Chapter: 78
‘I’m glad things went smoother than I expected.’
I let out a sigh of relief and took a big bite of the skewer. After completely wiping out the inn and thoroughly extracting some information, I planned to head straight west. I had heard that Noah’s organization, Nest, was located there.
Just as I was about to set off, Jess’s stomach let out a growl. It was only then that I realized we hadn’t eaten in ages.
Not wanting to starve the kids any longer, we entered a skewer shop a good distance from the inn and started chowing down, piling skewers like a mountain.
‘…Who would have thought I could win without even drawing a sword?’
I took another bite of the skewer as I recalled the massacre at the inn.
‘To think I could kill so many people and then eat without a second thought… I guess I’m adapting pretty well to this dark world!’
It’s just that the concept of ‘death’ felt as light as a feather here, but hey, let’s just say I’m getting used to it.
“Jess, don’t eat the wooden skewers. Another 50 skewers, please!”
“Yes!”
Chwaak, chwarureuk!
With Jess’s massive appetite, the shopkeeper was sweating buckets trying to grill the meat non-stop. At that moment, Iris swallowed the last bit of meat in her mouth and asked.
“Brother, who is this person named Noah?”
“Ah, come to think of it, I never told you, did I, Iris?”
I placed the skewer I was holding on my plate, took a sip of water to clear my throat, and began recounting the past.
I told her about meeting Noah and the kids at the place where I was held as a test subject, getting adopted by Mia the black sorceress, and running into Iris after being half-kidnapped by Jiso.
I lied and told her I just did cooking and random chores because I thought if I mentioned being experimented on, she’d freak out. The experiments weren’t really that bad; Iris just tended to worry a lot, so I kept my explanation brief.
“Are you going to meet that… person?”
“Yeah, I want to help.”
“Then I’ll help too. Because it’s what you want, Brother.”
Seeing Iris smile with her eyes like crescent moons was just too cute, so I couldn’t resist ruffling her hair, causing her face to blush adorably.
“Wuff! Wuff! (Master! Me too! Me too!)”
Jess, with her mouth stuffed full of skewers, ran up to me and nudged her head closer. Her little ears drooped, urging me to pat her head too. Just as I raised my hand to do so—
Clang! Crash!
A sharp dagger came flying my way but got deflected by Iris’s sword, smashing into the table beside us.
“Tsk, you’re actually skilled for how you look.”
A voice came from the corner of the building where the dagger had originated. A man, completely cloaked in black, spoke with an amused tone.
“I’ll step back for now. But next time…”
With that, the guy started to fade away into the shadows.
‘Ugh… People like him are super annoying!’
The type who waits until you let your guard down, pops out to make a half-hearted attack, then disappears!
Just thinking about how they might appear at all the worst moments, like when I’m in the bathroom, just fixing my clothes, or hopping around after stubbing my little toe—it’s already exhausting me.
‘I can’t go through that kind of dreadful experience!’
Even if I tried summoning my demonic sword to attack, that guy would probably vanish faster! How could I catch the guy who was already 70% gone?
Instinctively, I grabbed a wooden skewer off the table and hurled it with all my strength towards the man while shouting.
“Jess! Go fetch!”
“Wuff!”
Jess, who had been narrowed-eyed and growling at the man, suddenly widened her eyes like a puppy and dashed towards the skewer flying through the air at breakneck speed.
“Huh…!”
She was moving so fast it was like watching a truck speeding down a highway! The comparison was fitting because that sneaky guy disappeared as if he had just been hit by a truck.
Crash! Crunch! Thud!
The guy flew through a building wall and landed on the ground, blood frothing from his mouth, out cold. He looked like he was about to kick the bucket.
The skewer shop owner, who appeared to be grilling skewers like there was no tomorrow, grabbed his head and slumped to the floor.
“Oh no… This skewer shop that’s been in my family for five generations… the legacy my mother gave me… I was going to confess after paying off all my debts…”
Seeing the owner sitting there, moaning clichés like he was in a poorly-written drama, made me feel like I had done something terribly wrong. I approached him, sweating bullets.
“Uh…”
“Master, I’m super sorry! I’m just not cut out for this! Sob sob…”
Just as I was about to hand him some money to comfort the sobbing owner, suddenly—
Bang!
“Hey! Shop owner, come out!”
The door, which had been wide open when we entered, crashed shut from a stranger’s kick.
“If you borrowed money, you better pay it back!”
“Oh, looks like business is good! Look at all these skewers piled up!”
I stared silently between the two thug-like men and the guy embedded in the wall, who I assumed was an assassin.
‘Seriously… no one’s going to bat an eye at the dude stuck in the wall?’
This was totally a situation that only happens in a gag world. The moment I figured that out, I clenched my teeth.
‘Ah, the authority must’ve kicked in! But why?’
The authority was supposed to activate against those threatening me. So, the skewer shop owner spouting clichés and the thugs ignoring the fallen guy had basically threatened me.
‘But that doesn’t seem right… hmmm…’
The thugs were only threatening the shop owner and not even glancing at me. As I was trying to make sense of this bizarre situation, one of the thugs suddenly turned to me, his mouth hanging open.
“Whoa! Boss! Isn’t that the dude from the wanted poster?!”
“What? Oh wow! It totally is!”
Wanted poster?
The clueless thugs quickly filled me in.
“He’s the crazy guy who messed with Leviathan’s operation and escaped… Wow, can you believe he’s casually eating in Leviathan’s territory after getting a bounty placed on him? This guy’s got guts!”
“That guy’s bounty is ten gold coins, right?”
“Hehe… Looks like we hit the jackpot! And the girl next to him looks pretty fine too; we could sell her for some good cash!”
Only after listening to their chatter did I grasp why this whole mess was happening.
‘So, the Leviathan guys threatened me… that caused the authority to activate all over this area!’
My eyes started to shake like crazy.
‘Wait, does that mean everyone here is in some kind of immortal state?’
As soon as that thought crossed my mind, the thugs lunged at me, fists ready to swing.
“Grrr!”
“Get lost.”
Jess dove in and bit one thug’s throat, while Iris cursed and sliced the other thug’s throat clean.
Chwaak, splat!
“Ah… guess they’re not immortal…”
Seeing the two men turned into corpses, I let out a sigh of relief. I almost made the Leviathan guys invincible.
“Ah, wait a sec.”
Suddenly, a thought hit me like a freight train.
‘That means they act like Gag World residents, but their lives are still limited, right?’
In that moment, I could just sense Leviathan’s doom was imminent.
“…Alright, everyone, let’s haul it to the western area as fast as we can; this place feels way too dangerous.”
“Okay.”
“Got it! Master!”
Jess nodded, wrapping her arms around my waist. She had those adorable droopy ears and her shiny eyes were practically sparkling as I patted her head, which made her tail wag like crazy.
“Let’s go, Iris.”
“…Okay.”
Iris, who had been quietly watching Jess, smiled like a blooming flower and grabbed my hand.
Jess didn’t want to let go, but after coaxing her that we had to separate to move fast, she reluctantly released me with a pout.
We left money for the skewers and broken furniture on the table as we slipped out of the skewer shop.
*
“Uwaaah! D-damn it! Get lost!”
“You get lost! Whoa!? You’re falling!”
The behinds of two burly men, resembling bowling pins, were stuck together like they were glued!
As they flailed awkwardly, they ended up toppling over, and soon they started rolling down the sloped street.
“Uwaaaah!”
“Ugh… Save me!”
They rolled with a series of ominous cracks, crashing into boxes piled with items from other shops, smashing everything in their path.
“Oh my! My shop’s goods!”
“Who the heck are these guys!”
Shop owners burst out, cursing and trying to pinpoint the culprits, but by that time, the troublemakers were already long gone.
“Dammit… Hopin! It was you, right?”
“Huh? No way, it was definitely you!”
In normal circumstances, they would’ve had a rational talk, but with wild looks in their eyes, they started throwing insults back and forth, and soon began hurling random things at each other.
In a gag world, they’d end up with nothing but bruises, but since we were in a dark fantasy world, blood began to splatter everywhere.
“Hey there, miss. How about a cup of tea with me?”
“Hmph, no thanks.”
A woman working the red-light district smirked and whacked the dude in the face with her bag. The sound of his neck snapping echoed as he crumpled to the ground.
“Wow…”
Lian glanced around and remarked, “It’s total carnage.”
End of Chapter
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