Lumia, comforted by the soup that Ariel had prepared, found herself dozing off again under the afternoon shade. Meanwhile, we huddled around the campfire, discussing the current situation.
“Whoa… So, you’re saying that Deron was trying to kill the Grand Duchess and fled after failing?”
“How could someone be such a scoundrel? Such wickedness, truly.”
Based on what Lumia had shared, I relayed the gist of the situation, and finally added, “And it seems that Deron is likely searching for the Grand Duchess.”
“What…? You mean he wants to kill the Grand Duchess?”
“Seems that way.”
I nodded in response to Ariel’s horrified question.
Looking over at the sleeping Lumia, Rachel chimed in, “If we don’t help her, she’s bound to either starve or get killed—one or the other.”
“That’s about the sum of it.”
If the Grand Ducal Family wasn’t doing anything substantial, Lumia’s death was essentially like an unofficial death sentence. Deron would be burning with rage, looking for her. Of course, I had no idea if the Grand Ducal Family was hunting down Deron or if they had already captured him and tossed him in the dungeons of the Grand Ducal Castle.
But even if they had, it would be utterly inhumane to leave Lumia in this place of death.
“However… why is it so quiet? You’d think the whole Northern Region would be in an uproar if the Grand Duchess was in such dire straits.”
“…Great Lord Logan probably doesn’t want a ruckus.”
“Why on earth would that be…?”
Rendler asked, but no one had the answer. Only the people of the Grand Ducal Family would know if they were searching or unable to find her. The reason for choosing silence and stillness was something only Logan could explain.
What I can assert is that if we don’t help her now, Lumia would die alone in this forsaken land.
But if Deron was sharpening his blade for a sinister day, helping her could put the whole group in danger, making everyone’s opinion crucial.
I gazed at Lumia, quietly lying down and asleep. Her arms and legs were covered in bruises and wounds. Indeed, it was a tragic life.
Having been a victim of violence and abuse, she had suffered, and even her wish to escape that had been trampled on, nearly meeting a lonely death in this heartrending place. I prided myself on my own “tragic life” from my previous existence, but in comparison to Lumia’s, it felt like a mere drop in the bucket.
It felt as if the world was forcibly pulling her down. And, of course, there was a heavy weight in my heart, knowing that my withdrawal contributed to her tragic fate.
“What should we do, everyone?”
I surveyed the group as I asked the question, and Rachel was the first to respond, glancing around.
“If there’s a pursuer, we should avoid staying in one place for too long.”
Next, Rendler chimed in, “I heard from a hunter that there’s a big village called Lugen not far from here. It would be wise to buy a cart there to transport the Grand Duchess and also to avoid unnecessary attention.”
Finally, Ariel nodded and answered confidently, “If it’s a big village, we should be able to get some effective medicinal herbs. We can brew those and give them to her!”
The responses were surprisingly undeterred by any concerns about helping Lumia. The group had entirely ruled out the option of not helping, and moved on to discuss “how” to help. I couldn’t help but smile at their eagerness.
It seems I was worrying for nothing.
“Alright. Then let’s move right away.”
Whether or not to take Lumia to Grand Duke Logan was a matter for later discussion. Since we hadn’t heard her opinion, it was more important to move her to safety in case of any unforeseen dangers. We could listen to her thoughts once we got there; that wouldn’t be too late.
With that decision made, we tidied up our campsite and set off towards the village of Lugen, each of us shouldering our own belongings.
—
“Die.”
I’m going to die…
“Just die already. Getting rid of someone like you is a kindness.”
I know…
I know… so stop pushing me.
“You’re only causing trouble for good people, you know? Do you want to lose someone precious again?”
…I don’t want to lose anyone.
Not anymore, no one.
“Exactly. That’s why you should die. The longer you live, the shorter the lifespan of your loved ones. Do you really want to survive at the cost of their lives?”
I don’t want that.
That’s why I ran away.
So just stop…
Stop tormenting me…
“What are you hesitating for? There’s no reason to drag this out. Just jump off a cliff, or cut your wrist with a shard of glass.”
…There’s no rush.
I’m alone now.
All alone.
“Why do you want to live after devouring someone else’s life? It’s absurd. Really.”
I’m dying…
There’s hardly any time left…
Enough…
Just let me rest…
“You really have no shame, do you? Because of your curse, Ronica died, and because of your curse, Marien died too. And still, you want to live?”
I didn’t choose to be cursed…
It wasn’t my fault.
I was just four.
A four-year-old who didn’t even know who she was.
A four-year-old who didn’t know what a curse was or what a monster tribe was…
“So? In the end, it’s you who’s cursed, right? You killed Ronica and Marien.”
…Yeah.
Right.
I killed them.
So now I’m dying too.
What more do you want?
“You don’t have to drag this out. You wanted to rest, right? There’s a simple way for all of us to know you can do that.”
…Yeah.
I’ll just die.
That’ll solve everything.
“Exactly. Slit your wrist with that shard of glass. It’s all over now. You don’t want this tedious life anyway, do you?”
…
……
…….
“What are you hesitating for? You’re really funny, you know? Were you actually hoping to live?”
Huh…
“You don’t want to die, yet you’ve been clamoring for it this whole time, haven’t you?”
Heh…
I’m scared…
Dying is so frightening…
And wanting to die and struggling to live are two completely different things…
Who enjoys the thought of dying…
Huh…
I just wanted to live like everyone else…
“Dreaming big, are we? You’ll never be happy. You’re never meant to live. That’s your fate.”
Huh…
I want to live…
I wanted to live too…
I don’t expect to become happy.
I just want to live…
Without suffering…
As Marien hoped, I wanted to be free from pain…
So please…
Stop pushing me to die…
I don’t want to die just because I feel like it…
I’m already…
Lonely…
Withering away in solitude…
*
I opened my eyes.
From that day when my weakened soul wrestled endlessly with a shattered mind, Lumia had finally awakened.
A vague feeling of floating enveloped me.
In my line of sight, I could see it.
The scenery within the dense forest rippling in a rhythmic wave, like the rise and fall of the tide.
Up and down, flickering, then slowly passing by.
It was a clear view of the lush green forest, one that felt as though it was soaring through the sky.
I felt warmth.
A comforting warmth, as if cradling something in my arms.
A small vibration resonated from the warm wall where I’d rested my head.
“Is that it?”
“Oh, thanks to our swift movement, we can see the edge of the village. We nearly had to walk at night. Ha ha.”
“…Rendler? It’s nice to see your confidence, but I hope you won’t take the lead in the future.”
“Ah, I-I apologize. I thought it was that way…”
What could it be?
Why do I feel this floating sensation, as if I’m adrift in the sky, and this warm comfort?
It’s not like there’s a fire going.
It’s not even noon, with the sun blazing down.
What is this warm wall?
And why is it cradling me?
Whose arms are supporting me, lifting me up, as I was endlessly falling down?
“My Lord? If you’re struggling, I can carry you.”
“Now that we can see the village edge? It’s so obvious you want to put a spoon on a well-set table. Oh, Master.”
“…Disappointing.”
“What?! Rachel! If you’re disappointed, carry me—my legs hurt.”
“I only help my disciple. Perhaps you could become my disciple as well…”
“My legs are perfectly fine now!”
The cheerful sounds echoed around.
They were a refreshing melody, cleansing my ears that had only heard cries for dozens of days.
And the warmth from the arms supporting my buttocks and the back lifting my body felt like a snug warmth, melting away the terrible cold I’d endured for so long.
“….”
I was choked up.
Tears welled up.
Everything I saw was beautiful.
Every sound I heard was comforting.
Everything I felt was unbelievable.
That’s why the tears spilled over.
Despite having refused help, feeling the kindness extended to me made me feel so pitiful, so wretched that tears came uncontrollably.
With my face buried in that broad wall, Lumia had to cry quietly.
“…….”
And at the back of the group, Elden, following behind, slowed his pace to give Lumia the space she needed to cry comfortably.
So she could pour out the sadness stuck inside her.
Elden, creating this distance, began to walk slowly toward the entrance of Lugen Village, synchronizing his steps with Lumia’s sobs.
Thud.
Thud.
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