kids, don’t cry! Okay? Good, right?”
Flailing around in the chaos, I finally managed to scoop up one of the little rascals. Just then, Noah stormed in from the next room, brow furrowed and shouting,
“Cut it out! Do you want us all to die?!”
Sniffle!
A wailing child froze right there, petrified by Noah’s serious tone. Noah then looked at the kids and said,
“You can’t talk, but you can understand, right?”
When Noah made eye contact with each of the children, they hesitated but eventually nodded. Noah grabbed Nero’s hand tightly and declared,
“You heard it too, didn’t you? That sound.”
“Eh? What sound?”
I glanced at Noah and the kids, completely clueless about what was happening. Ignoring me, Noah directed the kids,
“And look over there.”
Whoosh!
A flickering flame resembled a flickering tongue beyond the wide-open door that Noah pointed at.
“The fire is real. If we stay here, we might all die! So stop messing around and come with us. You don’t wanna die here, do ya?”
I silently applauded, impressed.
‘Wow… Original characters are seriously something else.’
Following Noah’s command, the kids began to spill out one by one. The fire was rampant, but thankfully it hadn’t spread too far, so it didn’t seem too hard to escape. Well, at least it looked easy enough.
“…Wait, what about that kid?”
Noah exclaimed in alarm.
“That red-haired one who shared a cell with me—”
“!”
Before Noah could finish, I dashed back into the fiery inferno.
“Wait..! You—”
Noah’s call was drowned out by the raging flames and fell silent.
“Jess! Where are you, Jess!”
Suddenly, the entire house was ablaze. I covered my mouth with my sleeve and pushed through the fiery chaos. My feet were scorching and painfully transforming, but I barely felt it; somehow, I instinctively knew I’d be fine by tomorrow.
“Jess!”
“Whimper…”
“!”
I found Jess, the small anthropomorphic girl, crouched in the kitchen, where the flames started spreading. Jess, crammed into a cabinet, had her tail hugged tightly and tears welling up in her eyes.
“Ah… thank goodness.”
“Uh?”
Jess’s mouth was smeared with food crumbs as if she’d scarfed down some snacks while I wasn’t looking, and I couldn’t help but chuckle, relieved.
I snatched off my shirt, soaked it in clean water I’d prepared for cleaning, and feeling that wouldn’t suffice, I grabbed an apron that had just started catching fire and drenched that too. With what little water was left, I doused my head and wrapped Jess’s body in the wet fabric.
Jess was so tiny from malnourishment that I could easily wrap most of her up. She looked at me with tear-filled eyes, her ears and tail trembling in distress. I tried sounding as calm as possible, flashing a reassuring smile,
“We’ll be out soon, so keep your eyes closed, okay?”
“Uh-huh…”
I turned with Jess wrapped up, only to see the dark crimson flames had creepily snaked into the kitchen.
‘Dang, slavery is pretty sad in times like these.’
To prevent escape through the windows, the kitchen had zero of those, and the walls were built thick. The only way out was through the fiery entrance.
I muttered with a forced smile,
“At least… I hope my hair doesn’t catch fire.”
In this brutal gag world, everything else can be healed, but not the hair. I guess that’s part of what makes it even funnier. Chuckle
Determined to protect my eyebrows and hair, I squatted low and made a mad dash out of the house.
Boom!
Behind me, I heard the sound of the house’s pillars collapsing and furniture smashing to pieces. Odil’s house, which normally felt so cramped whenever I complained, was now like a mansion!
Sssss!
I emerged from the burning house, greeted by the unpleasant scent of charred flesh.
“Gasp!”
I might’ve inhaled a hint too much of that nasty air, but stepping outside, my breath returned with a rush.
“Lian!”
“Bro!”
The kids, huddled outside, ran straight for me. I collapsed to the dirt, kneeling and peering at Jess in my grip.
“Haah…”
Jess slowly opened her eyes and looked up at me. Luckily, it didn’t seem like she got hurt at all. I carefully set Jess on the ground and then ran my hands through my hair.
It’s all there! Except for the end, which is slightly singed!
“What a relief!”
“What are you relieved about?! Are you brain-dead?!”
Noah looked at my reddened, peeling skin with an upset expression. My feet were particularly in bad shape, skin split and bleeding, pus oozing.
“Oh, it’s nothing. It’ll heal quick.”
“Hmmm. That’s a pretty interesting story.”
Before Noah could get mad, a lovely voice piped up from behind. I turned to see Mia staring at my feet.
“To heal this fast…”
With sparkling eyes, she gazed at my slowly healing feet. Although the healing was hardly noticeable, she seemed to be observing it closely.
“You mentioned earlier you had nowhere to go, right? Then let me take you along.”
“Oh, great idea. Just don’t kill me until I’m an adult, alright?”
Lania, casually leaning with her hands clasped behind her head, smiled as if satisfied. Mia’s expression twisted slightly at the mention of avoiding fatal experiments, but she nodded resignedly soon after. Lania leaned in close and whispered in my ear,
“Does this mean I’m repaying you for that cookie I had earlier?”
With that, she spun around and darted down the shadowy street. Folks who had been sneaking around to scavenge, eyeing the burning house, bolted in fright at the sight of Lania.
“Alright, shall we go?”
Mia tugged on my arm, my burnt skin peeling away. Though her grip showed zero concern, my nerves had shifted to a different kind of pain.
Squeeze.
“Urk!”
Soft and… indescribable, a pouch of wisdom pressed against my elbow.
‘What a reward… thank you.’
With that thought in mind, I staggered back to my feet.
“Um, if it’s not too much trouble, can we bring these kids with us?”
“Eh?”
Her expression scrunched up like, ‘Why’s this insect talking?’ upon my request. I waved my hands frantically in response.
“Th-they’re like my siblings. Without the kids, I’d be so sad that I might die from depression.”
“Does that tie into your physical condition?”
Her tone was skeptical, so I nodded frantically.
“Yes, yes! If I get emotionally distressed, my physical state could get ex-tr-emely worse…”
“Hmmm, well if that’s the case, I guess it can’t be helped. But…”
Mia leaned in closer, and her considerable chest pressed against my burn-scarred torso. Sweet scents tickled my nose at that moment. I stood frozen, dumbfounded as I gazed at her stunning face.
‘Our school Madonna doesn’t even compare.’
Mirrored in Mia’s glasses was my stoic face. Thank goodness I didn’t have an empty-headed look on!
“The experiments might get a bit more intense, alright?”
“Yes, yes.”
More intense? What exactly could that mean? Oh, the experiments? She did say experiments, right? Tellingly intense experiments? Somehow, that felt like it had a nice ring to it!
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